Where do I find Alpha NT's?

[lemontrees]

So... I'm sick of being single and equally tired of navigating the slightly weird waters of going on dates w/ IEE men (Seriously. I've been on dates with three in recent memory. And sometimes they just pop up out of the woodwork to hit on me. And nothing against them, it's just that I'm Fe-SEI and sometimes can't even stand Ne-ILE's tendencies to not just provide me with the Ti already when I'm clearly fishing for it, let alone survive too long in a relationship with a Ti-Polr... trust me IEE's, I will bludgeon you so many times with my extreme lack of Te that you may in fact go comatose before too long.)

The point being, where do I find hot, sexy, alpha men?

This is a real problem. Here are the facts: of the alpha friends I have, only one of them currently lives in the same city as me (ILE 7 sp/so) and he spends most of his time working, studying, or with his girlfriend so I don't see him too often. I am also socially awkward, don't really have a "friend group," and don't meet that many new people. Is there some secret hiding place where I can spontaneously meet alpha people, or do I have to like, "learn how to make friends" (??)

General singing the praises of hot alpha people welcome.

[lemontrees]

Ps- The biggest problem I have with IEE men (whom I am often really attracted to and/or like) is that I cannot read their intentions too well. And I feel this inadequacy around them, like their Si is weak and I want to take care of stuff for them, but taking care of stuff for them also includes being good at Te and I absolutely suck at it. But I try anyway b/c I feel a need to take care of them, and then it causes a lot of stress. It's not their fault; they haven't asked for it; but I do it and then it makes me anxious.

The other thing is that a lot of these relatively attractive IEE guys give off these vibes like a lot of girls would like them, and there's no way they don't know. And some of them move too fast, and I really just can't tell the difference between when they actually like you or not. It's like, even when I get the feeling they "actually" like me, it feels mercurial.

Finally, my first boyfriend was LII and as a result I really came to expect both Ti and Ne in a relationship. I was just... conditioned to do so.

I added this long disclaimer just in case I came across as IEE hating lol.

Okay. On to the real topic!

[mu4]

Where do I find SEI's?

[DaftPunk]

So... I'm sick of being single and equally tired of navigating the slightly weird waters of going on dates w/ IEE men (Seriously. I've been on dates with three in recent memory. And sometimes they just pop up out of the woodwork to hit on me. And nothing against them, it's just that I'm Fe-SEI and sometimes can't even stand Ne-ILE's tendencies to not just provide me with the Ti already when I'm clearly fishing for it, let alone survive too long in a relationship with a Ti-Polr... trust me IEE's, I will bludgeon you so many times with my extreme lack of Te that you may in fact go comatose before too long.)

The point being, where do I find hot, sexy, alpha men?

This is a real problem. Here are the facts: of the alpha friends I have, only one of them currently lives in the same city as me (ILE 7 sp/so) and he spends most of his time working, studying, or with his girlfriend so I don't see him too often. I am also socially awkward, don't really have a "friend group," and don't meet that many new people. Is there some secret hiding place where I can spontaneously meet alpha people, or do I have to like, "learn how to make friends" (??)

General singing the praises of hot alpha people welcome.

Ps- The biggest problem I have with IEE men (whom I am often really attracted to and/or like) is that I cannot read their intentions too well. And I feel this inadequacy around them, like their Si is weak and I want to take care of stuff for them, but taking care of stuff for them also includes being good at Te and I absolutely suck at it. But I try anyway b/c I feel a need to take care of them, and then it causes a lot of stress. It's not their fault; they haven't asked for it; but I do it and then it makes me anxious.

The other thing is that a lot of these relatively attractive IEE guys give off these vibes like a lot of girls would like them, and there's no way they don't know. And some of them move too fast, and I really just can't tell the difference between when they actually like you or not. It's like, even when I get the feeling they "actually" like me, it feels mercurial.

Finally, my first boyfriend was LII and as a result I really came to expect both Ti and Ne in a relationship. I was just... conditioned to do so.

I added this long disclaimer just in case I came across as IEE hating lol.

Okay. On to the real topic!

Where do I find SEI's?

True love (story).

[lemontrees]

Where do I find SEI's?

Good question. I actually don't know too many.

I do know many LSE's and IEE's, however... maybe if you split a delta extrovert in half and do some sort of weird chemical reaction, you can eventually get an alpha something?

[mu4]

Good question. I actually don't know too many.

