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Thread: What type 'was' I in highschool?

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    suedehead's Avatar
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    Default What type 'was' I in highschool?

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    Last edited by suedehead; 06-22-2014 at 02:52 PM.

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    Hey, I was the obviously faggy/soft boy in a school that only respected raw rough str8 male thugs. I felt suicidal many days, because I just was not what other people wanted- and I knew it. I knew I would get made fun of even more if I tried to be somebody I wasn't, so those days were hell.

    Then my senior year I lived in a school that accepted boys like me, and I was actually very popular and well liked. It felt great, but it is kinda silly how people will overly reject and overly accept people for traits they can't' control... now I think people are responding to me more neutrally instead of putting me on a pedastal or treating me poorly, which is what I always wanted I guess.

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    no I actually did feel suicidal. i wrote i just want to die on my bed post. I was lying before because I didn't really wanna deal w/it publicly. but our vulnerabilities connect us w/others.

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    Glad I could clear this up. I don't want to be assassinated by you @zap. I'd hope you'd only kill me if I really deserved it.

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    ath misses nothing. that quote from truck is from an unbumped thread from 2008. i wish i could type numbers in caps.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suedehead View Post
    I'm Delta.
    nah, try again

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    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
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    Delta doesn't = "completely lifeless and devoid of passion or conviction."
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    I'd say I was socially awkward in junior high school, but mainly because I was a year young for my grade, and I was immature for my age, so I was just plain immature. By about 10th or 11th grade it stopped making much difference. But maturity level can cause social awkwardness, regardless of type.

    Also, consider what quadra the group you were trying to fit in with generally was. An Alpha trying to fit into a Gamma group of people might feel socially awkward, for example.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    I don't know what your type is, but I relate to your situation. Back in high school, I was a completely different set of personalities. Yes, a set. It was as if I had been experimenting with various psychological templates, artificial masks, whatever. I was subconsciously maintaining a consistent masquerade. Somewhere down the line, it got merged with my real personality and then my true self was consigned to oblivion. I'm still in the process of recovering it. But who knows? Maybe my personality did change. Maybe what I am currently is the real me. High school was a strange time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    I'd say I was socially awkward in junior high school, but mainly because I was a year young for my grade, and I was immature for my age, so I was just plain immature. By about 10th or 11th grade it stopped making much difference. But maturity level can cause social awkwardness, regardless of type.

    Also, consider what quadra the group you were trying to fit in with generally was. An Alpha trying to fit into a Gamma group of people might feel socially awkward, for example.
    Beta/alpha.

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    If you are indeed IEE, then yeah the Fe/Fi thing could leave you feeling socially awkward.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    I might be an IEE as well. There's an apparent pattern here. Do you think the Ne-Fi combination can lead to identity crises that also have a hint of social anxiety?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suedehead View Post
    Right. It's a sick joke. I'm meant to be useless, tacky, illogical and chronically maladjusted. A burden on everyone. I'm not even one of the smarter IEE's either.
    I'm sorry. I did not mean to offend you. I just found it to be an interesting observation.

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    You mentioned people have called you a "good kid", would you consider yourself the "good-natured tag-along." that liked to be attached to groups but still felt like an outsider even among people who were more like you?

    Do you feel that there aren't many people like you? Which may be true or not.

    I believe Chris Cleary (sp?) has expressed similar sentiments about himself that you express above.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    Quote Originally Posted by Suedehead View Post
    I was. But I don't want to be. It's humiliating, like being a dog. I don't want to play the sidekick.
    I understand completely. I think I disliked the "good natured tag-along" the most out of all IEI descriptions. I do not find it to be an accurate assessment of what IEI people I know are actually doing., They tend to have a more diverse group of friends and a lot of them still feel like outsiders even in their own groups, sometimes in their own families. That is my real world experience anyway. I am no one's sidekick.

    All the negative self-talk is draggin' you down and holding you back. It's hard but you need to fight your way out or wallow in self-pity until you have had enough. I chose self-pity for awhile but I learned to keep my eye on the prize, whatever that prize may be and it helps me get out of bed in the mornings. I am in therapy of course so I have had help. I do not see those negative things in you. I see someone with a strong will and determination and you want to change. That is an important step, wanting it... You are way more self-examining than I was at your age.
    Last edited by Aylen; 05-22-2014 at 09:44 PM.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    You really need to go easier on yourself. Things get bad sometimes, but things also eventually get good. Stop beating yourself up.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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