'Tis true.
'Tis true.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
Bizarre. Even Vince Vaughn says so. Tell your friend to write ILI.
There is no advice.
The mind is restless and difficult to restrain, but it is subdued by practice
-Krishna
LOL Chris, great video clip.
My mom's ILI. I would say that they are very much traditionalists and they get a good reading of who they like at first sight; the only thing about the type is that they tend to be homebodies and regular introverts who don't actively involved themselves in making parties for people and thereby establishing a social friendship. I would say that they are likely to meet their mate at school or at their local community. I always suggest that an ILI live in a big apartment complex where there's a shared courtyard where people hang out. This way, there's sure to be a social SEE who meets them and can invite them to hang out.
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Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
lol... i think Vince Vaughn is SEE, and i wonder if he's just basically playing himself in his roles.
Marista I fail miserably at most traditional traditions. I failed at being Catholic and I fail at authority with black and white rules. If I find an immediate attraction to a person it’s an intuitive one. I’ve only had an intuitive and immediate attraction twice in my entire life.
I detest community gatherings and I win staring contests because people have always stared at my face. I think I met Brad Pitt’s identical twin at a community gathering once. I wasn’t impressed. He did tell me an interesting story about accidently lighting his hair on fire and I laughed.
You must be speaking about some other type. I’m glad you like the video
The mind is restless and difficult to restrain, but it is subdued by practice
-Krishna
hahMarista I fail miserably at most traditional traditions. I failed at being Catholic and I fail at authority with black and white rules. If I find an immediate attraction to a person it’s an intuitive one. I’ve only had an intuitive and immediate attraction twice in my entire life.
I detest community gatherings and I win staring contests because people have always stared at my face. I think I met Brad Pitt’s identical twin at a community gathering once. I wasn’t impressed. He did tell me an interesting story about accidently lighting his hair on fire and I laughed.
You must be speaking about some other type. I’m glad you like the video
Well, i think I had a teacher that was related to brad pitt...my music teacher; he was so good looking.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
I had sex with Crispin Glover thrice removed.
"[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Brought to you by socionix.com
Well then you would have liked this guy maybe. His name was Aidan and I wasn't very interested because he reminded me of Floyd in the movie "True Romance"
The mind is restless and difficult to restrain, but it is subdued by practice
-Krishna
Thankfully, this particular ILI is history.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
The girl in my avatar is an ILI. Our tale is a bit weird and such but I must say that @Saberstorm 's post was quite accurate on so many aspects. All ILIs have this tendency to push you away which is a problem for anyone but aggressors. I'm not an aggressor myself and I always struggled to keep up with her. Obviously, you need to see beyond the surface because when an ILI doesn't really care about you, they simply ignore you. You see that they care about you when they test you.
We aren't together now but I've always kept this special feeling about her. And I'm sure she still cares about me because my love for her has always been sincere and it goes straight to the core of an ILI (and I figure SLIs too). I don't imagine myself marrying her and having kids, etc. But getting to know someone on a deep level makes that person special and pretty much compensates for some degree of incompatibility.
One thing that you won't hear often is that we both knew about Socionics before knowing each other.
Last edited by mikemex; 09-02-2013 at 07:12 AM.
[| NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)
You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life. - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.
i've found some interesting pointers to ILI romancing behavior by Stratievskaya. dunno how much of this is true, but it's been a good read nonetheless.
from SEE-ILI duality: As with SEE, for the ILI it is convenient to be either among the "winners" – to be the one who leads others away – or to be the one who is "won over" and is led away – that is, to play the role of the "valuable prize" for which others must fight, throw themselves onto each other's spears, enter into competitions and duels, while he, "so be it", will go to the winner of these contests. In the previous dyad this role is taken on by the IEI, another tactical, suggestible by sensing type, who, in our previous example, has provoked two women to vie for him. Similar "courting contests" are practiced by Balzac, who maintains relationships with several partners at the same time and praises one for the "edification" of another.
...
