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Thread: Is it easier for children to become close to their dual than it is for adults?

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    Default Is it easier for children to become close to their dual than it is for adults?

    My cousin's oldest child is SLE (my dual) - and he's almost 5 years old. We used to live in the same house before they moved a couple of months ago. This kid is in love with me. I live in a pretty big house, and when he was living here he would always be looking for me, and my cousin said he was always talking about me. He would come up to me and say, "I really like being around you and when I see you I like to follow you and when you aren't around I look for you." It's amazing! All other duals I've been around have been guarded and slow with their feelings towards me, but this little SLE just jumped into it without a moment's doubt. Ever since their family moved away though, he's been having a rough time. About a week into their move, his dad said that one day, the little SLE just fell apart. He started crying and saying that he missed me Now he's been having nightmares It breaks my heart! It's kind of awkward that he likes me so much more than some of his closer relations though. When he's talking about how much he misses me, my aunt and other cousin will say, "What about me?" hahaha, but they know nothing of duality!

    At any rate, I'm just wondering if anyone else has had an experience of duality involving a child.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    yes, of course it is easier

    I was born in my dual cousin's arms, lol

    no, she was 8 when I was born, but she's been in love with me every day since. And has adored me, I have too. But kids get used to the temperament of their duals from a young age. Society, rules, and other adapted principles mess up a type to the point where they don't behave like they should hence making them very undesirable to a dual at an older age unless these behaviors can be changed.

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    My niece is like 3 and so far all i can tell is that she definitely exhibits Se base traits. I adore the little mayhem machine andshe seeks me out because i actively engage her bold behavior.

    I think kids are less likely to split off into niches in the world. IEI adults tend not to put themselves out there like their duals and SLEs arent finding the IEIs at home because theyre out. I think duals dont find each other naturally that often because they often live vastly different lives.

    Almost every dual ive met has been through work, introduced by a friend or met in a social arena like school or a party. Areas where lots of people are forced aroumd each other. Without that arena i dont think it happens often because the two just do differemt things.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    It's easier for children to become close with their opposite quadra than it is for adults to.

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    I think it's easier for kids to ignore socionics relationships than it is for adults, so I think it probably makes less of a difference rather than more.
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    If you measure the amount of flesh and bone seperating the hearts and minds of children from their environment versus that of an adult it becomes very clear that it is easier for children to get closer to their duals than adults.

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    certainly easier to get close to a similarly aged dual that isn't married or locked into some other hard to disentangle romantic commitment.

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    Kids believe what you want them to believe.
    It was in the reign of George III that the aforesaid personages lived and quarrelled; good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich or poor, they are all equal now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    I think it's easier for kids to ignore socionics relationships than it is for adults, so I think it probably makes less of a difference rather than more.
    Hi

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    I think generally speaking children have an easier time connecting.

    Maybe I'm just in a depressed/rough patch in my life but I miss being actually excited about seeing somebody. Like ... that sort of giddy little kid feeling you get when your favorite cousin is gonna come over or something. Now it's kinda like 'oh it's you again' and I am just sort of ambivalent to other people's strengths and weaknesses and I miss that. My heart feels heavy, my entire body feels heavy, like it's made of stone. Like I don't know how to love anymore.

    It was like magic getting to go to my best friend's house every day as a kid and watching cartoons with her...then all of a sudden when i turned like 13 I was harshly and sociopathically told by other people to man up, that life was always shitty and that being miserable and depressed is part of being 'an adult' and I think it's just horse shit, what we're all fed. It's like when you're middle class the only thing people ask you over and over and over 'what you do for a living.' Maybe it's just my te polr but it's highly annoying. Mother Earth is just here.... for us to enjoy. She doesn't care about what job you do , the sun rises and sets regardless yet people can't see beyond this feel of Illuminati institutionalized programming and slave making.

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    Quote Originally Posted by truck View Post
    I think generally speaking children have an easier time connecting.

    Maybe I'm just in a depressed/rough patch in my life but I miss being actually excited about seeing somebody. Like ... that sort of giddy little kid feeling you get when your favorite cousin is gonna come over or something. Now it's kinda like 'oh it's you again' and I am just sort of ambivalent to other people's strengths and weaknesses and I miss that. My heart feels heavy, my entire body feels heavy, like it's made of stone. Like I don't know how to love anymore.

    It was like magic getting to go to my best friend's house every day as a kid and watching cartoons with her...then all of a sudden when i turned like 13 I was harshly and sociopathically told by other people to man up, that life was always shitty and that being miserable and depressed is part of being 'an adult' and I think it's just horse shit, what we're all fed. It's like when you're middle class the only thing people ask you over and over and over 'what you do for a living.' Maybe it's just my te polr but it's highly annoying. Mother Earth is just here.... for us to enjoy. She doesn't care about what job you do , the sun rises and sets regardless yet people can't see beyond this feel of Illuminati institutionalized programming and slave making.
    I agree, truck. Being an adult sucks. That's why I act as childish as possible (within the confines of my own dignity), as often as possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    Does this include peeing in your underwear? Walking around outside naked? Getting others to drive you everywhere? Getting others to buy you food and things? General daydreaming? Building castles in the sky, and then literal castles in the sand?

    Definitely not peeing my pants or walking around outside naked - that would be outside the confines of my dignity.


    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    Just realized I never gave a serious answer to the topic.

