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Thread: How does an ENFj deal with ESTp's on-off behavior

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    Idiot Iris's Avatar
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    Default How does an ENFj deal with ESTp's on-off behavior

    This thread was inspired by aubzatuckís post about SLEís inexplicable avoidant behavior.

    I have an somewhat new SLE in-law who lives really far away. On a few rare occasions when I have been nearby I have invited her to lunch or drinks. She always turns me down with no excuses made. Just no. Her sisters who are EII and SEI usually join me whenever I invite them and we have a good time. At family gatherings the SLE is very friendly to me and full of fun.

    I have been told that although this particular SLE likes to party, she absolutely will not do anything she doesnít want to do. That attitude seems to be in keeping with SLE descriptions.


    The reason I am curious is that if I am EIE, she is my activity partner. I realize many variables are at play in developing relationships. But after about the 4th time, Iím thinking how rude and screw you. Fi ignoring or not, rejection hurts, dang it! How does the mentor deal with the on again off again Fe of the commander? We donít have to have a lame relationship. Or do we?
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    Kill4Me's Avatar
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    quit being whiney about it,,,

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    Bring up it's always sunny in philidelphia
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If itís a disease, itís nobodyís fault. Yay empiricism.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kill4Me View Post
    quit being whiney about it,,,
    I was going to respond WAAAAAAA to your post then I noticed you were an SLE and I decided to not be such a whiner....
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    Idiot Iris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pookie View Post
    Bring up it's always sunny in philidelphia
    Maybe I have been going about this all wrong. Perhaps I should just throw a huge dramatic fit the next time she says no.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    I've got a better idea.

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    dugga dugga dun Narc's Avatar
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    Find someone better to hang out with instead.

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    I'm glad you're with me, Iris! Rejection does suck, I don't care what anyone says otherwise. It doesn't even have to be a romantic rejection, it sucks either way. I mean, with the SLE who practically shunned me, it wasn't even romantic. It couldn't have been, there wasn't enough to go off of. I'm starting to think that SLEs hate interpersonal settings in general. Which still doesn't make sense, because I've seen SLEs hanging out in smaller groups, and I think, "What the heck? How did they get into that situation?"

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    This is so strange. The SLE I know, any maybe I live in sunny CA , they love people giving them attention and they will encourage anyone who shares their ideas with them and they will even inspire and motivate them to give it their best shot. With relationships, they will just "read" that you're interested in them if you keep hanging around them and eventually say "peter would you like to go have lunch with me." And if he says yes, he's game for hanging out. If you stroke his arm at lunch and he strokes back, he'll take you in an instant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    This thread was inspired by aubzatuck’s post about SLE’s inexplicable avoidant behavior.

    I have an somewhat new SLE in-law who lives really far away. On a few rare occasions when I have been nearby I have invited her to lunch or drinks. She always turns me down with no excuses made. Just no. Her sisters who are EII and SEI usually join me whenever I invite them and we have a good time. At family gatherings the SLE is very friendly to me and full of fun.

    I have been told that although this particular SLE likes to party, she absolutely will not do anything she doesn’t want to do. That attitude seems to be in keeping with SLE descriptions.


    The reason I am curious is that if I am EIE, she is my activity partner. I realize many variables are at play in developing relationships. But after about the 4th time, I’m thinking how rude and screw you. Fi ignoring or not, rejection hurts, dang it! How does the mentor deal with the on again off again Fe of the commander? We don’t have to have a lame relationship. Or do we?
    quit expecting him to submit to your standards of what it means to "care" about things.

    EIE's usually bump into a problem with SLE's that they're unused to. They can't alter SLE's state of emotions where they usually can with most other types. They can, but its kinda like using your tongue to smear the surface of an ice cream cone. That's about as far as you're getting. He'll probably give you an empathetic facial expression and then resume ultimately not caring seconds later.

    my EIE friend had a dream about me where he ripped off my head and I didn't care. Then he punted it and I still didn't care. Then he started cursing and shouting at my head and I still didn't care. Things between us smoothed out when I made the conscious decision to pat him on the back and tell him he was a good friend. He was very surprised.

    Kinda fucked up dream, but yeah. Give up. The only reason IEI's can alter our emotional state is because they look like baby kittens as is, and we wuv baby kittens. <3

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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    Sorry for the kitten spam. I just figured a thread about SLEs wouldn't be complete without pictures of baby kittens!

    TOUGH. MANLY. KITTEN-LOVER. All traits of SLEs.

    SLE. MASTER OF CUDDLES.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    This thread was inspired by aubzatuck’s post about SLE’s inexplicable avoidant behavior.

    I have an somewhat new SLE in-law who lives really far away. On a few rare occasions when I have been nearby I have invited her to lunch or drinks. She always turns me down with no excuses made. Just no. Her sisters who are EII and SEI usually join me whenever I invite them and we have a good time. At family gatherings the SLE is very friendly to me and full of fun.

    I have been told that although this particular SLE likes to party, she absolutely will not do anything she doesn’t want to do. That attitude seems to be in keeping with SLE descriptions.


    The reason I am curious is that if I am EIE, she is my activity partner. I realize many variables are at play in developing relationships. But after about the 4th time, I’m thinking how rude and screw you. Fi ignoring or not, rejection hurts, dang it! How does the mentor deal with the on again off again Fe of the commander? We don’t have to have a lame relationship. Or do we?
    SLEs don't want , don't respond well to Rational Fe. Which to me probably means Fe that makes sense lmao. You have to be an extremely adaptive IEI ...to their on - off stuff. Or play those kind of games to get their attention, dunno. They see EIEs as a threat. Actually EJs in general. Or even Judgers in general. They look like people who know what they're up to and have their asses under their grip.

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    @Iris

    Sounds like that SLE wasn't raised by deltas who take offense to indifference, and is acting quite naturally. /complaining
    Last edited by Azure Flame; 01-03-2014 at 09:06 PM.
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    She probably doesn't like you or doesn't see you as someone to form a relationship with. It's as simple as that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Narc View Post
    Find someone better to hang out with instead.
    this, too. I suspect the Mentor is accustomed to handling people with Fe really well and stubborn about signs of failure . Theory says you're the master manipulator of the Quadra, so no worries for one piece of unresponsive Sle.

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