Lighten your mood

[Beautiful sky]

How does your dual lighten your mood? What do they do/say that takes the edge off for you?

I, as an EII, am consistently and almost evenly melancholic. I'm a happy person by nature, but I'm a melancholic person. I have so much to deal with on a day to day basis; my father's depressed and I worry about him and try to help him, my sister's stressed, my mother has her own emotional issues, my friends (all of them) have at any one point have all this stuff that they can't deal with and get past; I am trying to deal with my own situation. With all this that does on in my daily nonstop circular ring of human interactions and relations, I see solitude in the haven of my dual's very focused psyche; "I do this now." So, I run over and in my scattered thoughts and emotions as my dual cousin puts on her show for us to watch and that's what we do then. I can get overwhelmed easily if outside things interrupt me; for example, my sister may send me bad news of the baby having an infection and I might not be able to emotionally ignore it or compartmentalize it because of how I'm connected and then my dual cousin will notice me in the corner somewhere, quiet, in my mind, not being attached to the things that are happening around me; we may be at a party or at a gathering and I'll just look within me; she'll come sit next to me (which is the distance I like when someone's being supportive of me) and will mention something odd or different, usually indirectly pointing at me "Yeah this inter net thing is really [something]." And, I won't have paid attention to the things she's actually said. She'll turn around to me after stating this odd comment and smile at me a wicked smile. This smiles speaks of "hey, I was really talking about you, but didn't want to mention it because I don't want to hurt your feelings, but get over it for now."

Or, she will, depending upon the situation or the level of my sadness, make a direct sort of comment that's made to lighten the mood, usually she'll follow this comment with a laugh.

My LSE friend will usually joke and say "I can beat him up for you." Or, "that's a like [laughing a wicked laugh]." They try to determine what's going on or what happened but when they make their judgement it's usually with a laughing at the end of it.

[ashlesha]

woofie lightens my mood by distracting me with ideas he has for stuff we could do.

[Beautiful sky]

I lighten moods by support and affection, usually, but sometimes our moods conflict and one of us has to be the stronger and better person, I just wish it was the extravert who is. Maybe I'm wrong here; maybe it needs to be me, but when I sink into my emotions its a heavy anchor, that I can't seem to ignore.

[Absurd]

Homophobia has been eliminated, according to reports, after the movement admitted it couldn’t face looking at another pink equal sign on Facebook.

Despite two millennia of well-established abhorrent opinions and the backing of religious orders around the world, a Facebook news feed full of revised profile pictures has seen off a movement millions have called ‘outdated bigotry’.

As one former homophobe explained, “I used to think gays were disgusting beings destined for an eternity in a fiery Hell, but then a I saw a new profile photo from a guy that I follow on Twitter.”

“It made me think, ‘pink equals… hmm, equality for all!’ – I guess I’ll just have to embrace the gays now. Metaphorically speaking.”
Equality profile photos

However there are still a few small pockets of raging homophobes clinging to their oudated world view.

Homophobe Simon Williams told us, “You gay rights people talk about intolerance, but look how intolerant you are of my hateful bigoted opinions.”

“Why can’t you just accept me for the spiteful close-minded person that I am? This claim of intolerance is the height of hypocrisy if you ask me.”

“Oh, what’s that? You’re changing your Twitter profile photo to a pink equal sign? Well, I guess your point is now valid.”

[Absurd]

Oh, I see I flushed a homo out.

[717495]

Borodin lightens my load with mystical melodies and heavenly harmonies.

[blackburry]

Absurd, homosexual urges, when repressed out of shame or fear, can be expressed as homophobia. Point being you are probably a very closeted homosexual. Relax.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/29/op...-gay.html?_r=0

[strangeling]

And Blackberry rips on Absurd as our newly appointed armchair psychologist.

I predict the thread views are about to go way up.

[blackburry]

And Blackberry rips on Absurd as our newly appointed armchair psychologist.

I predict the thread views are about to go way up.

well this was a pointless post.

[Absurd]

Absurd, homosexual urges, when repressed out of shame or fear, can be expressed as homophobia. Point being you are probably a very closeted homosexual. Relax.

