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Thread: Intertype relations question

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    Default Intertype relations question

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    Last edited by Shay; 07-18-2013 at 12:53 AM.

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    Regarding the person who enjoys providing technology and latest equipment sounds like someone who enjoys that stuff him/herself AND might primarily speak the Language of Love known as Gifts.

    Not what you were asking for, i know.
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    It is important to understand WHY these individuals have these trait since very different motivations can cause similar behavior. Your descriptions sound like the first person is sensing logical person and the second is an intuitive ethical person, which is a trait of a dual relationship. I don't know which one in particular though.

    If your example is a description of people in your life, it could be an activator relationship just as easily as a dual relationship. It could also be something completely different, or simply shared and complementary interest completely outside the realm of socionics.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post

    They both give to one another the things which make them happy in their own ways and are things the other wouldn't necessarily really know how to or bother to provide for themselves.

    As for motivations the one who gives the other information and you could even say advice on multiple topics is often answering questions as well as sharing what excites them thus generating interesting conversations.
    The one who provides technologies does so mostly for the others relaxation enjoyment.
    But here's the funny thing.... the person that offers technology as a gift may do so because they themselves enjoy technology, and may be assuming that their level of enjoyment transfers to the other person. It's as if we're all giving gifts into a mirror. I noticed this two Christmases ago. Here's an example:

    My husband loves soundtracks, especially Hans Zimmer (Man of Steel, Inception, Dark Knight). He also loves final fantasy, so I decided to get him concert tickets for the Final Fantasy symphony concert called Distant Worlds, but the concert was in a different state. So the gift was really a packaged trip with to the concert with hotel & flight, and I packaged it up all with clues in a box that I painted and a really long love note.

    He's sentimental and fancier than I am, so he bought me a really nice watch and a beautiful frame of some of his favorite pictures of us together.

    The reality is- I thought I was buying him something he'd like, but in truth, I somehow bought him something that I would want to receive as a gift (travel, adventure to somewhere new, a concert, and a love note). He got me what HE would want as a gift.

    So during our anniversary, I gave some thought as to what he got me for Christmas, which would indicate what he would want and enjoy, and I tried to remove myself and my enjoyment from the idea of the gift. Since he got me the photos, I decided to take my favorite photo of the two of us and have it blown up and artistically painted onto canvas. When I showed him my gift on our anniversary, he looked at me and started laughing. He got me the same thing, same picture and all, artistically blown up and painted onto canvas. So now we have two large canvases of the same photo, side by side, in our room, and it makes us laugh all the time.

    What are the chances? Well.. I figure they're higher once you start paying attention not to what people like, but to what they give to others in the past, because that's probably closer to what they like.


    EDIT: I'm getting him a watch this anniversary.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    This sounds most similar to my ENFp daughter's relationship with her ISTp boyfriend, however their relationship is nothing like my relationship with husband.
    Also what I am attempting to describe is not so much about items given but what's given to help the other person.
    I have thought about this more overnight and come up with more ways in which he helps me such as being the most wonderful provider, a supporter when I have medical/dental issues - always by my side in these matters, he holds my hand when crossing roads to make sure I feel/am safe, he texts or rings me every lunch hour to check in with me and tries to cheer me up with food and movies when I am down.
    What type are you and your husband? He sounds like a man that stands by his wife, his word, and his morals. That's a kind of stability and dependability that I absolutely adore!

    How does your daughter and her husband's relationship differ from yours?
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    Yes my hubby is wonderful and has been my best friend since I was fifteen and a half. I call him a man of integrity as integrity means a lot to him. As for my type I'm probably INFj or another IN type and I am still unsure of my husband's.
    I think the main difference between my daughter's relationship with her boyfriend & mine with husband is that they are happy to often spend time apart doing different activities and going to others for advice whereas my husband and myself are more of a unit - less separation & need for others or others advice.
    My ENFp daughter and I are really close and I nearly lost her in a bush/grass fire at the start of this year and every part of my body hurts just thinking about it as I love her so much...the kindest heart, her harmonious nature, the playfulness, the bouncing of ideas...
    What a sweet family! I'm so very glad your daughter is OK! I cannot imagine how scary that must have been.

    It's interesting that you say she's an ENFp, but she's OK doing her own thing apart from her husband. I'm learning more and more than I need to just go out and do the things that I want to do, because my husband in general doesn't enjoy what I enjoy. It's both wonderful and heartbreaking, as I think I personally romanticized my life with a partner closer to an Activity relationship model, where we do everything together, but that's been far from the case. In fact, if there's something I want to do, I'm better off doing it alone, because he'll either not want to do it, or it'll take him eons to come around. But if there's something he wants to do, I'm always the ring leader, planning and making it happen. I wonder how your daughter feels about that. Perhaps she's since adjusted. We ENFp types seem to adjust well : )

    Loved your description of you and your husband. You sound like a lovely couple!
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Quote Originally Posted by applejacks View Post
    What a sweet family! I'm so very glad your daughter is OK! I cannot imagine how scary that must have been.

    It's interesting that you say she's an ENFp, but she's OK doing her own thing apart from her husband. I'm learning more and more than I need to just go out and do the things that I want to do, because my husband in general doesn't enjoy what I enjoy. It's both wonderful and heartbreaking, as I think I personally romanticized my life with a partner closer to an Activity relationship model, where we do everything together, but that's been far from the case. In fact, if there's something I want to do, I'm better off doing it alone, because he'll either not want to do it, or it'll take him eons to come around. But if there's something he wants to do, I'm always the ring leader, planning and making it happen. I wonder how your daughter feels about that. Perhaps she's since adjusted. We ENFp types seem to adjust well : )

    Loved your description of you and your husband. You sound like a lovely couple!

    my SLI brother is like the laziest person on the planet. he has to have everything set up for him to want to do anything. it drives his gf mad but she plans everything and forces him to go... he bitches about it, but he always says he had fun..after the fact.

    and applejacks, lol that's hilarious about the painting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    my SLI brother is like the laziest person on the planet. he has to have everything set up for him to want to do anything. it drives his gf mad but she plans everything and forces him to go... he bitches about it, but he always says he had fun..after the fact.

    and applejacks, lol that's hilarious about the painting.
    Any idea what your brother's gf is?

    It's hard not to feel like you're holding up more than your end with an SLI, but he honestly tells me he'd be perfectly happy being home alone while I go out and do things. Yet, he'll reveal later on that he wishes he would have partied more, especially while in college, instead of staying in and playing video games. I suppose it's my job to remind him and keep things adventurous.

    Sounds like your brother is the same way.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Quote Originally Posted by applejacks View Post
    Any idea what your brother's gf is?

    It's hard not to feel like you're holding up more than your end with an SLI, but he honestly tells me he'd be perfectly happy being home alone while I go out and do things. Yet, he'll reveal later on that he wishes he would have partied more, especially while in college, instead of staying in and playing video games. I suppose it's my job to remind him and keep things adventurous.

    Sounds like your brother is the same way.

    I think she's ESE (ESFj). yeah, she gets really annoyed with him- they bicker a ton. it's extremely annoying to be around. but she gets him to do things. usually by pestering him, giving him choices, and if those don't work she ignores him for a few days... like I said, they bicker a lot so probably not the greatest ideas.

    that kind of stinks. I mean I love going off and doing things on my own- I get sick of having someone stuck to my hip...but not everything and not everyday. Does he know you sometimes wish he did more with you?

    Like maybe talk to him about having a date night/actually going out to try something new at least once a week. Give him like 4-5 choices to choose from maybe so he doesn't feel like he has to do something he doesn't want to (pfew....even that sounds like a lot of work tho)....psh...men.

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    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    I think she's ESE (ESFj). yeah, she gets really annoyed with him- they bicker a ton. it's extremely annoying to be around. but she gets him to do things. usually by pestering him, giving him choices, and if those don't work she ignores him for a few days... like I said, they bicker a lot so probably not the greatest ideas.

    that kind of stinks. I mean I love going off and doing things on my own- I get sick of having someone stuck to my hip...but not everything and not everyday. Does he know you sometimes wish he did more with you?

    Like maybe talk to him about having a date night/actually going out to try something new at least once a week. Give him like 4-5 choices to choose from maybe so he doesn't feel like he has to do something he doesn't want to (pfew....even that sounds like a lot of work tho)....psh...men.
    I think the difference here is that I get annoyed, but I also understand him so well that it's hard for me to hold a grudge. In 2 years, we've never really fought each other, but I'll have moments where I get cranky with him being so introverted, but that's mostly because I'm socially starved right now. What's worse is he works with people all day. So at the end of the day, he's absolutely exhausted, and there's no energy left to do something that I want to do even if he wants to. He definitely knows all this, and I think he tries to make up for it by working hard to allow me to afford little luxury perks, which most of the time I really don't care about. I'm just not into shopping.