Even then, allowing his partner to overcome all barriers that he has set up, ILI slows him down at the very last front or creates even more obstacles. For example, offering his impassioned partner to stay over for the night, he may prepare his bed completely separately, thus showing his utter lack of interest in physical intimacy. So how should his partner act? This is what ILI is testing for. If during the night territorial boundaries have not been transgressed, ILI will consider himself misunderstood. Then he may either immediately try to provoke his partner to explicit activity or lose interest in him. What if his partner has declared his intentions to be "the possessor" and violated these "territorial boundaries"? What then? Here everything depends on how the partner asserted his wishes. If he spent half the night pondering, and another half trying to unsuccessfully engage the ILI, then in the morning ILI may consider that he no longer wants to see this person again. And he will be completely right in this – with such a partner he will never feel himself assured and secure.from Fe/Fi sections: And these are yet not all of his problems. Subconsciously, oriented at his dual Caesar - bright, strong, positive personality - Balzac constantly expects the "crane in the sky", preferring not to trade it for insignificant "titmice" *. Sometimes, relying on his own foresight more than on real observations, he doesn't even permit himself to take his time to examine in the next titmouse to see in it his desired crane, later in life repeatedly regretting the opportunities that he has missed.
Furthermore, Balzac frequently does not recognize and admit to the presence of some deficiencies in himself. Practice shows that sometimes, when he finally meets the embodiment of his ideal, i.e. when his partner meets his criteria for both external and internal qualities, even then he managers to write off his own failures and flaws and assign them to some qualities of his partner, which personally he cannot make amends with. (Possibly, the fable of the "Fox and Grapes" was written by Balzacs for themselves.)
Last edited by silke; 09-19-2013 at 07:04 AM.
The first part is good.
Fe/Fi sections? I think the ILI does recognize deficiencies in himself if he's healthy.Unhealthy people like to focus on their flaws/negative. If you haven't been in a relationship with a healthy ILI, then you're not going to hear about their flaws. ILI probably just doesn't trust you.
^could be any type really.
The mind is restless and difficult to restrain, but it is subdued by practice
-Krishna
ILIs don't have reproductive organs.
Easy to VI
I am not sure I am understanding this correctly. It sounds like a petty and cruel way to test people. It's one thing to overcome hurdles because the person you are interested in needs some time to open up, but it's quite another to create an obstacle course for testing purposes. This sounds so petty and annoying.from SEE-ILI duality: Even then, allowing his partner to overcome all barriers that he has set up, ILI slows him down at the very last front or creates even more obstacles. For example, offering his impassioned partner to stay over for the night, he may prepare his bed completely separately, thus showing his utter lack of interest in physical intimacy. So how should his partner act? This is what ILI is testing for. If during the night territorial boundaries have not been transgressed, ILI will consider himself misunderstood. Then he may either immediately try to provoke his partner to explicit activity or lose interest in him. What if his partner has declared his intentions to be "the possessor" and violated these "territorial boundaries"? What then? Here everything depends on how the partner asserted his wishes. If he spent half the night pondering, and another half trying to unsuccessfully engage the ILI, then in the morning ILI may consider that he no longer wants to see this person again. And he will be completely right in this – with such a partner he will never feel himself assured and secure.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
Good post.
Never gamble on deluded romanticists.
Yeah, SEE are good about taking what they want. However I am hating on the influences of social media and that is that it teaches "general values" that are so against the nature of duality like "one does not do that when invited to stay over." Or, any number of etiquette behaviors that cross boundaries and obscure instinctive action based on the person's type. I frown upon this.
Games and politics are common in that dual pair; my mother's motto is "tell them you are sick when you can't go to the party" and mine is "mom, why would I lie, you're asking me to lie. I'll tell them the truth that I need to go buy groceries." Her excuse is "oh honey....you don't have to tell them about every little thing that goes on in your life." She makes it seem like some sort of power game dynamic thing I can't understand.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
humThe first thing that you encounter with another person is their role function, which Renin calls their zone of fears. The role function of the ILI is Si, this means that they will exhibit a strong degree of uneasiness about their own physical perfection. They will feel awkward or ugly, so complementing them will help, and do it often. However by complementing them you are addressing their zone of fears they will become both leery of the complement and very cocky because of it, only to crash suddenly if their are not given more positive feedback.
