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Thread: ILE and anxiety

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    Default ILE and anxiety

    My ILE daughter is having anxiety problems. Her dad and I are the most laid back parents in the world and I don't know how she could have become such an anxious perfectionist in our house, but I wish she could relax and be happier. I've found a counselor for her to help her learn some coping techniques or something.

    Is anxiety a common problem for ILEs? Could having laid back Delta parents make an ILE anxious?
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    My Dad was ILE and myself, brother and mother are all IEE. The only anxiety my father used to suffer with was travelling and only as he got older. It was strange, he always had a little travel anxiety but it became quite significant and stopped him travelling all together later on.

    I would say he struggled a great deal with what he termed 'incompetency' from the IEE environment. He was a lot more pragmatic and often was frustrated with us 'fantasists'. He was a parent though not a child so i'm unsure how it could work that way round. I also asked re: poss LIE instead of ILE in teh chatbox.

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    My ILE daughter is having anxiety problems. Her dad and I are the most laid back parents in the world and I don't know how she could have become such an anxious perfectionist in our house, but I wish she could relax and be happier. I've found a counselor for her to help her learn some coping techniques or something.

    Is anxiety a common problem for ILEs? Could having laid back Delta parents make an ILE anxious?
    What kinds of things is she anxious about? My ILE brother is very anxious about health related things, always imagines the worst. He is very verbal about his worries, as well. My ILE friend has a lot of anxiety about friendships and feeling unattractive (she's not.) She does't really worry about health, it is more like she needs a lot of support.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    She's a perfectionist. She gets great grades and does very well in school, but her school has this reward system and she's always worried about the reward system.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    I got it. Folks say I'm ILE
    It was in the reign of George III that the aforesaid personages lived and quarrelled; good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich or poor, they are all equal now.

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    i know high anxiety ile. they seriously need sei to help them relax. their anxiety revolves around their performance, compitition makes them more anxious, but the love to compete it just makes thrm mad, crazy, relentless

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    She's a perfectionist. She gets great grades and does very well in school, but her school has this reward system and she's always worried about the reward system.
    The school counselor would probably be interested to hear about the unintentional effect the reward system is having on a good student. Maybe you could talk to your daughter about a meaningful reward system that you could institute in your home, to help her shift her focus.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    I'm probably ILE and i've lived my life with general anxiety.

    As a kid I was terrified of traveling by train, checking my ticket compulsively and stuff like that. Also, very afraid of strangers. Afraid of groups of people my own age (well there was some rationality to that). Afraid that my parents were taken over by the chameleon (a killer that could take on others' appearances) afraid of making phonecalls (still am, but learned to cope).

    I think anxiety is NTR though, a lot of people have irrational fears.

    However... as an ILE i'd never fear "not doing well enough". Basically, such systems don't faze me. I either care and do well, or I don't care and cheat/ignore it. If it was the world of classroom politics (who's popular etc) I could understand being afraid, it's in our blindspot and very important to us.

    Sure she's ILE?

    Also @Iris: If she's ILE she'll probably be resisting reward systems. I think ILE do strive, maybe more than any other type, for intrinsic motivating stuff. Not sure a "reward system" is the way to go.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    However... as an ILE i'd never fear "not doing well enough". Basically, such systems don't faze me. I either care and do well, or I don't care and cheat/ignore it. If it was the world of classroom politics (who's popular etc) I could understand being afraid, it's in our blindspot and very important to us.

    Sure she's ILE?
    That also crossed my mind. @Slacker Is this the same child who likes you to precisely define and describe things? What is the reward system like?

    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    If she's ILE she'll probably be resisting reward systems. I think ILE do strive, maybe more than any other type, for intrinsic motivating stuff. Not sure a "reward system" is the way to go.
    Agree as well. Involving her in choosing a system that would be meaningful to her might temporarily distract, but the source of the anxiety, the school's system, will still be there. So it would be best to address the root cause of the stress.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    I DONT THINK ANY "ILE" TALKED ABOUT HERE IS ACTUALLY "ILE"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Johannes Bloem View Post
    I DONT THINK ANY "ILE" TALKED ABOUT HERE IS ACTUALLY "ILE"
    Ve
    Very much possible, but than, the op is probably deluded in the same way as to the type of her son and it all works out ;-)

    I think pertaining to this discussion type isn't that important, or, let's say anxiety is the problem we're talking about, we doubted that her son has the same problem as people we call (wrongly) ILE have. That either means her son is not what we call ILE and she can try and search for different sollutions, or the son IS what we call ILE and she can use our explanations to help him/help her understand.

