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Thread: Living with a SEI ISFp

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    dugga dugga dun Narc's Avatar
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    Default Living with a SEI ISFp

    I've recently moved into a sharehouse with an ILE and an SEI (or IEI, but I'm pretty sure it's the former).

    The ILE stipulated that he wanted a sort of communal living arrangement (because he's lived with some really shit antisocial roommates over the years). Naturally, SEI is retreating to her room straight after work. Fair enough, I personally expected this and don't hold it against her.

    The real problem is this: she is consistently putting her own wants ahead of the collective needs of the whole group of us (we wanted a housemate listing for a fourth person online the day way moved in, and the internet should have been arranged to be connected by day 3. She's also being very scarcely available to screen new roommates, which is bad because ILE guy is shooting for harmony, which requires a level of assertion from her. It seems like every time some sort of responsibility with the house comes up, she has plans to have dinner with her friends or her writing group. I'm happy for her to go as chill and do what she pleases with her spare time, AFTER the preliminary house concerns are settled. She's striking me as an immature little brat prone to flights of fancy.

    In addition to this, any time we do interview a potential housemate, she just parrots my opinion, which worries me, because I've been blindsided and backstabbed by several Fe-egos very soon after they've parroted me.

    To be honest, I'm kind of surprised by how selfish and short-sighted she's being. She seems to be getting high off the freedom from her parents and sneakily avoiding any responsibility she can. It's a slap in the face to me and the ILE, who actually give a shit about this place and exercise such wild things as responsibility and consideration outside the self. I've been quite patient with her, and have resisted the urge to
    raze her entire face off, but she's pushing it. Even the ILE is losing his patience now.

    How do I get this girl to cooperate with us, what additional red flags should I be watching out for? Is this normal or is she just an asshole?
    Last edited by Narc; 01-18-2014 at 10:48 PM.

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    why do you want her to screen new roomates if she's so irresponsible ? do you think she'd do a good job if she'd be left on her own to deal with house responsibilities ? i dislike this kind of loose people big time ;|

    have they been living together before you moved in?


    how about finding 2 new roomates? are you tied to her in some way? do u think that she'll go mad and eat all of your food if u tell her to start looking for a new home?

    do you think that if you asked her to cooperate she could keep it up for a long time?
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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Carefree

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    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
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    @lemontrees
    @bgoat
    @FoxOnStilts
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    @squirreltual



    maybe an SEI or ILE can shed some light/offer tips? or something.

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    dugga dugga dun Narc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the16types View Post
    why do you want her to screen new roomates if she's so irresponsible ? do you think she'd do a good job if she'd be left on her own to deal with house responsibilities ? i dislike this kind of loose people big time ;|

    have they been living together before you moved in?


    how about finding 2 new roomates? are you tied to her in some way? do u think that she'll go mad and eat all of your food if u tell her to start looking for a new home?

    do you think that if you asked her to cooperate she could keep it up for a long time?
    We all moved in together. All of us were perfect strangers. The ILE in particular wants to find a person we all like. She doesn't seem to have much of an opinion on anything. I think the house would fall to pieces if she was left in charge for a couple days.

    We're not tied to her. Only me and ILE are on the lease, which is a super good thing.

    We can get rid of her, but if there was a simpler way like a special button on the back of her head that turned her passive-aggressive selfish crap off, I'd totally go for that.

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    the flying pig Capitalist Pig's Avatar
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    dugga dugga dun Narc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    Why did you move in with people of the opposite quadra in the first place?
    Well I had no qualms about moving with the ILE, that's a very easy living arrangement. We had a chance to get to know each other and generally had pretty good chemistry, so that was no worry. I wasn't sure of the SEIs type initially, but it was either going to work out well (her being proactive and selfless until we got the house all properly established) or begin to turn towards the shit (like it's doing).

    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    Living with others is a very special thing, imo. I can work or do business with someone of the opposite quadra, or be friendly toward them, but when it comes to going home, charging my batteries & relaxing, I need to have a comfortable place to go home to.
    We may be able to get a gamma or two, but we'll see. I've generally spent most of my time around Alphas and Betas, so I feel like something of an honorary member, though there are a couple of quirks present in both those quadras that shit me to tears.

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    Haikus
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    Quote Originally Posted by Narc View Post
    Well I had no qualms about moving with the ILE, that's a very easy living arrangement. We had a chance to get to know each other and generally had pretty good chemistry, so that was no worry. I wasn't sure of the SEIs type initially, but it was either going to work out well (her being proactive and selfless until we got the house all properly established) or begin to turn towards the shit (like it's doing).
    This is extremely normal of the SEIs I collected in my experience : she is consistently putting her own wants ahead of the collective needs of the whole group of us. Si is personal immediate comfort, it´s not even Ni aiming at some farther-away benefits. I´ve even shared a flat for a short while with 2 of them. And this stuff was amplified by sp/sx. Not the same kinds of tensions, but I just insisted until they understood they have to "adapt" to certain responsibilities or boundaries (this was more of a pb for me). I--p usually adapts to environment, circumstances etc if they see they cannot get away with following their own needs exclusively. Or dunno, lol, find a ESE who´s sold on Fe-controlling her and shaming and guilt-tripping her in your favor (the group´s ).
    Last edited by Amber; 01-19-2014 at 01:09 AM.

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    If I were in your position, I would use her passiveness as carte blanche to set the house up the way I wanted
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    Not sure; she seems flaky and immature, or perhaps anxious and downward spiraling, or some mix. Or maybe doesn't see herself as a part of the group, and doesn't know why she's being expected to perform such duties.

    Anyway, I would just go ahead and get the other person without her input...

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    I think the same as Octo really. Maybe give her deadlines for when her input is needed but definitely don't wait around after then. Hold her to times when she has said she is available. If you have shared bills, cleaning rotas, etc. put it all in writing. As long as there is evidence of you trying to engage her in everything, there's no room to be backstabbed. Just don't let mr ile or future housemate fall foul of her vagenda. Cos then you're screwed.

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