You're so fucking dumb I would pay you for laughing at you out of pity. No offence, you do not get it, don't stick your nose in not your own business and expect fame, and glory. As a matter of fact, so many ideas to come my head, ideas enabling me to run circles around you it wouldn't be worth my time, would it?

For example you attacking the person and not the "argument" already points towards your inclinations.

And Blackberry rips on Absurd as our newly appointed armchair psychologist.

Stick with Tcaud, you're able to continue his work from what I have seen.

[Anglas]

U mad, homosexual?

[Absurd]

U mad, homosexual?

Yes, I am very mad, you lesbian. Help blackburry to find her IQ with a flashlight.

[strangeling]

well this was a pointless post.

Glad you took the time to waste time responding to it then.

Stick with Tcaud, you're able to continue his work from what I have seen.

LA VIVA SOCIONICA!! DUAL-TYPE FOREVER!!

[Absurd]

LA VIVA SOCIONICA!! DUAL-TYPE FOREVER!!

Great, now dual type Maritsa. That should lighten up her mood and make fun fun fun funneh. Oh wait, she's her own dual already.

[anndelise]

My first impulse for helping someone lighten their mood is to help them view the mood-causing-situation(s) in a different light. Then I'll share stories of people who have been through similar situation(s) and what they have done to help solve the problem. Basically trying to help the person see that they have options.

The best ways that lighten my own mood are when someone takes care of some of the living demands such as meal prep, cleaning dishes, etc so that I can use my energy towards finding a solution to my problem instead of wasting it elsewhere. If a solution requires skills which I don't have myself, my mood is lightened when my partner uses his skills, or helps me obtain (usually financially, transportation, or delivering) someone or something that will cover what my chosen solution needs. Other ways to lighten my mood are back scritching and brushing my hair, as those help soothe my frazzled mine so I can think better.

[applejacks]

I have so much to deal with on a day to day basis.

Oh, how I love INFj! This is a classic INFj quote, what you said here. You truly take responsibility in caring for and healing others.

One of my closest friends here is also an INFj, and she genuinely prioritizes everyone but herself. That, and her mood and emotions are so strongly connected to her external environment, that if a co-worker she cares for has a bad day, she too will have a bad day. My greatest wish is for her to be selfish for once!

I can definitely see the attraction with an LSE. They're on a mission all the time, and a quirky and light hearted sense of humor, at least in my experience.

Maritsa, do you find yourself putting up walls? My INFj friends and family are extremely happy and outgoing around their peers, but experience and deal with some deep and difficult lows when they retreat.

[Aquagraph]

For example you attacking the person and not the "argument" already points towards your inclinations.

..because you never attack the person with the accusations of homosexuality or anything.

[Absurd]

..because you never attack the person with the accusations of homosexuality or anything.

There is no because, Aqua, seriously. I don't mean it in a harmful way, but "because" is just an excuse - "I didn't do the washing up, because..."

Really sorry, but this is quite a defeatist approach.

So once again, there is no because and I am in no way attacking any one, that's first. You not understanding where I am coming from is no surprise to me, though. There are and were many before you.

I'm going to write in the16types novel about that so you can see ( a longer "reply") and criticise(?)

I'm a bit busy lately, so keep patient.

[Beautiful sky]

Oh, how I love INFj! This is a classic INFj quote, what you said here. You truly take responsibility in caring for and healing others.

One of my closest friends here is also an INFj, and she genuinely prioritizes everyone but herself. That, and her mood and emotions are so strongly connected to her external environment, that if a co-worker she cares for has a bad day, she too will have a bad day. My greatest wish is for her to be selfish for once!

I can definitely see the attraction with an LSE. They're on a mission all the time, and a quirky and light hearted sense of humor, at least in my experience.

Maritsa, do you find yourself putting up walls? My INFj friends and family are extremely happy and outgoing around their peers, but experience and deal with some deep and difficult lows when they retreat.

Hi applejacks thank you for noticing my connection with family, relations and friends.

