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Thread: Making instant judgments about people.

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    Post Making instant judgments about people.

    Somebody I know said this; "People look at others and decide immediately whether they're going to like them or not. You can't help it, it's just human nature."

    To what extent do you agree with this?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ainfigur View Post
    Somebody I know said this; "People look at others and decide immediately whether they're going to like them or not. You can't help it, it's just human nature."

    To what extent do you agree with this?
    Unless my first impression of them includes something exceptionally irritating, this isn't the case for me.
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    i rarely decide instantly and i rarely decide with conviction early on but i generally have a pretty good guess.
    but its usually more negative than it needs to be. i assume i won't have much in common with most people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ainfigur View Post
    Somebody I know said this; "People look at others and decide immediately whether they're going to like them or not. You can't help it, it's just human nature."

    To what extent do you agree with this?
    Do not agree, that is, disagree fully.

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    I fully disagree

    it's a oversimplification of the fact that humans operate mostly based on bias and heuristics. This means that subconsciously you will form an oppinion within the first few microseconds of meeting someone and that sets the tone for the initial interaction. This is strong, but not like the OP. It's fully possible to "not notice" someone (and thus not getting a first impression) to not trust your first impression (and thus opening doors for real first time interaction) and such.

    So, I agree with the scientific variant, not with the common wisdom variant.

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    I make snap judgements all the time. Sometimes I revise my opinions when I get to know someone better. Sometimes I'll get a really noticeable negative gut feeling towards someone, and that has never been wrong thus far.

    Generally most people will have enough in common with me to have a decent conversation.

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    simplified common first impressions and their developments by vois

    1. what is this person doing??
    2. curiosity
    3. learn something new
    4. appreciation

    1. this person has "good vibes"
    2. oh they're a friend hoarder
    or
    2. oh wow this person's great -> friends

    1. does this person hate me?
    2. no

    1. my communication with this person is really fluent!
    2. friends

    1. i kind of hate this person
    2. actually talk to them
    3. wait no i don't

    1. asshole
    2. still an asshole?
    3. asshole

    eh

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    Yeah I laughed when he said it because I found it bizarre that anybody could think this way, but some people were actually agreeing with him.

    I was thinking about this because people often say to me "man I thought you such a douche when I first met you." I guess I just have one of those faces.

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    It does happen sometimes to me. I have met people before and within minutes known I will know them on a deep level for a long time. But it is rare, when that does happen I'm inclined to believe there is something else at play which I can not understand. Something spiritual or some kind of physic energy or something psychological which just connects behind the eyes. Something something.

    Usually only for positive experiences but also has happened with negative vibes too.

    It is infrequent though and the vast majority of people it does not happen with.

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

    When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.

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    About the only things that makes me immediately want to avoid a person is if
    a) from the get-go they trigger something related to my ptsd. Such as the kind of people that go out of their way to draw attention to themselves through loud voice, loud laughter, and expansive gestures. But it's the fake friendly kind rather than people who are genuinely friendly and may be oblivious to their loud/expansiveness,
    b) cocky "alphas",
    c) someone constantly signaling to/with their genitals.
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    While I'm civil when people approach me, I don't consider many of them to be worth pursuing. There's usually a clear dissonance in values between me and most other people within my age group, which can either be refreshing, or grating/disillusioning. I'd say its mostly subconscious; I've always felt pretty...meh about actively pursuing platonic relationships, it usually has to be someone that I respect on some level.
    Last edited by suedehead; 03-18-2014 at 12:22 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ainfigur View Post
    Somebody I know said this; "People look at others and decide immediately whether they're going to like them or not. You can't help it, it's just human nature."

    To what extent do you agree with this?
    completely

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    I can't say that I actually dislike anyone at the moment. I don't hold grudges so I easily overlook some things that others might take to heart. I mean I do experience negative feelings about some people but I don't dwell on it. I I also have a vibe/energy thing that lets me know who I will have a deeper relationship with, friends or otherwise. Sometimes it is only a deep business relationship, if that makes sense. At times I just feel an unspoken connection with some people and may never talk to them directly but the good vibes are there.

    On first impression if I feel annoyed in some way, I will analyse why I am feeling negative toward someone. That is helpful. I don't necessarily make it about them since I have certain guidelines about friendship and some people may never fit in those guidelines.

    This is all me rambling... I can't express everything I really want to express because it is about energy.
     

    Edit: Therapy has taught me a lot about interacting with others and how to avoid conflict but I do have a bit of a temper that sparks when I feel negativity directed at me. I used to shy away from confrontation but therapy taught me to address issues before they eat away at me and cause a different kind of explosion. One of my worst traits is that I find it hard to create boundaries for myself but I tend to respect other people's boundaries usually, except in romantic situations then all's fair...kidding, sorta.
    Last edited by Aylen; 03-18-2014 at 03:19 AM.

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    I agree to an extent that there is a lot of judging that is done on the basis of looks that happens instantly. I'm guessing this is what this person meant by that quote, though it sounds like way too shallow of an approach. I usually get a good sense of how I'm going to get along with someone after the first 10-20 minutes of conversation.

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    Unfortunately I make very snap judgements, which usually prove themselves to be correct. I'm very judgemental, so 3% people -> instant love, 15% nice/cool folks, 62% whatever/take it or leave it/snore, 20%you fail at life. It's much more often that I change an opinion for the better than for the worse though - probably as I have such bad opinions from the get go I live totally on energy, vibes and sexual chemistry

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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Unfortunately I make very snap judgements, which usually prove themselves to be correct. I'm very judgemental, so 3% people -> instant love, 15% nice/cool folks, 62% whatever/take it or leave it/snore, 20%you fail at life. It's much more often that I change an opinion for the better than for the worse though - probably as I have such bad opinions from the get go I live totally on energy, vibes and sexual chemistry

     



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    love love love everything about this song and video. you know my E4 heart

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    I don't make judgments about whether I like or dislike someone even with people I've known for years. I don't really think of people in terms of like or dislike unless they have done something exceptional to make me think one way or another. So most people are just there and I enjoy them as much as is possible in that given environment.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suedehead View Post
    While I'm civil when people approach me, I don't consider many of them to be worth pursuing. There's usually a clear dissonance in values between me and most other people within my age group, which can either be refreshing, or grating/disillusioning. I'd say its mostly subconscious; I've always felt pretty...meh about actively pursuing platonic relationships, it usually has to be someone that I respect on some level.
    i basically relate to this one hundred percent.

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    I would switch "look" with "interact".
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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Unfortunately I make very snap judgements, which usually prove themselves to be correct. I'm very judgemental, so 3% people -> instant love, 15% nice/cool folks, 62% whatever/take it or leave it/snore, 20%you fail at life. It's much more often that I change an opinion for the better than for the worse though - probably as I have such bad opinions from the get go I live totally on energy, vibes and sexual chemistry
    heh i'm like that, but i used to say that i didn't like various people etc. there's nothing worse than people wanting reasons and everything explained and shit, or thinking it's because they've done something or blah. things can still change. so now i just don't say if i don't like someone.

    but yeah, .. i kind of assume most people are going to be difficult/troublesome/annoying/blah. today i was kind of strangely surprised about someone letting me go ahead of them in a queue. then later, some car tried to pass me, just after lights, and when i didn't let him, later he passed me going up hill in this really dangerous place when i had to slow down a little bit because someone was going in or out of a driveway.

    but you can make snap judgements i suppose, like that guy that overtook me dangerously was driving a skyline. and tbh, most people who drive skylines are rude and inconsiderate. (or indian, here, which don't tend to be as bad)

    (these things: )

    but really overall, i have the most problems with people who drive things like:


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    As long I understood it the way I did, I can't and I don't judge people just by taking a look a them. When it comes to character of a person, I need time to see how I am going to proceed, so I stick my first post.

    Best part is, Betists posting here are the opposite. No wonder one can talk with them only via mediator, that is, knife. A powerful medium. Trelelele.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    As long I understood it the way I did, I can't and I don't judge people just by taking a look a them. When it comes to character of a person, I need time to see how I am going to proceed, so I stick my first post.
    what about by the way they dress, the car they drive, the way their kids act, the way they act, the way they walk, etc etc

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    Hmm... if within this first period of time smn's already acting like a total a-hole then sure, otherwise no.
    Also, regardless the above sentence - sometimes I get a "vibe" from smn when I meet them, a feeling they're dishonest or inauthentic and then I'm more careful around them, trying to figure out "why" I feel this way. I used to ignore this feeling some years back, but given the fact that in the long run when I befriended those people, they in particular turned out to be big time back stabbers causing me a lot of hurt and trouble - I started paying more attention to this "vibe" and I try to figure out whether it's there for a good reason or not when it comes to the people who gave me this feeling. It is very rare that I get this "vibe" at all though.

    So basically unless I get this "be careful" bells ringing, it's just more or less neutral. And anyway I want to just get to know someone before I decide whether I want to spend some more time with them or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    what about by the way they dress, the car they drive, the way their kids act, the way they act, the way they walk, etc etc
    Judging for me carries a negative load, always did and is usually synonymous with "I don't know shit about anyone, but still, I am content passing judgements of some sort". Sure, I register such nuances you listed. "Problem" is, I do not act on them and only after spending time with some person I can come to some conclusion.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    Judging for me carries a negative load, always did and is usually synonymous with "I don't know shit about anyone, but still, I am content passing judgements of some sort". Sure, I register such nuances you listed. "Problem" is, I do not act on them and only after spending time with some person I can come to some conclusion.
    Whether conscious or subconcious they'll still influence your behaviour, whether or not you've formed any conclusions.

    But yeah, you can suspend judgement, but in the end what difference is there with making a passing judgement as a place holder, and suspending judgement?

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    Quote Originally Posted by aisa View Post
    Hmm... if within this first period of time smn's already acting like a total a-hole then sure, otherwise no.
    Also, regardless the above sentence - sometimes I get a "vibe" from smn when I meet them, a feeling they're dishonest or inauthentic and then I'm more careful around them, trying to figure out "why" I feel this way. I used to ignore this feeling some years back, but given the fact that in the long run when I befriended those people, they in particular turned out to be big time back stabbers causing me a lot of hurt and trouble - I started paying more attention to this "vibe" and I try to figure out whether it's there for a good reason or not when it comes to the people who gave me this feeling. It is very rare that I get this "vibe" at all though.

    So basically unless I get this "be careful" bells ringing, it's just more or less neutral. And anyway I want to just get to know someone before I decide whether I want to spend some more time with them or not.
    Thing is, if people have alarm bells ringing what are you meant to do?

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    Quote Originally Posted by aisa View Post
    And anyway I want to just get to know someone before I decide whether I want to spend some more time with them or not.
    Sounds sensible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    Thing is, if people have alarm bells ringing what are you meant to do?
    umm.. as in if you think you're setting their alarm bells? or if smn else is setting yours?

    the answer to the first one would be - just be yourself, it doesn't make sense any other way, they'll either like you and realise their "bells" were a false alarm or they won't cause you just don't "click" and you don't need forced interaction and strain in your life anyway, at least that's my pov

    regarding the latter - if it is your alarm bells that go off - if they do so often then it's worth giving it a thought why - either you're stressed and thus more subconciously reactive when there's no threat there, or you might be actually in a toxic environment and it might be worth trying to change the environment instead of changing one's own reactions. It's all very relative in the end.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aisa View Post
    umm.. as in if you think you're setting their alarm bells? or if smn else is setting yours?

    the answer to the first one would be - just be yourself, it doesn't make sense any other way, they'll either like you and realise their "bells" were a false alarm or they won't cause you just don't "click" and you don't need forced interaction and strain in your life anyway, at least that's my pov

    regarding the latter - if it is your alarm bells that go off - if they do so often then it's worth giving it a thought why - either you're stressed and thus more subconciously reactive when there's no threat there, or you might be actually in a toxic environment and it might be worth trying to change the environment instead of changing one's own reactions. It's all very relative in the end.
    i am myself, .. that doesn't mean myself hasn't set alarm bells off in people before.

    my alarm bells usually go off with manipulative people, severe drug addicts, dishonest people etc. i don't get false positives. although i dislike some people who arent' really a threat.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    Whether conscious or subconcious they'll still influence your behaviour, whether or not you've formed any conclusions.

    But yeah, you can suspend judgement, but in the end what difference is there with making a passing judgement as a place holder, and suspending judgement?
    Hahaha, I'm a particular kind of people, mercatron, which means I would pass you by without even noticing you, that is, paying you any attention, so it is really hard for me to pass any kind of judgement about your person immediately, not unless you bump into me on purpose and bounce back, sitting and yelling on sidewalk: "So, you think you have such broad shoulders?"

    There is not many people I actually pay attention to.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    Hahaha, I'm a particular kind of people, mercatron, which means I would pass you by without even noticing you, that is, paying you any attention, so it is really hard for me to pass any kind of judgement about your person immediately, not unless you bump into me on purpose and bounce back, sitting and yelling on sidewalk: "So, you think you have such broad shoulders?"

    There is not many people I actually pay attention to.
    that's ok absurd. it's not normal to meet and greet every person on the street.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    i am myself, .. that doesn't mean myself hasn't set alarm bells off in people before.
    ok, so we're pretty much saying the same thing. What I meant was to keep being yourself, not changing just because you think smn's bells might go off. The interaction makes sense only if both parties are free to express themselves. Maybe I should've phrased my initial post this way, cause it wasn't my intention to suggest that you're not being yourself in the first place.

    my alarm bells usually go off with manipulative people, severe drug addicts, dishonest people etc. i don't get false positives.
    well then you have healthy reactions at least in my book.

    although i dislike some people who arent' really a threat.
    I think I might have misunderstood this part - so would the dishonest people fit into this category for you or you mean sth more general and unexplainable?

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    that's ok absurd. it's not normal to meet and greet every person on the street.
    Neither making judgements about them, which you're prone to, it seems. But hey, each to their own.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aisa View Post
    I think I might have misunderstood this part - so would the dishonest people fit into this category for you or you mean sth more general and unexplainable?
    well for instance arrogant people don't give off alarm bells but i still don't like them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    well for instance arrogant people don't give off alarm bells but i still don't like them.
    ok, fair enough, I guess it just depends on the definition of the said "alarm bells" in the end

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    Quote Originally Posted by aisa View Post
    ok, fair enough, I guess it just depends on the definition of the said "alarm bells" in the end
    yeah i suppose there's different kinds. like, dishonest/lying/blah blah is different from overly seductive, fake affection etc. but can often come in the same person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aisa View Post
    Hmm... if within this first period of time smn's already acting like a total a-hole then sure, otherwise no.
    Also, regardless the above sentence - sometimes I get a "vibe" from smn when I meet them, a feeling they're dishonest or inauthentic and then I'm more careful around them, trying to figure out "why" I feel this way. I used to ignore this feeling some years back, but given the fact that in the long run when I befriended those people, they in particular turned out to be big time back stabbers causing me a lot of hurt and trouble - I started paying more attention to this "vibe" and I try to figure out whether it's there for a good reason or not when it comes to the people who gave me this feeling. It is very rare that I get this "vibe" at all though.

    So basically unless I get this "be careful" bells ringing, it's just more or less neutral. And anyway I want to just get to know someone before I decide whether I want to spend some more time with them or not.
    I can relate to this, especially the search for "alarm bells."

