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Thread: Gamma Quadra humor and jokes

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    Default Gamma Quadra humor and jokes

    I don't know why but in another Gamma this theme lives for more than half a year already.

    Gamma humor. All Gamma (and not Gamma) jokes and funny stories are welcomed.

    My favourite - computer haiku.

    A file that big?
    It might be verу useful.
    But now it is gone.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    The Web site уou seek
    cannot be located but
    endless others exist
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Chaos reigns within.
    Reflect, reрent, and reboot.
    Order shall return.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    ABORTED effort:
    Close all that уou have.
    You ask waу too much.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    First snow, then silence.
    This thousand dollar screen dies
    so beautifullу.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    With searching comes loss
    and the рresence of absence:
    "Mу Novel" not found.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    The Tao that is seen
    Is not the true Tao, until
    You bring fresh toner.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Windows NT crashed.
    I am the Blue Screen of Death.
    No one hears уour screams.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Staу the рatient course
    Of little worth is уour ire
    The network is down
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    A crash reduces
    уour exрensive comрuter
    to a simрle stone.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Yesterdaу it worked
    Todaу it is not working
    Windows is like that
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Three things are certain:
    Death, taxes, and lost data.
    Guess which has occurred.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    You steр in the stream,
    but the water has moved on.
    This рage is not here.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Out of memorу.
    We wish to hold the whole skу,
    But we never will.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Нaving been erased,
    The document уou're seeking
    Must now be retурed.
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Rather than a beeр
    Or a rude error message,
    These words: "File not found."
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Serious error.
    All shortcuts have disaррeared.
    Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
    IMHO

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    Default I guess you know that one very good (((((:

    I guess you know that one very good (((((:

    We take you now to the Oval Office...

    President George W. Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
    National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice: Sir, I have the report
    here about the new leader of China.
    Bush: Great. Lay it on me.
    Rice: Hu is the new leader of China.
    Bush: That's what I want to know.
    Rice: That's what I'm telling you.
    Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
    Rice: Yes.
    Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
    Rice: Hu.
    Bush: The guy in China.
    Rice: Hu.
    Bush: The new leader of China.
    Rice: Hu.
    Bush: The Chinaman!
    Rice: Hu is leading China.
    Bush: Now whaddya asking me for?
    Rice: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
    Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
    Rice: That's the man's name.
    Bush: That's who's name?
    Rice: Yes.
    Bush: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
    Rice: Yes, sir.
    Bush: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
    Rice: That's correct.
    Bush: Then who is in China?
    Rice: Yes, sir.
    Bush: Yassir is in China?
    Rice: No, sir.
    Bush: Then who is?
    Rice: Yes, sir.
    Bush: Yassir?
    Rice: No, sir.
    Bush: Look, Rice. I need to know the name of the new leader of
    China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
    Rice: Kofi?
    Bush: No, thanks.
    Rice: You want Kofi?
    Bush: No.
    Rice: You don't want Kofi.
    Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
    And then get me the U.N.
    Rice: Yes, sir.
    Bush: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
    Rice: Kofi?
    Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?
    Rice: And call who?
    Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N?
    Rice: Hu is the guy in China.
    Bush: Will you stay out of China?!
    Rice: Yes, sir.
    Bush: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
    Rice: Kofi.
    Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
    (Rice picks up the phone.)
    Rice: Rice, here.
    Bush: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
    should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
    Chinese food in the Middle East?
    IMHO

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    Default (c) G.Reinin

    Every new science, as usual, has three stages of development:
    • this cannot be,
    • there’s something in it,
    • it is known to all.
    And socionics, certainly, isn’t an exception. Having passed the first one with success, it hasn’t gained a foothold in the third stage yet. There is a set of various ways of the description 16 types.
    I want to offer one more description - comic.
    Socion JOKES
    From G.Reinin's collection.
    Socionics is a rather full, rather reconcilable description of human relations with the help of rather definite terms.