    Since we're not refering to information elements or dichotomies in our explanation the name of the type doesn't matter that much as long as we share the same misconception!

    You are ofcourse welcome to share your ideas about our types in our "type me" threads. But for here and now I'd be interested to hear if you, as IEE have a different insight in her sons perfectionistic anxiety that we so-called ILE's can't provide (since i'm feeling we're missing the mark, I don't relate to "reward systems" at all)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    I think pertaining to this discussion type isn't that important, or, let's say anxiety is the problem we're talking about, we doubted that her son has the same problem as people we call (wrongly) ILE have. That either means her son is not what we call ILE and she can try and search for different sollutions, or the son IS what we call ILE and she can use our explanations to help him/help her understand.
    Holographic cognition often utilizes the grammatical conjunctives: "or-or", "either-or", "on the one hand, on the other hand".


    ^^This is why I think you're IEE.

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    Lately iv'e been thinking that ILE possibly makes the most sense for my type and if so then this should fit:

    It's difficult for me to put my times of anxiety into words but It involves people. Not wanting their dramas to personally include/effect/hurt me. Being attacked online either directly or indirectly by someone who perhaps thinks what I wrote was not ethically pleasing.
    I get stressed and nervous whenever a post is negatively aimed at me or I have something to respond to that is negative. I on the whole try not to hurt anyone but sometimes don't really care either and can get confused as to what's acceptable or not and mostly when this occurs will try to run the post past my husband to make sure its ok.
    I can be unsure online of what smilie or lol type of word would be the correct one to post in responses but sometimes add them as can be more concerned that without them I may be less understood here on the forum...in 'real life' you would understand me perfectly fine though so its just a problem here on the forum really.
    To be talked about in a nasty way can crush me inside such as being thought of as something like a dishonourable person, someone who would break the laws etc someone who is unethical, to have someone question the type of person I am and unjustly think of me or treat me with unfairness or dishonour. I haven't really explained this well but it involves a disrespect to who I actually am and not realizing how careful and moral my being is.
    Have an open mind about me and my ideas and how I interact so don't get mad or yell at me for excitedly sharing thoughts and information. Also don't take them personally either as I am just hoping that you will be capable of objectivity like I attempt to be.
    Another area of anxiety for me would be formal get togethers.


    In my sleep I have remembered that even though I have travelled quite extensively often planned travel gives me anxiety though it is difficult to articulate in a brief way but to say that without my husband I probably wouldn't bother. I much prefer fairly spontaneous travelling or just coming up with exciting travel ideas.
    The anxiety in this area involves such things as making bookings, visa applications, phone calls, airport security, hotel staff, no need to go as can easily imagine things in mind and wonder will it all be worth it including considering such things as expenses, leaving my cats with another, can feel like travel is a temporary bandaid but since my husband needs to actually go places to experience it and gets quite excited I make efforts to go. I dislike making forced schedule connections if they are rushed and I don't have a good sense of direction but overall It's worth it if I have others to enjoy travels with.

    Other common areas where anxieties can occur include wherever there are security guards observing/judging me such as in malls and having to take the 'stage'.
    Last edited by Shay; 02-24-2014 at 10:57 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    Lately iv'e been thinking that ILE makes the most sense for my type and if so then this should fit:

    It's difficult for me to put my times of anxiety into words but It involves people. Not wanting their dramas to personally include/effect/hurt me. Being attacked online either directly or indirectly by someone who perhaps thinks what I wrote was not ethically pleasing.
    I get stressed and nervous whenever a post is aimed at me or I have something to respond to that is negative. I on the whole try not to hurt anyone but sometimes don't really care either and can get confused as to what's acceptable or not and mostly when this occurs will try to run the post past my husband to make sure its ok.
    I can be unsure online of what smilie or lol type of word would be the correct one to post in responses but sometimes add them as can be more concerned that without them I may be less understood here on the forum...in 'real life' you would understand me perfectly fine though so its just a problem here on the forum really.
    To be talked about in a nasty way can crush me inside such as being thought of as something like a dishonourable person, someone who would break the laws etc someone who is unethical, to have someone question the type of person I am and unjustly think of me or treat me with unfairness or dishonour. I haven't really explained this well but it involves a disrespect to who I actually am and not realizing how careful and moral my being is.
    Have an open mind about me and my ideas and how I interact so don't get mad or yell at me for excitedly sharing thoughts. Also don't take them personally either as I am just hoping that you will be capable of objectivity like I attempt to be.
    Another area of anxiety for me would be formal get togethers.
    yeah, this relates better to the concept of ILE anxiety that I have. For me it's basically the fear of being ostrasized... of the mob with the pitchforks deciding that i'm evil and need to be smitten. Of being misunderstood and locked up in a tower for spreading heresy...

    That's why I doubted the OP was actually talking about an ILE, ILE fears are much more social in nature than about systems. I think we want to be "good" in a world in which we don't actually mindlessly follow the formulized idea of "good" (if that makes sense). Like an inner "goodness" that hasn't to do with rigid laws or set values. Rigid systems and values make us rebellious and don't hurt us much, the moral sentiments of individuals however can mess us up in no time though... especially if it's people we care about.

    I like bending the rules, tightroping the edge of morality, questioning the system. I don't like it when I hurt people while doing those things...

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    Just gonna butt in here, but I think that doing well according system can be a social fear. I've definitely experience it, even though I'm SEI, not ILE. For me, it was a fear about "letting people down" or "disappointing" or "failing" others expectations of me if I didn't succeed. Not sure if that relates to ILEs, but maybe the kid is an SEI instead and just appears to have ILE tendencies (since duals and all). I don't really know :/

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    My daughter is ILE and so am I and we both have anxiety. It has to do with windmills, being liked, performance and procrastination, and cleaning up polr messes.

    ILE

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    I'm almost sure she's ILE, and if she isn't she's LII. And she doesn't talk about her reasons for anxiety so I'm kind of filling in the blanks. She has panic attacks where she pukes and gets dizzy and stuff. I took her to the doctor, who said she's physically fine. I have an appointment set up for her to talk to a counselor since I can't figure out what has her so upset. The school counselor was not helpful and acted offended that my daughter was upset. I think she's the one who came up with the reward system, based on her reaction.

    She said something like if you don't get the reward, your name is up up on the TV screens around the school over and over again, and she was freaking out over that potential. I know that's part of it. I don't understand exactly though as she does so well in school. There's no way she'd ever get punished for anything ever, certainly dealing with school performance and grades.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    I'm almost sure she's ILE, and if she isn't she's LII. And she doesn't talk about her reasons for anxiety so I'm kind of filling in the blanks. She has panic attacks where she pukes and gets dizzy and stuff. I took her to the doctor, who said she's physically fine. I have an appointment set up for her to talk to a counselor since I can't figure out what has her so upset. The school counselor was not helpful and acted offended that my daughter was upset. I think she's the one who came up with the reward system, based on her reaction.

    She said something like if you don't get the reward, your name is up up on the TV screens around the school over and over again, and she was freaking out over that potential. I know that's part of it. I don't understand exactly though as she does so well in school. There's no way she'd ever get punished for anything ever, certainly dealing with school performance and grades.
    Whoa...public humiliation IS something that would scare the hell out of me.

    Which complete retard thought it was a good idea to broadcast "failure" all over the school? That's kinda against all tenets of motivational theory i've ever heard of... (well, modern ones...).

    Morons.. I'd ditch the school! Or steal the tv's, yes, much better, steal the tv's and mount them in your house, than broadcast fun stuff instead of stupid achievement system stuf... Maybe broadcasting some porn might be also a good reminder to the school that they're being dickheads...

    meh..anoyed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    I'm almost sure she's ILE, and if she isn't she's LII. And she doesn't talk about her reasons for anxiety so I'm kind of filling in the blanks. She has panic attacks where she pukes and gets dizzy and stuff. I took her to the doctor, who said she's physically fine. I have an appointment set up for her to talk to a counselor since I can't figure out what has her so upset. The school counselor was not helpful and acted offended that my daughter was upset. I think she's the one who came up with the reward system, based on her reaction.

    She said something like if you don't get the reward, your name is up up on the TV screens around the school over and over again, and she was freaking out over that potential. I know that's part of it. I don't understand exactly though as she does so well in school. There's no way she'd ever get punished for anything ever, certainly dealing with school performance and grades.
    I would freak out about that kind of public humiliation. Broadcasting the names of unsuccessful students sounds cruel. I would pay a visit to the school and ask that my child be removed from that particular reward program, especially since she is a good student. Are you sure that she understands the reward system?
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    My ILE daughter is having anxiety problems. Her dad and I are the most laid back parents in the world and I don't know how she could have become such an anxious perfectionist in our house, but I wish she could relax and be happier. I've found a counselor for her to help her learn some coping techniques or something.

