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Thread: Hugging style

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    Default Hugging style

    Hey guys

    i have two friends who tested ISTJ on myers briggs. This was a few years ago so i thought they were both ISTJs (Ti + Se).

    Since socionics i realize one is ISTp and the other is ISTj.

    And i noticed a marked difference in their hugging style!! the ISTj's is similar to mine.

    how are your hugs? Robust or a pat on the back? what's your type? does your style vary within certain groups (such as family)?

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    I generally keep hugs as distant and quick as I can...

    unless it's my mate or my kid, in which case huge hugs are not only comfortable, but appreciated.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    My hugs are full of . It's fun to tackle-hug people, assuming they're up for it.

    Usually though, I do the whole back-pat thing. I don't like to do long hugs, because then I get bored. Short and sweet does the trick.
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    I disliked being touched by most people. Handshakes are pretty much the only acceptable form of physical contact. Hugs are particularly uncomfortable.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    If it's my child or mate, however, no amount of affection is too much.
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    IEI subtype

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    I work at a pool at a summer camp, and the kids there give you the biggest hugs ever. There is this one little girl there, and she's ESFj. (I very rarely type kids, but she's extremely obviously ESFj). Every day, she runs up to me, and goes, "Swim teacher! " Then, she gives me this huge hug for a really long time, while I tell her that she needs to stay with her group. Then, she goes, "But I'm glued to you! You have to come with me!" Eventually, I get her to leave, haha. But she is very cute though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    I disliked being touched by most people. Handshakes are pretty much the only acceptable form of physical contact. Hugs are particularly uncomfortable.
    this is pretty much the same with me also...unless it's family or the occasional drunk chick that for some reason just wants a hug...lol

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    I'm pretty uncomfortable with it, even handshakes. I tolerate it for my family, but not much for anyone else. Sometimes if I'm in a goofy mood though I'll aggressively hug my husband though :wink:
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    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Smothering and frequent. Unless it's my mother/father/siblings, then I will do a pat on the back. I tend to be annoyed by touch from my immediate family. (even though, oddly, I enjoy touch from practically anyone else).
    That's me.
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    I'm pretty uncomfortable with it, even handshakes. I tolerate it for my family, but not much for anyone else. Sometimes if I'm in a goofy mood though I'll aggressively hug my husband though
    Likewise. I don't like to initiate hugs since I am never sure if by doing so I'm invading a person's personal space and making them feel uncomfortable. But when I know that if the person may be expecting it, I'll try and initiate it so I'll have a greater amount of control over how much or little physical contact is given.
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    for me, not tolerated in any manner or form, regardless of recipient.

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    Quote Originally Posted by soggy-flakes
    I'm really only comfortable hugging my family members, significant others, or really good friends. I'm not into hugging someone casually. I don't do the casual touch thing. I hate being casually touched by people I hardly know, it feels like my personal space is being violated.
    Me too. I made some enemies in middle school because I would shrug off other's touch (pre-teen girls are very touchy-feely). I'm always amazed at people that touch others that they barely know.
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    Soft and comforting, and I push up right against the person.

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    I'm really only comfortable hugging my family members, significant others, or really good friends.
    Agreed. For me it is not because of some desire of physical contact, but because it is almost a social ritual that is expected.

    Me too. I made some enemies in middle school because I would shrug off other's touch (pre-teen girls are very touchy-feely). I'm always amazed at people that touch others that they barely know.
    In this way, society has actually benefited male LII's, since males are not expected to be "very touchy-feely." I can't help but feel sorry for those female LII who are expected to be more physically open to hugs and such.
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    Quote Originally Posted by fever
    i don't see any harm in hugging someone or being hugged. if i feel like hugging someone, i do it. i dislike fakery or people that hug just to appear 'nice' or whatever.
    The fakery is some of the reason I don't like it. Fake or sincere, howver, its just not like me to engage in it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Smothering and frequent. Unless it's my mother/father/siblings, then I will do a pat on the back. I tend to be annoyed by touch from my immediate family. (even though, oddly, I enjoy touch from practically anyone else).
    Ditto.
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    Hugs are alright. I don't enjoy it when people bigger than me give me a bear hug and crush me(i have a friend who does this a lot). He does it to be physically imposing. it's absolutely unneccessary and it sometimes makes me nauseous, or it crushes my ribs and gives me pain or problems breathing for 10-15 seconds. I was a small child which basically means adults can adjust your relation to the immediate surface at will. I learned to expect the worst from hugs because of my size.
    asd

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    I don't generally hug but it depends on the circumstance. I sometimes will touch someone's arm or some other physical thing smaller than a hug if I feel they need comforting/whatever.

    Some people want to hug every time they see me and that makes me a bit uncomfortable.
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    I like sincere friendly hugs . I hate uptight, stiff, cold hugs

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    .......

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    mhmm

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    seriously herzblut i find it funny but you need to stop

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    I'm with topaz; I like open hugs, don't like closed hugs.

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    I really do not like physical contact unless it is with someone I've known for years and have a positive relationship with. I am sensative to touch in an odd way though I mostly do not react.

    My ESFp friend, who I've known for a few years, complained to me about not hugging her goodbye as I offered my gloved hand for a handshake.

    The psychological distance of formality indicates handshakes, and that is what I prefer. Fist pounds is okay if I'm with guys at sporting events or similar. But hanshakes usually.

    With someone I am really close to, as in a close relationship, then I really like deep long hugs. But no one else. The idea of being physically possessive of the other person is somewhat intriguing at times. If it is someone I'm very close to, then I would never turn down a hug intentionally. But if it is not her, or not someone in my immediate family, then you've got no chance. If I am single, though, and you are someone that I deem huggable, then I won't refuse one necessarily.

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    I have possibly claimed this and that about hugging but I could summarize it like this: in relationships I hug fairly often, other than that I gladly respond to other people hugging me (unless they do somekind of surprise hug in which case I usually just get scared) but I never initiate a hug even if it is a friend. How I hug? I try to imitate the hugging style they are using. If it is a "distant" hug then I do that too. If it is a squeeeeeze hug then I squeeeeeze hug too basically. In case of a distant hug I usually try to make it a bit warmer by patting their back or something like that. Too distant and formal hugs are blah And I don't need hugging to feel loved

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    My ESFp friend, who I've known for a few years, complained to me about not hugging her goodbye as I offered my gloved hand for a handshake.
    I think I feel more awkward with handshakes then with hugs, but that might be because its used more frequently with men than women. I prefer a slight nod of acknowledgement to anything else.
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    This whole thing about hugging is especially weird for me, as when I hug someone I don't think about it...

    For me it's based on common distance and how close they're comfortable being in general.

    And I'd generally consider myself to hug close, but to only do so if I'm comfortable with the other person completely.

    Also I always "let go" before I hug... it's not very controlled.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    My ESFp friend, who I've known for a few years, complained to me about not hugging her goodbye as I offered my gloved hand for a handshake.
    Lol you total uncorteous ass
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    ...

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    It's been suggested to me on several occasions that I could make a living out of hugging

    I also think this is a cultural thing. We, the Dutch, aren't the greatest huggers in the world, but when we see Americans do it, we think it's outright pathetic! :wink:
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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult
    It's been suggested to me on several occasions that I could make a living out of hugging

    I also think this is a cultural thing. We, the Dutch, aren't the greatest huggers in the world, but when we see Americans do it, we think it's outright pathetic! :wink:
    DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDdd

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    Quote Originally Posted by maxtheax
    haha,

    Yeah, I think it’s a cultural thing too…

    I live in Latin America, so I’m a bit distant for being latinamerican, but maybe in the United States I might seem like more of a warm person?
    You might scare the shit out of them... it always looks like they are trying to avoid catching some contageous disease. Not good when you're in The Netherlands, since here, we kiss three times on the cheeks when greeting a friend...

    (that's in addition to eating raw fish called herring and raw red meat called "Filet Americain" :wink: )
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    ... and another three times when we leave and say goodbye... :wink:

    But seriously: I recently had a discussion like this on a totally different kind of site, and it struck me that typically introverted types don't seem to appreciate physical contact as much as extroverts do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by UDP
    My ESFp friend, who I've known for a few years, complained to me about not hugging her goodbye as I offered my gloved hand for a handshake.
    Lol you total uncorteous ass



    ... I first took off my glove, hesitantly.... (half wondering if she would just want me to take off m y glove)
    but she continued her look anways, and sought a hug
    so eventually I did hug her










    Hmmm...

    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult
    It's been suggested to me on several occasions that I could make a living out of hugging

    I also think this is a cultural thing. We, the Dutch, aren't the greatest huggers in the world, but when we see Americans do it, we think it's outright pathetic! :wink:
    I can believe it.
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    My family is more into hand-shakes than hugs (except for my ISFp brother.) When my ENFp friend requests a hug, I usually give a half-hug. They're my specialty. I like to hug little kids because they're adorable and because it doesn't make them uncomfortable; they're used to it. Lately I've wanted to hug my INTp friend, but I stick to the handshake so I don't accidently give him or .
    Last edited by Director Abbie; 11-26-2008 at 12:00 AM.

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    mmmm hug

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