Type this friend (INFp? INTp? Something else?)

[Slacker]

And please tell me why she is or isn't INFp or INTp. These are types I have a very hard time identifying so knowing what to look for would help. Like, if she isn't INFp or INTp, what makes that obvious. And if she is one or the other, what are the clues that tell you she is. And how can you tell them apart.

She studied accounting, and worked as an accountant, but didn't like it. She said she wanted to make sure she'd always have money and she figured that was a stable job. She quit her job when her first child was born and said she doesn't ever want to work as an accountant again.

She is always selling things. Like home party type things. And she frequently hosts home parties herself. She's definitely sales oriented or something.

She is quiet and contemplative, and she seems to always be watching me, and others. We'll talk, and she'll pause and consider what I've said, and then respond. She likes to give me advice. I think this is an Ni thing. It doesn't bother me tons but I find it slightly annoying. Like, she'll say, "If you do this, this will happen." Just like my ENTj mom and ENFj dad do. If I disagree and go on and do what I want, I can see her stressing as she sees me doing it in the same way my parents stress, but she kind of holds back from telling me I'm being a fool (unlike my parents).

I don't know her husband very well, but he owns a company that does some kind of technical consulting. He is very strong willed, friendly, focused, and has a bit of a silly side. Like he finished their basement apparently for no reason other than to house his foosball table. Or is it an air hockey table? I forget. Anyway, I don't know him well but maybe that'll help. He's very involved with their kids (more so than my husband is with our daughter).

She spends a great deal of time decorating her house, like choosing colors and I guess having her husband do the work really. But she has a hard time keeping it tidy. I think her husband maybe does most of that too. She also isn't really a cook - she said they get take-out or eat something from a can or box most of the time.

She seems at least somewhat concerned with status. This is another slight annoyance thing for me - it doesn't really bug me but it slightly rubs me the wrong way so I pick up on it. She is very proud of her husband's accomplishments and likes to brag him up. Which is sweet really so that doesn't bug me at all. But she also is concerned that she dress her kids in the right brands, go to the right church (she's pretty conservative and around here conservative = church going), drive the right vehicle, buy things from the right stores, etc. I don't think this is a huge issue for her but I notice it sometimes. Like my daughter had outgrown some clothes and I took them over to her for her daughters and she was more impressed than I expected by what brands some things were. I thought she'd be happy because they weren't stained and were in good condition, but I didn't know she'd be that into what brands they were. She also gets her kids photographed professionally All The Time. Like literally every month. Each of them, and then together. I hardly remember to get my daughter photographed every year. This is not a big deal for me. Plus, it's a huge expense and I'm not that into it to have the expense. But this is a big deal for her, and she then spends tons of time and money framing them and displaying the photos nicely, and putting a copy of each in a scrapbook for each of them. She isn't better off than I am so I know this expense has to be somewhat of a burden for her, but it's important and she does it anyway.

Oh, another thing. She loves getting my daughter's hand-me-downs, and I'm happy to give them to her because I can tell she appreciates them. But she never gives her kids' hand-me-downs away. She's very intent on the sales value of them and takes great care to get them looking nice and then sells them in a garage sale or at a consignment shop, and then complains that she didn't get enough money for them. I'd feel better about *giving* her clothes if I saw her giving things away as well. In fact, I've started giving my daughter's old clothes to a cousin who had a baby girl because I know he actually *needs* them and he wouldn't turn around and sell them later. This isn't a huge issue so this isn't a conflict between us but it is something that slightly bothers me.

She is very very very quiet. She mainly just watches things. She has a "deer caught in the headlights" look to her that I associate with INFps but, like I said, I'm not at all confident in my ability to spot them so I don't know if my perception of that is reliable. With her sales mentality and what-not, it makes me think INTp might be more likely than INFp.

Oh, one other thing. Even though, in at least a non-socionics sense, she's clearly introverted and I'm clearly extraverted, she is almost always the one to initiate contact between us. I feel guilty about this and I resolve to hold up my end of things, but I always seem to forget. I don't think she likes this about me, and I feel bad about that. As I'm writing this I'm thinking I'll send her an email when I'm done to see if she wants to get together. But we do generally get along even though we obviously aren't like best friends or anything.

[Mea]

Oh, one other thing. Even though, in at least a non-socionics sense, she's clearly introverted and I'm clearly extraverted, she is almost always the one to initiate contact between us. I feel guilty about this and I resolve to hold up my end of things, but I always seem to forget. I don't think she likes this about me, and I feel bad about that. As I'm writing this I'm thinking I'll send her an email when I'm done to see if she wants to get together. But we do generally get along even though we obviously aren't like best friends or anything.

I was thinking INFp would make sense because what you wrote above pretty much reminds me of my INFp friend and I. (He's definitely INFp)
He's usually the one to initiate contact and would ask me out. Sometimes I'm busy with other friends, and well, sometimes, I forget. He doesn't seem too happy about this and I feel guilty, so I'll try my best to meet him.
Just my experiences and point of view.