    Is anxiety a common problem for ILEs? Could having laid back Delta parents make an ILE anxious?
    I think anxiety is a problem(but perhaps not a conscious one) for ILE but there's something I have found peculiar and that is I don't really "feel" anxiety a lot of the time. I will however voice concerns, so the subjective experience is different than what other people are seeing. The stress is expressed and evident but the actual experience is different which can result in panic attacks/physical manifestations when it gets past a certain point. She may be less aware of her anxiety than the people around her, and she can stress out over it and is unable to monitor and control it for herself. I tend to withdraw when I get stressed and anxious but this is more or less a unconscious process that I am only dimly aware of and can only analyze in hindsight.

    I've studied a lot of NT's and happiness isn't really a goal for many of them, although a pleasant thought, as the sensing and ethical functions are weak/vulnerable, I think the sensation and feelings of happiness are fairly disconnected in all NT's. It's a intellectual and intuitive conceptualization of happiness most NT's deal with and is disconnected from the everyday pleasantness which many others experience. It takes a big of effort from other people to create this experience for NT's or they can detach and pursue their ideals and interests.

    When I do feel anxious, I tend to be unsure what to do, it's one of those feelings I rarely deal with and am rarely aware of. I think I probably lash out or get very excited and move at a fast pace, although it's not always anxiety when I act like this. I think coping techniques can help but it might require her being aware of her expression of anxiety before she has a panic attack or go overboard. That's probably harder than the coping techniques themselves.

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    I'm not sure if they intend it as public humiliation or if it's to notify which kids should not head to the reward center and which should head to the room where they have to sit while everyone else gets the reward time. (They have special activities at the end of each quarter for kids who do well.) The school might think of it as simply informational, and I told the school counselor what she said about it, and she was not helpful, and like I said responded like someone who had a hand in creating the system. She talked to my daughter and my daughter said she felt more anxious after talking to her than before, so I don't think the school counselor is going to help with this issue. I did complain about publicly announcing who was going to the flunkee room, but the counselor said that the kids who end up going there don't really care about that. NICE ATTITUDE. And mindreading! No, I don't like the reward system.

    My daughter would be very upset if she were removed from the reward system, because that would mean that she wouldn't get these special activities with her friends, and would instead have to hang out somewhere else, hopefully not the flunkee room. She'd definitely want the actitivites with the friends.

    This is the problem with reward systems IMO. A reward is really just a potential punishment. The kids see it as the potential taking away of something.
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    I hate to imagine myself dealing with these kind of issues in the future. I'd be the most unpleasant parent to deal with when something pisses me off, especially on an institutional level.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    I did complain about publicly announcing who was going to the flunkee room, but the counselor said that the kids who end up going there don't really care about that. NICE ATTITUDE. And mindreading! No, I don't like the reward system.
    I would venture to guess that more children care than not. I know at your daughter's age, I would have cared. Can you connect to other parents to see how their children feel about the reward system?
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    It's kind of a problem that by taking away the rewardsystem you take away the....rewards. So kids might actually get upset if it's gone. But ditching it for the whole school is the only option, or she'll be, in effect, permanently the loser (since she now cannot get the rewards at all).

    This is potentially a very perversive system. As someone who dabbles in gamification professionally (dabbling professionaly?) I'd be very leary of such a system and as park said, probably a very annoying and difficult parent to deal with for the school. I'd actually start a "vote who is the most attractive school employee" and other neferious schemes to bully the school untill they relented.

    For kids gamification can be applied to give feedback on learningcurves and progression, but the nature of kids is so raw and unrelenting that a public reward system will make life hell for some kids (even more than does the informal peer pressure of young people). To use such a system to motivate is iffy, using the social tools on kids is dangerous, the practical application in this case is idiotic and damaging....

