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Thread: Need some ISTj opinions...

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    Default Need some ISTj opinions...

    I'll try and be brief, linear and to the point without extraneous details. I am an ENFj involved with an ISTj. She lives with another man whom she admits is a rebound from her failed marriage and she does not want to marry him. I am from her past and was not around for her during her divorce, or we'd already be together. My return to her and her life was a surprise, and she has said it will take time, maybe even a year, for her to get everything sorted and lined up for us to be together. I have no problem with this, as I there is no question about the emotional bond she and I share, and she is the only ISTj I've ever felt the "dualization". I know I'm not waiting for nothing. However, she still lives with this other man and has a relationship with him while their lease runs through. We talked about it (I brought it up) and she has twice told me to casually date and get my sexual needs met while I wait. I have honestly tried to go on some dates, but I keep cancelling and confusing poor ladies who probably blame themselves because in my heart I feel like I'm hurting myself.

    I know ISTj's have a reputation for "saying what they mean", but I truly don't know in this situation. Is it possible she wants me to be sexually active so she can avoid guilty feelings? My intuition says she wants to know how serious I am and prove my devotion, but I'd love some feedback from some other folks.

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    I'm not ISTj, but I do live with a male one currently. His love life seems to not resolve because he either likes a girl too much, but doesn't "win her" after maintaining a high level of effort or the girl is too available and then he questions whether he even likes her and starts to fret over his differences with the girl. Aggressors, huh?

    I suspect your intuition might have gone one layer too deep. May not be guilt. She may just have her head in the sand knowing she has her part in creating a messy relationship that she eventually has to face the music for.

    A year is a long fucking time, though. Don't wait, necessarily. You could try the classic victim push-pull thing that the Socionists all go on about.

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    How does he define "wins her"?

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    Quote Originally Posted by WolfgangsMirror View Post
    I'll try and be brief, linear and to the point without extraneous details. I am an ENFj involved with an ISTj. She lives with another man whom she admits is a rebound from her failed marriage and she does not want to marry him. I am from her past and was not around for her during her divorce, or we'd already be together. My return to her and her life was a surprise, and she has said it will take time, maybe even a year, for her to get everything sorted and lined up for us to be together. I have no problem with this, as I there is no question about the emotional bond she and I share, and she is the only ISTj I've ever felt the "dualization". I know I'm not waiting for nothing. However, she still lives with this other man and has a relationship with him while their lease runs through. We talked about it (I brought it up) and she has twice told me to casually date and get my sexual needs met while I wait. I have honestly tried to go on some dates, but I keep cancelling and confusing poor ladies who probably blame themselves because in my heart I feel like I'm hurting myself.

    I know ISTj's have a reputation for "saying what they mean", but I truly don't know in this situation. Is it possible she wants me to be sexually active so she can avoid guilty feelings? My intuition says she wants to know how serious I am and prove my devotion, but I'd love some feedback from some other folks.
    Dude (..?). You sound a bit affected by the whole complicated situation. You´re probably trying to turn LSI simple words and actions on all sides and filling in dots. My advice is to REALLY go dating others and check out on her somehow once in a while. This way you can also notice if what she´s offering you is really what you want. LSI is not complicated - really not any more complicated than a typical Aggressor (what´s been previously said here). But they don´t like insecurity, they admire independence - they judge via Se first and too much imbalance in the power dynamics can make them pull back. They respond well to a form of being attentive and accommodating to them ...in a self-assured and teasing way though. You just sitting there repressed and waiting for her while she's fucking another doesn't sound very healthy. Actually it would be a bit pathetic.