And I thought that the "sales mentality" thing is an INFp thing? I dunno. But...

The power-money combination plays special role in INFp's Weltanschauung. It is like cheese for a mouse, who can smell its luring aroma miles away. Their fascination with $$$ and their intuitively intuitive intuition often walk hand by hand with a casino pass. In some cases an obsession with financial gain can lead INFps into arranged marriages.

-from socionics.com
Don't know how true though.

Anyway, the thing your friend does like decorating her house and meticulously taking pictures of her daughter, sounds like my INFp friend. Not that he does those things, but something similar. But I think other types might identify with that as well?

[Expat]

She studied accounting, and worked as an accountant, but didn't like it. She said she wanted to make sure she'd always have money and she figured that was a stable job. She quit her job when her first child was born and said she doesn't ever want to work as an accountant again.

It doesn't mean much --

She is always selling things. Like home party type things. And she frequently hosts home parties herself. She's definitely sales oriented or something.

That already speaks for INFp over INTp, rather than in her preferences.

She is quiet and contemplative, and she seems to always be watching me, and others. We'll talk, and she'll pause and consider what I've said, and then respond. She likes to give me advice. I think this is an Ni thing. It doesn't bother me tons but I find it slightly annoying. Like, she'll say, "If you do this, this will happen." Just like my ENTj mom and ENFj dad do. If I disagree and go on and do what I want, I can see her stressing as she sees me doing it in the same way my parents stress, but she kind of holds back from telling me I'm being a fool (unlike my parents).

Yes that sounds like INXp.

I don't know her husband very well, but he owns a company that does some kind of technical consulting. He is very strong willed, friendly, focused, and has a bit of a silly side. Like he finished their basement apparently for no reason other than to house his foosball table. Or is it an air hockey table? I forget. Anyway, I don't know him well but maybe that'll help. He's very involved with their kids (more so than my husband is with our daughter).

It could a ESXp.

She spends a great deal of time decorating her house, like choosing colors and I guess having her husband do the work really. But she has a hard time keeping it tidy. I think her husband maybe does most of that too. She also isn't really a cook - she said they get take-out or eat something from a can or box most of the time.

It's consistent with both, INTp and INFp.

She seems at least somewhat concerned with status. This is another slight annoyance thing for me - it doesn't really bug me but it slightly rubs me the wrong way so I pick up on it. She is very proud of her husband's accomplishments and likes to brag him up. Which is sweet really so that doesn't bug me at all.

That is rather than .

But she also is concerned that she dress her kids in the right brands, go to the right church (she's pretty conservative and around here conservative = church going), drive the right vehicle, buy things from the right stores, etc. I don't think this is a huge issue for her but I notice it sometimes. Like my daughter had outgrown some clothes and I took them over to her for her daughters and she was more impressed than I expected by what brands some things were. I thought she'd be happy because they weren't stained and were in good condition, but I didn't know she'd be that into what brands they were. She also gets her kids photographed professionally All The Time. Like literally every month. Each of them, and then together. I hardly remember to get my daughter photographed every year. This is not a big deal for me. Plus, it's a huge expense and I'm not that into it to have the expense. But this is a big deal for her, and she then spends tons of time and money framing them and displaying the photos nicely, and putting a copy of each in a scrapbook for each of them. She isn't better off than I am so I know this expense has to be somewhat of a burden for her, but it's important and she does it anyway.

Again, it suggests over preference.

Oh, another thing. She loves getting my daughter's hand-me-downs, and I'm happy to give them to her because I can tell she appreciates them. But she never gives her kids' hand-me-downs away. She's very intent on the sales value of them and takes great care to get them looking nice and then sells them in a garage sale or at a consignment shop, and then complains that she didn't get enough money for them. I'd feel better about *giving* her clothes if I saw her giving things away as well. In fact, I've started giving my daughter's old clothes to a cousin who had a baby girl because I know he actually *needs* them and he wouldn't turn around and sell them later. This isn't a huge issue so this isn't a conflict between us but it is something that slightly bothers me.

Between the two of you, it sounds like a compliant-obstinate difference.

She is very very very quiet. She mainly just watches things. She has a "deer caught in the headlights" look to her that I associate with INFps but, like I said, I'm not at all confident in my ability to spot them so I don't know if my perception of that is reliable. With her sales mentality and what-not, it makes me think INTp might be more likely than INFp.

Well, her sales mentality seems as much Fe as Te focused.

Oh, one other thing. Even though, in at least a non-socionics sense, she's clearly introverted and I'm clearly extraverted, she is almost always the one to initiate contact between us. I feel guilty about this and I resolve to hold up my end of things, but I always seem to forget. I don't think she likes this about me, and I feel bad about that. As I'm writing this I'm thinking I'll send her an email when I'm done to see if she wants to get together. But we do generally get along even though we obviously aren't like best friends or anything.

Between the INTp and the INFp, I'd say that the INFp is more likely to initiate contact.

Overall I think INFp fits better than INTp.

[Slacker]

Thank you! Very helpful.