    If Zhukov says “yes” he means “yes”.
    If Zhukov says “no” he means “no”.
    If Zhukov says “maybe” he is Don Quichote.
    If Dreiser says “no” he means “maybe”.
    If Dreiser says “maybe” he means “yes”.
    If Dreiser says “yes” he is very tired.
    If Don says “yes” he means “maybe”.
    If Don says “maybe” he means “no”.
    If Don says “no” he feels himself Caesar.

    Tell me who your dual is I shall tell to you who are you.

    If Zhukov remains silent for 3 minutes, it means he is numb, if 5 - it means he is dead.

    Sawyer helps those who help themselves.

    Brief characteristics:
    Holmes - reliable, serious, practical.
    Napoleon - practical, cheerful, unreliable.

    It you want to be lost in crowd - pretend to be a Gabin.

    Don is always hungry,
    Dostoyevsky is always ill,
    Zhukov is always Zhukov.

    Introverted Don looks like Robespierre, extraverted – like a cock.
    Between two Sawyers it’s not worth choosing.

    Who does not know typology - does not know himself.
    Who does not know himself - does not know anything.

    To explain the behaviour of a person it is completely unnecessary to know his type, it is enough to know socionics.

    Socionics is not only a science about various types of people, but also an art to bullshit them.

    Balzak says that socionics isn’t necessary for him;
    Sawyer says that socionics isn’t necessary for anybody;
    And Holmes keeps reading the papers.
    IMHO

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    Default (c) Saenko

    (c) Saenko

    Short gnomical portraits of logical types.

    The report at the conference 13.03.04

    Right:
    Irrationals:
    • Don – does without thinking;
    • Balzak - thinks without doing;
    Rationals:
    • Gorky - first thinks, than does, and while he hasn’t thought all over he won’t do anything;
    • Holmes - first does, than thinks;

    Left:
    Rationals:
    • London - first does, than doesn’t think;
    • Robespierre - first thinks, than does not do;
    Irrationals:
    • Zhukov – does when thinks, doesn’t do when does not think;
    • Gabin – thinks when does, when doesn’t think - lays on a sofa twiddling his thumbs...
    IMHO

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    bump.


    this is great.
    6w5 sx
    model Φ: -+0
    sloan - rcuei

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    Default Re: (c) Saenko

    Quote Originally Posted by Malyshka
    (c) Saenko

    Short gnomical portraits of logical types.

    The report at the conference 13.03.04

    Right:
    Irrationals:
    • Don – does without thinking;
    • Balzak - thinks without doing;
    Rationals:
    • Gorky - first thinks, than does, and while he hasn’t thought all over he won’t do anything;
    • Holmes - first does, than thinks;

    Left:
    Rationals:
    • London - first does, than doesn’t think;
    • Robespierre - first thinks, than does not do;
    Irrationals:
    • Zhukov – does when thinks, doesn’t do when does not think;
    • Gabin – thinks when does, when doesn’t think - lays on a sofa twiddling his thumbs...


    wow, where did this topic come from?

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    To explain the behaviour of a person it is completely unnecessary to know his type, it is enough to know socionics.
    I've been thinking lately that types are sorta unnecessary... just understanding the differences in values is enough. If you realize that a person values Ni or Fe or Si or whatever, it's easier to know how to appeal to her/him.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

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    who's sawyer?
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

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    IEE

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    Default Re: (c) Saenko

    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    Quote Originally Posted by Malyshka
    (c) Saenko

    Short gnomical portraits of logical types.

    The report at the conference 13.03.04

    Right:
    Irrationals:
    • Don – does without thinking;
    • Balzak - thinks without doing;
    Rationals:
    • Gorky - first thinks, than does, and while he hasn’t thought all over he won’t do anything;
    • Holmes - first does, than thinks;

    Left:
    Rationals:
    • London - first does, than doesn’t think;
    • Robespierre - first thinks, than does not do;
    Irrationals:
    • Zhukov – does when thinks, doesn’t do when does not think;
    • Gabin – thinks when does, when doesn’t think - lays on a sofa twiddling his thumbs...


    wow, where did this topic come from?
    found it looking for subtype descriptions. i sort of love it?
    6w5 sx
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    sloan - rcuei

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    Default My Dilemma with an ENTj friend's Humour

    Hopefully you can help me a little here, see what you think. Im basically 100% sure this guy is an ENTj hes been my friend for years.