    I mean, come-on... a flunkeeroom? I think the councelor suffers from a lack of empathy which, in her position, should be reason to be reassigned to a different position.

    pff


    But then, you asked about how to deal with the anxiety, and, in all honesty, you might not be able to actually do anything about the system.
    I'd try to get her out of the mindset that those activities are the most important way to get fun. Do fun stuff with her and her friends even when she fails, reletivise the fun of the activities the school organises. Get her into a social environment outside of school which alows her to feel respected and loved outside of the reward system. If she cares less about the system she might get less anxious even if she still would prefer to get the rewards, there will be other things to relatise her dissappointment if she doesn't and/or aliviate her fears that she might not get them.

    Not sure if this is helpfull at all. the answer to your op is "yes, in the circumstances you describe i'd feel stressed as an ILE" (and in my oppinion, so would many, many children and/or young adults).

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    Park's Avatar
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    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Here's something my ILE friend wrote, yes she's married with her dual, maybe some of what she says can help you formulate a plan for your daughter


    http://camilleschenkkan.wordpress.co...n-the-monster/


    I live along the LA Marathon route and love running. When family members and friends asked if I’d considered running the marathon, I told them sure, I’d thought about it, but didn’t think I had the time to train.
    That wasn’t the whole truth. I was nervous that setting a fitness goal as ambitious as a marathon would trigger my old eating disorder.
    From ages sixteen through twenty-two, I struggled with anorexia, compulsive over-exercising, and bulimia, roughly in that order. This was such a big part of my life that when someone mentions college, my mind immediately flashes to images of disordered eating: microwaving a giant bowl of sweet potatoes and ketchup for dinner in my lonely apartment, eating three pieces of cake at a graduation party and desperately searching for a place on campus where I could purge, lacing up my running shoes not because I wanted to but because my brain told me I had to.

    The night before college graduation. I was miserable, stuck in a cycle of restricting and purging, and had driven myself to the ER earlier that day because I thought I was having a heart attack (it was a panic attack).

    My preoccupation with food and exercise were so all-consuming that I feel like my other memories from these six years are gray, faded. I was too busy with my compulsions to pay attention to the rest of my life.
    As you can imagine, this sucked. I have no words to describe the suckiness. Have you seen that commercial for anti-anxiety medication where the woman is followed around by a little black cloud?
    It was like that, except I was inside the cloud.
    Books and movies portray eating disorders as all about control—striving for it, maintaining it, losing it, a cycle of willpower and excess. Yes, that’s true, but to me, the struggle for control wasn’t the worst part of eating disorders. It’s the time I lost. They took up so much time and energy. You’re never away from them: it’s like a parasite takes over your brain and convinces you that it is you and this life is normal.
    When I opened up about my problems with bulimia and over-exercising to my then-boyfriend (now husband), he said, very matter-of-factly, “You should never do that again.” And he helped me find a remarkable therapist, and supported me while I essentially sobered up from my disordered eating.
    First came the recovery period, where I was as into being in recovery as I’d been involved in the disorder itself. I contemplated getting a recovery tattoo. I read lots of books about eating disorders, recovery, etc. I started writing a book about it.
    And then… I sort of forgot about it.
    I’d started developing a palate again and discovered I hated foods I’d regularly eaten because they were on my ‘safe’ list (red onions are disgusting, FYI). That led to interest in cooking, and soon my kitchen was filled with things like coconut milk, flavored oil, dark chocolate with cayenne, and basically every kind of sauce, oil, vinegar, and spice I could get my hands on. I thought about food when I was cooking and eating it, and thought about lots of other things during the rest of my day.
    Meanwhile, I came back to running and re-discovered the joy of running fast, the moments when I felt like I was inside a video game, hurtling through pathways and over obstacles. I did yoga and hiked and took spinning class with my best friend. Or I skipped the gym and slept in instead.
    I was free. It was awesome.

    Because no pancake should be left uneaten.