    P.S. LSI ime doesn´t consciously want you to "be serious and prove your devotion.". They just process relational content more slowly. They may like seeing that you´re still into them as time goes by, but only if they are already emotionally hooked and invested in you. Otherwise the thought alone that someone's so devoted means nothing to them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WolfgangsMirror View Post
    How does he define "wins her"?
    control over her. and well, fucking her, of course.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rosewood View Post
    Dude (..?). You sound a bit affected by the whole complicated situation. You´re probably trying to turn LSI simple words and actions on all sides and filling in dots. My advice is to REALLY go dating others and check out on her somehow once in a while. This way you can also notice if what she´s offering you is really what you want. LSI is not complicated - really not any more complicated than a typical Aggressor (what´s been previously said here). But they don´t like insecurity, they admire independence - they judge via Se first and too much imbalance in the power dynamics can make them pull back. They respond well to a form of being attentive and accommodating to them ...in a self-assured and teasing way though. You just sitting there repressed and waiting for her while she's fucking another doesn't sound very healthy. Actually it would be a bit pathetic.

    P.S. LSI ime doesn´t consciously want you to "be serious and prove your devotion.". They just process relational content more slowly. They may like seeing that you´re still into them as time goes by, but only if they are already emotionally hooked and invested in you. Otherwise the thought alone that someone's so devoted means nothing to them.

    I appreciate your candor and honest opinion. Please understand though, for me to be feeling the depth of love and devotion I currently feel means that to me, going off and dating others while holding on to this "love/hope/will I spend my life with her" makes me feel unhealthy and pathetic. As such, I'm compelled to find a meaning in either course of action. If I am to be true to myself and express true devotion to her, I cannot just date another if the possibility she and I will be together still exists. Pathetic for some, deeply meaningful and fulfilling to me. I need closure, and I've communicated as such. She has begun to make concrete plans to move out of town together, and the time frame given me was about a year, as it involves leases and career changing. There have been real steps taken to assure me of her feelings. I'd just like to understand more from an LSI perspective how they would feel and think in such a situation.

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    i don't know what she wants, but if it was me and i was really committed to having something, i would end my current relationship and find a way to deal with it. not doing so would indicate that i was comfortable leaving things loose and expected reciprocal non-effort on your part. i would think as an aggressor and Ne polr she'd rather keep things simple (ie if she wanted you exclusively, she would find a way to have you exclusively) and you sitting there staring and waiting would complicate things and make you less interesting. i'm not LSI though.

    regardless what she wants i think you're better off keeping things open for your own peace of mind before you really give your heart to somebody who isn't ready to care for it properly. if you hold out for her right now, then you're putting yourself in a high risk situation for a lot of pain. i think this is one of those "if its meant to be, it will be" things. its not like you have to date, especially if you think it would mean stringing other people along, but live your life and try your best not to get tunnel visioned.

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    My brother in law says date other people and she's not pushing any relationship. That happened to me with this one ISTj I knew too. It's going to be hard for you to find another ISTj woman. They are not common and as you can tell there are none here now. @William please help to answer the OP he can use it. She's created a complicated situation for herself and it would be hard to get out of it without hurting others would be my guess.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 06-12-2014 at 05:28 PM.

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    The LSI may just be trying to be responsile. With whatever it is that keeps her there and not tying you up while she cannot partisipate.
    If EIE has no license for drammatic proclamations of undying love no one does. One way or another I think you should let her know what you wrote here - that you are fine with waiting AND daiting someone else meanwhile is not an option for you.

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    I feel your pain, it's a tough situation and I don't think you should ever do something you're not comfortable with. If you don't see a point in dating other people, why would you? Are you ok with the fact that she still has a relationship with this other man? I kinda sense that your insecurity is stemming from the fact that she's not willing to cut this guy off right away, which makes sense to me. I guess I'm confused as to why she's still in a relationship with this other person, given that you two have obviously decided to be together and any time between now and then is only a preparation for this. I mean, I understand that practical things get in the way unfortunately, but I don't see what that has to do with her maintaining that other relationship.