When my father had open heart surgery and was on bed rest for a month, I stayed home and did everything, cleaning, cooking, watching over him, wrapping bandages, taking care of him..same with my sister when she had a baby...I slept at the hospital with her and took care of the baby as she slept. When the baby was born, all my mom had to do was to give me her silent look, which is to say "honey, will you stay and help your sister?" no words are needed with me, I'm game. I take up responsibility like others take cake. with absolute pleasure.

Walls? Well, one such example is a friend LSE who is extremely financially irresponsible. From what I know of him and others, he's borrowed and owes others quite a bit of money. He asked me for money a few days ago and I didn't have any on me (but probably would have given it to him had I) and instead I offered to buy him lunch on my credit, which he accepted. I may have developed ways around people and put up walls only when I try to help the person stabilize and see that they really don't care about their future. I may ignore the person as a "wall" because I find it very uncomfortable to address them directly about things (hence my passive aggressive nature. Also it gets harder for me to say no the closer the person is to me in my relational proximity). My other wall is isolation from the individual who is using me. These walls are of psychological distance ("please get the message and stop asking me about this topic which I find highly disturbing" is my common response). I really want to help in most cases and it's been at my expense so often...my mother can vouch for that. She's ILI. Funny enough my mom's Fi activation works more clearly than mine lol. She will get upset when I help a friend but when my sister needs more help than anyone she's fine with it; my help is broader, less pragmatic then hers maybe because she's a Te type. Oh, I forget, that's because she's Fi negative (aka gamma quadrant).


What type are you?

[Animal]

Tickles!

[applejacks]

Hi applejacks thank you for noticing my connection with family, relations and friends.

When my father had open heart surgery and was on bed rest for a month, I stayed home and did everything, cleaning, cooking, watching over him, wrapping bandages, taking care of him..same with my sister when she had a baby...I slept at the hospital with her and took care of the baby as she slept. When the baby was born, all my mom had to do was to give me her silent look, which is to say "honey, will you stay and help your sister?" no words are needed with me, I'm game. I take up responsibility like others take cake. with absolute pleasure.

Walls? Well, one such example is a friend LSE who is extremely financially irresponsible. From what I know of him and others, he's borrowed and owes others quite a bit of money. He asked me for money a few days ago and I didn't have any on me (but probably would have given it to him had I) and instead I offered to buy him lunch on my credit, which he accepted. I may have developed ways around people and put up walls only when I try to help the person stabilize and see that they really don't care about their future. I may ignore the person as a "wall" because I find it very uncomfortable to address them directly about things (hence my passive aggressive nature. Also it gets harder for me to say no the closer the person is to me in my relational proximity). My other wall is isolation from the individual who is using me. These walls are of psychological distance ("please get the message and stop asking me about this topic which I find highly disturbing" is my common response). I really want to help in most cases and it's been at my expense so often...my mother can vouch for that. She's ILI. Funny enough my mom's Fi activation works more clearly than mine lol. She will get upset when I help a friend but when my sister needs more help than anyone she's fine with it; my help is broader, less pragmatic then hers maybe because she's a Te type. Oh, I forget, that's because she's Fi negative (aka gamma quadrant).


What type are you?

What a caretaker you are! Do you ever get resentful if you're not properly acknowledged or recognized? Or is service for family and friends enough in it's own for you?

For most of my life, I've thought I was ENFP, although I never understood how that could be if being on time was one of my top pet peeves. I tend to think I'm more EIE. Maybe I've changed over time, or am on the border.

Back to your main question- tasteful, light hearted humor is the best way to lighten my mood. I have an ESFJ friend that can take me from a state of tears to laughing so hard that it makes me hiccup, usually with a charming comment about how attractive mascara streaks are. I've learned over time that humor takes the edge off most things. My husband "hulks out" from time to time. He has a short fuse, and instead of nagging him about him, I tend to take the edge off by blocking him with my arms and announcing that he's turning green. That seems to diffuse any judgements, and makes the situation more comical than edgy.

I know a couple that claims they're unable to joke with each other. They're ESTJ / ISFP (maybe a <Sup relationship?). Whenever they try to joke around, it turns into an argument, or it's misinterpreted and makes the situation worse. I love mediating between the two, but it makes me so sad. They're like two ships passing in the night, despite the fact that they both want to improve things with the other.

