Results 1 to 36 of 36

Thread: Relationship Attachment Styles - Profiles and Test

  1. #1
    silke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    TIM
    Ni-IEI sx/sp
    Posts
    4,263
    Mentioned
    346 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default Relationship Attachment Styles - Profiles and Test

    Short quiz that scores along anxiety and avoidance scales placing you into one of the four quadrants: Secure, Preoccupied, Fearful, and Dismissing: attachment styles test

    Extended descriptions of each style:
    Type: Secure
    Type: Fearful-Avoidant (aka Anxious-Avoidant)
    Type: Anxious-Preoccupied
    Type: Dismissive-Avoidant

    Attachment styles relationship compatibility: https://jebkinnison.com/2014/05/05/a...relationships/
    Secure attachment style is predicted to be most compatible with another Secure style and can also match Fearful style.
    Dismissive attachment style is most often matched by Preoccupied attachment style.

    Self-esteem and Attachment Type
    Attachment Styles Statistics: Prevalence in Dating Pool
    Avoidant: emotions supressed beneath conscious level
    Anxous-Preoccupied and Dismissive-Avoidant Couples





    my result: According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 2.82/7.0, your attachment-related avoidance score is 4.78/7.0. Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant.

    Last edited by silke; 05-18-2017 at 07:18 PM.

  2. #2
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,834
    Mentioned
    203 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 4.44, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 5.45, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence.

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Bay Area, Ca.
    TIM
    ISTP Se-LSI 6w5cp sx
    Posts
    692
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 4.10, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.20, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.



    This is really interesting too: http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/indiv...-relationships

    Preoccupied/Anxious Attachment Style:

    A preoccupied or anxious attachment style may manifest itself in an adult appearing to be “all caught up” or ensnared in preoccupations about current or past relationships. It is almost as if these individuals don’t have room in their own minds for their own minds… they are completely filled with thoughts about other people and preserving relationships. The central theme of this attachment style is a fear of losing relationships.

    You may guess that this attachment style tends to develop in children whose parents were inconsistently available or unpredictable. This can leave children feeling preoccupied with how to hold on to those important relationships, which were perplexing or unstable. Teyber and McClure (2011) note that “many preoccupied [individuals] grew up enmeshed (and often parentified) with an unpredictable parent who was too often caught up in his/her own emotional upheavals to be able to be a safe haven and provide containment and affect regulation for the child.”

    *Yes, this is true about me! "Parentification is the process of role reversal whereby a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent. In extreme cases, the child is used to fill the void of the alienating parent's emotional life." Yes, my mom and I had this type of relationship.

    Typical statements of a preoccupied adult:

    “I’m often wondering whether she really cares about me or not.”
    “I often feel dependent on him for emotional support.”
    “I turn to him when I’m upset, but it doesn’t really help me feel much better.”


    http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyoura...lt=Preoccupied

    You expect others to love and respect you, but you're still working on loving and respecting yourself.
    You crave intimacy, and sometimes you try to get too close to people too quickly.

    You are afraid of being rejected, and you feel ashamed if someone else doesn't share your feelings.
    You tend to alternately push people away and overwhelm them. It's hard for you to find a happy medium.
    Last edited by jet city woman; 04-19-2013 at 06:02 PM.

  4. #4
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 1.55, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 1.89, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    I'm extremely secure

  5. #5
    Tyrant with a side of bacon
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Bay Area, California
    TIM
    ENTJ, LIE, 8w9
    Posts
    425
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Interesting poll/quiz, although I question it's accuracy.

    My results:

    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 1.70, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 1.80, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).



    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

  6. #6
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Finale View Post
    your attachment-related anxiety score is 1.70, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 1.80, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).
    I'm more secure than you?

    Socionics killed my record of having the best relationships. LOL

  7. #7
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jet city woman View Post
    “I’m often wondering whether she really cares about me or not.”
    “I often feel dependent on him for emotional support.”
    “I turn to him when I’m upset, but it doesn’t really help me feel much better.”
    I can see that in SLI

    Also I can also see that in LSE

    And maybe it's food for thought for me.

    OR, MAYBE THEY SHOULD JUST COME OVER AND GET SOME

  8. #8
    dugga dugga dun Narc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    TIM
    Ni-ENTj 8w9 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,285
    Mentioned
    101 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default



    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

  9. #9
    escaping anndelise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    WA
    TIM
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp
    Posts
    6,342
    Mentioned
    212 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    3.1 anxiety
    4.6 avoidance
    Places me in the Dismissing quadra.

