Anyone want to share joys or frustrations of 2 victims trying to make something happen? If you are a victim in a relationship with another victim (or used to be), how did the relationship come together?
Romancing styles: victim-victim
Anyone want to share joys or frustrations of 2 victims trying to make something happen? If you are a victim in a relationship with another victim (or used to be), how did the relationship come together?
Bitter Moon
stab me. no you stab me. no you. I can't you. I can't you.
the sound was muted but that youtube trailer looked hawt (except for hugh grant). I'm not sure exactly what's happening.
It's a good movie. Totally Beta. Hugh Grant plays an ordinary LSI, but Peter Coyote EIE and Emmanuelle Seigner IEI are the victim couple. Their incredibly hot romance ends in a catastrophy.Originally Posted by blackburry
(I have sound in the trailer)
I was overtly aggressive and mixed my behavior up alot to keep her interested.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
Always remember that in a victim-victim relationship it is always the other partners fault.
Possible if the 2 are not both Logical or Ethical types and one is extroverted. However rather uncomfortable overall from a strictly romantic pov. Ime not because they both send "mixed signals" and it may get puzzling, as they claim, but because you understand the person's strategies and tricks all too well and you'd selfishly want them to play the Aggressor a bit more. This may result in tiresome provocations if left unchecked.
Hehe, I'm gonna tell the story of my victim - victim relationship and it was totally his fault
I was in a LTR with an ILI. It was all sorts of disastrous. We started the relationship thinking we were so similar (deceptively similar in a weirdo INxx kind of way I think), but it soon became obvious that we're very different and completely incompatible. He was a strange mixture of coldness/PMSHe was always in his head and also passive/victimy when it came to relationship issues, which I absolutely hated him for. Whenever I changed my attitude and became more assertive, he soaked it up and told me how different I'm being (as in better than my usual lame self).
We could just lie in a bed all day doing nothing (and not in a good way). All I wanted was to do and experience new things with him, but he was never up for anything (probably I was the problem here and he would gladly do things with some other girl). At the end he was cold as a rock and didn't show an ounce of understanding for my opinions and problems. It was like he respected everybody else way more than me. As a result I became depressed, clingy and needy and that was the end of it. When he dumped me he said he never trusted me due to my flirty nature- not the reason I expected at all
I admit I was so fucked up after the relationship I probably wouldn't date another ILI, even if I really liked him (which I often do)
@darya I can sympathise, a lot of the things which turn on/mobilize and activate an IEI or ILI are mutually exclusive; and those which turn one on will turn off the other. Particularly ideas about how emotions should be expressed and debates/discussions should be had. I don't think its a very good pairing unless they are willing to be completely silly in tandem, which is better in friendship than relationship.
@InvisibleJim Totally, I'ts like you're speaking two completely different love languages. You're trying to reach someone and the other one gets annoyed and turned off and just pulls further away. And the fights never get resolved, it's like two aliens trying to prove their point. It's very interesting, cause for friendships ILI's totally work for me
I've dated many different people since, but not one relationship was so frustrating (I've never dated and was never attracted to LSE though, lucky me hehe). We were much more in synch, although they were superficially ( and by hobbies, interests, world view) way more different than me (compared to ILI guy).
This.Totally, I'ts like you're speaking two completely different love languages. You're trying to reach someone and the other one gets annoyed and turned off and just pulls further away. And the fights never get resolved, it's like two aliens trying to prove their point. It's very interesting, cause for friendships ILI's totally work for me
I've dated many different people since, but not one relationship was so frustrating (I've never dated and was never attracted to LSE though, lucky me hehe). We were much more in synch, although they were superficially ( and by hobbies, interests, world view) way more different than me (compared to ILI guy).
That sounds exactly like a (former) couple i knew out in California.Hehe, I'm gonna tell the story of my victim - victim relationship and it was totally his fault
I was in a LTR with an ILI. It was all sorts of disastrous. We started the relationship thinking we were so similar (deceptively similar in a weirdo INxx kind of way I think), but it soon became obvious that we're very different and completely incompatible. He was a strange mixture of coldness/PMS
We could just lie in a bed all day doing nothing (and not in a good way). All I wanted was to do and experience new things with him, but he was never up for anything (probably I was the problem here and he would gladly do things with some other girl
I admit I was so fucked up after the relationship I probably wouldn't date another ILI, even if I really liked him (which I often do
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
I'm glad we agree we're toxic for each other
I once had an IEI lodger, we learnt that although we were friendly that living together was effectively like operating two seperate and distinct units and never shall the twain meet.I'm glad we agree we're toxic for each other
http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=Kindred
Last edited by InvisibleJim; 05-12-2014 at 05:35 PM. Reason: wikisocion link
This
and this
bouncing the ball back and forth...until someone decides to take the ball and go home.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
and on that note...My longest most beneficial relationship was with an ILI who taught me to think more and feel less.If you can't beat them, join them... Toward the middle of our relationship we were like best friends and at the end we were family... and most people don't want to fuck family.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
Oh come on, put the NSFW in front of the subject and post your favorite Victim on Victim porn video!!!
Two people in latex whipping each other and yelling 'I don't like it, stop!' until both spontaneously climax?
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