    As for date nights, I try to hold us to doing something weekly, but if I didn't hold us to it, he'd just plain forget. Same with watching a church sermon online. Same with anything that I want us to do, and the problem is I'm so inconsistent, it's impossible for me to hold a schedule on my own without social reinforcement. He'll just plain forget most things unless I make him stick to it.

    I even try to pick things that I want to do that I figure he'd want to do, also. I really, really wanted to see Monsters University last weekend, but he was too tired. Yet when Star Trek came out, we drove 4.5 hours to the nearest IMAX so he could see it there. What usually ends up happening is I adapt until I need a release, I express my frustration, he explains his side, and we vent it out magically without hurting each other's feelings, and walk away from it with some sign of affection. And then I'll just go and do what I want, because I get tired of bending over backwards to try and change him, because it just won't happen.

    I say all these things not out as an emotional rant, but more just as the way that it is. He most definitely pulls through for me when I need him, and I'm so scatter brained that he truly is my foundation. He's able to do the same thing over and over again, day in and day out, which I couldn't do if my life depended on it. So he knows when he needs to step up to the plate. I've just unfortunately built myself around him, and have had to learn to become more interdependent, as opposed to dependent on him for happiness.

    Those SLI bastards. I apparently can't help myself.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Well, most ISxx types are a bit like that, I suppose.

    With my girlfriend, I just insist without bickering. And I mean I may start 1 month before and remind her 4-5 times a day that I want her to do something particular with me (ofc I only do it if I think she'll enjoy...so no 250 km bike tours). She'll usually say yes out of exhaustion
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    You only need ONE dual to be happy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    Is there a dual pair where one enjoys providing whatever technology/latest equipment the other desires throughout the relationship and the other gives information on multiple topics such as people's feelings, relationships, interesting news bits, what they have learnt, what possibilities exist,implications of things, whats a good price or not and so on?
    Or does this sound like a non duality pairing?
    I could see ST (former description) + NF (latter) very well. Just I see more likely the ST to be the one to tell a good price. But anyway, a price of what? It depends.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    You only need ONE dual to be happy
    Who cares if you can have 20 and be even happier?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    You only need ONE dual to be happy
    Not if they are an asshole/had issues, as has been my experience!

    Also I've NEVER met a male SLE (who is my age - like early-mid 20s) that didn't need to be whipped into shape lol! I feel like that's the IEIs calling haha...
    Last edited by dinki; 07-26-2013 at 12:56 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Not if they are an asshole/had issues, as has been my experience!
    dinki, I know so many great SLE; I'm seeing an LSE now. He's a great guy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by detail View Post
    Who cares if you can have 20 and be even happier?
    Spoken like an Alpha.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Not if they are an asshole/had issues, as has been my experience!
    Let me tell you how amazing this LSE is

    When we were at dinner I asked him, "why are you dating when you're traveling to all these places and you haven't settled or don't know where you want to yet? Shouldn't [here's my judgement ooopsy, bear with me ] you wait to settle before you date?" (I have my reasons for making this last judgement and that is that I don't like it when men have a lax moral outlook about how they treat women and especially relationship, another words my thinking is that you shouldn't see someone who can possibly fall in love with you while your mind is somewhere else like traveling to a new place); my wonderful LSE said "well, she'll come with me of course."

    I thought "yes, baby." That's exactly the kind of man I want. Goodbye to all the ass holes. Usually, the ass hole LSE response to my question above is "well, you're already settled here, right?" In which case I think, "wrong answer ass hole, it's about us not you. If you're giving me this response, that means I'm not in your picture in which case you think you can just toy around with me. Good luck with you and I hope you find your happiness."


    I have should and shouldn't dos about relational behavior

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Let me tell you how amazing this LSE is

    When we were at dinner I asked him, "why are you dating when you're traveling to all these places and you haven't settled or don't know where you want to yet? Shouldn't [here's my judgement ooopsy, bear with me ] you wait to settle before you date?" (I have my reasons for making this last judgement and that is that I don't like it when men have a lax moral outlook about how they treat women and especially relationship, another words my thinking is that you shouldn't see someone who can possibly fall in love with you while your mind is somewhere else like traveling to a new place); my wonderful LSE said "well, she'll come with me of course."

    I thought "yes, baby." That's exactly the kind of man I want. Goodbye to all the ass holes. Usually, the ass hole LSE response to my question above is "well, you're already settled here, right?" In which case I think, "wrong answer ass hole, it's about us not you. If you're giving me this response, that means I'm not in your picture in which case you think you can just toy around with me. Good luck with you and I hope you find your happiness."


    I have should and shouldn't dos about relational behavior
    I'm glad you found a good egg
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