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Thread: Would you get offended if you were given an used gift?

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Default Would you get offended if you were given an used gift?

    Yes/no and why.

    Me: absolutely not but of course, I'm assuming I'm given something in good shape.
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    No, in this society we should be deeply grateful for any selflessness no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. (that probably sounds both condescending and mary sue ish... and preachy all at the same time, but yeah.) Knowing how impolite and rude a lot of people are (I'm not whining about people I realize that there are decent people in the world blah blah blah) but ... it's naive to say that everybody understands compassion and the like, and so- any gift that I receive I am thankful for.

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    DaftPunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbsurdEnough View Post
    Depends if it's used or not. If it's a pack of used condoms, then no.

    But seriously, gift-giving is one of the 5 Love Languages, if you're familiar with the book.

    A snapshot: http://personalitycafe.com/articles/...explained.html

    Gifts
    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.*

    Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” A gift is a symbol of that thought. Gifts come in all sizes, colours and shapes. Some are expensive and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost will matter little.

    There is also an intangible gift that can speak more loudly than something that can be held in one’s hand. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give. Your body becomes the symbol of your love.

    If this is your partner’s love language: Keep a “gift idea” notebook. Every time you hear your spouse say, “I really like that,” write it down. Select gifts you feel comfortable purchasing, making or finding, and don’t wait for a special occasion. Becoming a proficient gift giver is an easy language to learn.
    gifts are materialistic doesn't have to be negative. showing your love manifested in a materialistic thing

    @OP depends on what it is

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    it really depends. i generally don't mind old/used things provided they're usable. i'm definitely not offended when my sister offers me the first pick of her old clothes before she donates them. and if someone i know less has something they want to get rid of, that's ok too. this being said, there are moments when you are "owed" a gift (birthdays, christmases, etc.) and these gifts are usually packed prettily etc. giving old/used stuff is generally discussed openly, it's not decorated with paper/bow and can be refused, so in many ways it's not really a "gift", more like "reduce, reuse, recycle" applied. if situation requires it, you can always give someone a cheap box of chocolates as the official "gift" and offer them something used separately. it's just a social/cultural norm that everyone follows. to give something obviously used as such a gift is generally considered rude and everyone is aware of the fact, therefore doing it is as good as *meant* as an insult and that is bothering in itself. it's like, you may not care about being called a bitch, but if someone does it to insult you, their intention is hurtful even if the words are not.

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    What Aiss said. My family mostly received pre-owned (barely-used or once-tried) gifts last Christmas, but it was due to my own monetary situation (college student living off a min-wage ~15 hrs-per-week job). I don't mind buying new when I can. As for everyday "I thought you might like this" gifts, I have no problem passing on something I've tried and did not care for. Far better to give to to someone who'll use it than to waste the money.
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    I would be, most things in this throw away society are designed to be discarded.
    Reads; You better keep that tampon away from me bitch, lest you taste the flavor of my backhand.
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    No. I'm always happy just to have someone think about me. In fact, since I like neat old objects I'm often happiest to receive something old and used.
    "[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daft21 View Post
    @OP depends on what it is
    I gave a digital camera as a gift last year and this person was complaining that it was nearly useless because it was always left at home when it was most needed so I took a mental note and gave a smartphone with autofocus camera and it was turned down due to being "used". The phone is in good condition, it is not broken or anything it just has the normal wear.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    I gave a digital camera as a gift last year and this person was complaining that it was nearly useless because it was always left at home when it was most needed so I took a mental note and gave a smartphone with autofocus camera and it was turned down due to being "used". The phone is in good condition, it is not broken or anything it just has the normal wear.
    I wouldn't have a problem in casu

    But i wouldn't give a person like this a gift anymore

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    Yes, because I'm an asshole.




    Infact I generally dislike getting gifts. Because I'm an asshole.




    And truck likes me being an asshole.

