Annoying Introverts

[Lobo]

Is it the reserved nature or not sharing their thoughts/feelings on situations? Maybe introversion is inherently selfish, as opposed to describing it with some kind of function... Motivation behind this thread: I've been recently dealing with introverts, and it's been frustrating me a lot. Ironically, I know I'm probably guilty of the same things.

[Jarno]

Yeah, I like to keep some things private.

I find extraverts annoying then they can't stop talking, just to say something, even if it's not interesting.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I would share my feelings but then you'd just call me emo and kick my face in and tell me to get over it and just get a job. Cause when introverts share their feelings, they also tend to not be DOING much of anything, they kinda just stand there. It does look rather weep and wisty. I'd rather, just want to listen and help other people cuz when you focus on others it makes your own problems seem way easier to deal with.

Introverts don't share our feelings because to us, our feelings are more important then they are to you, we are energized by our thoughts and feelings. Extroverts still think and feel , but that is not where they get their power from. We are not going to be emotionally honest cause if we're fucked over in that way, it is going to hurt us more than it would ever hurt an extro.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

The plus is that introverts can mull over things for a long time without exposing it publicly as a general tendency and when they speak honestly, sometimes what comes out is refreshing.

Sometimes yes, if the other person really respects my feelings and won't sociopathically take advantage of my real feelings. Feelings are feelings, it's how I feel and there's no right and wrong about them so why express them if I will just get judged? Feelings and thoughts are also the source of my natural power as an introverted gay white mage.

There's no point in expressing my emotions publically because too many people will just tell me to 'get over it and go back to work' and be gay and lame and external straight-man like. You *should* show extra favoritism to an introvert's feelings more than you do everybody else's, and intelligent people in liberal cities realize this. Although most people do not. And so there's little point. I'd rather just do some activity we both enjoy and forget about ranting about my ******y little feelings.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

"Sam you really should express your feelings more we're here to help you!"

(So i tell people how I really feel)

"Oh my god you sick messed up ******, you just need to stop being so emo and get a job like everybody else!"

Fool me twice, shame on me!

[Lobo]

Can you give me a proper example of this what type of sentiments are you expecting of them please give me a real life scenario.

Alright, I can give you an example. For one, I've noticed a lot of non-verbal communication when I interact with fellow introverts... I was asking someone to explain a subject to me, which I really have no idea about. He explains it to me for a while, then apparently gets tired or upset (no idea if it's either or both) and turns to face his computer and keeps working on his stuff. He doesn't even say: "hey, I need to work on something else, so maybe you can come some other time." No, he just basically zones me out, and then I make some comments on the subject and he ignores me. It was very strange.

[marooned]

I agree that introverts are really annoying. Not only do they place the burden of initiating, approaching, etc. on the extravert, but they often want to be left alone, and avoid everyone especially extraverts, while at the same time not wanting to always be alone and needing extraverts to initiate things. But of course they send completely unclear and contradictory signals in the process, and ultimately don't even know what they want. And to make matters worse, they go on being halfway oblivious as to what they are doing. It makes them very annoying indeed.

[Satan]

I agree that introverts are really annoying. Not only do they place the burden of initiating, approaching, etc. on the extravert, but they often want to be left alone, and avoid everyone especially extraverts, while at the same time not wanting to always be alone and needing extraverts to initiate things. But of course they send completely unclear and contradictory signals in the process, and ultimately don't even know what they want. And to make matters worse, they go on being halfway oblivious as to what they are doing. It makes them very annoying indeed.

hahaha

[DividedsGhost]

I've always seen this dilemna as the following.

Introverts feel natural nulling things over in their heads and choosing their words and actions more carefully, perhaps because they have an innate sense of fear of failure from trying to be extroverted and getting bad results when growing up and finding out who they are; unless that's just me. But this becomes an identity of behavior that feels most comfortable and natural.

Extrovert's are good at letting words flow without much thought and influencing people and getting good results most of the time from this. So they feel successful and charged by being so. This becomes their identity.

Now, an introvert can learn to be extroverted, but this preference to want to null things over leaves them feeling drained by trying to let things flow without much thought when their minds consciously reminds them to think more about what they are doing and saying. And I think this is where the failure comes into play because the introvert is thinking about the stupid thoughtless things they are saying and alarms are going off telling them how stupid they are and to shut up and think things through.

And an extrovert can learn to be introverted, but this preference to want to influence others in a more spontaneous flow will leave them feeling uneasy and out of place like the introvert. This will be because their minds do not want to analyze all the stuff that comes out of their mouths, after the fact. Instead their minds will analyze how they can influence someone and want desperately to do so and let that out instead of questioning their motives, logic, feelings, values, etc.

For the most part anyway...

Is this wrong thinking? How so?

[Marie84]

I kind of agree with Loki's post, more or less. The part of lacking initiation with others is probably more bothersome to other introverts (I would imagine) especially if you have 2, or more, who are strangers and no one is interacting, it sort of leaves a feeling of awkward silence

I'm sure extroverts often feel that they have to walk on egg-shells around some introverts, not knowing if they may be interfering with the introverts solitude-time and thus receiving a cold reaction if they do or say the wrong thing at the wrong time. But than again, this is how I feel around Ep's

[Currere]

I kind of agree with Loki's post, more or less. The part of lacking initiation with others is probably more bothersome to other introverts (I would imagine) especially if you have 2, or more, who are strangers and no one is interacting, it sort of leaves a feeling of awkward silence

I was in a situation like this two nights ago, where a neighboring family came over with their kids (ranging 10 to 16 years old, I think). Whenever something like this happens, I basically become the "host" of the non-adults. I've been in the position loads of times, and I think these three in particular might be introverts. I instinctively ask what they want to do, and one of them usually responds, "Whatever you want to do." This is troubling because not only do I want to follow someone else's lead, but I also consider that my duty as a host is to see to the specific interests of the guests. In fact, it's a little bit frustrating.

I expect interactions between two introverts will tend to be boring or quick to die, unless it's between two Activators.

Wouldn't a bunch of extraverts eventually tire each other out, though, with all the unspoken competition in wanting to get attention or taking the lead?

[redbaron]

I was in a situation like this two nights ago, where a neighboring family came over with their kids (ranging 10 to 16 years old, I think). Whenever something like this happens, I basically become the "host" of the non-adults. I've been in the position loads of times, and I think these three in particular might be introverts. I instinctively ask what they want to do, and one of them usually responds, "Whatever you want to do." This is troubling because not only do I want to follow someone else's lead, but I also consider that my duty as a host is to see to the specific interests of the guests. In fact, it's a little bit frustrating.

I expect interactions between two introverts will tend to be boring or quick to die, unless it's between two Activators.

yeah. But interactions between introverts generally pick up with new external information. So for example, if I'm doing something new in my life and there's lots to tell about, interactions with another introvert can be quite fun. Thing is, if it's always MY job to bring the new information into the relationship, I grow weary and stop. I kind of expect the other person (whether introvert or extrovert) to take a turn with this. If they don't, it dies off until one of us decides to pick up the ball. It's like playing tennis with someone who's not returning the ball I guess. I mean, I'm perfectly willing to pull my weight but I've gotta feel like I have a partner and not just a completely passive recipient. With two introverts, even activators, there's a sort of ebb and flow to the relationship where you come together and then go back into yourself for awhile, then come together again. I think it CAN be pretty fulfilling if both people are interested. Not optimal but I know several good introvert activator marriages that do alright.

Wouldn't a bunch of extraverts eventually tire each other out, though, with all the unspoken competition in wanting to get attention or taking the lead?

yes, I've seen this happen too. Where two extroverts are fighting for attention and trying to talk at once (especially between two women, lol!) Pretty funny actually.

[Currere]

@redbaron: Yeah, you're right about that. Although I don't mind being quiet, I do try and continue the conversation in any direction I think it's worth continuing it. But it seems like when the built-up "new external information" reserve is dried up, the conversation just suddenly ends. I guess I've been in the company of an ILE and we didn't really have anything more to say, so I don't think it's entirely an introvert/extrovert divide.

[Lobo]

yeah. But interactions between introverts generally pick up with new external information. So for example, if I'm doing something new in my life and there's lots to tell about, interactions with another introvert can be quite fun. Thing is, if it's always MY job to bring the new information into the relationship, I grow weary and stop. I kind of expect the other person (whether introvert or extrovert) to take a turn with this. If they don't, it dies off until one of us decides to pick up the ball. It's like playing tennis with someone who's not returning the ball I guess. I mean, I'm perfectly willing to pull my weight but I've gotta feel like I have a partner and not just a completely passive recipient. With two introverts, even activators, there's a sort of ebb and flow to the relationship where you come together and then go back into yourself for awhile, then come together again. I think it CAN be pretty fulfilling if both people are interested. Not optimal but I know several good introvert activator marriages that do alright.

yes, I've seen this happen too. Where two extroverts are fighting for attention and trying to talk at once (especially between two women, lol!) Pretty funny actually.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

[ScarlettLux]

Well, I love introverts. They're not overbearing, they're cute and sweet. I get to initiate and not feel intimidated by the actions of extraverts. I always find myself gravitating towards introverts because I feel more comfortable around them -- they're not gonna keep yapping about themselves like a lot of extraverts.

[redbaron]

Well, I love introverts. They're not overbearing, they're cute and sweet. I get to initiate and not feel intimidated by the actions of extraverts. I always find myself gravitating towards introverts because I feel more comfortable around them -- they're not gonna keep yapping about themselves like a lot of extraverts.

[BlackCat]

I always thought that "typical" introversion was social last in the enneagram. Social first introverts that I know can't stop talking, really.

[GuavaDrunk]

If people complain about something yet show no intent to do anything about the problem: listen then ask innocently what they're going to do about it.

Source: Games People Play - Berne (?)