[Beautiful sky]

What a caretaker you are! Do you ever get resentful if you're not properly acknowledged or recognized? Or is service for family and friends enough in it's own for you?

For most of my life, I've thought I was ENFP, although I never understood how that could be if being on time was one of my top pet peeves. I tend to think I'm more EIE. Maybe I've changed over time, or am on the border.

Back to your main question- tasteful, light hearted humor is the best way to lighten my mood. I have an ESFJ friend that can take me from a state of tears to laughing so hard that it makes me hiccup, usually with a charming comment about how attractive mascara streaks are. I've learned over time that humor takes the edge off most things. My husband "hulks out" from time to time. He has a short fuse, and instead of nagging him about him, I tend to take the edge off by blocking him with my arms and announcing that he's turning green. That seems to diffuse any judgements, and makes the situation more comical than edgy.

I know a couple that claims they're unable to joke with each other. They're ESTJ / ISFP (maybe a <Sup relationship?). Whenever they try to joke around, it turns into an argument, or it's misinterpreted and makes the situation worse. I love mediating between the two, but it makes me so sad. They're like two ships passing in the night, despite the fact that they both want to improve things with the other.

I've gotten resentful just once when my ex LSE bf used me for financial security and didn't care about taking care of me emotionally as I was very worried about my sister and my dad. Usually, I don't get resentful and just consider helping second nature.

I wish though that my help was more detached and objective like that of SEI, who can easily work as nurses and take care of others without letting their own person absorbed by the other, this is why I can only help those in a very close circle to me.

EIE makes so much more sense for you than IEE who tend to not pay as much attention to the emotions of others. I've seen relations of supervision that are as you've described. The initial attraction was physical, sexual, and intellectual, overlooking the differences between Fe and Fi values.

[applejacks]

EIE makes so much more sense for you than IEE who tend to not pay as much attention to the emotions of others.

I've been giving this thought. I have conversations with my ESFJ friend all the time about things like this. She's constantly telling me that I should become a relationship counselor, or even a career counselor, because of how I'm able to listen and talk things through with people.

Truth is, she's much more aware of and involved with others' feelings than I am, but the difference is that I'm more interested in the patterns between a person's emotions and their life activities, and the frequency of their emotions, and how that can lead me to draw conclusions and suggestions for change, improvement, or new direction. When I suggest to my ESE friend that maybe she should be the counselor, she tells me that she can't, because she gets too involved in the emotions.

I've seen relations of supervision that are as you've described. The initial attraction was physical, sexual, and intellectual, overlooking the differences between Fe and Fi values.

This particular relationship is heartbreaking to watch. Both parties have confessed to me that they want more time with the other, but they don't understand why the other doesn't enjoy what they themselves enjoy.

The ISFJ wants nothing more than to love his wife and hear affections from her, maybe while watching a movie. He loves to make dinner, light candles, set up a beautiful table, and have quality talk time.

The ESTJ wants her husband to spend more time outside riding bikes, traveling, moving around, being extra social. She's the energizer bunny, and quite literally doesn't know how to sit and enjoy a movie.

They've figured out how to work together clearly, but the ISFJ says he feels as if he's always walking on eggshells- always. And the ESTJ feels as if her husband is prioritizing the use of his energy towards work, and not her, which is how she views his preferences for movies instead of bikes.

I've actually introduced some personality reading via a book called Please Understand Me II by Kiersey, which they've done (and which is how I've typed them, according to that test). It's actually helped quite a bit. But they are who they are, and the conflicts persist.

I'd be interested in applying some socionics to it, although I'd need to do some more observing to figure out their types and gain a better understand of how they're each applying the Model A construct.

[Beautiful sky]

That's an old (er) post, applejacks; I think IEE was what we settled on

[InvisibleJim]

EIEIIEIEIEIEOIEE Confirm.

[applejacks]

That's an old (er) post, applejacks; I think IEE was what we settled on

I know, I know, but it made me think of some things, and I had to type it out to you all in order to further understand it myself.

I think I would greatly benefit from a few imaginary friends.

Or a Wilson.

castaway533.jpg