What would be a typical first meeting interaction between SLE and IEI - how does a SLE interpret IEI's behaviour?
I'm asking because I think recently I was mistaken by a SLE for IEI (I'm SEI) and this led to a very unusual (for me) evening.
I was out partying with my girlfriends - a girls' night out - my best friend is looking for a man and she asked me to accompany her to parties (she's LSI, tends to get involved with toxic guys, I'm her 'voice of reason', that's pretty much why she always wants me to come along. Well that, plus we're having a load of fun together and both love rock music.) We were out in a group of 4 females. At one point the rest of the girls were dancing and I was left alone, trying not to keep eye contact with anyone as I didn't want any guys pursuing me (I'm married and not looking for anyone).
Then all of a sudden a guy appears in front of me, smiles and asks me to dance. Given guys were starting to flock around me I figured dancing with one instead of trying to brush off 4 others felt like a lesser evil, so I agreed. (I am very good-looking, not trying to brag, but that's why they were flocking and that's why I decided to dance with one of them instead of trying to somehow get rid of the whole flock). The fact that that guy was probably the hottest in the club was flattering, I'm not gonna lie.
So we danced, he was a brilliant dancer (danced very similarly to my ILE husband, leading in a similar way and it's rare that it's so 'easy' to dance with smn for me), he had a very strong 'presence' (somehow although the place was crowded with people, we ended up having a large part of the dancefloor for ourselves), he kept looking at my wedding ring and I wasn't hiding it. Then he started to try to push me closer and closer to him and I kept resisting (he was ridiculously strong) and when the song ended he stared at me smiling invitingly for another dance and I mumbled 'thank you', turned around and left the dancefloor (I could almost 'feel' his disappointed energy behind me, but I wanted it to be visible that it was one dance and that's it).
I went to the restroom where I met one of my friends, when I left the restroom I saw him sitting across the room sad over a drink and I came up to my friends in another part of the room. He must have noticed me as then he moved across the room and kept trying to catch my attention, then he approached me, but I brushed him off. He kept standing in a close range and 'waiting' for me to move onto the dancefloor. I had to walk past him and when I did, I stopped and we had a short dialogue:
me: You're great. But I'm married. ((To me it was my way of telling him "there's nothing wrong with you, but you can't and won't have me, go on to pursue other girls.))
him: I don't care about this. ((in a very decisive tone))
me: ((startled look, as it kind of shocked me, every guy who tried to pursue me used to understand that when I say I'm married, it's final and he should brush off)) But I do care about this.
((Then I turned and walked away.))
After a moment he followed me onto the dancefloor, tried to touch my back, when I brushed him off and ignored him, he grabbed a girl and started dancing with her just in front of me and my friends at such a close range that we couldn't move, so we moved across the dancefloor somewhere else. The rest of the night looked like this - he grabbed a girl, danced somewhere near me, then left her, came back to me and danced just next to me trying to catch my attention. When he didn't succeed (I avoided eye contact), again grabbed next girl, danced for a moment and came back to me. It was intense and felt as if he was trying to show me 'look I can have all of them but I want you' sort of thing, it felt like he wanted to hunt me down and 'break' me, he also ignored my friends telling him 'look, she's married, she doesn't want to dance with you'. His final answer was "I don't care about this" and he kept pursuing. He tried to touch me and my hair, he acted as if I had some kind of a hypnotising influence on him.
At some point some other guy wanted to dance with me (an overly friendly drunken 'bear' and when after a very short dance in a friendly group I didn't want to dance with him and the 'bear' kept on insisting, he ('the pursuer', lol) jumped in front of me and scared the 'bear' away (which was helpful and kind of impressive given the 'bear' was a huuuge guy twice as big as him). Then he smiled again and wanted to dance with me. (Some sort of 'I saved you princess, now you're mine' behaviour). I said 'thank you' (he did help me with that big guy after all) and tried to turn away. I ended up dancing with one of my girlfriends at a close range and my other friends ended pushing him away a bit.
By the end of the night he had short conversations with all my friends telling him 'she's married, she doesn't want to dance with you' and him saying 'I don't care' and laughing at the fact of me being taken and keeping on the pursuit. Then finally one of my friends was very persistant on telling him the same thing and making him realise I really am married and it's not some kind of long-distance marriage with me being unhappy and trolling clubs looking for a hook-up. Then he got sad/disappointed and left the club.
He was so persistent during the whole night that my friends were shocked with his behaviour. He just wanted to 'get' me, full stop.
He wasn't rude though, or overly physical trying to 'grab' me in this fully objectifying way that sometimes happens in clubs.
Now, this kind of behaviour is like an over-amplified way of ILE pursuing a girl. That is how my ILE 'got' me, but it took him a while and was more subtle.
There were similarities in the way this guy danced to ILE, but in his overall behaviour he was more 'forceful' and 'decisive'. It was both flattering and a bit scary at the same time. (Tbh there was sth attractive in it and if I were single I'd probably give in in the sense I'd dance the night away with him and date him.) But, that is not the case. And when I left him in the middle of the dancefloor it was like me saying 'no' and most guys just get it and leave me alone. Then saying straight that I'm married is the point where basically every guy knows it's time to back off. Yet he didn't.
Now, given this overly detailed almost 'photographic' recollection of events screams Si and it's obvious I'm not IEI - could an IEI or SLE explain to me what happened that evening?
So I guess my question is - was he SLE or was he just some overly-persistant other type?
If this indeed was a SLE thinking I was encouraging him to pursue me - what would be a polite, yet final way of letting him know a 'no' is a 'no'? (As obviously my SEI ways weren't working at all...)
How to say 'no' to a SLE in a manner that sinks in but isn't rude? (I'm incapable of saying it in a rude manner face to face to smn who's not rude to me, and I guess that's what made him feel like that was an invitation to pursue me?)
TL;DR - If a SEI gets mistaken for IEI by SLE, how to get out of the situation without being rude but letting SLE know the 'no' is final? (It seems the way a SEI says 'no' is reminiscent to the way an IEI says 'no, but if you pursue me, it might be a yes'...)