    Just recently, im starting to be worn down by his humour. Let me try and give some examples and see what you think.

    He rings me up and goes "hey black boy" and i say "hey dude" and he says "no you really are coloured, very black" i say "cool, so what do you want to do tonight?" and he will be like "do shmoo why dont we do some poo?" "so you keen for something tonight" "yea poos"

    lol

    That may even seem funny to you. I cant really explain it but EVERY conversation we have now is like this. I used to just go with the flow and laugh along with it but im just over it now. So he kept doing jokes like that last night and i was kind of ignoring it. He said to me slightly irritated "Get a sense of humour man". I felt like saying "well your not actually funny".

    He can be funny though. For instance last night an INTp friend who was also there was telling us he went for an interview at a Law Firm. He said it was strange the people interviewing him seemed really nervous. The ENTj said "maybe they have lost all their cases" Then he went on to do a parody of them with all their heads down after loosing 60 cases in a row. I did find that hillarous!

    What should i do? I suppose i want to tell him in a kind way im a little sick of all our stupid banter, its very overdone?
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Creepy-Diana

    Default

    .

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    Default Re: My Dilemma with an ENTj friend's Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    He can be funny though. For instance last night an INTp friend who was also there was telling us he went for an interview at a Law Firm. He said it was strange the people interviewing him seemed really nervous. The ENTj said "maybe they have lost all their cases" Then he went on to do a parody of them with all their heads down after loosing 60 cases in a row. I did find that hillarous!
    This is very funny and extremely ENTj. My ENTj friend does this kind of jokes all the time. The problem is it seems to be the only kind of social interaction style he can do well. Especially when in a party and a bit drunk he keeps on making jokes like this all the time and about anything someone says to the point of it getting a bit boring and frustrating especially if you are actually trying to initiate a serious conversation. I don't know if Expat is like that (or was when younger). Expat gives a somewhat different expression here. Perhaps it is the subtype difference.

    Now what were you asking actually?

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    kill him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    kill him.
    my robots
    (does anyone get this?)

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    I think i was just posting to get your opinion to see if you had encountered anything like this. I agree it can get very frustrating when you want to talk about something serious. It just makes me feel slightly tired and unconfortable. I like conversations where i feel totally at ease etc. I will probablly say something see what he says.

    Another ENTj at work i met was quite a bit older and was a really nice guy, very well informed and he didn't do anything like this so its definately not all ENTj's.
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Default Re: My Dilemma with an ENTj friend's Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    I don't know if Expat is like that (or was when younger). Expat gives a somewhat different expression here. Perhaps it is the subtype difference.
    One day you'll realize that this "when he was younger" or "maybe it's because of his age" stuff is all bullshit -- people don't change their personalities like that; not after becoming adults.

    Anyway, I never act - or acted - at all the way meatburger described in the first post, although I would definitely make jokes like the "lost all their cases".

    If he's an ENTj, he's really going overboard in his Fe attempt to seem cheery and energetic.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Hes a quite funny guy, he just goes overboard with it. I have actually noticed our humour is actually very well matched. We both seem to use our imagination a lot. Imagining if something strange happened or in the future X will be like that etc.

    Hes definately an ENTj. He actually used to push people away as he was a little too "in your face" etc. It doesn't seem to be a type related quirk. Its not a subject i want to broach even for me, a master of saying something in a kind way. I think he would get 15-20% cooler if he stopped though so i will tell him
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Dilemma with an ENTj friend's Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    If he's an ENTj, he's really going overboard in his Fe attempt to seem cheery and energetic.
    And who says there aren't cheery/energetic LIEs? I don't see why that has to be .
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Default Re: My Dilemma with an ENTj friend's Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger

    That may even seem funny to you. I cant really explain it but EVERY conversation we have now is like this. I used to just go with the flow and laugh along with it but im just over it now. So he kept doing jokes like that last night and i was kind of ignoring it. He said to me slightly irritated "Get a sense of humour man". I felt like saying "well your not actually funny".
    lol. i challenge you to say that to him. come on, see how it goes ^^. try it... but don't come back and blame me if something goes wrong though . i know that i would have done something by now if i were you, thinking that it couldn't possibly get too bad. i mean, if he could make that sort of joke, he should be able to take what comes as a result of it. he must.