    I feel as though there are two or three different "information scans" running simultaneously when I meet someone:

    1) Is this person genuine?

    2) Are there any red flags?

    3) What are their interests, what's their general personality? This incorporates dress style, their friends, what they like to talk about, etc.


    Scan #3 helps me to make conversation and ask them questions because I'm more comfortable when asking questions than having to answer them with a new acquaintance. And if Scans 1 or 2 suggests they're coming across as fake or trouble, I use Scan #3 to maintain control of the conversation because I typically won't expose anything personal about myself to that individual.

    Regardless of what my initial impression is, I always continue to be friendly and observe the person closely in case I was wrong. But all of this information- the nonverbal cues and topics of conversation- give me a general idea of the individual, almost like a feeling or a color or a painting in my mind of who they are.

    Very few people ever raise a red flag, but even when they do, it's like I almost try to prove myself wrong. If anything, it often invokes my curiosity. It then becomes a hunt for the redeeming quality. I'm not sure why I approach it this way, maybe because I like to know that everyone has the capacity for good. Or maybe it's because I'd like to know how to get closer to the individual in the event I needed to establish rapport.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    "Only shallow people don't judg by appearances." - Oscar Wilde

    I make instant judgements about people all the time. Of course, those judgements aren't set in stone because i'm not a total idiot. But I absolutely judge things and categorize them as they appear. And then i probably review them later as well.

    I think if you arent making instant judgements you aren't picking up on peoples motivations.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Unfortunately I make very snap judgements, which usually prove themselves to be correct. I'm very judgemental, so 3% people -> instant love, 15% nice/cool folks, 62% whatever/take it or leave it/snore, 20%you fail at life. It's much more often that I change an opinion for the better than for the worse though - probably as I have such bad opinions from the get go I live totally on energy, vibes and sexual chemistry
     


    Time for some controversy...love me or hate me but don't ignore my feelings.



     

    I thought about this a bit more... I am more likely to judge someone on superficial things. Like their clothing, hairstyle, too much makeup (ewww) than I am to dislike them based on their personality. I expect my friends to be honest with me. Don't let me leave the house looking like a cheap hooker unless I am going some place where all the girls look like cheap hookers. I like when they pull me aside and say tone it down, if things are getting wild ,and with the right people I can get crazy with my dark humor and sarcasm. I don't mind trading playful insults with friend but I sure know when someone's playfulness is fake and they really mean it.

    I am not "dumb"..."someone" on the internet calling people "dumb" immediately gives me the image of a Bart Simpson saying it while kicking rocks. If someone thinks I'm "dumb" all I gotta say to you is kick rocks. Yeah I am talking about one person here. Also I don't care if some people think I am crazy or weird 'cause to me that is a compliment. That just tells me that you don't understand me but that's ok. Many people don't understand me and somehow socializing still works. Online you get to see all my crazy condensed. In person it is spread out over weird or crazy moments.
    I know what is going on. I am intelligent and observant even if that doesn't come through my posts. One of the worst things someone can do to me is question my intelligence. That sets me off because I worked hard to gain the knowledge I have. But I still don't dislike the people making these judgments on me. We have different values and that's fine with me.

    Since I have been on this site all types have irritated me to some degree. I have strong intuition and even though someone does not come straight out and tell me personally, I already know what they feel about me. ENERGY doesn't lie. I appreciate the people who have pm-ed me and told me their honest feelings. I don't mind being told that I'm likable but they don't trust me. That is fucking real and you know who you are. I appreciate you. There are others too who have sent me pm's and told me why they disagree with my typing or given helpful advice. I appreciate that too. I DON'T appreciate people who don't like me, or whatever, that attempt to type me using the negative criteria of a type. I know when you do that, so miss me with that shit... I like the idea of typing people at their best, as, was mention by Merc, I believe.

