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Thread: SLE/ESTp roomate - help!

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    Default SLE/ESTp roomate - help!

    Ok, I just recently had a new roomate move in and I didn't know him before hand. I'm realizing now he is an ESTP. How do I know?

    Well lets see, he moved in and instantly started reorganizing my whole apartment without consulting me for the most part.

    He goes on about his 'connections' with people in power. I'm an ENTP, my ego is big enough that I consider myself my own power so this stuff doesn't impress me at all.

    He is a complete shop-a-holic and has really started to move my things into other rooms and just kind of take over.

    I couldn't find my medication (that I have to take everyday for the rest of my life) because in his fit of cleaning while trying to distract himself he was half hazardly shoving my things in places I'd have no clue as to where to look.

    I work from home and he seems to have absolutely no self-control when it comes to interuppting me to tell me the most insigificant details of his thoughts.

    He's NOSEY. He came up and just started to read an email I was writing to a friend. He has no quams at all about just looking at what I'm working on even though I've told him that the things I deal with are confidential (ok I was exagerrating but he doesn't seem to get how intrusive he is).

    He has started to pretty much insert himself into my life and talks in a familiarity with my friends that's just not appropriate. My friends are like me....private people. They don't like anyone forcing themselves on them anymore than I do.

    He has informed me I WILL be getting hugs so I should get used to it cuz its the way he is. You have no idea how much this bothers me. I'm such a no contact person for the most part except with my closest friends. He is not one of my closest friends, he's some guy I rented a room too who decided to come in and make my life better (but his version of better).

    The way he brags about himself is not something that goes over well with the crowd I hangout with. We are not the type to pander to that kind of thing.

    He is a big spender and is buying things for around the house to the point its actually making me a bit uncomfortable. At first it was kind of nice but now its just a bit too much.

    He is trying to feed me a lot. I dunno if that's ESTP related but it seems to be with the ones I know. He is always putting out chocolates and candies.

    He himself is very fit.

    He goes non-stop trying to keep himself busy. He just can't seem to relax until he falls asleep. The whole time, I'm trying to concentrate on work and he's being quite disruptive.

    I often sit in silence working away on the computer. He will get the TV going in one room, and radios in two others.

    He told me what a quiet guy he was when I was interviewing him. I'm seeing his idea of quiet and mine are COMPLETELY different. He is almost non-stop trying to talk to me.

    He is beyond curious at everything I do. He wants to know what I did all day and keep him apprised of my comings and goings.

    I've lived alone for 2 years so its hard to adapt to anyone. I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and smothered with this situation. My experience in the past with ESTPs is that I'm so easy going they try to test every little boundary I have.

    They then get terribly hurt, rejected, and start thinking paranoid thoughts when I finally try to put a breaks on their behavior due to the impacts its having on me.

    This guy is really not a bad guy....and no, I know for a FACT he's not interested in me (he don't swing that way). He just wants to take care of me because he loves taking care of people. I think he's just identified me as some lost soul who "needs him" when its not the case. All I want is for him to leave me alone and him not feel wounded by it. He just simply gives me no space.

    He has it in his head after a couple weeks of living together that we are Will and Grace. He has this fantastic picture in his head of our friendship when I'm like....I don't know you dude.

    The biggest things I'd like to curb with this person is:

    1. The way he interupts me while I'm working or trying to focus on my work or things I'm doing on the computer. (I have tried out right ignoring him, continuing to type and not even acknowledging he's speaking....none of these cues people normally pick up seem to have any impact on him).

    2. I want him to start ignoring me and give me some space

    3. I want him to realize that we are not the best of friends but we can co-exist peacefully if he would just back off.

    I would like to try to co-exist with this person if possible. Any advice?
    Polly
    ENTP

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    set boundaries

    "I like you a lot and I think we're going to be good room mates. *Insert behavior here* is not okay."
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    or put arsenic in his coffee
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

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    Tell him list 1-3. I hope it works.

    I tend to ignore the annoying behaviors of my ESTp, but thats easy when love's involved.
    All Hail The Flying Spaghetti Monster

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    haha, he can't pay rent if he's dead. I want to set boundaries, I just so suck at approaching these things. It usually ends up that I end up somehow hurting the person I'm trying to set the boundaries with...it all blows up into this stupid dramatic event.

    edit re love: well if he was my boyfriend lavishing all this attention on me I probably wouldn't mind. But he's not. Just some dude who is renting a room.
    Polly
    ENTP

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    Is he really ESTp and not e.g. ESFp? I mean doesn't sound like your look-a-like, more like a super-ego. With ESFps there is no other way than to adapt. Sorry If he is really ESTp then I don't know what is wrong with him But ESTps should listen to you if you talk to them about it. I don't know but I haven't yet met an ESTp who would say to a stranger something like "get ready for hugs!". I have met a hundred ESFps who could do that though.

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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    Ehh, he really doesn't sound ESTp at all. Especially the following things:


    He is trying to feed me a lot.
    I don't know, but I would never consider doing anything remotely like that to someone, unless they were an infant. If anything, I'd be saving the food for myself.