    That's a sad situation. My niece is 6 years old, and she likes it when I come to visit, because I'll act like a kid and play games with her for fun, more than any of her other aunts or uncles. 2nd last time I visited, she launched herself at my ankle as I was trying to leave, holding my leg so I couldn't leave, saying "No, don't go!!!". The last time I visited, she had string, and she was tying my hands in knots that she learned from Girl Scouts, pretending they were handcuffs, so that I wouldn't be able to leave, and that I'd have to stay.

    Just wanted to share. Not sure what type she is in socionics, but it's definitely a heartbreaker.

    In general, I would say 'yes', it is easier for children to become closer to their dual than adults - socionics is a somewhat flawed theory in that it doesn't incorporate the experiences people have that shape them. Certainly we are a combination of our genes and natural predispositions as well as our environment. In that way, if our natural predispositions in socionics are likely to be very compatible as duals, it would be more likely we could get along as children before experiences shape us in a way potentially unlike our natural predisposition.

    That said, of course you need maturity as you grow to have healthy relationships. Growing as an adult can make having a relationship easier, if you're going in the right direction. Also, it's not like experiences should change you that drastically that you wouldn't be compatible, since you're fundamentally the same person at your core.

    Also, it still shouldn't be relatively hard to find a dual with similar experiences once you start dating. If you've grown up in similar socioeconomic conditions, it's more likely you'd have similar expectations for life, family, etc.

    And socionics only goes so far anyway, so there's no real need to worry. Dating is more about physical attraction and similarity on more levels than socionics, imho. Socionics is one aspect - an important one, but not everything.

    It's likely your cousin's oldest child (2nd nephew???) likes you because you're an awesome person, more than just 'duality'. I would guess he'd eventually adjust after moving - it's good you got to spend lots of time with him while you could.

    Do you visit him a lot? How is he doing now?
    They moved a couple hours away, so I see him about once a week. And like I said in my original post, he's been having nightmares. Other than that, he's been doing good. He started school a couple weeks ago, so he's feelin like a big boy now

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    Aww this sounds amazing!!! <3! Adorable ^_^! I'd LOVE an SLE friend who is a kid ! I think I met one when I did work experience at a nursery; she was a crazy 7 SLE, full of mental engergy and excitement; she used to bite me she got so excited to see me hahaha! And she'd jump up and down all excitedly when she'd see me <3 sooo cute. But I'm no sure if that's just kids being lovely kids! I had a whole clan who used to follow me around haha, and they all used to fight to sit next to me. So maybe I was just the funny, playful new 'older person' on the block and it made them excited *shrug*. Ahh I love kids! That was one the happiest times for me working there (broke me out of a deep depression!).

    Good question!

    I'd say yes! Because you have far less baggage, you're less 'trying to be someone', less 'holding yourself back'; you're just you. Though I'd say if you were emotionally mature, confident and relatively happy; it'd be just as easy, being an adult

    Ahh please tell me more stories about you and your cousin - sounds so cute <3

    Can you not skype him? Must be so shit being apart . I hope my SLE best friend has an SLE kid haha, I dream, she wants loads of kids and I want none; I'd love to take them all on adventures ; can't wait!
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    I adored your story, @aubzatuck!

    I actually might have a very similar story! Its just that I did not know anything of Socionics then. In retrospect, he could have been my Dual; he was an "I" type, always thinking. And I think he could have been "P", too.

    He was in a neighbor family and I got to know him when he was one and my son five when I started homeschooling. My neighbor was already homeschooling three older children, aged 3, 5, and 7 and this boy, her youngest and last, was the most adorable, huggable little guy. It was love at first sight.

    My neighbor and I got together with our kids for hikes weekly, plus together we ran weekly art, music and gym classes for our kids and other homeschoolers in a the beautiful old building, that had once been the town school, now a community-use building. I got to watch this dear boy grow over the years and I just loved him. And he grew to look like a real Hummel boy.

    Sometimes I felt especially bad for him being youngest and "set aside" sometimes, while his older sibs did all their cool things. He was not precociously early-verbal, like her other kids had been, which is not easy for any child. Plus I saw he was not the natural easy-fit that her older three were to Mom's J-style, efficient, regimented way of running her household. So my heart went out to him. Bu clearly there was a very bright boy behind that lovely gaze, and I adored him. And he me.

    When his older brother came to play with my son I always invited him too. He loved to come see Miss Eliza, his mom said. And I delighted to see him. He would play with my son's toys, have a little snack, and pull our cat around and around our house in a basket set on a pull-wagon while the older boys played.
    .
    During my son's 2nd grade I was surprised suddenly by divorce and a horrible prolonged custody battle began. Halfway through, that the court ordered my son to public school, and the house had to be sold in order to pay the lawyers, and my son and I moved into my parents home to enroll him in school there for 3rd grade, far from our country life. I had to return to work by day, supervised homework in the evenings and addressed the false accusations made to the court by night, and it was all a big nightmare. It was a whole lot of loss, all at once. And there was no time for returning to visits to friends from our old life.

    But the impact of loss on this dear boy I had not even considered, til his mom called to tell me he had been heartbroken over my leaving, telling her: "I hate Miss Eliza!".

    Little ones know how to love best...

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    It probably is easier. If you think about it, trying to get close to your dual as an adult is harder because you've had a lifetime of not doing it. And we learn easiest even we are kids and uninhibited by a load of bad experiences.

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    It's probably easier for people to get closer to others as children.

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    Is a five year old even typeable?

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    What hkkmr said.

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