Member Questionnaire
What is beauty? What is love?
Love - Honestly I have no idea. I think that the sentiment itself is too broad to be placed inside the constraints of a few words. I often wonder though if love even exists or whether it's merely just an illusion created by chemicals and such.
Beauty – I can't explain what beauty is for other people, but for me personally beauty is something that resonates deeply inside my very being. Whether it be a painting that is pleasing to the eye, or a piece of music that is composed just perfectly, beauty to me is something that evokes strong feelings of wholeness and belonging. As a side note I am often attracted to the darker and more abstract/surreal aspect of beauty.
What are your most important values?
I'm not sure. Either I don't have any values or they're changing so often that I don't have a grip on them. The only thing I really ask for in return is respect.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I was raised Christian, but over time I've drifted away from it. It's mostly incoherent and illogical to me now. I still consider myself vaguely spiritual though. I don't believe in the concept of 'salvation' and I'm not even sure if I believe in the afterlife, but it seems a bit ludicrous to think we are the only ones in existence. If anything I'm agnostic-pantheistic towards a 'collective consciousness' view of reality, mixing and matching parts from religions all over the world whenever I feel like exploring those distant parts of my mind that are connected to and extend throughout the universe (sort of mixing spirituality with quantum mechanics and the string theory here.)
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
I have no opinion on war. It doesn't affect me directly and as far as I can see people are always going to fight. Why bother being sentimental over such a fact? If people want to fight then let them. World peace is not a realistic objective.
Power to me though is something I feel when I have ultimate control over a situation, usually without anyone realizing. The idea of being in a permanent place of power such as studying politics and becoming head state of the country is appealing, but I'm not sure if I would ever have the tenacity to do something like that. Power though is all it is. I have no delusions that people in power actually use it 100% for the benefit of others. Power corrupts. I'm not conservative but selfishness is just as much a part of human nature as is emptying your bowels every morning.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
The longest conversations I've actually had with people usually either involve interesting subjects that move very quickly, thereby keeping my mind engaged, or topics that I can delve into extremely deeply for the sake of better understanding.
I have a habit of talking about controversial things and making people squirm for the fun of it. If I find someone of like mind then these are my favorite conversations as I get to stretch my imagination. But in general my favorite subjects are usually philosophy and psychology. Anything wacky and 'out there' is also great. (For example I have a habit of saying that I did something that I obviously didn't do, and then stating afterwards that I actually did it in an alternate reality).
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
I look after my body and would say I am fairly healthy, even though health and medicine is something I only care about if/when I'm ill. I just regulate it really, nothing more. I do tend to freak out though if I come down ill with something I've never had before as my thoughts tend to go into the extremes and I immediately think I must be dying and need to go to a hospital.
What do you think of daily chores?
Chores are just something that needs to be done. I like doing them to give my mind a break from whatever I'm doing, or just to mull over all the information in my head. I'm not completely organized when it comes to doing them, and I have a habit of putting certain, longer, chores off until I feel like it. I don't always get round to doing the longer ones, but the routine ones are fresh air enough.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I kind of stopped reading books once I got a permanent internet connection. Sometimes I'll download PDF's and read half of them till I get bored. (For example a couple of months ago I read half of The God Delusion). I watch a lot of dark fantasy and mystery/psychological thriller anime's. I love something with a good complex plot. My favorite being Death Note. Other ones I loved are Ergo Proxy (that was intense!), and I liked watching the strategy used in Code Geass.
As for tv shows I love shows such as Sherlock, Doctor Who, and recently I just finished watching NBC's version of Hannibal, which is probably the most impressive thing I've watched to date.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
I don't really cry that often but when I do it's usually due to a perceived failure on my part. I don't really smile that much either, but wacky stuff always cheers me up. Anything weird and wonderful will likely put a smile on my face.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
I don't feel like I belong; I never have done. I sort of feel like a shell sometimes. It's difficult living with some of the stuff in my head. I have whole complex visualizations of reality filed away to call upon when needed and it can make me rather nihilistic to say the least. Sometimes though I like to take a walk through the fields or in the woods and that can give me a sense of feeling at one with nature. I like doing that every so often just to get my thoughts out of the endless repetition of 'it's all pointless ultimately'.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I'm not sure what other people perceive me as being weak. I don't really care to entertain the idea either as what they see and what is actually there is quite likely two completely different things. I also don't dwell on my own faults, only striving to be the best in mind that I can be. If I had to pick one thing though that I dislike about myself, it would be my inability to be involved with the real world. I have a habit of withdrawing too often and not directly getting anywhere in life.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
I've often been complimented on how intellectual I am. The comments don't really mean that much to me though. I think maybe above anything else I like the way I can always see something from a different and unique perspective when it's called for. I also like my ability to be logical and be free from most common delusions.
In what areas of your life would you like help?
I would like someone to nudge me slowly outside and into the world. I don't want to just be jolted into it as my tenacity never holds up in those situations. I just want to be able to function normally and steadfastly without getting tired or bored or just fed up.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
As I mentioned before I get stuck in nihilistic mindsets all too easily. I'm not sure what the cause is. My reaction is to indulge in it before finding something else to distract me.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
First and foremost I like people who are intelligent. Secondly I love people who have a good or a weird sense of humor. Someone I can joke around with and someone who can alternate between different types of humor within the blink of an eye as a form of mental stimulation. I like someone who can keep up with my complex thought process and someone who can counter them with their own.
I hate judgmental people and people who are all talk. I avoid hypocrites like the plague.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
I'm indifferent/averse to romance. I used to consider sex great until I realized I didn't really care for human contact anymore. It was a good way to unwind, nothing more. But relationships are the area of my life I struggle with the most and I've taken to just ignoring any need I may have for such company.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I doubt I'd ever be in this position in the first place, but if I was then my main concern would be keeping the child as mentally balanced as possible. (Seeing how I lack in that regard). I would be a carefree but a just parent I think. I would set parameters and enforce them, but being strict is far from what I would want to be. Loving and supporting a child to the best of my ability is probably the best I could do. I don't believe in punishment. Discussing the pitfalls of negative behavior in an open environment and rewarding good behavior would be my tactic.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
I would tell them straight up that I disagree. If they're worth the effort then I would give them the time of day to help them understand where I'm coming from. If not then I'd just shrug and let them believe what they want.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
My relationship with society is non-existent. Mostly because I have an inability to function in it like a normal human being, but also because the very structure of society disgusts me. I don't really see the people as a whole one way or the other. It's mostly I hate how restricting everything is. Laws everywhere, laws for no good reason, laws for the sake of stripping people of their money, laws to keep the sheep under control. As far as I can see nothing is actually happening. People don't fight for what they believe in anymore.. Why is that? Instead they just follow the scent of fresh meat into the metaphorical prison the world leaders lured them into and they are willingly locked up for the rest of their lives for the false promise of 'change'. It's all an illusion and it's despicable.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I don't really have any friends. I have a few acquaintances.. But no one seems to understand me, so I just keep to myself. I can be quite rowdy around people I know well though. It's the only thing I can do to even vaguely connect with other people.
How do you behave around strangers?
It depends on what image I want or need to give off at the time. If I don't care to put any effort in an image then I can come across as quite aloof and cold. If I try though I can be quite engaging, often surprising myself in the process.
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Originally Posted by ScarlettHayden
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(as per tcaudilllg)