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    depending on the gift it can be better than something new. like an heirloom, or even something like a book that they've read and enjoyed, gives it character. if it's something like an old toaster i'd probably assume they are tight on money and wouldn't be offended.

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    Hm, strange. Taking offense is something I'd do if I or someone else around me was insulted. I think receiving a slightly used gift would be more so intriguing than anything. Sounds like your recipient was a little rude about it, or am I misinterpreting? In my mind, at least you gave something!
    @AbsurdEnough I loved learning about the 5 Love Languages. I enjoyed the book, and if nothing else, it makes you pay attention to how others give (and therefore most likely want to receive) love. I tried to explain this to a friend of mine, and she merely said "if only it were so simple", but I do think an accumulation of small things (small changes) can add up to make a great difference. My husband has also given a little attention to it, although he doesn't always remember to speak my language. He prefers to speak his and give me gifts or allow me to buy extra nice things, as I typically don't spend money (except on theme parties)

    For me, I long to hear Words of Affirmation, to the point where I may stealthily-and-not-so-openly fish for a compliment, or even an opinion, which I would hope might be complimentary. Nothing makes my day like a genuine compliment. My love bucket feels empty without it.

    I'm also very touchy, but only with my spouse.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Quote Originally Posted by AbsurdEnough View Post
    Yeah I'm not gifts love language either. Quality time seems to be huge for me, someone going out of there way to spend time with me I really like. Words of affirmation as well, and some physical touch.
    Wonder if there are patterns between love languages and socionics. I suspect my mother in law is LSE, and all she wants is Quality Time (riding bikes, traveling, etc), and some words of affirmation, specifically words that show appreciation for all the little things she does for the family (because there are MANY)
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Daft21 View Post
    But i wouldn't give a person like this a gift anymore
    When it comes to human beings, simple actions mask deeper and more complex motivations. I don't think this person is ungrateful; what I think is that hasn't reached maturity yet. You know, when you're low on self esteem and seek vanity to compensate, peer pressure can be the shaping force behind everything. And there is people who assume that your personal worth is associated to what you have because in many environments this determines your level of acceptance. A lot of people learn to think this way.

    I'm not surprised then that this person, contaminated with this idea, thought that I was devaluing by giving something used. I don't need to hear it to be honest; I'm sure that the first idea that came to the mind wasn't the usefulness of what was given and the joy it would bring by solving an expressed problem. It was probably "I'm not worth enough to be given something new".
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    When it comes to human beings, simple actions mask deeper and more complex motivations. I don't think this person is ungrateful; what I think is that hasn't reached maturity yet. You know, when you're low on self esteem and seek vanity to compensate, peer pressure can be the shaping force behind everything. And there is people who assume that your personal worth is associated to what you have because in many environments this determines your level of acceptance. A lot of people learn to think this way.

    I'm not surprised then that this person, contaminated with this idea, thought that I was devaluing by giving something used. I don't need to hear it to be honest; I'm sure that the first idea that came to the mind wasn't the usefulness of what was given and the joy it would bring by solving an expressed problem. It was probably "I'm not worth enough to be given something new".
    I understand your point of view still i wouldn't give this person a present anymore Only when it's a really close and important person for me i'd speak with her/him about it.

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    I hate getting gifts because I've done relatively well for myself money-wise. If you're going to give something away, give it (or its monetary equivalent) to a poor person or a charity.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

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    yes, being given gifts and implicitly expected to return the favor offends me.

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by felafel View Post
    mike, it's kinda hard, if not impossible, to actually know what the person is thinking, no?
    if you see a group of people dragging someone toward a cliff and this person bites, kicks, etc. Is that really difficult to know that he doesn't want to die?
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    Glorious Member mu4's Avatar
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    It's not used, it's antique.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    if you see a group of people dragging someone toward a cliff and this person bites, kicks, etc. Is that really difficult to know that he doesn't want to die?
    not if they're acrophobic and it's their friends just making them look down and they're also depressed and secretly want to die.

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