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Thread: ILI-EII Benefit Relations (INTp & INFj)

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    Cat Lady aixelsyd's Avatar
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    Default ILI-EII Benefit Relations (INTp & INFj)

    .
    Life's a bitch and she's got me pussy whipped.

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    I'm a Ti-Te! Skeptic's Avatar
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    Very politically correct, very 'pleasant', very boring. If you were to be more specific I could be too.

    In my experience in friendship, the EII was very nice, gentle, soft spoken and terribly poor at taking any kind of initiative (organization, conversation, etc). Often surprised and a little intimidated by my sometimes arrogant and cynical outlook and from that conflicting debate arose, but it was nice when we were having primarily Fi-Te interactions in which we would ignore eachother's ideological standpoint on things and rather focus on details and the structure of things, i.e. we talked alot about architectural growth in her native country/expanded to speak of technological achievements/advancements throughout the world and what they imply financially and blablabla among other similiar things. Sounds boring, and it was kinda.

    No 'spark' in the relationship, but it was always 'pleasant' and felt nice to speak with the EII. I wouldn't have minded a romantic tinge to it, but there was a complete lack of initiative from both sides though mutual attraction was clear.

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    ._. Aiss's Avatar
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    No experience with relationships. Friendships with EIIs are great to let out some Fi otherwise cynically covered. Though I also often find myself holding back, so as not to scare the EII into retreat - no teasing Se out of them.

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    lump's Avatar
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    the only for sure ILI i know is my older half-brother who i've been around intermittently since we met when i was eight. so i don't know if this will be helpful for looking at friendship and romance, but this is the experience i have.

    i find him kind of intimidating. this mostly because:

    a) he makes really quick judgments about people that seem to me to be based on not enough criteria. like he'll say things like, "that guy is wearing a vest; he's a fucking asshole." lol. and it's sort of funny. and he's being sort of tongue-in-cheek about it. but the thing is, he's not entirely joking...he's stated explicitly before that it's easy to figure people out based on these superficial things. like some Ni base + Fi HA thing maybe? and it's kind of scary because i'm like, well i'm wearing black socks today so what does that make me? and what about whatever i choose to wear tomorrow? it makes me feel insecure. this is kind of a dumb little example but it illustrates a bigger sort of outlook that we clash about.

    b)he's very quiet, but you can tell that there's a lot going on in his head. so then i end up speculating about what he's thinking and wondering if he's judging me over some minor thing (see a) and freaking myself out.

    it's easy for us to connect with Fi, like others have said. we both tend to make pretty firm assessments about people (even if he's quicker and more decisive about it), so we have a mutual understanding and acceptance there.

    one thing i think is interesting and endearing is how protective he is of everyone in the family. he does this sort of paternalistic thing where he's super concerned with our safety or whether we're being taken advantage of. it's interesting because it's stands in contrast to how blase he seems to be just normally. but he's like super tense and at-the-ready when it comes to protecting the people he cares about, which i think is sweet.

    i guess as far as "do's and dont's" the only thing i can think of is maybe keeping the assessments of people in check unless they've been well deliberated (but i don't even know if all ILIs do this).
    Last edited by lump; 08-25-2010 at 07:00 PM.

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    lump's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    The part about judging people for something like a vest is only something I would say if I was just in a feisty mood (which I can be in and will rant about this or that). It's nothing I can see myself saying seriously, though, and I tend to adapt my behavior to whoever I am with, so I would temper that aspect before even giving possibility of offense.
    and that kind of thing can be funny. it depends on context i guess. i'm trying to figure out what it is that changes it from funny to abrasive and i can't pin down anything definable.

    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    I relate to being very protective of family and close friends, primarily where it includes them being stepped on by other people.

    But most ILIs don't really make snap judgments of people over petty matters such as what people wear. I don't, really. Most of my friends don't. Though it's not to say we don't have moments where we notice something and exclaim how stupid it is and being slightly grotesque about it in a rough tone.
    it was just an anecdotal thing about my brother, but trying to stretch it into functions (the Ni-base/Fi-HA thing) was a mistake; its just so easy to play around and find ways for socionics to fit things it probably doesn't. my bad.

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    I'm a Ti-Te! Skeptic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    :stalks over to the Caring for Your Delta NF thread:
    I stalked that thread and got nauseous fairly quickly. Proceed with extreme caution. :3

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    lump's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    (people get that impression a lot from me and I get that impression from other ILIs all of the time, and sometimes it pisses even me off ).
    no! i didn't think you were criticizing me. i was just criticizing myself lol. i'm really self-conscious about talking about socionics because i don't have much experience talking about theoretical stuff. so i'll probably be overly sensitive and self-abasing for awhile until i'm broken in and more used to it haha. so it's just me.

    also i didn't mean i'm bad, just slang for "sorry"

    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    You helped me, rather. So thanks again.
    you're welcome!

    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    :stalks over to the Caring for Your Delta NF thread:
    awwww lol

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    ._. Aiss's Avatar
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    aixelsyd vs laghlagh in this thread - an example of what I meant by ILI scaring EII if not careful

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aiss View Post
    aixelsyd vs laghlagh in this thread - an example of what I meant by ILI scaring EII if not careful
    shut up.

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    ._. Aiss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laghlagh View Post
    shut up.
    Now that's what I call an emancipated EII :evil:

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    Marie84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laghlagh View Post
    like he'll say things like, "that guy is wearing a vest; he's a fucking asshole."



    The only, fairly close, relationship I had with a, probable, ILI, was back in HS with a friend of mine, who for some reason, preferred communicating with people via MSN Messenger rather than in person. She was really quiet and closed-off in person, never really seemed to care for how she looked and pretty much everything she wore was black.
    She was far more self-critical in person, but made some jabs of people online.
    Our friendship dissolved over the years, mainly because I grew dissolutioned with it and slowly stopped responding to her MSN conversations, I actually just gave-up on online communication in general, it's not fulfilling to me at all and I don't think it accomplishes anything unless I were to have an "in real life" relationship with them, which is something that this particular ILI didn't want to have, at least not at that time in her life

    I could see how they would benefit from someone with an imposing, more , demeanor to get them out of that unresponsive state
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    ._. Aiss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie84 View Post
    The only, fairly close, relationship I had with a, probable, ILI, was back in HS with a friend of mine, who for some reason, preferred communicating with people via MSN Messenger rather than in person. She was really quiet and closed-off in person, never really seemed to care for how she looked and pretty much everything she wore was black.
    She was far more self-critical in person, but made some jabs of people online.
    Our friendship dissolved over the years, mainly because I grew dissolutioned with it and slowly stopped responding to her MSN conversations, I actually just gave-up on online communication in general, it's not fulfilling to me at all and I don't think it accomplishes anything unless I were to have an "in real life" relationship with them, which is something that this particular ILI didn't want to have, at least not at that time in her life

    I could see how they would benefit from someone with an imposing, more , demeanor to get them out of that unresponsive state
    This should really be in some "unhealthy ILI" description. I see myself drifting in this direction at times.

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    Captivating conversations and email chats, exchange of numbers, sarcastic commentary about mutual acquaintances. The disappointment sets when meting each other in person, which makes Se/Si differences less ambiguous. This relationship thrives over email, online, text, but contact with corporeal world frustrates and weakens it.

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