Inspired by the another doubter thread, in particular the means of steering your own type to your liking, and in particular of steering yourself to others liking. And as that makes you a mime, a chameleon.
A day ago I joined the forums and made my introduction thread and followup post, introducing myself and asking for people to type me. Basically I am asking people from 'over here' to take a look and do me the honors of typing me.
On the same note I just was wondering, how much influence does an upbringing have on a let's say highly influential chameleon-like individual, maybe like me.
As I have always felt as one, the person that shapes himself to the form that is most needed, is best desired by others. a mime, I mimic and have been very reflective ever since, basically I'm already reflecting the notion that I say I'm reflective. This meta-level of thought has advantages, but has also caused me troubles, most of the time (now) I am or at least find comfort in a state of melancholy. In the past I just did what I was told, but as an (young)adult is not only allowed but also expected to choose. And I have not been able to choose with certainty education, work, interests, desires. I do have desires, things I like, love and want to do, but at the same time, I don't feel like choosing any of them. I don't want to conform to the need to choose, the need to desire. As from an ethical standpoint, the world is at it is, because we have desires that drive us to things, that can be good and be nice, but at the same time may be harmful to others, beings, people or animal, and the environment. I felt by not choosing I would do this world a benefit. But here I am in this Zugzwang, I have to choose, where do I live, what do I eat. whom do I hang with, basically not choosing is not living, and there is that thing with money, Oh yes, I want to be alive, but I don't desire to be in the now, to be practical. Let me be, immortal, always there to observe what is to happen, to see development, to experience change and possible progress. To be or become a constant reminder, statue, embodiment. Now I feel like a martyr dying without a cause. How messed up is that.
So in that introduction thread and by own writing I have dominantly acted alpha NT. And I concur, oh yes, I do see recognition in the LII archetype a lot. By writing and thinking about it, right then, I can say I do enjoy the values that alpha favors. Yet I have this after every movie I intensely watch, I become the protagonist, feels what he feels, fears what he fears. Back in my mind I have this voice, this notion, that occurred to me most clearly, when I slept next to my probably SEI (now ex)girlfriend, the point where I felt I should be most happy, that there something amiss, dark and totally not "happy smile positive demeanor" is inside me. Then there was this councillor many years later that was upset after we talked of the notion that I honestly believed I felt this desire to connect to everyone, but at the same time would not move a single inch from my pedestal as she put it. I guess a NT gone mad might be an explanation, but another I felt was like, as NFs seem to be the most adjustable, can it be under two very dominant parents I adapted my identity to their most ideally pictured son? Because that feels so very true,, for whatever reason, I feel like a cocoon waiting to burst.
I have been playing with the Sociotypograph, and I can't see it. Is it democratic vs aristocratic. Merry vs serious. Decisive vs reasonable. Perspectives (can) change constantly.
I sincerely hope someone can shed their light upon this question of mine.
Please look at this, and type me?