I do know many LSE's and IEE's, however... maybe if you split a delta extrovert in half and do some sort of weird chemical reaction, you can eventually get an alpha something?

I only find Alpha NT's on internet, try dating sites. I find Alpha NT stick to their crew and otherwise meet people thru work, school, hobbies. Can be hard to approach. I can't find SEI, been thinking of acting or being a extra since I think I've met SEI's in acting before.

[Reficulris]

Alpha's NT's are nerds and nerds play nerdy games like magic the gathering, warhammer board games...

post outside your local game store with sunglasses and a taser and see if there's any well groomed (relative to the others) ones and kidnap them! With just a little bit of torture you can turn any Ile into a real man (as we are very terrible at ignoring pain!)

(alternatively you may find one that is oblivious to pain, in that case you'll probably torture him to death, but there's always more were he came from!

aloha NT, got to catch them all!

(yeah, tell us where you Seis hide and we might kidnap you instead!)

edit: for extra chances of success dress up as Princess Leia fr star wars or any startreck character and they will eat out of your hands!!

[blackburry]

Hay gurl, hay. where I live there is so many alphas. I work with about thirty. When I go out and aboot, I run into an ILE, SEI, or ESE. They are literally crawling all over the area. (I don't fit in too much...or when I do..not for very long unless I fake it for social purposes and then have to get away)

I've quite a few SEI acquaintances as of late, and due to that meet even more alphas because most of their friends tend to be alphas.


I bet Alpha men, esp ILEs are all over dating sites.



Can you give examples of convos/actions with IEE, sounds exhausting but also...Idk I love real life examples

[Reficulris]

Bb stop hogging all the alphas! Perverts need love too!'

[blackburry]

Bb stop hogging all the alphas! Perverts need love too!'

Gammas are so much more pervy than alphas, bro.

Also, not hogging-- I'm hoping someone picks them up and loves them but takes them to California. you know. for love.

[Tonatiuh]

Look in their apartments. Or under your bed.

[lemontrees]

I only find Alpha NT's on internet, try dating sites. I find Alpha NT stick to their crew and otherwise meet people thru work, school, hobbies. Can be hard to approach. I can't find SEI, been thinking of acting or being a extra since I think I've met SEI's in acting before.

What sorts of hobbies?

(yeah, tell us where you Seis hide and we might kidnap you instead!)

I don't know. I took an adult art class last semester thinking I might find SEI's- I was the only one, but there were two IEI women there. I did meet an SEI guy once when I went to this tiny press where you volunteer for them sewing paper into books- he didn't really care about their books, but wanted to sew paper. I know how helpful this is for you.

The badly groomed alpha NT's kind of scare me...? No joke. I dated one that took pride in being badly groomed. Those memories still scar me.

[mu4]

What sorts of hobbies?

Games, food, food blogs, art, various academics scientific and humanistic, nothing too physical.

[mu4]

The badly groomed alpha NT's kind of scare me...? No joke. I dated one that took pride in being badly groomed. Those memories still scar me.

Poorly groomed alpha NT's are everywhere, but a lot of them might be Gamma NT's and Delta ST's. Alpha NT's are pretty open to advice, but not so open to advice. They might not care their shoes are not pristine, but they will take advice such as the fit of their pants/jacket and if their t-shirts are 2 sizes too large. Being poor also sucks for looking decent when it's not a strong part of one's personality.

Also there is often quite a bit of a difference in vs aesthetics. A lot of looking decent groomed is regular hair cuts and wearing clothing that fits, a little does a lot. A lot of younger alpha NT's are also I find skinny or not easy to size for in clothing, so they always look poorly groomed. Also bad posture can make them look poorly groomed.

[lemontrees]

Hay gurl, hay. where I live there is so many alphas. I work with about thirty. When I go out and aboot, I run into an ILE, SEI, or ESE. They are literally crawling all over the area. (I don't fit in too much...or when I do..not for very long unless I fake it for social purposes and then have to get away)

I've quite a few SEI acquaintances as of late, and due to that meet even more alphas because most of their friends tend to be alphas.


I bet Alpha men, esp ILEs are all over dating sites.



Can you give examples of convos/actions with IEE, sounds exhausting but also...Idk I love real life examples

I'm jealous! Maybe we should switch places (but where I actually don't know many gammas either. ) I'm scoured okcupid and none of those men look very Ti. A lot of the ones I see tend to be "too slick for you... I read Dostoevsky and brew my own beer..." type hipsters who are, you know, "cool" in every way except for the part where they are on okcupid haha.

