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Thread: Keeping secrets within relationships

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    Default Keeping secrets within relationships

    I find it nearly impossible to keep secrets. Its just who I am. I am not a secretive person.

    When I have a problem in a relationship, I tell my closest friends... I happen to have at least 5 best friends at all times...

    If there is a secret that is unflattering to my SO, I won't tell anyone about it unless they're like an E5 LII or something that lives in a hole by themself.

    But often times my friends will usually be kept in the loop of a lot of different things.

    So, what are your views on this? Is it unreasonable to expect your SO's friends to not know everything about you? Do you think this is type related?

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    my behavior has been different in different relationships. i guess it depends on the problem, if i'm just angry or sad and i know exactly why and it's clear-cut, then i don't feel the need to talk to anybody about it because there's really nothing that needs to be resolved in my mind. but if i'm confused and feel like i'm lacking perspective then i really need to talk about it with other people. and if i don't, it can make the problem a lot worse because of accumulated overthinking and angst. i can understand not wanting your partner to talk about private things, though. i've gotten really angry when i've been told, "well i told so-and-so what you told me and SHE said that you were wrong..." like that actually means something. i suppose ideally the communication would be good enough that there wouldn't be a need to talk to other people in order to gather advice or perspective. the men i've dated have generally been very private. i got snapped at once for mentioning that i told somebody at work my ex's name (he said he was joking? but i think he was half joking?) i've noticed that secrecy stuff in fe polrs but it could just be coincidence, its not like i have a huge sample size.

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    I think I would agree when it comes to who you're talking to.

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    *Hides a gift under the bed and pretends it's not there* that's about the extent of my secret keeping.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa Darmandzhyan View Post
    *Hides a gift under the bed and pretends it's not there* that's about the extent of my secret keeping.
    What do you think about white lies?
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

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    I've gotten trouble with people before for talking about their weaknesses in stories. When I become an author I become God, because writing is my superhero and I sorta have to keep my own narcissism in check.

    The way to handle me is that you have to tell me if something is going to hurt your feelings or not because I can be sorta bad at that and only focused on my own pain. I might think it's something you have to toughen up about (usually about homosexuality since that is my superpower) but maybe that's just me being an asshole.

    Oh well. It's my teeth and I'm going to use it when necessary but I don't want to hurt people I care about with it.

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    i have this vantage point where we all can talk about our secrets/emotional issues honestly and nobody gets hurt bullied for it but that's just unrealistic. i wish we live in a world we could be honest about that 24/7 though but that just creates a narcissist ruler who takes advantage over everybody. i have the perception of love, of weaknesses being protected.

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    A dusty and dreadful charade. Scapegrace's Avatar
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    It's completely unreasonable to have someone tell you something in confidence and go blabber it all over the world. Are you six? Why do you feel the need to tell? Just to get attention? Hehe. I know a secret. Incredibly immature.
    "[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scapegrace View Post
    Hehe. I know a secret.
    lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I find it nearly impossible to keep secrets.When I have a problem in a relationship, I tell my closest friends... I happen to have at least 5 best friends at all times...

    So, what are your views on this? Is it unreasonable to expect your SO's friends to not know everything about you? Do you think this is type related?
    I don't obsess over what you're thinking nor feeling, I don't hang over your shoulder, breathing on your back going "Tell me, tell me. What's going on. I must know. Panic", no. You have something important to tell me, open your mouth. As for revealing personal stuff to other people, I'm quite discerning whom I talk to even though I know quite the amount of people, so out of your five best friends it would be one for me. Not into blabbermouths much.

    In relationship I'm quite open so I don't really see the need to just go and talk about what I do, what did I say, how I said it to other people, none of their business. It's a close relationship between two people I take it, like, girlfriend-boyfriend, etc., that share something with themselves on an intimate level, so you're going to have to differentiate between a relationship consisting of you and your five best friends, and the one consisting of you and your significant other.

    Choice is yours...

    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    i got snapped at once for mentioning that i told somebody at work my ex's name (he said he was joking? but i think he was half joking?)
    That's really damn stupid, somebody got his panties in a twist. Good thing you didn't mention his shoe size, he would go ballistic...

