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Thread: Member Questionnaire (squark)

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    Default Member Questionnaire (squark)

    Member Questionnaire 1 (squark)
    What is beauty? What is love?
    Beauty is something that pleases the eye, the ear, the mind, or the heart. Something can be beautiful in one of these aspects, several, or all of them. All are subjective, though what is pleasing to the senses tends to have more universal agreement than the other two, with symmetry, balance, harmony and spatial arrangement as large factors in determining whether something is thought beautiful or not.

    Love is a release of barriers, a state of extreme voluntary emotional vulnerability to another person while simultaneously caring about them and their well-being. It allows someone else's wants and needs to become very important to you. It requires trust, and creates a greater sensitivity to that person's actions and feelings. Saying, "I love you," is like saying, "Your heart matters to me and I'll protect it. I want to know you, be close to you, and see you happy. I see who you are, and it makes me happy," and more.

    You can have a fondness and closeness to other people that might also be called love, but isn't quite what I meant. There are different kinds of love (familial, friendship, humanitarian etc. too) and people can force themselves into an artificial intimacy with another as required that isn't love but the vulnerability can create a similar attachment (which is why people "fall in love" with their therapists or clergy members, rescuers, or even those who hold them captive as in stockholm syndrome.) Some people have been treated so badly in their lives that mere kindness can be mistaken for love, and cause them to believe they also love the kind person.

    Then there's infatuation. Infatuation requires that you don't know a person super well, so you have room to imagine various fantastic qualities about them. It's a state of heightened emotion and attachment, and rejection can cause a lot of pain in this state. You focus on them, and want to make them happy, but it's not love. Infatuation requires a kind of blindness, and lives more in your imagination than in any actual relationship. True intimacy is lacking, but perfect intimacy is imagined. True concern is lacking, but a person can imagine they'd do anything for this other person. Infatuation is blind, and you don't want to know the truth. Love isn't blind, and it wants to know everything - the good and the bad. Infatuation is broken by reality, but love is strengthened by it. People can have a mild form of infatuation for new things - if you've ever observed someone who gets really excited by some new gadget, or new clothes or whatever, and then the novelty wears off, or they start noticing over time that there are some small issues with it, and their excitement fades, only to be reignited later by something else that promises more. The way some people are infatuated by new things, others become infatuated with new people. Those who only like the "falling in love" stage of a new relationship, and get bored quickly after are chasing infatuation, not love. An infatuation can be sustained for years if you keep your knowledge of the other person at a certain level - just enough to keep the fantasy going. Love on the other hand doesn't exist without knowledge. You can't love what you don't know.
    What are your most important values?
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    Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
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    Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
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    What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
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    Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
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    What do you think of daily chores?
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    Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
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    What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
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    Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
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    What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
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    What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
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    In what areas of your life would you like help?
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    Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
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    What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
    Honesty is my favorite quality. Knowing that I can trust someone is the best feeling ever. When I know someone will tell me the truth, even if it's not easy to hear makes me so incredibly happy. I am somewhat suspicious of people, possibly enhanced by being around too many who abused my trust, lied to me outright, or hid things from me, and having to carry a knot of doubt and suspicion around with me wears me down, but it can be hard to trust. So, having someone be open and honest with me and not hide anything from me is super super valuable and important to me.
    How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
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    If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
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    A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
    Immediately, I'd argue my pov, and feel like I needed to set them straight. If they had a strong argument, with good supporting evidence though, where it casts my current view into doubt, I'd consider it. I might not immediately concede, but if after looking it over myself and weighing the evidence I saw that they were right, I'd let them know.
    Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
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    How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
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    How do you behave around strangers?
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    Hmm, interesting reading what you wrote. Some part of it is like following a thread that splits into many tiny threads that encompass this forum...

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    [/INDENT]How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?[/INDENT]
    I'm curious about your answer here squark

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    I'm curious about your answer here squark: How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
    Ah, okay. It seems more as though my friends choose me, Maritsa than the other way around. Those who seem to like me, or find me interesting in some way come to me, and our friendships start that way.

    I don't change my behavior at all, but the longer people know me (as with anyone else) the more sides they see, and the more ease I feel around someone, the more likely they'll see more playfulness and lightheartedness . . . and the more I'll actually talk to them, and tell them my (usually private) thoughts and feelings. But, if I don't trust them, it doesn't matter how long we've known each other, or how much they like me - I'll keep my mouth shut. I really enjoy when people are curious about me and want to know more, and will ask me things - except when I don't want to tell them anything - then they get nothing. I think that's pretty much how everyone else behaves too though. . .

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    Ah, okay. It seems more as though my friends choose me, Maritsa than the other way around. Those who seem to like me, or find me interesting in some way come to me, and our friendships start that way.

    I don't change my behavior at all, but the longer people know me (as with anyone else) the more sides they see, and the more ease I feel around someone, the more likely they'll see more playfulness and lightheartedness . . . and the more I'll actually talk to them, and tell them my (usually private) thoughts and feelings. But, if I don't trust them, it doesn't matter how long we've known each other, or how much they like me - I'll keep my mouth shut. I really enjoy when people are curious about me and want to know more, and will ask me things - except when I don't want to tell them anything - then they get nothing. I think that's pretty much how everyone else behaves too though. . .

    Another words you don't force relationships. Right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Another words you don't force relationships. Right?
    Yeah, I don't force friendships.

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