They will exhibit not merely the perception of their own ugliness, but the fear of Si is also the fear of giving pleasure. They will not desire to humor a person flirting with them. They will fear attachments, they will fear that they are making you dependent on them. They will fear that they cannot really be fun. They will fear that they cannot really be sexually satisfying. They will act like an inhibited "Mister Peabody" good old "Poindexter." Think Sponge Bob Squarepants. That is their self image. They cannot really be fun, you can't really like them. They do not feel comfortable giving pleasure. (After the relationship turns sexual, he will need lots of complements here about sex.)
Their mobilizing function will kick in, which is Minus style Fi. This is a sense of abhorrence. They have a strong desire to avoid the wrong people for them and so they will be dismissive of that person flirting with them, who they will assume is the wrong girl for them anyway.
The minus Fi acts however to fill them with pride. They will be likely to have a crush on a girl that is far away or too good for them. They will patiently wait for their true love to arrive or open up to them. You must find out who this distant more perfect girl is, and get rid of her.
They have a hard time with women in the here and now, they are more comfortable with hypothetical women. You have to get rid of the hypothetical woman. The ILI will treat the hypothetical woman as if she is real. The Ni dominance of the ILI causes him to treat all hypotheticals as real!
She must demonstrate her dominate Se, ILIs have no independent willpower and will cave to her pressure, but it might take a while. Se is suggestive to him. He will yield to her persistence.
They are sexual victims in erotic attitude. Be strong willed and forceful, yet be reassuring and complementing. He will cave, he has weak Se and it is "suggestive" which means he cannot resist it.
Don't you expect you "provoke" in that case for them to take action? My mom does. Because in "provoking" you are asking for the person to cross boundaries.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Some people like games and obstacles. I don't...no,no, no I don't @Legerdemain
Kim, Legerd likes this apparently.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
I've dated an ILI in the past and not really had an issue with anything like that. I was fairly assertive from the get go, though, so that might have something to do with it.
The only shitty test I had to put up with was when she was joking about sleeping with my friends, which was obviously a ploy to see how interested I was. I just told her straight up that a notion like that was shitty, I wouldn't tolerate anything like that and that even though I was very fond of her, I'd break up with her immediately if it happened. Seemed to do the trick.
what do I like?
oh, games. Some games are fine.
Chess is nice.
Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.
In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.
When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.
So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.
InvisibruJim
I do and say things.
90% of this is untrue. and 50% is creepyThe first thing that you encounter with another person is their role function, which Renin calls their zone of fears. The role function of the ILI is Si, this means that they will exhibit a strong degree of uneasiness about their own physical perfection. They will feel awkward or ugly, so complementing them will help, and do it often. However by complementing them you are addressing their zone of fears they will become both leery of the complement and very cocky because of it, only to crash suddenly if their are not given more positive feedback.
They will exhibit not merely the perception of their own ugliness, but the fear of Si is also the fear of giving pleasure. They will not desire to humor a person flirting with them. They will fear attachments, they will fear that they are making you dependent on them. They will fear that they cannot really be fun. They will fear that they cannot really be sexually satisfying. They will act like an inhibited "Mister Peabody" good old "Poindexter." Think Sponge Bob Squarepants. That is their self image. They cannot really be fun, you can't really like them. They do not feel comfortable giving pleasure. (After the relationship turns sexual, he will need lots of complements here about sex.)
Their mobilizing function will kick in, which is Minus style Fi. This is a sense of abhorrence. They have a strong desire to avoid the wrong people for them and so they will be dismissive of that person flirting with them, who they will assume is the wrong girl for them anyway.
The minus Fi acts however to fill them with pride. They will be likely to have a crush on a girl that is far away or too good for them. They will patiently wait for their true love to arrive or open up to them. You must find out who this distant more perfect girl is, and get rid of her.
