This has been circling around my head for a while now; it's rather upsetting actually to continuously try to explain some people that they are not INFj; whether you spell that INFJ or EII, doesn't matter much.
I would like to begin with my discussion about general demeanor of both types and why some SEI confuse themselves with EII and you may add more reasons if you wish.
There are a lot of similarities and things they have in common both internally and externally, but the things that really distinguish them are, and words to describe them are the following:
SEI - fun, unassuming, down to earth; are a lot more willing to enjoy drinks and laughter, where silly things can be viewed, can be had and enjoyed with others. Because of the sympathetic nature of an SEI, “they can be deeply affected by the pain, unhappiness, or misfortune of others, but hide their vulnerability behind a veneer of detachment, appearing cool and removed.” Because they use the tool of TRUST, an SEI is far more likely than an EII to be more closed to select people, choosing who is privy to their deep thoughts and feelings, this is where Fi minus comes in. Overly sensitive. Because they are not forthcoming of their hurt feelings and resentments, they hold on to their feelings for a long time unlike an EII who has a magical ability to let go and move on and never mention or bring up the past. Because they take worries on to their shoulders, worries about people, family, stuff, they look like and EII, a concerned human who wants to help, this is very true, both can be like this. Both types are unassertive and can be taken an advantage of. They look for the best in others, but this is an individual bases as opposed to humanity. They rarely criticize the actions or beliefs of others. Live in the present moment where they find pleasure and joy in simple things -company, food, friends, etc. Don't plan as much as EII, not by a long shot. I have responded to posts by forum members who I type SEI and I often say “well, didn't you plan for this situation so that you could have been prepared by the various outcome of events that may have turned out?” and rightfully so. They can become pessimistic when things turn bad down the road because they didn't see things coming. Their living space may be cluttered, full of things that don't match or belong, looks like “lived in” style.
EII - integrity, courage; prefer a serious environment; their vision, creativity, and originality is used in the service of others (notice I said service and not just help) to offer patience and support. Great at thinking up (cleaver) new and better ways to help people get their needs met (you are having trouble with food, hang around this area or go here and they will help you); this allows an EII to circumvent the world of what needs are being offered to people, not for them particularly but for those they love. "Are willing to subject themselves to skepticism or criticism in order to make their vision, which is driven by their strong values a reality." (which is uncharacteristic of SEI). Single minded narrowness. Have fierce determination, courage, stand up to all odds and keep going. Led by their values, by seriousness of outlook on the welfare of people and humanity translates to a serious person, they need to be reminded to relax, to enjoy lighter and pleasurable moments. When feelings hurt they pass easily. Have no trouble criticizing others actions. Live almost entirely in the past or in the future, plan plan plan. They do extensive preplanning on almost everything. In their living space, they like minimalist, clutter free, flowing aesthetic environment and try to keep their environment the same way.
Both being excellent friends and listeners is one area where an SEI may confuse themselves for an EII; both want to provide support to others because one empathizes (EII) and the other offers sympathy (you can be there for the person who is suffering). Both are typically gentle and soft spoken, and both usually don't like to call attention to themselves. Both navigate the world of human relations and are concerned about keeping harmony. Both can be honest and trustworthy; because of WEAK Se and IGNORING Se SEI can look like EII in that they are both fail to take reality into account, they miss essential details, and choose to ignore essential facts, an SEI with this regard isn't likely to consider other facts; but unlike SEI, an EII through ideal is likely to take up a position, believing in that and thus acting dismissive of others and being judgmental of other views. They both have expectations about people's behaviors, but an EII is undemanding unlike an SEI; both can be stubborn and unyielding; both can enjoy art, both can like dancing, both enjoy planning, both are gentle, sensitive, and compassionate; both are committed and loyal to friends and family THIS IS NOT Fi, and both can look modest and reserved. Both are intensely private, and thus they conceal their true nature from others or their true problems and selves; both do not like to control and resist; they both work quietly and behind the scenes in various ways.