    He has informed me I WILL be getting hugs so I should get used to it cuz its the way he is.
    Now that's just plain weird.


    Well lets see, he moved in and instantly started reorganizing my whole apartment without consulting me for the most part.

    I couldn't find my medication (that I have to take everyday for the rest of my life) because in his fit of cleaning while trying to distract himself he was half hazardly shoving my things in places I'd have no clue as to where to look.
    It's not very characteristic of ESTps to waste their time cleaning or reorganizing places. Maybe I'll do it if I'm forced to, but otherwise, I have much better things to do. All of the other ESTps I've known are the exact same way.

    He goes non-stop trying to keep himself busy. He just can't seem to relax until he falls asleep.
    If I'm trying to keep myself busy, I'll do something outside the house. If I'm in the house, I'm usually relaxing.



    And the biggest thing that is suggesting non-ESTpness:

    He just wants to take care of me because he loves taking care of people.
    I HATE taking care of people. Always have, always will. I'd much rather just let a person do their own shit than spoon-feeding them everything they need. This suggests some kind of in the ego block.


    My vote goes to ESTj. Whatever happens, he just sounds so completely unlike any of the ESTps I've ever known in my life.
    , Se-sub
    8w8-3w8-7w8 sx/sx

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    I only skimmed what was written, but ESTj crossed my mind as well. I've never lived with an ESTp though.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    I'm back, assholes! Herzy's Avatar
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    I live with an ESTp (my dad), and he's the complete opposite as to what Polly described in her new roommate.
    , Se-sub
    8w8-3w8-7w8 sx/sx

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    blah
    ESTp

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    or put arsenic in his coffee
    ...or some sort of amine which might relax him instead of kill him.


    Polly, that's one huge list you've got there. I don't know if he's ESTP... probably not... but that sounds like a lot to deal with. Maybe ask him if there's anything that you do that annoys him, and if there is, make a parrallel to something that he does that annoys you so maybe he'll understand better.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


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    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    This guy is some sort of Caregiver. Perhaps indeed an ESTj with serious problems with his role function.

    No ESTp.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    This guy is some sort of Caregiver. Perhaps indeed an ESTj with serious problems with his role function.

    No ESTp.
    I didn't think of ESTj but that might be! I thought ESFj first but being activity partners with ENTp the relations should be better. So ESFp was a better quess. Perhaps ESTj is even better.

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    I do similarities with both the ESFj and ESTj. Both can grade on my nerves. ESFjs usually take much longer though. They can leave me alone for periods of time and there is something so genuine and almost childlike about their giving. I have difficulty communicating about many things with them though but they are nice enough that I'll nod politely

    Maybe I'm misjudging the type ESTp. I know there is this type though and they seem cookie cutter copies of each other.

    I'm sorry but they remind me of undisciplined children who have never learned to respect things like personal space or privacy.

    They try to immediately recruit you as a friend. Lavishing gifts on you and talking about what kindrid spirits you are with them even though they really have no clue who you actually are.

    They see themselves as players and are proud of the fact. To them, manipulating people into doing what they want simply doesn't hold the guilt that it does for many people.

    They don't understand how invading a persons personal space through hugs and familiar touching can feel very uncomfortable to some people.

    Procrastination through action. I tend to have a lazy type of procrastination while they just go go go avoiding doing what they should be doing. They are accomplishing all kinds of things, just not what they should be.

    Thinking they know what you are thinking even though they have absolutely no clue. They might be able to guess through body language etc. what other types are thinking but when it comes to intuitive types they are usually WAY off base. They are apply their motivations to our actions. Because they do so, they get paranoid.

    They like flashy and shiney things. They like to shop ...I mean a lot. I see them coming up with excuses to go out and spend money. They like to spend money on pampering themselves.

    Snappy dressers. They tend to be very neat and well put together (my ESFj mom only cares a bit about this kind of stuff - its never been her priority though)

    They don't seem to like to be alone even though they talk about what loners they can be. I honestly haven't seen this loner side of the ESTp whatsoever but everyone of them talks about it.

    They pride themselves in the vast networks of people they have to support them (because they are A1 shmoozers in social situations).

    They seem to have a difficult time working with Intuitives though. They inadvertently sabotage us by screwing with our concentration.

    So what do you think?
    Polly
    ENTp

  15. #15
    Creepy-Diana

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    .

  16. #16
    Creepy-aurora_faerie

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    I agree with Herzy on her non-ESTp points, but I dont know why type to apply to him.

    And whether he is or not, I agree with Joy's opinion of setting boundries. I didn't like the hug comment either, if you don't want hugs tell him, "No, I DONT have expect or accept anything from you. You are my roomate and I have no obligation to accept hugs from you if I don't want to."

    Id say that regardless of whether or not I wanted hugs. I have a choice of what I accept from people ESPECIALLY regarding physical things.


    -_-

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    Keeping the big picture in mind, not the details, what I see most clearly is:

    - Caregiver, focused: ESTj, ESFj, ISFp, ISTp
    - Irrational: ISTp, ISFp
    - Emotionally expressive, >>

    ISFp. .

    This of course has wider implications.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    ISFp. .

    This of course has wider implications.
    Lol. Yes, Polly you are duals. Marry him and all your problems are gone.

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    Marry him and all your problems are gone.
    If he's my dual then I'm doomed to be single. Besides the fact that he's gay, I find the behavior completely smothering and quite annoying.

    I also have no respect for it. To me, it all looks like wasted energy. I don't get the feeling he is doing these things out of genuine want to help but more in an ego feeding sense.

    That's the word I'd use for these people, Feeders. They feed off people around them but do it in a way you don't know they are at first.

    Sorry to ESTps for mistyping. I thought they were ESTps gone bad.

    @Diana...OMG you DO know the type. I find they take care of old people a lot too. I guess once they are old and sedated they can't get away as easily.

    The ones I have known all have disabled or sick people in their lives they take care of. They don't let you forget either what a wonderful job they do taking care of these people either or all the endless hours they put into it. They want attention for doing this.

    I actually talked to him about sleeping on the sofa today...Score one for Polly! He said he wouldn't do it anymore. I just kind of made a joke about it then got a bit more serious and just said its hard having someone in the living room sleeping while I'm still up and about.

    His need to be needed and talking about stuff that is really insignificant to me, reminds me very much of my ESFj mom. Actually the more I think about it, the more he does actually remind me of a somewhat twisted version of my mother.

    My mom has more impulse control though but you can see in her face she struggles with it.

    Its the bragging thing though that throws me off. My mom is not boastful....she complains about stupid things about people but she is not boastful or condescending in anyway.

    I thought that was actually an ESFj trait...not liking people who boast.

    Another pretty big similarity is the amount of people he knows. My mom knows everyone sometimes I think. She will go up to complete strangers, start talking to them and before you know it....she knows their life story. She remembers all this stuff too!!!
    Polly
    ENTp

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    ESFj was first in my mind but you should basically be activity partners and get a long bit better. Perhaps you should find some activity you could do together and find out he is ok. While doing this activity you could perhaps "train" him a bit by giving hints and making references.

    How about ENFj? Hmm...I guess they are not really home makers and it says they can be suspicious of strangers.

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    No ENFj.

    What I mean is that it suggests that Polly herself may not be ENTp, or Alpha.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    No ENFj.

    What I mean is that it suggests that Polly herself may not be ENTp, or Alpha.
    Oh Well I don't know about that. Awful lot of ENTps have changed their type. I'm trusting only steve6 being ENTp. I hope he is not going to change or I lose my only anchor point Polly Beta then? ESTp? They don't like as much. Betas that is. Or perhaps Gamma.

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    Well first of all I wouldn't use my relationship with this individual as a type indicator.

    His behavior is abnormal. I mean he took my thyroid medication off the fridge and placed in a cupboard under the microwave with the cook books. Then left for 2 days without leaving me a note or anything.

    He did it because he was stressing over a guy and on a cleaning binge procrastinating getting ready for a date. He was just half hazardly shoving things in places but has no memory what he did with the stuff because he wasn't actually paying attention.

    I was supposed to go out tonight with a friend to take photographs. He's out today and apparently decided to move my battery charger which I use everyday somewhere.....so much for pictures.

    He falls asleep on my sofa during the day and snores, has nightmares, and grinds his teeth. I've had to kick him off twice now because I had company coming over. Finally put an end to that this morning though I think.

    He is 44 years old, retired and is bored. He has focused in on me and this apartment as his activity. Unfortunately, I work from home so its actually very very disruptive.

    He is also flaming gay. He has decided I'm going to be his straight female friend. He's giving me cutsie little nicknames and wants me to do stuff like come up with cutsie little nicknames for him too. My nickname is Polly (short for Paulette), its what all my friends and family have called me since birth. Can you see how much I like coming up with nicknames?

    I don't care what type you are....this type of behavior is hard to appreciate.
    Polly
    ENTp

  24. #24
    Creepy-aurora_faerie

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    estp's arn't gay

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    Quote Originally Posted by aurora_faerie
    estp's arn't gay
    I'm offended on behalf of the gay community.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
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    I wonder what a flaming gay ESTp would be like?

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    Super! Thanks for asking!
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    I bet the arrogant factor wouldn't go down any.
    All Hail The Flying Spaghetti Monster

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    I wonder what a flaming gay ESTp would be like?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Expat is trying to convince me (and actually has my really thinking now) I might actually be a socionics ENTj. I don't doubt that I'm still a MBTI ENTP but now....need to review.
    Polly
    ENTp

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    I'm not exactly trying to convince you of that -- I think you should consider it as your Socionics type. Whether you are or not an MBTI ENTP is of no importance at all.

    If anything, I'm trying to convince you to take a look at types from a strictly socionics viewpoint, and not rely on MBTI test results for yourself or the people you interact with.

    Well first of all I wouldn't use my relationship with this individual as a type indicator.

    Yes, that is a very good point in this case, but I had thought of ENTj for you for other reasons.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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