I can't think of particular examples off the top of my mind. With IEE men, it feels like, initially you feel a great draw, but the more you actually "act totally yourself" around each other, the more things start to get confusing and less coherent.

Hmm, one stupid example is that, this one time an IEE guy tried to pretend to throw me into a closet during sex, when he was on his way between carrying me from one room to another? And then at the last minute, he turned away, smiled and said "just kidding." I'm not sure if an SLI would have found that cute or just laughed at him or what, but I honestly did not know how to respond. Anyway, you get closer and it becomes filled with little misfiring interactions like this, from both sides, which I find sort of sad b/c both people are trying to be endearing.

[mu4]

I'm jealous! Maybe we should switch places (but where I actually don't know many gammas either. ) I'm scoured okcupid and none of those men look very Ti. A lot of the ones I see tend to be "too slick for you... I read Dostoevsky and brew my own beer..." type hipsters who are, you know, "cool" in every way except for the part where they are on okcupid haha.

ILE's are romantic and into being knowledgeable about everything including the arts, so they're going to be into literature and such so don't dismiss that.

It's a common stereotype that they're scientists and what not but that's actually probably not always the case, they might have like a job that scientific or engineering based, but in the profile you won't see a lot of that since they may not want to bore you with you know... boring stuff.

[blackburry]

I'm jealous! Maybe we should switch places (but where I actually don't know many gammas either. ) I'm scoured okcupid and none of those men look very Ti. A lot of the ones I see tend to be "too slick for you... I read Dostoevsky and brew my own beer..." type hipsters who are, you know, "cool" in every way except for the part where they are on okcupid haha.

I can't think of particular examples off the top of my mind. With IEE men, it feels like, initially you feel a great draw, but the more you actually "act totally yourself" around each other, the more things start to get confusing and less coherent.

Hmm, one stupid example is that, this one time an IEE guy tried to pretend to throw me into a closet during sex, when he was on his way between carrying me from one room to another? And then at the last minute, he turned away, smiled and said "just kidding." I'm not sure if an SLI would have found that cute or just laughed at him or what, but I honestly did not know how to respond. Anyway, you get closer and it becomes filled with little misfiring interactions like this, from both sides, which I find sort of sad b/c both people are trying to be endearing.

could be just a lot of alphas in healthcare sector.

hahahahaha, yeah, I would'nt know how to have responded to that either... probably like, "what are you, ah, k. huh? right." (that was lame).

[mu4]

could be just a lot of alphas in healthcare sector.

hahahahaha, yeah, I would'nt know how to have responded to that either... probably like, "what are you, ah, k. huh? right." (that was lame).

I know a lot of Gamma's, Beta's and Deltas in healthcare....... All the Alphas I know are married.

[lemontrees]

ILE's are romantic and into being knowledgeable about everything including the arts, so they're going to be into literature and such so don't dismiss that.

It's a common stereotype that they're scientists and what not but that's actually probably not always the case, they might have like a job that scientific or engineering based, but in the profile you won't see a lot of that since they may not want to bore you with you know... boring stuff.

Yes, I know this from experience.
However, a lot of these guys have a... Se or Fi look in the eyes lol.

But thanks for the reminder- maybe I'll give the okcupid another look and try a philosophy meetup or something.

[blackburry]

I know a lot of Gamma's, Beta's and Deltas in healthcare....... All the Alphas I know are married.

cool? ..I'm talking about where I work in particular.

[Phantom Shadow]

I have a similar problem everywhere I go I always run into alphas, betas, seldom deltas, and almost never gammas its so weird its like they're hiding from me. I don't know if it geographical, or the place I choose hang out or something along those lines... all I know is I want more gammas in my life and less betas.(No offense betas)

[Amber]

LIIs in libraries , bookstores, ILEs in debate associations, clubs and honka-konka sororities, ESE in the local church and the shopping mall, SEI in bed or strolling through parks.

[mu4]

I have a similar problem everywhere I go I always run into alphas, betas, seldom deltas, and almost never gammas its so weird its like they're hiding from me. I don't know if it geographical, or the place I choose hang out or something along those lines... all I know is I want more gammas in my life and less betas.(No offense betas)

I think sometimes people within your quadra don't get noticed due to conflict/difference sensitivity and the stimulation this provides.

[willekeurig]

I'm drowning in ILEs here, both subtypes. There are a lot of them in my social circles and something like 35% of my philosophy class consists of alpha NTs. Wanna swap for the LSEs?

[lemontrees]

I'm drowning in ILEs here, both subtypes. There are a lot of them in my social circles and something like 35% of my philosophy class consists of alpha NTs. Wanna swap for the LSEs?

Oh god, yes. I think I know more LSE's than any other type, and while I love many it does begin to get stressful after a while. Will happily make the switch.

Thanks for the tip on the philosophy class. This confirms my sense that I should try the philosophy meetup...

[FoxOnStilts]

A lot of younger alpha NT's are also I find skinny or not easy to size for in clothing, so they always look poorly groomed. Also bad posture can make them look poorly groomed.

Right in the feels. It is hard to find fitting clothes that are my age. Clothes that fit me are in the teenage section. Clothes that look professional are too big. I'm too tall for anything in the petite section. It's a hard knock life for me.

[blackburry]

I always imagine ILE-SEI duality to go like this:

[silke]

The point being, where do I find hot, sexy, alpha men?

I've met an ILE-Ti guy at the park while I was walking the dog today. I was about to leave when my friend spotted something hovering above the baseball field that looked like a small ufo glowing with green and red lights, so we walked up closer to see it. It was directed by a 30-something guy carrying a backpack standing next a tripod with a camera for receiving images from this hover. As more people gathered around him to watch, he started explaining that this was a quadcopter and that he was part of a small company that was making these for all kinds of applications, from crop surveys to taco bell delivery (one of their customers had a bright idea to use this little flying copter for picking up his to-go order lol) and that he hoping they would get a contract with National Geographic next for taking photographs in hard to reach locations. This seems like a very ILE-Ti kind of hobby-slash-occupation - he gets to promote a relatively new technology and his ideas for its potential application, and of course he gets to tinker with it (he built that quadcopter himself). Quite a few NTs have a thing for gadgets and an interest in developing technologies. Meetup groups with names like "New Technology Network" and "Innovation and Development" are likely to appeal to them.

In my experience, xLEs live up to this description from communication styles: "Business-inclined sociotypes expect to meet their other half in the whirlpool of their activities." in that they tend to under-invest efforts into finding romantic partners. They occupy themselves with pursuit of their interests and their work, and hook up with whoever they happen to encounter on their way whom they find interesting, turning to such venues as dating websites only if they are out of other choices. So it's up to their duals to ensure that they bump into them
(This is in contrast to the 'passionate' ExFx types, such as ENFps, who is much more active in this respect. I've been hit on and actively pursued by IEEs way more often than my duals, especially online.)

Another venues which I've found to be teeming with ILEs have been mmo games. There are a couple of downsides to trying to meet someone this way, like you have to invest time into playing and many mmo games attract a younger player base (especially the WoW clones). This particular game was on the competitive side and 97% of its playerbase was male. Within our 'free fighter corporation' I've counted something like 8-9 ILE guys and 3-4 LIIs, and I haven't even gotten to know everyone. One of the ILE-Ti guys broke up with his LSE gf at some point and openly declared he's going to try to woo me, but I wasn't interested at that time so it didn't work out. Potentially, this is another ILE 'hot spot' where an SEI would have no problem finding dual friends and possibly more.

[Reficulris]

I'm jealous! Maybe we should switch places (but where I actually don't know many gammas either. ) I'm scoured okcupid and none of those men look very Ti. A lot of the ones I see tend to be "too slick for you... I read Dostoevsky and brew my own beer..." type hipsters who are, you know, "cool" in every way except for the part where they are on okcupid haha.

I can't think of particular examples off the top of my mind. With IEE men, it feels like, initially you feel a great draw, but the more you actually "act totally yourself" around each other, the more things start to get confusing and less coherent.

Hmm, one stupid example is that, this one time an IEE guy tried to pretend to throw me into a closet during sex, when he was on his way between carrying me from one room to another? And then at the last minute, he turned away, smiled and said "just kidding." I'm not sure if an SLI would have found that cute or just laughed at him or what, but I honestly did not know how to respond. Anyway, you get closer and it becomes filled with little misfiring interactions like this, from both sides, which I find sort of sad b/c both people are trying to be endearing.