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    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    kill him.
    I am seeing a pathological trend here Niff.
    It's none of my business, but if you want to improve your relationships with other people, (especially your ESFj relatives who you boast of arguing with), maybe you should take this line of thinking out of your subconscious reactions.

    Here's some that you are so desperately: you can't just avoid relational aspects. But in your case, you are saying "I don't need to know how to relate to others", so you can play your victim role to the extreme. You are running away from . Maybe you're just so dual seeking that you don't even realize it.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    kill him.
    I am seeing a pathological trend here Niff.
    It's none of my business, but if you want to improve your relationships with other people, (especially your ESFj relatives who you boast of arguing with), maybe you should take this line of thinking out of your subconscious reactions.
    a brilliant suggestion; i will seek to employ it in due course.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    kill him.
    I am seeing a pathological trend here Niff.
    It's none of my business, but if you want to improve your relationships with other people, (especially your ESFj relatives who you boast of arguing with), maybe you should take this line of thinking out of your subconscious reactions.

    Here's some that you are so desperately: you can't just avoid relational aspects. But in your case, you are saying "I don't need to know how to relate to others", so you can play your victim role to the extreme. You are running away from . Maybe you're just so dual seeking that you don't even realize it.
    I could kill people for him, that would be fun.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    I could kill people for him, that would be fun.
    that won't be necessary; i already have some SLE hitmen lined up for the task.

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    Default What makes you laugh?

    I am an INTP and I love intelligent jokes and smart satire but they hardly ever make me laugh. However I can hysterically laugh at really stupid and pointless things like a friend falling from their chair or...one example: I was sitting with a pen and listening to a physics teacher. I didn't had anything to note so I wrote 'cucumber' in a notebook. I started to stare at it and after a while I found it really funny...and it happened. I couldn't stop laughing. I have an ENTJ and we often have laugh attacks together, maybe it's a peculiarity of gamma quadra?
    INFp(INTp)
    "I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world"

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    Default Re: What makes you laugh?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hashish
    ...maybe it's a peculiarity of gamma quadra?
    I don't think so, I've had laugh attacks before. One was during class, I couldn't stop laughing the entire class. This wouldn't have been such a peculiar thing if it wasn't for the fact that I was sitting directly in front of the teacher, like a meter away from her, and she was doing oral exams the entire time. And the fact that she was examining people who were clueless and would spit out the stupidest things didn't help either.

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    Back when I was in school, in Biology we were having a mock exam, and for absolutely no reason whatsoever I started sniggering at the word "cabbage". I'm the same as the OP in the sense I'm less likely to laugh at the sort of humour I truly enjoy, although I seem to laugh more in the company of others. I find actually, with certain types of humour (especially intelligent humour) I tend to laugh more when looking back on it rather than at the time. Monty Python is a good example of this - for the most part I don't laugh a great deal whilst watching it, but I'm in hysterics when looking back on it, especially if discussing a sketch with someone else.
    ILI (Indescribable Lovemaking Inc.)
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    I'm less likely to laugh at the sort of humour I truly enjoy
    Exactly, so am I.
    INFp(INTp)
    "I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world"

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    Default Re: What makes you laugh?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hashish
    I am an INTP and I love intelligent jokes and smart satire but they hardly ever make me laugh. However I can hysterically laugh at really stupid and pointless things like a friend falling from their chair or...one example: I was sitting with a pen and listening to a physics teacher. I didn't had anything to note so I wrote 'cucumber' in a notebook. I started to stare at it and after a while I found it really funny...and it happened. I couldn't stop laughing. I have an ENTJ and we often have laugh attacks together, maybe it's a peculiarity of gamma quadra?
    The hardest I ever laughed was upon watching The People Under the Stairs. I laughed so hard it hurt terribly, and I also uncontrollably rolled off the sofa onto the floor in the process.



    [...]

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    would you stop trying to claim that you unsure of your type but an SEE?

    thank you.

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    Default Re: What makes you laugh?

    Quote Originally Posted by astralsilky
    I have a hard time holding back my smiles even if sitting in class listening to a serious lecture, yet hilarious things can randomly pop into my head
    Oh, yeah, there were many situations when I got laugh attacks caused only by some memory popping into my head. BTW I think that the fact that I NEVER laugh when I'm on my own or even in one-to-one situations is also worth mentioning -- I need at least three friends.
    INFp(INTp)
    "I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world"

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    Default Re: What makes you laugh?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hashish
    Quote Originally Posted by astralsilky
    I have a hard time holding back my smiles even if sitting in class listening to a serious lecture, yet hilarious things can randomly pop into my head
    Oh, yeah, there were many situations when I got laugh attacks caused only by some memory popping into my head. BTW I think that the fact that I NEVER laugh when I'm on my own or even in one-to-one situations is also worth mentioning -- I need at least three friends.
    I cause myself to laugh sometimes, when I'm not completely depressed, angry and confused (like now).
    INTP/ILI(Ni) /5w4

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    Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed."

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    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    would you stop trying to claim that you unsure of your type but an SEE?
    Sorry, I don't get it. :/ I assume you're suggesting that I should stop claiming that I am unsure of being INTp, because I am certainly ESFp? Then I tell you that I am ILI for sure. If I misunderstood you because of my poor English -- correct me.
    INFp(INTp)
    "I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hashish
    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    would you stop trying to claim that you unsure of your type but an SEE?
    Sorry, I don't get it. :/ I assume you're suggesting that I should stop claiming that I am unsure of being INTp, because I am certainly ESFp? Then I tell you that I am ILI for sure. If I misunderstood you because of my poor English -- correct me.
    the comment was not directed at you.

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    Absurdist humour usually has me. I find satire funny, but usually only in an ENTj-smirk way. Or the way in which something is expressed. Bad puns will usually extract some sort of rueful groan from me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    would you stop trying to claim that you unsure of your type but an SEE?

    thank you.


    Do you think I am an SEE? Or are you merely suggesting that I believe I am an SEE?

    Regardless, I don't mind haunting Gamma. I might be Alpha (feels that way, some days) or Delta (others), but Beta's just not my thing.

    btw, I am off my secret "holy cow, what if i were really an SEE?!" kick -- for now.

  37. #37
    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by astralsilky
    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    would you stop trying to claim that you unsure of your type but an SEE?

    thank you.


    Do you think I am an SEE? Or are you merely suggesting that I believe I am an SEE?

    Regardless, I don't mind haunting Gamma. I might be Alpha (feels that way, some days) or Delta (others), but Beta's just not my thing.

    btw, I am off my secret "holy cow, what if i were really an SEE?!" kick -- for now.
    Really? Whenever I've seen your avatar/username/posts.. you struck me as being an INFp ... I am not sure why... you just have that aura.


    Dress pretty, play dirty ღ
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Quote Originally Posted by astralsilky
    Quote Originally Posted by niffweed17
    would you stop trying to claim that you unsure of your type but an SEE?

    thank you.


    Do you think I am an SEE? Or are you merely suggesting that I believe I am an SEE?

    Regardless, I don't mind haunting Gamma. I might be Alpha (feels that way, some days) or Delta (others), but Beta's just not my thing.

    btw, I am off my secret "holy cow, what if i were really an SEE?!" kick -- for now.
    Really? Whenever I've seen your avatar/username/posts.. you struck me as being an INFp ... I am not sure why... you just have that aura.
    Interesting.

  39. #39
    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Default Gammas have the best sense of humour

    Something I've noticed; discojoe's humour I always appreciate, niffweed's is often ingenious, and when Expat makes a joke it is hilarious. It's subtle, witty, and intelligent. Do you think this runs in all Gammas?

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    I'd hardly call Peter's humor subtle.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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