    Don't date paranoid people.
    Last edited by Absurd; 01-11-2013 at 11:50 AM.

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    What Absurd said, basically.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    I don't obsess over what you're thinking nor feeling, I don't hang over your shoulder, breathing on your back going "Tell me, tell me. What's going on. I must know. Panic", no. You have something important to tell me, open your mouth. As for revealing personal stuff to other people, I'm quite discerning whom I talk to even though I know quite the amount of people, so out of your five best friends it would be one for me. Not into blabbermouths much.

    In relationship I'm quite open so I don't really see the need to just go and talk about what I do, what did I say, how I said it to other people, none of their business. It's a close relationship between two people I take it, like, girlfriend-boyfriend, etc., that share something with themselves on an intimate level, so you're going to have to differentiate between a relationship consisting of you and your five best friends, and the one consisting of you and your significant other.

    Choice is yours...



    That's really damn stupid, somebody got his panties in a twist. Good thing you didn't mention his shoe size, he would go ballistic...

    Don't date paranoid people.
    Im going to cherish this post.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    Im going to cherish this post.
    I would prefer you stick to certain person(s) in tiny chat.

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    yeah I was quite surprised to see a serious post from absurd myself.

    *slow clap*

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    Well, life was boring before you came here, DJA.

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    Creepy-pikachu

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    I would prefer you stick to certain person(s) in tiny chat.
    Calm down with the arm flailing. It was nice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    Calm down with the arm flailing. It was nice.
    I think your dual korpsey can teach you a very valuable lesson on projection.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    I think your dual korpsey can teach you a very valuable lesson on projection.
    Do you want pictures? :]

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    Do you want pictures? :]
    No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.
    Okay, lol. See you tomorrow.

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    lmao

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    Okay, lol. See you tomorrow.
    Well, talk is cheap, but that's okay, so are you

  23. #23
    Creepy-pikachu

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    Well, talk is cheap, but that's okay, so are you
    I meant on here, you naughty perv.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    What do you think about white lies?
    I don't like any lies; my mother, ILI, is infamous for white lies; I like other than the lie or excentuating another aspect as to detract attention; I don't understand why people can't tell the truth and especially why they are in environments where others make it impossible for them to be honest. Just say what you're doing or feeling; my mother says "just tell them something else." Are you kidding mom? No. I don't want to go because I want to relax; I've worked hard all week and not going to make an excuse that I feel so great. "But they'll find it offensive." Too bad, let them grow up and face reality because it's an obvious fact of reality that people get tired. "Just tell them you have to go somewhere else." She plays politics all the time, differ, buffer, steer, move, detract. It's all silly ridiculous untruthful lies.

    This is why she loves me so god damn much, because she knows that while she can do this stuff with ease, I can't for the life of me so she trusts me. LOL

    example?

    uhum...."that's a good idea!" instead of "no" or "yes" as a lie, because it is a good idea, and it doesn't say that you will commit

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    I meant on here, you naughty perv.
    I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works. Keep talking about yourself though - for I see you're addressing me with your real name here - one post after another of pure and distilled bollocks you brand as "serious posts", which I have a really hard time to not to read. Oh, I think you're activity when it comes to DJA.

    "Lol."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works. Keep talking about yourself though - for I see you're addressing me with your real name here - one post after another of pure and distilled bollocks you brand as "serious posts", which I have a really hard time to not to read. Oh, I think you're activity when it comes to DJA.

    "Lol."
    I'll let you know when you care.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    I'll let you know when you care.
    About what? Seriously, what the hell are you talking about? It's like pages torn out of a book without a reference to it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    About what? Seriously, what the hell are you talking about? It's like pages torn out of a book without a reference to it.
    Now you know what youre like to communicate with.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    Now you know what youre like to communicate with.
    Continue nagging and I'm sure every person you "communicate" with is going to have the same "flaws" you ascribe to them. You're like an 50 year old wife. Answer the question, Jadae.

    Neurotic much?