    It's true that I am uncomfortable depending on someone else, and that I don't turn to my partners regarding my deep personal anxieties. However, I am still a dependent on R, and I do feel comfortable asking him for help for physical stuff (which I do ask of...a lot).

    Normally I am highly anxious in my relationships, but with R I'm only anxious that something external will pull him away from me. I trust him, and trust his attachment to me. He's the only guy I've been with who hasn't hit my anxiety triggers, and who, for some unknown reason, accepts me despite all my faults.

    Without R, I'd be in the fearful-avoidant quadra....with very high anxiety and very high avoidance.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

  10. #10
    FoxOnStilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    TN
    TIM
    Fi-SLE 3w9 so/sp
    Posts
    782
    Mentioned
    29 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    "According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.25, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.33, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance)."

    "Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders."

    Wow, I expected my anxiety to be a lot higher.

  11. #11
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,834
    Mentioned
    203 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Vois View Post
    Identibros


  12. #12
    squirreltual's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    UK
    TIM
    SLI 9 sp/sx
    Posts
    811
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    attachment-related anxiety score is 2.25
    attachment-related avoidance score is 3.25

    I think I'm more avoidant than that actually.

  13. #13
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    3,242
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.25, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 5.75, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.

    blank.gif

  14. #14
    yeves's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    TIM
    Si 6 spsx
    Posts
    1,317
    Mentioned
    39 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    one of the explanations for why dating is harder in 30s ad 40s


  15. #15
    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Southwest USA
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    6,815
    Mentioned
    261 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default


    LSE
    1w2 so/sp 1-6-2
    Brilliand's Younger Sister
    Squishy's Older Sister

    Johari Nohari

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

  16. #16
    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    ✈ ↺
    Posts
    2,231
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 2.44, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.50, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).
    Capture.JPG
    Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.

    ENFp - Fi 7w6 sp/sx
    The Ineffable IEI
    The Einstein ENTp

    johari nohari
    http://www.mypersonality.info/ssmall/

  17. #17
    suedehead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    3,046
    Mentioned
    197 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default



    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 4.11, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 3.89, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance). Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.

  18. #18
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Berlin
    TIM
    LSI 5w6 sx/so
    Posts
    5,422
    Mentioned
    144 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default



    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.83, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 3.00, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    ++can't copy the image, but the blue dot is on the first marked level of the "low avoidance" scale, secure quadrant.

    As you can see in this graph, the two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don't typically worry about whether their partners are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others.Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

  19. #19
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,506
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default



    Well that's a bit of a surprise!

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.
    lol
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  20. #20
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,506
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by yeves View Post
    one of the explanations for why dating is harder in 30s ad 40s

    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  21. #21
    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    MACS0647-JD
    TIM
    SEER ~ 4w5 ~ sx/sp
    Posts
    10,200
    Mentioned
    779 Post(s)
    Tagged
    42 Thread(s)

    Default

    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 2.28, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 3.17, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    We have plotted your two scores in the two-dimensional space defined by attachment-related anxiety and avoidance. Your approximate position in this space is denoted by the blue dot. (Note: If you left any of the questions unanswered, then these scores may be inaccurate.)




    As you can see in this graph, the two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don't typically worry about whether their partners are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others.

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     




  22. #22

    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    226
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    uhh lol


  23. #23
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    TIM
    SLE/LSE sx/sp
    Posts
    2,491
    Mentioned
    76 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Unable to provide link to graph via imigur at present, however results say:

    "As you can see in this graph, the two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don't typically worry about whether their partners are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others.

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders."

  24. #24
    Infinity Persephone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    The country of croissants
    Posts
    1,844
    Mentioned
    173 Post(s)
    Tagged
    5 Thread(s)

    Default

    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 1.61, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 4.44, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.



  25. #25
    Haikus darya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    TIM
    EIE-Ni 3w4 sx
    Posts
    2,851
    Mentioned
    253 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    attachment1.PNG

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.

  26. #26
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,506
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    I recently took a test that measured dozens of areas, and my vulnerability score was the highest area. I bet that's strongly related to this.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  27. #27
    Owl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    891
    Mentioned
    93 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    anxiety - 4,28/7
    avoidance - 5,22/7
    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence.
    If you want words to live your life by
    Walk the graves, walk the graves
    It's written on the headstones
    Time waits for no one

  28. #28
    Olimpia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Germany
    TIM
    IEI So/Sx
    Posts
    7,350
    Mentioned
    630 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

  29. #29

    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    358
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.78, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 4.65, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.



    Last edited by Nymeria; 04-06-2015 at 09:21 AM.