I give off the "Dostoyevsky + beer brewing vibe on profiles (and I usually don't even list that I'm brewing mead...)

the truth is more often beer brewing + gaming and uh yeah! I used to read the classics, but now I prefer watching anime...which sounds terrible on a dating site

that said, I think those guys might be what you are looking for in fact... They usually are more slick on paper, hiding their childish goofball side because of, well, the desire to look like a Hemingway/healthcliff sle clone due to gender stereotypes....

And yeah; I flirt the most easily with ethical intuitives....mostly due to the sle persona. (Also cause they seem to respond well to intellectual dominance and elitist abstracism) Problem is that I can only maintain that type of dominant strength for short durations of time, making for awesome hookups and crappy relationships other ile's might suffer from the same thing...

Also, I was a philosophy student so the stereotype of them being in there holds true, also, debating groups or any other place where a broad view is encouraged appeal to me.

i think all replies in here are good, go hunt us!

[mu4]

Another venues which I've found to be teeming with ILEs have been mmo games. There are a couple of downsides to trying to meet someone this way, like you have to invest time into playing and many mmo games attract a younger player base (especially the WoW clones). This particular game was on the competitive side and 97% of its playerbase was male. Within our 'free fighter corporation' I've counted something like 8-9 ILE guys and 3-4 LIIs, and I haven't even gotten to know everyone. One of the ILE-Ti guys broke up with his LSE gf at some point and openly declared he's going to try to woo me, but I wasn't interested at that time so it didn't work out. Potentially, this is another ILE 'hot spot' where an SEI would have no problem finding dual friends and possibly more.

There's actually a lot of types in MMO's although I think ILE's are often less represented than you would think. The two people that I have met most into MMO's are a LSI and a SLE girl(who has a huge WOW tattoo on her back, she's also going for a PHD in something or the other, very good looking as well). I have some experiences in WOW when it first started and I was in some top guilds and I have to say it's populated by many valuers and valuers especially at the top tier.

There's also tons of IEI/ILI's too... and I mean tons....

I don't recommend MMO's for dating either.

[lemontrees]

I give off the "Dostoyevsky + beer brewing vibe on profiles (and I usually don't even list that I'm brewing mead...)

the truth is more often beer brewing + gaming and uh yeah! I used to read the classics, but now I prefer watching anime...which sounds terrible on a dating site

that said, I think those guys might be what you are looking for in fact... They usually are more slick on paper, hiding their childish goofball side because of, well, the desire to look like a Hemingway/healthcliff sle clone due to gender stereotypes....

And yeah; I flirt the most easily with ethical intuitives....mostly due to the sle persona. (Also cause they seem to respond well to intellectual dominance and elitist abstracism) Problem is that I can only maintain that type of dominant strength for short durations of time, making for awesome hookups and crappy relationships other ile's might suffer from the same thing...

Also, I was a philosophy student so the stereotype of them being in there holds true, also, debating groups or any other place where a broad view is encouraged appeal to me.

i think all replies in here are good, go hunt us!

Haha. I watched too much anime when I was younger and so got bored of it (same patterns), but increasingly many books bore me too.

I sometimes default to a very bad "mysterious" persona around men (maybe this makes me seem more IEI?) but cannot keep it up- I am really boring, and I definitely appreciate someone who doesn't care that I'm really boring (while somehow managing to be not boring to me, haha.) I've actually consciously tried to seem more beta NF to get an ILE guy before, thinking that might work for some reason (as I didn't get the feeling that he would notice me as was). It backfired though; just came across as being fake and trying too hard to talk about deep abstract things when my mind doesn't actually go in that direction.

[rat1]

I'm ILE. Where can we find one another?

[Iris]

One of my ILE friends is terrible at noticing if someone is interested in her. She is either in her head, or is busy extraverting her Ne ideas. She truly would have no SEI friends, except for the ones that boldly came up to her and started talking, usually about something she had done or was wearing. So maybe you will just have to be a little bold. Here are some suggested openers, such as would work with my friend or in a few cases were actually said to her:.
I like your Star Wars shirt. Chewbacca is my favorite.
I like your Dr. Who mug. How do you feel about the new Dr?
Are those Lucchese boots? (Not Lucchese, and they were from the thrift store, btw.)
Where did you get your tablet case? I need a new one.
(Empty mug) Have your tried the new Shiner beer, White Wing? It’s really good.
(At church.) I had to come here by myself to day. My sister went somewhere else.
.

If she is on the move, or in a group of friends, it is really hard for her to slow down and notice other people.
.
Sorry if these seem obvious, but they resulted in friendship.