    I stopped talking or thinking about eating disorders because they’re boring and I had other stuff going on. When old friends asked if I was still doing okay, it felt like such an irrelevant question—like someone asking if I was still sad about a high school breakup. I was no longer in recovery. I had too much else to do.
    As a sidenote—especially for anyone reading this who has disordered eating issues—I weigh less now than when I was restricting, binging & over-exercising. I treat my body with respect, and that means when it wants chocolate (which is every night, by the way), it gets some fucking chocolate.
    I’m not tempted to binge, because I know that I can have anything I want without guilt, at any time. When I’m hungry, I eat. I eat the food that sounds good to me at the moment, so I’m satisfied and happy. Then I move on with my life and can think about other things.
    This post-recovery me was still scared my disordered eating would return. It was like the killer in a horror franchise. Is it dead? Or is it waiting for me to trigger some switch, say some combination of words that’ll bring the monster back from the netherworld, throw me back into the cloud?
    And that is why I’ve been scared to train for and run the LA Marathon.
    Running a marathon is a big commitment. You need to follow a training program, eat in a specific way, push yourself physically. When I made the decision to run the 2014 marathon and started training, I was all too aware of the similarities between training and my past disordered eating. I was writing numbers on a calendar (but miles, not calories), working out nearly every day, and paying more attention to nutrition, although my changes were mostly about increasing complex carbohydrates so I could power through long-mileage runs.
    How would a recovering alcoholic feel if they needed to re-enact their ritual of coming home, putting ice in a glass, pouring liquid in the glass and sitting in a specific armchair to drink it? Doesn’t matter if it’s iced tea—would the pattern alone cause a relapse?
    Even as I felt myself getting stronger and more confident in myself as a runner, I kept looking over my shoulder, wondering if the monster was waiting, about to attack. Do you really need to eat that chocolate? It might say. You’re running so much. Think of the weight you could lose if you just… cut… a few… calories…
    But the monster never arrived.

    Overlooking Mulholland.

    Last Saturday, I did the longest training run of my beginner marathon program. It didn’t go smoothly.
    I was supposed to do 20 miles, but my MapMyRun app lead me into a gated Beverly Hills community, from which I was promptly ejected by security. I had to backtrack about two miles, and then ran up Coldwater Canyon to reconnect to the route I’d carefully planned.
    When I looked back at MapMyRun, I realized sticking with the route at this point would result in a thirty mile run—way too much for a beginner. Around this time I realized I’d forgotten to wear my FitBit tracker and hadn’t brought money to buy a second Gatorade when mine ran out. My run was not working out the way it was supposed to. For a moment, I felt frustrated. I felt out-of-control.
    And suddenly, as I crested Mulholland and looked down at the city sparkling below me, everything made sense.
    This run was supposed to remind me to let go.
    So I did. I coasted down through Coldwater Canyon park, filling my bottle at a water fountain along the trail. I enjoyed the adventure of running through unfamiliar neighborhoods and discovering new parts of the city – my favorite part of my marathon training. And as I wound my way back toward my apartment and realized I would come in right around 22 miles, I felt strong, happy, and calm.

    Running a charity 5K in October 2013.

    The monster was not running behind me, or hanging out somewhere in the back of my brain, ready to pounce.
    The monster is dead.
    I’ll run my first marathon on March 9 and am hopeful that I’ll be able to finish. For me, running is meditative, and the long hours I’ve put into my training have given me a lot of time to reflect and dream. Although the six years I spent in the fog of disordered eating certainly influenced the person I’ve become, it no longer defines me.
    I’m a wife, an arts manager, and a runner who likes to cook.
    I am not “in recovery” from an eating disorder.
    I just don’t have time for that.
    I wrote this blog post to contribute to the Purple Project: Eating Disorder Awareness Month. You can learn more about the project, eating disorders and recovery at Where I Stand.

  30. #30
    Landlord of the Dog and Duck Subteigh's Avatar
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    You should get her interested in lots of other things and make her appreciate that there are things more important than school. Also it's probably not good to limit a child at that age, but if you were able to make her think about what she wants to do when she is older it might stop such obsessive behavior.

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    On reward systems.

    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    I read down through most of these posts. I can't say that I've ever been anxious about anything.

    The perfectionist part in the opening post does not sound like ILE(ENTP) at all, but it does sound a lot like my ISTJ wife.

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    I don't like pressure. It is hell to live under that. I have failed in tests because of performance anxiety. However give a problem where everyone have pretty lost their hope and I give that hope back and solution.
    I show them when nobody else expects it.

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    I understand this issues really old but... Most if not all of my anxiety comes from lack of fe, or overbearance of Fi in my life. If people don't buy into my goofy randomness, I'll shut down around them, because they don't care otherwise. I get very uncertain about myself in relation to others, and it just kind of proves it to me if they don't give me fe.

    As far as random life pressure and stresses go, I'm extremely resilient against them, I'm a p type after all. As far as anxiety attacks, never had them, fear isn't something I notice a lot either, it takes an obscene amount of chaos to get to me, like every system collapsing all at once and problems popping up way faster than I can solve them.
    @Slacker

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