This kind of EJ evaluation is belittling and disempowering. I've experienced it with a EIE too, a supervisor at work who insisted on making me talk more and stand out. The worst part of it is that they think they are helping, they "care." They are coming from a place of Correct Majority Thinking, and we are not, therefore they can piece apart our lives completely but they are not available for the same scrutinizing. They only need to say something like, "I'm not perfect either." How, exactly, are you not perfect? Let's get down to it, shall we, and poke around all the painful spots, it's for your own "improvement"!
...except, I don't care enough to do this to anyone. Or, a sense of delicacy stops me. I think this applies to all IEIs, we don't probe too deeply. We also appear docile and then we avoid conflict, so that an overbearing extravert steps on all kinds of boundaries with us, and don't think they are doing anything wrong. It IS wrong, bc they have made it a one-sided relationship; like mfckr said, they are denying our point of view as relevant. This is dangerous, and we need to recognize these situations and get out of them. The sad part is that this may mean ending the friendship, but honestly, that's OK. They like you as a silly, useless thing that needs to be guided, that can be influenced easily. THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE, IEIs, and if this was your identity in your early years, you need to ditch those people who gave you that identity. Start again, and this time assert yourself early in the relationship even if it makes you feel like you are not being "genuine."
The reason why it means ending the friendship is bc you can't even explain it to them. The people on this forum are more self-aware just out of typing themselves, but most people out there are much stupider and block-headed. Many times I've found that the only way to get through is to lash out and insult them, or to disappear completely. Even then they can justify themselves bc we're the ones who acted weird by blowing up or disappearing, but at least we are free from them now, and they're the ones missing out on an IEI friendship, which is a great thing. They're not going to find other IEIs very easily, especially after settling into an adult life.
If you decide you like the emotional and silly IEI enough to be friends/salvage your friendship with them, and you make an effort to show this by cracking down on them, they will hate you and escape from you. In fact, you shouldn't be doing this to anyone, and you probably don't. But with the IEI it looks like they are in need of it? WRONG. The effort you need to make is within yourself, to be more laid back and to not trample on our feelings. Or, you don't have to be friends with us.
Unpleasantness with LIE
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by mfckr
and role lovin too. (
) I 
too... 
