Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Disregard for others' perception of you

  1. #1
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Disregard for others' perception of you

    I used to feel self-conscious and worried about this as a kid, but what I've found over the years is that I'm actually way more self-confident and productive when not caring about it at all. Do you have any related thoughts and/or experiences you'd like to share?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  2. #2
    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Third Planet
    TIM
    IEE-Ne
    Posts
    1,631
    Mentioned
    37 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Just wait for an IEE to come around and make a sharp remark about you. Then you'll find out if you really disregard it...
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

    You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life.
    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

  3. #3
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    15,632
    Mentioned
    157 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    It usually depends if either my income or personal satisfaction as a person depends on them. If yes, I won't disregard their perception of me. If no, I will.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  4. #4
    So fluffeh. Cuddly McFluffles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    TIM
    ESI
    Posts
    2,780
    Mentioned
    28 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Part of me wishes I cared less about what others thought of me. Yet I feel that concern about what others think of me helps me to rein in certain behaviors/tendencies. It's a vicious cycle.
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

    Fruit, the fluffy kitty.

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    18,006
    Mentioned
    162 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Hmm, not really sure but when it is someone close I think I would be interested in what prompted them to have a such and such view of me to check whether it actually does paint a picture close to the original.

    I wouldn't bother with strangers for I don't know anything about them and vise versa.

  6. #6
    Creepy-male

    Default

    I think its important to acknowledge others' perceptions of you, but its important to filter the constructive from destructive aspects in terms of what you internalize. I think disregarding others' perceptions of you is important when you are faced with someone trying to destructively label you.

    I think identity is extremely fluid, more so than many people realize or would like to acknowledge, in some ways I look at people and see how they are kind of like method actors and don't even realize it. Regardless underneath this I do feel like everyone has some kind of identity or potential, and I think many people don't really find ways to actualize it into reality because it conflicts with social custom. In this way I think many people are not living up to their destiny or potential and don't even realize it, but imo its the source of much unhappiness in people is they feel forced to be someone they aren't for social acceptance. Thus they are method actors.

    When someone judges you negatively and tries to destructively label you this to me seems like it could lead to a person loosing their sense of self and having that social shame drive them further away from their true destiny. Then again maybe they are correct in this label, in which case the very existence of your presence is a disease and by your nature there is not much you can do to change this. Either way the true key imo is to harmonize, take the constructive, and disregard the destructive. Some people are immature and don't know how to work with people and just want to whine and vent, worst thing to do is let them get to you.

  7. #7
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The Man From Nantucket View Post
    I think disregarding others' perceptions of you is important when you are faced with someone trying to destructively label you.
    This would probably require assessing their intentions accurately. Not caring about them in the first place is an easy shortcut to the same result, IMO.

    Anyways, I was talking more about the "image" you portray to people and caring about how your behavior comes across and is being used in forming their perception, regardless of their reactions.
    Last edited by Park; 06-07-2013 at 01:31 AM.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  8. #8
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Hmm yea I tend to think of it different, I meant constructive/destructive in terms of your self-development, which is subject to internal criteria. Not necessarily the person's intentions, in other words take what's positive to you from the experience and discard the "fat" or unnecessary negative aspects. I tend to think most shame is internal anyways and people only prick wounds that already exist inside someone.

  9. #9
    Marshmallow Foru-m chriscorey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    At the
    TIM
    Puca
    Posts
    1,458
    Mentioned
    39 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    When I was 9 or 10 I had a huge issue with this. I think 4th grade was and still is the worst year of my life. I went to a brand new school and all the girls in my class hated me in contrast with the boys who all had a crush on me.The girls were relentless bullies and it was so bad that I stopped eating lunch because I didn’t want to be in the lunch line with them; it’s where they harassed me the most. The teacher noticed I stopped eating and so she would make a spectacle of me in front of the entire class; every morning she would call on me and request that I held up a lunch bag, which I usually just had an orange in…

    I was stressed out at home too and my grades dropped significantly. My father would get angry because somehow boys got my number from the teachers desk and they would prank call me all the time.
    I was a really nice kid and basically sweet and helpful to everyone in an effort to promote a positive perception of myself, which I cared about a lot. It didn’t matter what I did. I think peoples’ perception of you depends on the group of people you’re around at the time. There are a lot of people out there who unconsciously judge a book by its cover; they’ll then turn around and lie about it.

    I finally got really sick of their bullshit and I cut all my hair off. I looked like a little boy. Guess what? I became friends with every girl in the class, even the meanest bully of all; in fact she and I became best friends. I was mistaken as a boy a lot, but it was better than the alternative.

    I do not care what strangers think of me at ALL. I care about what co-workers, friends and family think about me. I disregard the opinion of people who don’t know me and ironically, they misinterpret my actions and behavior anyway.I really have no issue with this at all irl. Most people like me and I get along great without really trying. I’m uncertain it’s the same online though; it seems like people make subjective judgments to my writing and apply it however they interpret it. Not my problem. It’s like someone accusing me of being a guy online; I know I’m not a guy, so why would I be offended? Why would I care?

    I think it has to do with healthy self-confidence. I no longer have an issue with this. In 4th grade I cared too much, and it turned really ugly. Lesson learned. That's my only real experience with it that sticks out.

    know thyself
    Amber casts infinity of shadows, and my Avalon had cast many of its own, because of my presence there. I might be known on many earths that I had never trod, for shadows of myself had walked them, mimicking imperfectly my deeds and my thoughts.

  10. #10
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    ^ None of that made sense until I read the following sentence:

    Quote Originally Posted by chriscorey View Post
    I was mistaken as a boy a lot, but it was better than the alternative.


    I had the impression you were a guy for some reason. Kind of ironical.
    Last edited by Park; 06-08-2013 at 02:01 AM.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  11. #11
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    My powers of perception are weak; if I disregarded someone it wasn't on purpose.

    I disregard things often, by no fault of my own, but I do it, it happens therefore it exists.

  12. #12
    Marshmallow Foru-m chriscorey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    At the
    TIM
    Puca
    Posts
    1,458
    Mentioned
    39 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Park View Post
    ^ None of that made sense until I read the following sentence:





    I had the impression you were a guy for some reason. Kind of ironical.
    (Calvin and Hobbes)
    Calivn :"Do you like being a girl?"

    Susie : "Its gotta be better than the alternative."
    Calvin : "Whats it like? Is it like being a bug?"
    Susie : "Like a WHAT?"
    Calvin : "I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."

    Amber casts infinity of shadows, and my Avalon had cast many of its own, because of my presence there. I might be known on many earths that I had never trod, for shadows of myself had walked them, mimicking imperfectly my deeds and my thoughts.

  13. #13
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,832
    Mentioned
    202 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    People who really hold 'general' peoples opinion, and it is that, opinion, in high regard generally have poorly formed identities and therefore they don't have a solid identity to modify.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •