Why is everyone so turned off by textwall? Seems to me a sea of information is better than a puddle.
First things first, some things you should know about me
- I most often test e5w4, 4w5; MBTI , , . People over at PersonalityCafe seem to think I'm . I identify with somewhat but I don't buy leading with it. I often get a general sense of what kind of person I'm looking at, but I find my insights are not as piercing as my Ni-type friends'.
- My game is music. As a child I'd play various instruments for hours because it was better than anything else I could possibly be doing. Now after fucking around in music college for 4 years, I'm gradually growing less certain that it's what I was made for. It is a nagging pain in my side, when I think about where I could be if I had applied myself.
- I appear calm but I am anxious, very very anxious. Spent the first 8 years of my conscious childhood silently fingercrossing for some sort of divine intervention; from then it was thinking I could try to save my california town from some impending catastrophic earthquake. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a conspiracy theory phase.
- When I was about 14 I realized I preferred the company of attractive men. I kept it hidden from the general public as to not displease my Jesus-worshipping parents.
- I am modest, and insecure to a fault. My older brother is about 16 months older than I and as kids generally disapproved of my flowerchild antics and treated me like shit, (INTp I believe) leading to me not finding my own feelings or needs significant. I can't really blame him. He was bullied in school and I was unfortunately his outlet for forward payment.
- Having bad blood with someone really eats at me. I fear rejection. why would anyone not like me?
- Despite all of this I was quite popular in high school, marching band gangsta and runner-up for prom king.
- I am working on being less judgmental in general. It stems from my own self-disapproval and needs to be stopped. Cultivating self-love is the hardest thing but I will manage goddammit.
- I can be rather impulsive and it sometimes gets me into shitstorms. Sometimes to avoid trouble I have to spin webs of lies. I usually end up feeling like shit over it, I'm not the best liar and I know certain people can tell.
- I have always been self-sacrificing and have just recently made efforts to make my own needs somewhat of a priority.
- My head is a jukebox. 80% of my time is spent creating music in my head. I have a hard time getting it down on paper because I end up with versions upon versions and I don't know which are best. -Play- ... how about this melody? Nah. -Stop-. This one...? A little better... -Stop-. -Play-. with this background... -Stop- -Replay- oh but wait this tune. you get the picture. I drive myself batshit insane, especially when I start feeling like my ideas are trash
- My parents are and , my older brother . The five besties I've ever had are , , , and .
for yer V.I. pleasure
My very best friend and I, whom I believe to be Ne-Fi
After a rousing round of tunes