[Reficulris]

Haha. I watched too much anime when I was younger and so got bored of it (same patterns), but increasingly many books bore me too.

I sometimes default to a very bad "mysterious" persona around men (maybe this makes me seem more IEI?) but cannot keep it up- I am really boring, and I definitely appreciate someone who doesn't care that I'm really boring (while somehow managing to be not boring to me, haha.) I've actually consciously tried to seem more beta NF to get an ILE guy before, thinking that might work for some reason (as I didn't get the feeling that he would notice me as was). It backfired though; just came across as being fake and trying too hard to talk about deep abstract things when my mind doesn't actually go in that direction.

Have you found your ILE hotspot already?

Btw, I don't think you should think of yourself as boring. I mean, that's kinda subjective. I think it was @hkkmr (correct me if i'm wrong) that told me that Duals are basically in eachothers' blind spot, so basically you'll look mysterious and interesting if you're just yourself,because you're everything we don't really see and or do ourselves. You're one new microcosmos for us to explore which is kinda more interesting than most people's idea of "deep ideas" and or "mystery" since we're pretty good at understanding and deconstructing that stuff.

Many women I liked and found fascinating told me they were "boring", I think it stems from comparing to some kind of social gender stereotype where only women with near-borderlinepersonality disorder are considered interesting? What's boring to one person might be very new and interesting to another. So.. non-boring SEI go out and get those ILE's out of their projects and into the physical world of pure awesome SEI ness!

[lemontrees]

Have you found your ILE hotspot already?

Btw, I don't think you should think of yourself as boring. I mean, that's kinda subjective. I think it was @hkkmr (correct me if i'm wrong) that told me that Duals are basically in eachothers' blind spot, so basically you'll look mysterious and interesting if you're just yourself,because you're everything we don't really see and or do ourselves. You're one new microcosmos for us to explore which is kinda more interesting than most people's idea of "deep ideas" and or "mystery" since we're pretty good at understanding and deconstructing that stuff.

Many women I liked and found fascinating told me they were "boring", I think it stems from comparing to some kind of social gender stereotype where only women with near-borderlinepersonality disorder are considered interesting? What's boring to one person might be very new and interesting to another. So.. non-boring SEI go out and get those ILE's out of their projects and into the physical world of pure awesome SEI ness!

Aw. Have been having a hormonal week. This made my day.

I have not found my ILE hotspot. However, a few recent epiphanies:

I realized suddenly that this one guy that I met this one time who responded quite badly to my advances was probably some sort of mysteriously E5ish IEE, and not ILE. Everything makes sense now. (I was trying to make Fi-PoLR jokes to engage him.) It was super embarrassing actually; it was in a group of awesome strangers, I went way outside of my normal comfort zone to Fe like a manic pixie something or another, aggressively hitting on this unfortunate dude who had very little response. Being a so-4 (social shame), I have replayed this scene in my mind way more times than I should have (like every day for a year), and I believe that it was shoddy knowledge of socionics that led me astray, b/c, truthfully, I would never have done that if I hadn't been trying to get the attention of someone who I thought was my "dual." But the flip side is I am probably not as bad with real ILE's, and that maybe you don't have to behave like a manic pixie nightmare something to get them.

I realized a guy I've casually been friends with for years is ILE, and not LII. But it's a good sign; this is an ILE friend I made way before learning socionics! It means you can gravitate towards people you can have good conversations with without all this extra socionics stuff (!) It's a friendship I've always valued actually, just b/c we seemed so different and he seemed much smarter than me but we always shared about books we had read.

Anyway, thank you for reminding me that none of us have to be anything more than we are to prove ourselves deserving of "love," romantic or otherwise. It's always good to remember.



Edit: Or you know. I could still be an idiot who should try to purge socionics from my system (although it's hard.) But either way, I found the message uplifting.

[Iris]

I went way outside of my normal comfort zone to Fe like a manic pixie something or another, aggressively hitting on this unfortunate dude who had very little response. Being a so-4 (social shame), I have replayed this scene in my mind way more times than I should have (like every day for a year), and I believe that it was shoddy knowledge of socionics that led me astray, b/c, truthfully, I would never have done that if I hadn't been trying to get the attention of someone who I thought was my "dual."

]
.
Dang.

Anyway, thank you for reminding me that none of us have to be anything more than we are to prove ourselves deserving of "love," romantic or otherwise. It's always good to remember.

