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Thread: INTjs maintaining eye contact

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    Corwin's Avatar
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    Default INTjs maintaining eye contact

    It seems that most people believe that an inability to maintain eye contact indicates shyness, insincerity, shame, or lack of confidence.

    Is it weird that eye contact feels extremely intense to me? It's like a staring contest with the sun. I get a rush of emotions that I'm really uncomfortable with unless I'm head over heals in love the person. I suddenly feel like we're looking into each others souls and I have to break away. For me, maintaining eye contact for more then 2 seconds is reserved for intimate relationships.

    How are you at maintaining eye contact?

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    lol

    I would say that SLI like to maintain eye contact; it's that weak Fe.

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    just popping in to say "hi neighbor!" (I'm in scottsdale )

    and yeah, i don't do eye contact, although the internets say that i'm SEI or EII, not LII

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    Corwin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ʇəƃpıɯ ɔıuoıq View Post
    just popping in to say "hi neighbor!" (I'm in scottsdale )
    That's a long walk just for a cup of sugar.

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    It's self awareness. Intuition and negativism play a big role in propensity for being shy. Sensors are less shy prone due being less concerned with speculation and negativism / positivism plays an obvious role I guess.

    I think in Socionics it can be ranked something like this:

    LESS SHY PRONE

    Delta ST / Alpha SF
    Beta NF / Gamma NT
    Beta ST / Gamma SF
    Delta NF / Alpha NT

    MORE SHY PRONE
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    I used to have an issue with making eye-contact but then i got over it. And now I don't...

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    Well, if you ask my parents characteristics about me, the first thing they say is that I'm quite shy. But I can maintain eye contact for a long time. Even close eye contact though more easily with women because of the inevitable sexual connotation...

    I'm also unable to maintain eye contact in a conversation that I've little confidence about what I'm saying.

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    Ti centric krieger's Avatar
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    my istj brother and i can have hours long intellectico-philosophical discussions and spend all the time staring in some random direction without our eyes ever meeting.

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    lump's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by labtard View Post
    my istj brother and i can have hours long intellectico-philosophical discussions and spend all the time staring in some random direction without our eyes ever meeting.
    lol. my lxi dad and i have gotten in a few arguments in which he says "just because i'm not looking at you doesn't mean i'm not listening!"

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    24601 ClownsandEntropy's Avatar
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    I especially don't enjoy the awkward staring competition when a speaker is talking to you. He looks from person to person to "include" them in the conversation, but when he looks at you it's intensely uncomfortable.
    Warm Regards,



    Clowns & Entropy

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    Quote Originally Posted by ClownsandEntropy View Post
    I especially don't enjoy the awkward staring competition when a speaker is talking to you. He looks from person to person to "include" them in the conversation, but when he looks at you it's intensely uncomfortable.
    I loled. I can relate. I don't know if it's type-related, but maybe some people can find interesting associations however.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Corwin View Post
    It seems that most people believe that an inability to maintain eye contact indicates shyness, insincerity, shame, or lack of confidence.

    Is it weird that eye contact feels extremely intense to me? It's like a staring contest with the sun. I get a rush of emotions that I'm really uncomfortable with unless I'm head over heals in love the person. I suddenly feel like we're looking into each others souls and I have to break away. For me, maintaining eye contact for more then 2 seconds is reserved for intimate relationships.

    How are you at maintaining eye contact?
    Same. It's extremely intense for me, as though I am melding with the person and our past and future start to combine and take over my awareness. To me, the intensity doesn't have to do with shyness. It might actually be a bit less intense if I am first meeting someone, because they often have a more glazed over look in their eyes at first.

    In many cases I receive so much from a brief look into someone's eyes, that words seem superfluous or disingenuous. I think I often make people very uncomfortable when they are trying to talk to me and carry forward a conversation while I am minimizing the conversation to deal with their energy.

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    My mind is always extremely active, often following several unrelated lines of thought at once. The thing is, visual information is distracting to that kind of thinking, so I largely disengage processing it, which keeps me from being able to follow objects with my eyes and creates the "staring into space" effect that I'm sure most people are familiar with. When I'm conversing with someone, I keep up that thinking; branching off of the conversation topic in many directions, or continuing to think about something else entirely while I process the conversation. Speech is such an incredibly slow medium that otherwise I would be bored out of my mind. The result of this, though, is that I still have that "staring off into space" effect even during conversations with people, as my mind is still turned inward. It's uncomfortable, and frankly boring, to turn it outward in the way necessary to naturally maintain eye contact in the way people normally do. I could consciously think about where I'm aiming my eyes all the time, but that would just be annoying, so I just live with it the way it is.
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    I do eye contact like this:

     
    God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.
    - John Piper


    Socionics -
    the16types.info

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    24601 ClownsandEntropy's Avatar
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    Not sure if it's related, but apart from not making eye contact, I also sometimes disengage with the conversation or find it difficult to really pay attention to what they're doing- I just get distracted by other things. But then again, sometimes I lose focus on what they're saying even if they're looking at them, as I think about stuff - "Are they looking at me? How long have I been looking at them? Maybe too long. Wow, their nose seems really angular. Maybe it's the light, it really brings it out..." - so maybe it isn't related. I also feel like I often end up engaging people more on the level of what they're actually saying than them as people, if that makes sense. Like, I'm trying to understand what they say, what their premise and conclusions are, and whether I agree, disagree, find it interesting, can add to it, etc., and not really aware of who is saying. But that's only sometimes.
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    Does nobody else feel awkward without eye contact? This is why I don't like Skype. I need to monitor a person's eyes so I know they understand me and how much I can trust what they're saying. It's a little easier when I know the person better. I know it has made people uncomfortable but I'm just creepy and can't really help it I guess :/

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    Quote Originally Posted by squirreltual View Post
    Does nobody else feel awkward without eye contact? This is why I don't like Skype. I need to monitor a person's eyes so I know they understand me and how much I can trust what they're saying. It's a little easier when I know the person better. I know it has made people uncomfortable but I'm just creepy and can't really help it I guess :/
    I'm like this too. feels more immediate, one less invisible wall to circumvent etc.

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    Idk if it is type related, but I never break eye contact first.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ClownsandEntropy View Post
    "Are they looking at me? How long have I been looking at them? Maybe too long. Wow, their nose seems really angular. Maybe it's the light, it really brings it out..."
    This is what happens if I try to make eye contact. Every time.
    Quote Originally Posted by ClownsandEntropy View Post
    I also feel like I often end up engaging people more on the level of what they're actually saying than them as people, if that makes sense. Like, I'm trying to understand what they say, what their premise and conclusions are, and whether I agree, disagree, find it interesting, can add to it, etc., and not really aware of who is saying.
    I identify with this.
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    I have the opposite problem. Some people turn their heads away when I look in their eyes (they do it first, the eye contact), some tell me to stop looking "like that" at them. Some ask me why am I looking "like that" at them.

    Some people can never be satisfied, can't they?

    Absurd plan commenced.
    Last edited by Absurd; 04-20-2013 at 08:54 PM.

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    24601 ClownsandEntropy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    I have the opposite problem. Some people turn their heads away when I look in their eyes (they do it first, the eye contact), some tell me to stop looking "like that" at them. Some ask me why am I looking "like that" at them.

    Some people can never be satisfied, can't they?

    Absurd plan commenced.
    What does "like that" mean? (Maybe they can see you gazing into their souls and discovering their true essence.)
    Warm Regards,



    Clowns & Entropy

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    Quote Originally Posted by ClownsandEntropy View Post
    What does "like that" mean? (Maybe they can see you gazing into their souls and discovering their true essence.)
    I think some people are just uncomfortable with it...

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    Hmm... I avoid eye contact with people I hate, and people who look at me as they talk. Its distracting to sit there and habitually analyze the composition of their iris. My LII brother tends to look at the floor when people look at him as well.

    I find Te users tend to make eye contact with me as they're talking.

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    Is this something that can be said of type though? I'd say that if it was, then it's just something that shy, meek introverts do.

    That and autists.

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    24601 ClownsandEntropy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StVual View Post
    Is this something that can be said of type though? I'd say that if it was, then it's just something that shy, meek introverts do.

    That and autists.
    I'm not sure it necessarily is the shy, meek people out there. I mean, even when I don't feel nervous around people I still don't feel like making eye contact adds anything to the conversation. Doing it makes me feel kind of inauthentic as I'm doing it because I'm "supposed" to rather than because I feel I'm connecting with the other person.
    Warm Regards,



    Clowns & Entropy

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