    Sorry if that just adds more fuel to the fire.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    I feel your pain, it's a tough situation and I don't think you should ever do something you're not comfortable with. If you don't see a point in dating other people, why would you? Are you ok with the fact that she still has a relationship with this other man? I kinda sense that your insecurity is stemming from the fact that she's not willing to cut this guy off right away, which makes sense to me. I guess I'm confused as to why she's still in a relationship with this other person, given that you two have obviously decided to be together and any time between now and then is only a preparation for this. I mean, I understand that practical things get in the way unfortunately, but I don't see what that has to do with her maintaining that other relationship.

    Sorry if that just adds more fuel to the fire.
    yeah, frankly, i think the fact that she is maintaining a relationship with him speaks for itself.

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    OP - Sounds like you are allowing a bad precedent to be set. You've got to start as you mean to go on.

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    She's not even married or has children with this guy. Why would she want to be with him for 1 year? I think it's nonsense.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Shenanigans, run.

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    If you aren't an LSI or don't know one or have any insight into my question, please don't waste your breathe adding your two cents evaluating whether I should "run" or not. I did NOT start a thread asking all types to chime in on whether or not I'm making a relationship mistake. I don't care if others feel or think it's a mistake, life is for living, and if I'm following my heart truly and something turns out to be a mistake, I'll survive and be all the stronger for it.

    I am seeking the LSI perspective so I might broaden my understanding. Thank you for your concern, Forum members, but I just don't find the judgement of strangers as helpful as a dialogue with/about a specific personality type regarding their specific type's general methods for reasoning and judging in terms of personal relationships and a situation as described.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WolfgangsMirror View Post
    If you aren't an LSI or don't know one or have any insight into my question, please don't waste your breathe adding your two cents evaluating whether I should "run" or not. I did NOT start a thread asking all types to chime in on whether or not I'm making a relationship mistake. I don't care if others feel or think it's a mistake, life is for living, and if I'm following my heart truly and something turns out to be a mistake, I'll survive and be all the stronger for it.

    I am seeking the LSI perspective so I might broaden my understanding. Thank you for your concern, Forum members, but I just don't find the judgement of strangers as helpful as a dialogue with/about a specific personality type regarding their specific type's general methods for reasoning and judging in terms of personal relationships and a situation as described.
    because a random LSI wouldn't be a stranger? Don't be overly defensive, you can decide wether to take or not our advice.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by WolfgangsMirror View Post
    If you aren't an LSI or don't know one or have any insight into my question, please don't waste your breathe adding your two cents evaluating whether I should "run" or not. I did NOT start a thread asking all types to chime in on whether or not I'm making a relationship mistake. I don't care if others feel or think it's a mistake, life is for living, and if I'm following my heart truly and something turns out to be a mistake, I'll survive and be all the stronger for it.

    I am seeking the LSI perspective so I might broaden my understanding. Thank you for your concern, Forum members, but I just don't find the judgement of strangers as helpful as a dialogue with/about a specific personality type regarding their specific type's general methods for reasoning and judging in terms of personal relationships and a situation as described.
    sorry you're not getting told what you wanted to hear?

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    I may come off as defensive, but my frustration is with people not answering the question I asked and answering their own questions. And yes, a random LSI may be a stranger but it's a way more specific type of stranger than just a random stranger.

    "sorry you're not getting told what you wanted to hear?"
    -exactly. I want to hear responses regarding the question I asked, not people using the contextual information I gave for the question to provide me with their (not even LSI) opinion on the situation as presented.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WolfgangsMirror View Post
    If you aren't an LSI or don't know one or have any insight into my question, please don't waste your breathe adding your two cents evaluating whether I should "run" or not. I did NOT start a thread asking all types to chime in on whether or not I'm making a relationship mistake. I don't care if others feel or think it's a mistake, life is for living, and if I'm following my heart truly and something turns out to be a mistake, I'll survive and be all the stronger for it.

    I am seeking the LSI perspective so I might broaden my understanding. Thank you for your concern, Forum members, but I just don't find the judgement of strangers as helpful as a dialogue with/about a specific personality type regarding their specific type's general methods for reasoning and judging in terms of personal relationships and a situation as described.
    Honestly, I was merely pointing out why you seem to be struggling with this. Didn't attach any judgement to your decision. I can definitely imagine being in your shoes and feeling the way you do, that's all.

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    You should break rules for this relationship. You may not have a chance at another LSI. Keep in contact, discuus things with her. Let her know how you feel and where you see things going. I wouldn't give this advice ordinarily but this isn't an ordinary situation

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    Quote Originally Posted by WolfgangsMirror View Post
    I may come off as defensive, but my frustration is with people not answering the question I asked and answering their own questions. And yes, a random LSI may be a stranger but it's a way more specific type of stranger than just a random stranger.

    "sorry you're not getting told what you wanted to hear?"
    -exactly. I want to hear responses regarding the question I asked, not people using the contextual information I gave for the question to provide me with their (not even LSI) opinion on the situation as presented.
    Hey, do you really expect LSIs to give you deep insight into this relationship? One or two may show up, but there are very few on this forum, so you could just take it easy and chat with others meanwhile. Maybe what you've got with that woman is really meaningful, the idea is the situation is unfair and she could have been more of a bitch. She doesn't just use or or string you on, she wants to balance things a bit. She urges you to have a nice life until she makes a decision. Of course you can't expect a LSI to break a commitment on the spot, but they usually know what they want and then wait for the right time to act - then they're unstoppable. To me it seems she's still got something to 'consume' with that other guy or she isn't sure about a future with you. Not that it matters, but I know several LSIs and I was even married to one for a few years. Actually before we started (or as we started realizing where things were going and how complex they were getting) the man was married to someone else. He broke that other relationship slowly, only after he was convinced that there's hardly anything more to save and that the other possibility has indisputably superior potential (they think in Ti terms, so they weigh and compare everything according to what they deem important, they're not really going by their gut or their heart). So maybe getting into cognitive barrier mode isn't really helpful for you.

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    you can also check this till your magic duals show up on a white horse to save you from uncertainty :

    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...in-an-LSI-ISTj

    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ted-to-someone

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    You should break rules for this relationship. You may not have a chance at another LSI. Keep in contact, discuus things with her. Let her know how you feel and where you see things going. I wouldn't give this advice ordinarily but this isn't an ordinary situation
    If this is some reverse psychology stuff, I'm impressed.

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    OP, I totally get where you're coming from, unnecessary chiming in by people for whom this forum is a huge part of their *social lives*

    That being said, rosewood is entirely right in that an LSI is probably not going to show up here and give you an analysis of another person's emotions. They're really bad at that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    My brother in law says date other people and she's not pushing any relationship. That happened to me with this one ISTj I knew too. It's going to be hard for you to find another ISTj woman. They are not common and as you can tell there are none here now. @William please help to answer the OP he can use it. She's created a complicated situation for herself and it would be hard to get out of it without hurting others would be my guess.
    Well, I don't self-type as LSI, but I know Maritsa still thinks I am one, so hopefully I can be of benefit​ to the self-typed EIE OP.

    Quote Originally Posted by WolfgangsMirror View Post
    I'll try and be brief, linear and to the point without extraneous details. I am an ENFj involved with an ISTj. She lives with another man whom she admits is a rebound from her failed marriage and she does not want to marry him. I am from her past and was not around for her during her divorce, or we'd already be together. My return to her and her life was a surprise, and she has said it will take time, maybe even a year, for her to get everything sorted and lined up for us to be together. I have no problem with this, as I there is no question about the emotional bond she and I share, and she is the only ISTj I've ever felt the "dualization". I know I'm not waiting for nothing. However, she still lives with this other man and has a relationship with him while their lease runs through. We talked about it (I brought it up) and she has twice told me to casually date and get my sexual needs met while I wait. I have honestly tried to go on some dates, but I keep cancelling and confusing poor ladies who probably blame themselves because in my heart I feel like I'm hurting myself.