  30. #30
    CandleGirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Born in California, Live in Canada
    TIM
    4w5 so/sx INFp-Fe
    Posts
    12
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I got Preoccupied and I very much relate to the brief description.

  31. #31
    silke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    TIM
    Ni-IEI sx/sp
    Posts
    4,263
    Mentioned
    346 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    bumping this with updated style profiles and a few more articles in the op

  32. #32

    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    TIM
    IEI-Fe 4-5/6-9 so/sx
    Posts
    844
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    my results are anxious-preoccupied.

  33. #33
    Olimpia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Germany
    TIM
    IEI So/Sx
    Posts
    7,350
    Mentioned
    630 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by silke View Post
    bumping this with updated style profiles and a few more articles in the op
    Preoccupied and Avoidant often match up, but it is a very dysfunctional and destructive combo!

    Everyone is best off with a Secure person.

    Please edit that part...
    Typing [x] Theory [x] Tumblr [x] Discord [x] Film [x]



  34. #34
    stronger, faster, weirder (BBL) niffer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    TIM
    SLE-Ti-H 8w9 SX/sp
    Posts
    2,135
    Mentioned
    237 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default



    [Today 07:57 AM] Raver: Life is a ride that lasts very long, but still a ride. It is a dream that we have yet to awaken from.

    It's hard to find a love through every shade of grey.

  35. #35
    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    MACS0647-JD
    TIM
    SEER ~ 4w5 ~ sx/sp
    Posts
    10,200
    Mentioned
    779 Post(s)
    Tagged
    42 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 2.28, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 3.17, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

    We have plotted your two scores in the two-dimensional space defined by attachment-related anxiety and avoidance. Your approximate position in this space is denoted by the blue dot. (Note: If you left any of the questions unanswered, then these scores may be inaccurate.)


    As you can see in this graph, the two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don't typically worry about whether their partners are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others.

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.
    There I was again. My back pressed against the wall.

    My head hung so low it looked like my neck might snap. The weight of lost love bared down again. Why could I never learn? Why did I always have to fall in love so quickly?

    My old belief was that love was simply unicorns and butterflies. It was only pleasant—pleasurable, and should work, without any work.

    This was naive and blatantly not true, but it didn’t stop me from believing it.

    I used to love, so I could fill that part of myself that I couldn’t love.

    There’s a part of me that desperately seeks fixing. It doesn’t feel good enough. It’s my shyness, it’s my laziness, it’s my near constant anxiety.

    It’s my fear. It’s my hate. It’s my judgement.

    I start to fear myself when I find myself falling into love again.

    I know I’m going to get lost. I know I’m going to give too much. I know I’m going to lose track of what’s important.

    When I love I lose: my relationships, my work, my force, my current life.

    I stumble into a new world. One that feels pleasurable, yet fleeting. Cling to this, hold on tight, it’s going to leave. It’s going to crumble away—it always does.

    In this breaking, is where I realize what I’ve done. I realize where I’ve lost my path. I realize the wounds I still have left to acknowledge. I realize the potent power of love, mostly when it leaves.

    But, I prefer to risk cracking my own heart than to withhold this love, even for a second.

    Love always leads to loss. Death is always there.

    Heartbreak. Loss. Pain. These are forms of love too.

    These are the depths of love. Yet, these are the feelings we run from. We repress, and become numb. Fearing this side of what we love so much. This almost matters more than the love itself.

    More than the bliss. More than the understanding. More than dissolving your boundaries into another. More than the multi-orgasmic sex.

    Being afraid of the dark is no way to live in the light. We must plunge in, fall, experience and relish. We must never retreat.

    I love to discover, but I also love because I’m an addict. I can’t get enough of these feelings.

    Those feelings I can’t generate for myself. Those feelings that run so deep they speak with Spirit herself. Those feelings that make perfect sense, but also carry perfect fear.

    I prefer to stumble madly into the pulse of the universe.

    I want to spend my life buried in these feelings, digging through the rubble.

    Reading about love can never get you close to what’s real. Talking about love doesn’t work either. Only by stumbling downhill and risking your entire heart, your entire life, can you begin to feel what our purpose is, as lovers.

    So, yes, I might fall in love too fast. I might be reckless with my love. My heart may be covered in bandages. But, when I remove these bandages, at least I can say I was willing.

    I was willing to love the wrong people, at the wrong time. I was willing to discover these depths. I was willing to walk blind into eventual pain. I was willing to be courageous.

    Loving fully is brave. It takes a warrior. Only a coward withholds and hides from her heart. When you hide from its intensity you lose out on the one thing that’s worth living for.

    Via Kevin Wood on May 30, 2015

    https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015...-my-own-heart/
    .

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     




Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •