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Thread: ILI-INTp dating behavior

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    Default ILI-INTp dating behavior

    My (SEE) friend met this guy and I think he is ILI (he looks like one plus other clues). I am curious as to what dating behavior (or generally behavior of an ILI who might be interested in someone) one can expect from ILIs? Anyone?
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
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    They do and say nothing; they are introverts. They need to be approached and open up over time

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    I remember my ILI friend in high school had a crush on a guy. They were in some kind of advanced student program together and she admired how smart and friendly he was. She wrote a straightforward creative note to him confessing her feelings. He replied back politely in note form telling her that he was not interested in her in that way, but still wanted to be friends. She took it for what it was in a mature way and turned her interests elsewhere.
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    The first thing that you encounter with another person is their role function, which Renin calls their zone of fears. The role function of the ILI is Si, this means that they will exhibit a strong degree of uneasiness about their own physical perfection. They will feel awkward or ugly, so complementing them will help, and do it often. However by complementing them you are addressing their zone of fears they will become both leery of the complement and very cocky because of it, only to crash suddenly if their are not given more positive feedback.

    They will exhibit not merely the perception of their own ugliness, but the fear of Si is also the fear of giving pleasure. They will not desire to humor a person flirting with them. They will fear attachments, they will fear that they are making you dependent on them. They will fear that they cannot really be fun. They will fear that they cannot really be sexually satisfying. They will act like an inhibited "Mister Peabody" good old "Poindexter." Think Sponge Bob Squarepants. That is their self image. They cannot really be fun, you can't really like them. They do not feel comfortable giving pleasure. (After the relationship turns sexual, he will need lots of complements here about sex.)

    Their mobilizing function will kick in, which is Minus style Fi. This is a sense of abhorrence. They have a strong desire to avoid the wrong people for them and so they will be dismissive of that person flirting with them, who they will assume is the wrong girl for them anyway.

    The minus Fi acts however to fill them with pride. They will be likely to have a crush on a girl that is far away or too good for them. They will patiently wait for their true love to arrive or open up to them. You must find out who this distant more perfect girl is, and get rid of her.

    They have a hard time with women in the here and now, they are more comfortable with hypothetical women. You have to get rid of the hypothetical woman. The ILI will treat the hypothetical woman as if she is real. The Ni dominance of the ILI causes him to treat all hypotheticals as real!

    She must demonstrate her dominate Se, ILIs have no independent willpower and will cave to her pressure, but it might take a while. Se is suggestive to him. He will yield to her persistence.

    They are sexual victims in erotic attitude. Be strong willed and forceful, yet be reassuring and complementing. He will cave, he has weak Se and it is "suggestive" which means he cannot resist it.
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saberstorm View Post
    You must find out who this distant more perfect girl is, and get rid of her.

    You have to get rid of the hypothetical woman.

    He will yield to her persistence.

    He will cave, he cannot resist it.
    Assassination, inception and Stockholm syndrome in one post. Impressive!

    Now you know where you've been going wrong all these years @lungs . You haven't applied sufficient ultraviolence.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    They do and say nothing; they are introverts. They need to be approached and open up over time
    Wow that's insightful.

    Hey, guys. Introverts don't do or say anything.



    ^

    Introvert.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fireyed View Post
    I remember my ILI friend in high school had a crush on a guy. They were in some kind of advanced student program together and she admired how smart and friendly he was. She wrote a straightforward creative note to him confessing her feelings. He replied back politely in note form telling her that he was not interested in her in that way, but still wanted to be friends. She took it for what it was in a mature way and turned her interests elsewhere.
    that sounded wes anderson-ish
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    ILIs.... Whattaaa mess amirite?



    I've a friend married to an ILI; it started out as drunken one night stand but he called her the next day. they hung out few times- clicked. she stayed bit distance until he showed increasing interest and it was pretty straight forward: he asked her after two weeks of dating if she saw herself with husband and kids, she said yes and he agreed... And they started to regularly see each other. It was long distance in that he lived 2 hours away but she moved in with him after 6 months of dating bc her roommate dappled in cocaine a few times and drug deelers came to her house so she packed her bags and stayed at her grandmothers and in her car and his place for a few weeks until her classes ended and he insisted she move in. They were married this year. Totally cool couple- they bicker but it's light and amusing. No games.

    The only problem I remember her having with him early on was that his ex was still weasingly around in his life and sent him inappropriate pics when she found out he had moved on and contacted him often- he also called my friend by his exes name a few times by accident and she stormed out each time. They go back and forth with who wears the pants in the relationship.. So overall pretty balanced. She says he understands and she feels like such a better person for being with him. And he adores her.

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    is ur friend a te-ili?
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    lmao asking after 2 weeks if she saw herself with husband and kids. Is it really that mormon-ish over there? :S
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    she said yes.apparently,it worked.how about easing up on that j thang of yoz.
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    Everybody wants to date ili. Yolo

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    your ili percentage keeps going down. you're only half ili now. what's the other half?

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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    your ili percentage keeps going down. you're only half ili now. what's the other half?
    ILI
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    AbsurdEnough,
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    6 40.00%
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    lmao asking after 2 weeks if she saw herself with husband and kids. Is it really that mormon-ish over there? :S
    No.
    He's just serial monogomist, that's his preference; nothing wrong with communicating to see if you want the same things out of life.
    Why waste their time?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    My (SEE) friend met this guy and I think he is ILI (he looks like one plus other clues). I am curious as to what dating behavior (or generally behavior of an ILI who might be interested in someone) one can expect from ILIs? Anyone?
    I have never initiated unless it was clear the girl I liked was interested in me. This is very hard to tell and I would struggle with whether or not those behaviors are clear signs. If they would've just told me they liked me that would've solved everything. However, if a girl was too demonstrative and I didn't like her before that point, I often would try to avoid her. As a general rule, I must like her first, then see if she likes me in return.There was once a very pretty, very intelligent girl in high school that I doted on. I wanted to ask her out so bad, but instead asked her if she wanted to dissect a heart with me for extra credit. I was so nervous. I first like to see if they will do something of interest with me and then just see where it goes from there.
    Last edited by Chains; 07-17-2013 at 02:13 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmers View Post
    I have never initiated unless it was clear the girl I liked was interested in me.
    Same.

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    Hypothetical date with ILI:

    Me: So blah blah blah ha ha blah blah blah.

    ILI: *death stare*

    Me: Yeah so blah blah blah blah.

    ILI: *death stare*

    Me: Is there a problem?

    ILI: *looks confused* No?

    Me: Oh ok. blah bl-

    ILI: *death stare*

    Me: Never mind then...

    Absurd: You Ti dominants sure say things I don't really know where to put.
    labtard: fml
    Absurd: Hah.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saberstorm View Post
    The first thing that you encounter with another person is their role function, which Renin calls their zone of fears. The role function of the ILI is Si, this means that they will exhibit a strong degree of uneasiness about their own physical perfection. They will feel awkward or ugly, so complementing them will help, and do it often. However by complementing them you are addressing their zone of fears they will become both leery of the complement and very cocky because of it, only to crash suddenly if their are not given more positive feedback.

    They will exhibit not merely the perception of their own ugliness, but the fear of Si is also the fear of giving pleasure. They will not desire to humor a person flirting with them. They will fear attachments, they will fear that they are making you dependent on them. They will fear that they cannot really be fun. They will fear that they cannot really be sexually satisfying. They will act like an inhibited "Mister Peabody" good old "Poindexter." Think Sponge Bob Squarepants. That is their self image. They cannot really be fun, you can't really like them. They do not feel comfortable giving pleasure. (After the relationship turns sexual, he will need lots of complements here about sex.)

    Their mobilizing function will kick in, which is Minus style Fi. This is a sense of abhorrence. They have a strong desire to avoid the wrong people for them and so they will be dismissive of that person flirting with them, who they will assume is the wrong girl for them anyway.

    The minus Fi acts however to fill them with pride. They will be likely to have a crush on a girl that is far away or too good for them. They will patiently wait for their true love to arrive or open up to them. You must find out who this distant more perfect girl is, and get rid of her.

    They have a hard time with women in the here and now, they are more comfortable with hypothetical women. You have to get rid of the hypothetical woman. The ILI will treat the hypothetical woman as if she is real. The Ni dominance of the ILI causes him to treat all hypotheticals as real!

    She must demonstrate her dominate Se, ILIs have no independent willpower and will cave to her pressure, but it might take a while. Se is suggestive to him. He will yield to her persistence.

    They are sexual victims in erotic attitude. Be strong willed and forceful, yet be reassuring and complementing. He will cave, he has weak Se and it is "suggestive" which means he cannot resist it.
    I'd love to read the SLI version of this... maybe a new post on Delta forum?
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Other
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    Quote Originally Posted by HandiAce View Post
    Hypothetical date with ILI:

    Me: So blah blah blah ha ha blah blah blah.

    ILI: *death stare*

    Me: Yeah so blah blah blah blah.

    ILI: *death stare*

    Me: Is there a problem?

    ILI: *looks confused* No?

    Me: Oh ok. blah bl-

    ILI: *death stare*

    Me: Never mind then...
    that's because u r a Ne sub
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    I am not sure I have consistent behavior since it depends on the person I'm dating. I'll straight up let someone know how I feel about them if asked or even if I'm feeling bold enough to in the moment, although I haven't always been that way. I'm sure someone else could objectively look at my patterns of behavior and figure out some through-line though. Generally, if I am responding or interacting at all, that is a good sign.

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    ILIs date?

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    Well, this guy is entirely hopeless. If you are interested in someone and just start out, you just don't go days without contact and don't call when you say you will call. You just don't. It might not be type-related (I sincerely hope it's not dear ILIs).
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
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    I prefer people to just ask me to move in with them.
    "[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scapegrace View Post
    I prefer people to just ask me to move in with them.
    I think she would prefer that, too.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Sorry Kim, he's just not that interested in your friend.

    Or at least, he has better things to do.

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    She asked him about it and he said he is very interested, which is the frustrating part.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    I think she would prefer that, too.
    She should ask him. I don't see why people feel the need to jump through all those hoops. It's either going to work or not. Dating is a waste of time. You might as well test the relationship early.

    Dating in America reminds me of how rich white people "teach" their kids to swim. Years and years of swimming lessons in pristine YMCA pools. Bubble blowing, floating, all that jazz. My mum threw me in a pond and told me to kick my arms and legs. It took three seconds.

    She's doing this female role shit where she feels like she can't make plans and ask him on a date. If I were a man I would never get any action. Haha. She should just tell him "Friday at ten we're doing X so don't make plans with your WOW clan. "
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    She asked him about it and he said he is very interested, which is the frustrating part.
    There are always people I'm very interested in, but I'm generally not that interested in people, so it is easy for a person to be very interesting, but still less interesting than Spartacus!

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    In the end it doesn't really matter much why he is acting the way he is. It's not working for her and she needs to move on.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Because she is amazing and needs to be worshipped.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    In the end it doesn't really matter much why he is acting the way he is. It's not working for her and she needs to move on.
    Correcto, but it's still a decision that the individuals need to explore and make for themselves.

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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Correcto, but it's still a decision that the individuals need to explore and make for themselves.
    No, she needs to do what I tell her. I know best.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    She should just get a dog. Dogs will treat you better than any old man.
    "[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    No, she needs to do what I tell her. I know best.
    You should date Maritsa.
    "[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scapegrace View Post
    She should just get a dog. Dogs will treat you better than any old man.
    The truth.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    No, she needs to do what I tell her. I know best.
    I'll never understand Delta NFs

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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    I'll never understand Delta NFs
    I am joking, come on!
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    I am joking, come on!
    Oh, alright

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