    I know ISTj's have a reputation for "saying what they mean", but I truly don't know in this situation. Is it possible she wants me to be sexually active so she can avoid guilty feelings? My intuition says she wants to know how serious I am and prove my devotion, but I'd love some feedback from some other folks.
    The sentence I bolded I want to key in on as most important. If she told you to "casually" date other women, it means she doesn't want you to get 'serious' with another woman, so she's trying to call 'dibs' on you. Meanwhile she's fucking another guy she wants, which is totally and completely unfair to you.

    I've dealt with a similar situation in my life with this one girl I've known forever. We've been cyclically on & off for a while. But I now refuse to be the 'sideline guy' or the 'boyfriend who's not' while she chooses to fuck another guy.

    My suggestion is you need to move on. If you continue to associate with her while she two-times you, it belittles the value you offer as a man to her, and your strength, your protection, and your camaraderie. Force her hand. Make her choose. It's either she chooses to be with you, or she chooses to be with the other guy.

    One point you must also understand is it doesn't matter if you've known her forever, or if you've been together in the past. All of that culminates into the present, where she's still choosing another guy over you, while holding you on a leash and telling you not to go astray or get serious with another girl because she doesn't want you to.

    If you're intent on getting her back, which it seems you are, then I'd suggest dating another girl 'seriously' as a ruse, in order to make this girl jealous and get back to you. If she wants to get back with you, enforce the condition that she must move out and away from the guy she's living with.

    Honestly though I'd suggest moving on. It seems like she has somewhat of a low opinion of you currently if she feels like she can tell you how to live your lovelife, and she thinks she can use you. That typically doesn't play out well long-term. It should also be huge warning signs if she has a failed marriage already and is trying to two-time you while she's rebounding.

    Another red flag is her emotional neediness. I've heard women before make the excuse that they're living with men because of a financial need (you mentioned the year-long rent), but in my experience, what happens when they get enough money to live on their own, is they still choose to live with someone else because they are emotionally needy. Why can't she be single? When was the last time this girl actually was single? It seems like a confidence/lack of self-esteem issue in my opinion.

    Like I said, if it were me, I'd just move on and find someone ready to be committed right now. It would be a lot easier. Don't be drawn into the appeal of someone you already know, and become unwilling to take a chance and meet someone who can surprise you and become the real love of your life. That said, if you pursue her anyway, I hope this post helps provide some alternative courses of action and insight to get her back.


    P.S. (Edited my post to add this) If you want to get her back, besides getting her jealous by dating another girl seriously, you can also 'be less available'. The girl I mentioned I was cyclically on & off with, I now hold a bit at arm's length - I'll purposefully miss her phonecall here and there, not respond to her every time. She continues to call me all the time, trying to pursue me more. It's like she's going crazy to get me now.

    I'll play more of the dating mindgames, honestly - I'll chat & joke & laugh and have fun with her, then I'll leave at least 5 minutes before she wants me to, so she misses me. Then I'll miss a phonecall. Then I'll talk with her again, and have lots of fun. It's like I'm proving the appeal more intently and purposefully, and then drawing it away, so she gets confused why she can't have me all the time. Which makes her want me more.

    Is that rude or unethical? I think it's rude that she can't commit to me. I think it's unethical to the other guy that she's now pursuing me while dating him. All's fair in love and war! Besides, if you truly self-type as Beta, you will understand these mind games lol.

    Like I said, just a couple more ideas if you try to get her back. I'd still suggest moving on, but it's your life and your choice of course. Whatever you choose, have fun!
    Last edited by theticalanti; 06-13-2014 at 12:20 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    If you continue to associate with her while she two-times you, it belittles the value.... Force her hand. Make her choose. It's either she chooses to be with you, or she chooses to be with the other guy.
    yes.


    dating mindgames

    Is that rude or unethical? I think it's rude that she can't commit to me. I think it's unethical to the other guy that she's now pursuing me while dating him. All's fair in love and war! Besides, if you truly self-type as Beta, you will understand these mind games lol.
    forget rude or unethical, its just stupid. what do you achieve from it? what kind of relationship do you want? what kind of foundation does it have? not one of honesty. or is it just torturing her on purpose for revenge?

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    @squark is the only lsi i can think of, but i know there are a few more

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    yes.




    forget rude or unethical, its just stupid. what do you achieve from it? what kind of relationship do you want? what kind of foundation does it have? not one of honesty. or is it just torturing her on purpose for revenge?
    Mmm I don't mind having no relationship with her. I've tried to distance myself before and she seems to always come back to me. Every time before that I've tried to just be friends, she's the one who's tried to make it a relationship thing. I have my reasons for not dating her. I'd like to just be friends but it seems impossible. I enjoy being friends with her and chatting, so by getting a bit closer in the relationship again, it's not completely vengeful or anything. I don't think pushing her away or simply ignoring in the manner I do is 'torturing' her really, as she is much more versed in these 'games' than I am.

    I suppose it would be better to break things off completely, if the friendship thing isn't going to work out, but it's easier said than done. I've known this girl for 9 years now, and have a lot of fun memories going back to high school that I share with her.

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    They assess love relations poorly and end up in these gray zones. They try to use reason to solve relationship issues and it makes no interpersonal sense--can even be farcical.

    My approach when I met ISTj and he was in a muddle with someone he "thought he'd found a way to marry" was this: even if I never see you again, for the lovva god don't marry her ... It will be a disaster.

    And:

    If you want to be with me I will not accept this unresolved wishy-washy stuff. Either you're with me, or you're not. I don't have the time nor patience for anything else.

    It forced him to make a choice. It was for his own good anyhow.

  30. #30
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    The LSI that I know was in a relationship with a really difficult person for years. I think they will endure a lot. He finally met someone nice who caused him to reconsider. She said I like you, but you have to decide who you want to date. If you want me then break up with her. Then she said see ya and moved out of his life. Not even "we can be friends." It still took a few more bad experiences before he decided to break it off and start dating the other girl. (They have been together for 5 years now and are married.)

    If this LSI commits to a person or a plan, it is hard to get him to change his course.

    I hope you will consider your worth as a person and find a way to get yourself into a situation where you feel valued.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    Yeah...what William said "make her choose" thats beta Se style. If you were delta I would advise you never associate with a peraon who put you in compition with someone else. But making someone make decisions may be the way for you

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    LSI female here.

    If she says to give it a year. Give it a year. She means what she says... even the 'see other people' part. DO NOT... and I repeat do not try to make her jealous. It'll make her think you're playing games and are not serious about the final stage. She's not giving you false hope. She won't say something for the sake of it to look after your feelings.

    She needs to reconcile her situation for it to be the right time.

    A year is not a long time in the great scheme of things. If she has feelings for you they aren't likely to diminish.

    Also, ignore the 'make her choose' thing. She's already made her choice. She just needs the timing to be perfect.

    Keep regular contact with her. Be open about your worries/anxieties. Tell her how you feel always. It's not going to drive her away, it'll help her understand.
    Last edited by Hemoglobin; 06-13-2014 at 08:27 AM.

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    Another LSI here....

    You are her dual, you know her and her situation better than us, so you will end up making the right judgement/decision in the end

    At the end of the day, you need to get on with your life first and foremost BUT if you think it's worth the risk of waiting out a year for her, do so.

    Do I think she's being genuine? Err I don't know. Yes LSIs can be honest and upfront....we don't really play games. At the same time, knowing myself and having been in a relationship with a LSI for 2-3 years on/off, yes we do withhold information to make ourselves appear a certain way or to make people think a certain way.

    If your relationship with her is as good as you make it out to be, then you should probably take her word for it.

    LSIs can be afraid of change and EIEs can help them with that, they can shake them up emotionally. It would probably be best for you to express your concerns to her because she probably can't see your point of view. Duality works best where there is FULL communication and being around 2 of my duals (my managers) I know this is absolutely the case......in fact, I will go so far as to say that without full disclosure, and expression, it doesn't work very well at all!! We don't really understand our duals that well but we do see sides to them that the other doesn't see.

    Good luck!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hemoglobin View Post
    LSI female here.

    If she says to give it a year. Give it a year. She means what she says... even the 'see other people' part. DO NOT... and I repeat do not try to make her jealous. It'll make her think you're playing games and are not serious about the final stage. She's not giving you false hope. She won't say something for the sake of it to look after your feelings.

    She needs to reconcile her situation for it to be the right time.

    A year is not a long time in the great scheme of things. If she has feelings for you they aren't likely to diminish.

    Also, ignore the 'make her choose' thing. She's already made her choice. She just needs the timing to be perfect.

    Keep regular contact with her. Be open about your worries/anxieties. Tell her how you feel always. It's not going to drive her away, it'll help her understand.
    I think ultimately sending her some photos from various vacation places where he's AT LEAST with a bunch of strangers wouldn't be that bad ... the LSIs I know like putting their Ni to work and wondering if there's anything going on and with whom.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QyHe8rC56c
    Last edited by Amber; 06-13-2014 at 11:06 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    The LSI that I know was in a relationship with a really difficult person for years. I think they will endure a lot. He finally met someone nice who caused him to reconsider. She said I like you, but you have to decide who you want to date. If you want me then break up with her. Then she said see ya and moved out of his life. Not even "we can be friends." It still took a few more bad experiences before he decided to break it off and start dating the other girl. (They have been together for 5 years now and are married.)

    If this LSI commits to a person or a plan, it is hard to get him to change his course.

    I hope you will consider your worth as a person and find a way to get yourself into a situation where you feel valued.
    This is really what they subconsciously expect in such a situation imo. It's close to the Fe suggestive they're after and on their own they can't handle it all well ...they may create a tangle or they may try to compartimentalize via Ti exclusively and then end up unhappy / depressed by their own actions.

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    @William @lungs
    You guys suck because:

    While picture William projected is a distinct possibility it is not the rational or constructive one to assume.

    Ignore the OP request of socionics based evaluation of the persons motives. Instead you give personal experience, gut feeling, common sense, one brush paint all evaluation. Socionics is intended to better that, and what are you doing here anyway.

    Who is two timing? Obviously not physically, and LSI is not an ethic to likely to go "I definitely have feelings that are to be heeded to for this person so everything else is a farce or immoral mess" so you are judging by a wrong template.
    The LSI is obviously not head over heels toward for him, to run in to his arm disregarding all considerations, but are Ti base ever?
    The "common" sense you judge by is that if you really want the fruit don't let it hang lest it will spoil or someone else will take it. So she is not really interested in him. Except that that common sense is offensive to EIE LSI romantic values as far as I understand them, while situation of the waiting may actually be a better start for their relationship.
    By "the book" they live for the diagrammatic spin with commitment and fate being in value.

    Is it unfair for her to suggest for him to have relationships with expiration date while she has hers? That is suggesting symmetry and so upholding fairness. Regardless of whether it is actually ethically and emotionally realistic for her or him. Certainly sounds like Ti kind of logic/daftness(?).

  37. #37
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    does her current boyfriend know about you?

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    does her current boyfriend know about you?
    If she's breaking it off with him what does it have to do with anything?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hemoglobin View Post
    If she's breaking it off with him what does it have to do with anything?
    she's not breaking it off with him. she's saying she will break it off with him in a year.

  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    she's not breaking it off with him. she's saying she will break it off with him in a year.
    That means she's breaking it off with him. Whether or not it's tomorrow or in 3 weeks is irrelevant.

    She admits the relationship is a rebound and has no desire to marry him. It's not of import to her. She's obviously looking at the end goal.

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