I'll try and be brief, linear and to the point without extraneous details. I am an ENFj involved with an ISTj. She lives with another man whom she admits is a rebound from her failed marriage and she does not want to marry him. I am from her past and was not around for her during her divorce, or we'd already be together. My return to her and her life was a surprise, and she has said it will take time, maybe even a year, for her to get everything sorted and lined up for us to be together. I have no problem with this, as I there is no question about the emotional bond she and I share, and she is the only ISTj I've ever felt the "dualization". I know I'm not waiting for nothing. However, she still lives with this other man and has a relationship with him while their lease runs through. We talked about it (I brought it up) and she has twice told me to casually date and get my sexual needs met while I wait. I have honestly tried to go on some dates, but I keep cancelling and confusing poor ladies who probably blame themselves because in my heart I feel like I'm hurting myself.
I know ISTj's have a reputation for "saying what they mean", but I truly don't know in this situation. Is it possible she wants me to be sexually active so she can avoid guilty feelings? My intuition says she wants to know how serious I am and prove my devotion, but I'd love some feedback from some other folks.