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  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    Continue nagging and I'm sure every person you "communicate" with is going to have the same "flaws" you ascribe to them. You're like an 50 year old wife. Answer the question, Jadae.

    Neurotic much?
    There isnt a question in the first paragraph to answer.

    Youre not fun today. See you later.

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    E5 LII sounds risky.the higher the pressure the bigger the outburst or smth
    unholy water sanguine addiction

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    There isnt a question in the first paragraph to answer.
    Well, you often accuse people of not reading what you wrote and use it as some kind of a suppression tool aimed at broader audience, at the same time screaming and yelling against "censorship", so they can murder that "like" and "constructive" function when it comes to your opponent (providing you want to see me as one, I can deal with you blindfolded), in other words, so they can form an opinion they do not have at all through your actions which are, simply, immature and lacking forethought at best. I know it is futile to expect any kind of responsibility from you and your pathetic, and weaselish attempts at trying to beat me at your own game, are going to remain pathetic, that is, not sincere. You're a fake.

    Question is not whether there is/isn't a question in first paragraph, question is, whether there is/was a question at all? And yes, I think there was, it's black on white, you just chose not to answer. You're game is way too transparent for me, and I just can't fight the temptation to muddle your head a bit, so you can come to any kind of erroneous conclusions, and I can sit back, relax, and smile while you use what you call a brain.

    Youre not fun today. See you later.
    Look who's talking.

    Quote Originally Posted by the16types View Post
    E5 LII sounds risky.the higher the pressure the bigger the outburst or smth
    You're LSE like Jadae as well? No offence, try ILI/LIE, there's not many of them on this site and Gamma quadra is underrepresented.
    Last edited by Absurd; 01-12-2013 at 12:33 PM.

  34. #34
    Creepy-pikachu

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    Well, you often accuse people of not reading what you wrote and use it as some kind of a suppression tool aimed at broader audience, at the same time screaming and yelling against "censorship", so they can murder that "like" and "constructive" function when it comes to your opponent (providing you want to see me as one, I can deal with you blindfolded), in other words, so they can form an opinion they do not have at all through your actions which are, simply, immature and lacking forethought at best. I know it is futile to expect any kind of responsibility from you and your pathetic, and weaselish attempts at trying to beat me at your own game, are going to remain pathetic, that is, not sincere. You're a fake.

    Question is not whether there is/isn't a question in first paragraph, question is, whether there is/was a question at all? And yes, I think there was, it's black on white, you just chose not to answer. You're game is way too transparent for me, and I just can't fight the temptation to muddle your head a bit, so you can come to any kind of erroneous conclusions, and I can sit back, relax, and smile while you use what you call a brain.



    Look who's talking.



    You're LSE like Jadae as well? No offence, try ILI/LIE, there's not many of them on this site and Gamma quadra is underrepresented.
    I dont want to play your inbred games today. Sorry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    I dont want to play your inbred games today. Sorry.
    See what I mean?

    You're not much of challenge and I don't want to compete with you over "who can potty best", told you before, I'm too old for that. You don't even have the decency to admit what you're doing.

    http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistblameguilt.html

    To put it more plainly, the (average) narcissist is unable to answer the question: "Why did you do what you did?" or "Why did you choose this mode of action over others available to you under the same circumstances?" These decisions are taken unconsciously.

  36. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    See what I mean?
    I dont care what you mean. Leave me alone, dont reply to me, and go be weird to someone else.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae View Post
    I dont care what you mean. Leave me alone, dont reply to me, and go be weird to someone else.
    First off you replied in this very thread and quoted me with your fine-tuned gibberish of a post and continue.

    Most of the time the narcissist is not even conscious of why he is doing what he is doing. When he is self-aware – he can't seem to be able to predict the outcomes of his actions. Even when he can foretell them – he feels powerless to modify his behavior. The narcissist is a pawn in the chess game played between the structures of his fragmented, fluid personality. So, in a classical – juridical sense, the narcissist is not to blame, he is not fully responsible or aware of what he is doing to others.

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    The relationship between Jadae and Absurd has no secrets.

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    The only thing worse than not being able to keep secrets is deceiving people that you are, while [not] doing it.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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