They have a hard time with women in the here and now, they are more comfortable with hypothetical women. You have to get rid of the hypothetical woman. The ILI will treat the hypothetical woman as if she is real. The Ni dominance of the ILI causes him to treat all hypotheticals as real!
She must demonstrate her dominate Se, ILIs have no independent willpower and will cave to her pressure, but it might take a while. Se is suggestive to him. He will yield to her persistence.
They are sexual victims in erotic attitude. Be strong willed and forceful, yet be reassuring and complementing. He will cave, he has weak Se and it is "suggestive" which means he cannot resist it.
I might do that. Why? I don't like bothering people and being THAT person. I don't want to seem obnoxious. I am busy. I like to really think about them and about where to take them. Mostly, though, I wouldn't want to ruin it by interrupting them when they're busy at work, etc.
He asked how she was, showed concern about her crappy day, told her he would call her later so he can hear all about it, but never called. So it is not so much about not calling all the time, but to follow through when you promise you will call, especially when the person is having a rough time.
That being said, she does need a lot of attention and it is just a bad match...
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
I am not a traditionalist. I do get a reading of whom I like now, but that might just be because I finally have more experience with my duals. I am more of a library-body than a homebody. I always get bored and disturbed by whatever house I happen to be in, but i'm Sx/so, too, and that might tie in. I meet guys at work, at school, at social events, at bars, at restaurants, etc.
Oh, I think he cares about her in some fashion if he bothered with all of that lovingness. Personally, even follow-ups I intend to make sometimes I get distracted from. Because I'm not head over heels for the person? No. Because I literally don't understand time like people around me do.
probably not how to date an ILI, by saying they don't have reproductive organs online
If I said that, it'd be because I am sensitive to people reacting as if I mean other things when I tell them every reason I'm not going to go to their party. They think I hate them or don't like them. I don't lie, but I do leave out the bits they will twist because of their own tendency to insecurity. And you don't owe them all your private information. It isn't so much a power game dynamic manipulation that she is MAKING it. More it's that she focuses on (because she's sensitive to it) the way people respond sometimes when she doesn't want to do what they want her to. If there's a way in which I'm not feeling well (even if it isn't the MAIN reason I'd stay away from the party) I get understanding responses and well wishes, instead of vindictive angst if I tell them the other reasons I don't want to go which they subjectively value less than my not feeling well.
Where's the bar... ILI dating behavior.
The mind is restless and difficult to restrain, but it is subdued by practice
-Krishna
I should add that I am now leaning ESE for her, so it is a bit of a socionics trainwreck...
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
It's a good thing you're not charging for this service, Kim.
"[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Brought to you by socionix.com
Typical Irrational Logical type behavior in dating imho : a clash between the aims of the HA and routine behavior thrown automatically by their creative. It produces a bunch of contradictory actions that even they find hard to deal with.
typical INTp announcement of dating intentions
Alleged ILI reporting in. Can confirm the stereotypes. Never been on a date. No interaction with females around my age period.
Its not that I'm asexual, horribly unattractive or anything like that, its the damn VICTIM romance style. I don't know if its like this for every ILI but girls that I find very attractive also TERRIFY me. Its impossible to pin down exactly what it is I'm even afraid about. Fear of rejection, feeling inadequate, afraid of what other guys might think may all play a role but I can't say its any one in particular. Obviously I'm consciously aware the fears are irrational but that doesn't help. In my case its got so bad that the mere mention of the name of the person i was interested in was enough to cause uncontrollable blushing, let alone ever trying to actively approach them. That's why many ILIs approach in robotic manner and pretend to not really care, because the thought revealing our unusually intense and out of place sentiments scares the shit out of us.
Last edited by Muddy; 07-22-2015 at 05:43 PM.
Geez, you can write this down in your notebook, for this (or many more) IEI as well. o.O
Underline it, twice. Especially the "hypothetical woman" (or man) part.
I feel like this is a commonego problem. No?
Here some advice from Aggressors.
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