.

Yeah, my ILE friend notices manic pixie behavior, sometimes enjoys it, but in a soul mate, she is looking for someone steady. Fun is ok, probably not manic. So just be yourself, because you are going to be that steady fun person to someone who needs it. Just to add to my overly helpful earlier post, my ILE friend likes going to karoke night, trivia night. That is a good opportunity to spot extraverts for sure. My ILE brother likes races. Volunteer to serve water at a charity fun run. Perfect spot for ILE dual-seeking to occur.

[lemontrees]

[Reficulris]

Aw. Have been having a hormonal week. This made my day.

I have not found my ILE hotspot. However, a few recent epiphanies:

I realized suddenly that this one guy that I met this one time who responded quite badly to my advances was probably some sort of mysteriously E5ish IEE, and not ILE. Everything makes sense now. (I was trying to make Fi-PoLR jokes to engage him.) It was super embarrassing actually; it was in a group of awesome strangers, I went way outside of my normal comfort zone to Fe like a manic pixie something or another, aggressively hitting on this unfortunate dude who had very little response. Being a so-4 (social shame), I have replayed this scene in my mind way more times than I should have (like every day for a year), and I believe that it was shoddy knowledge of socionics that led me astray, b/c, truthfully, I would never have done that if I hadn't been trying to get the attention of someone who I thought was my "dual." But the flip side is I am probably not as bad with real ILE's, and that maybe you don't have to behave like a manic pixie nightmare something to get them.

I realized a guy I've casually been friends with for years is ILE, and not LII. But it's a good sign; this is an ILE friend I made way before learning socionics! It means you can gravitate towards people you can have good conversations with without all this extra socionics stuff (!) It's a friendship I've always valued actually, just b/c we seemed so different and he seemed much smarter than me but we always shared about books we had read.

Anyway, thank you for reminding me that none of us have to be anything more than we are to prove ourselves deserving of "love," romantic or otherwise. It's always good to remember.



Edit: Or you know. I could still be an idiot who should try to purge socionics from my system (although it's hard.) But either way, I found the message uplifting.

Socionics or no socionics, no-one (in his right mind) ever said that finding love was easy (although a lot of movies seem to suggest it is!). I think you should be proud you actually went out and tried something! Lesson learned. No need to replay it, replay the next move you're gonna make, finding someone, just being you, being completely and utterly accepted and embraced! It's much more fun to fantasize about good things happening

I think you're being too hard on yourself.

Often, in my experience, duals can appear attractive because of the embarrassing things they do and the regret they show, which end up inadvertently revealing a part of their personality that would have otherwise been kept hidden.

Duality relationships are easiest to form in situations of close contact where there is exposure to the intimate details of each others' lives. Conversely, conflictor relationships are easiest to maintain with distance, which is why conflictors often feel the need to hold back and relate to each other through formalities.

It is admittedly harder for introverts to be noticed, but I wouldn't even think of losing hope for a second. You appear to have the heartwarming, shy qualities that ILEs are typically attracted to, and there's no need to be self-critical or to anxiously reevaluate your actions. Then again, being too self-critical is something you often see in SEIs, and something ILEs may find attractive... that is quite the paradox

Xerx nailed it! (insert polarbear "nailed it image") also, fumbling this kind of stuff make awesome stories later on ;-)

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Dang.





Yeah, my ILE friend notices manic pixie behavior, sometimes enjoys it, but in a soul mate, she is looking for someone steady. Fun is ok, probably not manic. So just be yourself, because you are going to be that steady fun person to someone who needs it. Just to add to my overly helpful earlier post, my ILE friend likes going to karoke night, trivia night. That is a good opportunity to spot extraverts for sure. My ILE brother likes races. Volunteer to serve water at a charity fun run. Perfect spot for ILE dual-seeking to occur.

We like manic pixies, but more as friends or interesting test subjects than close ones. We're hurt (or at least I am) easily and are somewhat distrustfull and maybe cynical as a result so someone who radiates honesty or geniuness is highly attractive to us!

[lemontrees]

I got approached randomly by an ILE in a coffeeshop today! The conversation lasted one minute. But anyway, it was because I was reading "American Gods."

I also got approached by one on okcupid after editing my profile yesterday to seem less "artsy" and more "down to earth with artistic interests."

I am putting this information on here in case one day, some poor unassuming SEI has the same problems as I do...

[Park]

They are currently on sale at Walmart. Act quick.