    Anyway, back to superficial...I am honest with friends if they ask me what they look like. I don't want to go out with someone who looks a mess. I do this with boyfriends a lot. Most the guys I have been in relationships with don't give a fuck what they look like and they really don't need to, their energy, intelligence and looks makes them appealing regardless and I am not hung up on looks because I see beauty where others don't I have changed the opinion of others by pointing out the beauty I see. I have dated all types but most of them have been extremely cocky and that rubbed off on me so excuse my cockiness and will tone it down a little. I do tend to choose the clothes and hairstyles of the guys I'm with so all that is judgement on a superficial level. But that is only with people very close to me. I actually like being in a mixed group, let's call them alpha, beta, gamma, delta. When there is too many of one type it starts to irk or bore the hell out of me so I zone out. It's not that I don't like them. I am just not relating to topics such as, pets, children, household chores, health or their bathroom habits. Unless there is some kinda cool story attached. If your peeing blood sure tell me. I may refer you to a doctor. If your child has imaginary friends or psychic visions tell me all about it. If your pets does tricks, show me.

    Disliking someone costs me energy that I would rather spend elsewhere. If someone is disliking me they are feeding me their energy, giving me power over them and not in a good way. I was told I was like a black hole before...that I suck people in. I was also called a vampire before. It is because I take emotions very seriously. I can take on the feelings of others easily and reflect back to them what they are putting out. If I am judging someone on a deeper level I look to myself first to see what is going on. I learn so much this way and like I said I am self aware.

    I see too many people typing others with so much confidence yet they don't know themselves well enough to KNOW their type. Ultimately I am not a type but this is a site of socionics so when in Rome, I choose the type that fits best. I can perfectly mimic the traits of any personality in a genuine way. I am a chameleon in that way. I may be crazy and weird but I am a good and loyal friend to have and I don't suggest making me an enemy (Katy Perry heh). I will not plot destruction, like some here. I already know people's vulnerabilities AND quite playfully I must add, I will cut a bitch, metaphorically that is. But that is not how I want to be. I can be pushed to a limit but to intentionally hurt someone because I have already figured out where they are weak would make me a hypocrite. I can be one but it hurts me more than them in the long run, creating more bad karma for myself. I am honest though with my emotions/feelings and I appreciate honesty. I am not afraid to call someone out if I feel they are being shady with me or anyone I care about. Mostly I just let people do their thing as long as it does not involve me.

    I know this is nothing but a rant but I have been a timid person for too much of my life. Giving people power over me but I'm not anymore. I believe many personality traits can be acquired. Since I am a bit competitive I have studied people to learn their skills and make them my own. People on my friends list are there because I feel a draw to them in some way. Maybe music, humor style, intelligence, whatever they are there for a reason. I am not a people collector. If you are on my friends list and secretly DISLIKE me please REMOVE yourself promptly, no hard feelings. Then we both know where we stand and I can behave accordingly. There are other people here that are on my contacts because I resonate with them for whatever reason but I am not big on sending friend invites. It makes me nervous. hahaha so if anyone sends me an invite and I sense you are actually an open-minded person I will accept. I don't care about your values and morals, you will be welcome.

    A couple more things....why do people write whole sentences using 5 or 6 letters...arrgh I have no clue what you're saying most of the time! I can assume and read your energy but you're not making yourself clear. Also I see people type and retype themselves according to who their crushing on...why not be yourself...your type will reveal in time...If you don't like something I say feel free to pm me and maybe I can learn something from it. Behind the back criticism is not constructive. If I have to hear it through other people it is annoying. Be direct if you don't think I am IEI give me some reasons. I'm open to a real analysis based on the information and intuition.


    Thank you @darya for giving me a place to get this out. You had nothing to do with my little bitchfest here.


    [I don't have the energy to proofread...don't judge me]



    End rant....

    P.S. Rap is my way of releasing my aggression in a positive way or so they tell me.

    Last edited by Aylen; 03-18-2014 at 08:17 PM.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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