What I had in mind was things like purposefully creating instability and testing people like he talked about doing. Which ftr wasn't a character judgment. Just that I think things like attachment issues get attributed to type too much. And then they get glamorized. "I don't need to evaluate the healthiness of my behavior - bitch just can't handle my sx-first SWAG"Originally Posted by nanashi
He's not necessarily choosing to pressure her or pressuring her in an abusive way. He speaks of wishing for energy behind their teasing. "Testing" is not abusive. It could be considered another way of saying he's observing her reactions to his non-manipulative, natural behavior.
There have been evolutionary incentives for woman to seek multiple partners among many species. Lots of female mammals have sex with multiple males after they get pregnant, so that male will not murder that baby(Horses for instance). In Human terms, lots of girls have sex with multiple men and thus have multiple sources of support for that child in the form of resources.
Also, i read an article about the neanderthal dna thats found in people. How it's a tiny amount, but because most Neanderthal male + Human female sex didn't end up with offspring there's the logical conclusion that it happen alot. So much so, that some scientists(or historians i guess) believe that Our woman fucked them into extinction. Our woman were prettier and more feminine, their men were awesomer and more masculine. Thus they diddled so much that they didn't make enough babies with Neanderthal women to keep their species competitive with our growing numbers.
So with all that said, there's totally an ingrained behavior in females and males, over tens of thousands of years, to act all slutty. It helped our race survive.
But for the topic in question, DJ - She won't change who she is unless she feels as though she wants to. Resentment builds if you try to change her. So, either manipulate her into thinking she wants to be the girl of your dreams or dump her and find someone more satisfying.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
I pick the blue pill.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
The whole situation was wierd. I'd like to reiterate. She made me feel like a monster standing next to her. I couldn't handle it anymore. She'd constantly comment on how violent I am etc. I knew she was joking, but I think after a while it just started sinking in. There was an inexplicable guilt I felt before talking to her.
Its odd. I've spent HOURS talking to one of the girls I'm fb friends with. Its so much easier "going with the flow" with her, than the other girl.
She'll admit having interest in me, but she won't overdo it. There is a comfort speaking to her. She's some kind of beta. She complained that a guy she was seeing wasn't expressing enough affection toward her, yet she never returns it.
To me, I was completely neurotic. Obsessed. I don't like relating this to socionics, but it says conflictor relations can cause neuroses as they make the other partner experience their own undesirable traits through the eyes of their partner.
I feel, we would only have gotten along if we ignored one another. I go do my thing, you go do yours. We'll come back once a month and talk about it sometime when we're bored.
I love my conflictor's tastes and stuff but there's no way I can enjoy them for sustained amounts of time. I become a crazy person.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahah
Oh so now you're positively positive that this *other* girl is your dual. right.
get a grip.
no but she's a beta. I type her as EIE but she disagrees and says she's IEI. I was just using her as a comparison between comfortable and uncomfortable.
so former girl was... EII in your opinion?
Yeah you have no problem.
yes, or some delta nf. way too motherly. too attentive.
I actually had this conversation with the ESI I used to talk to. She actually feels the same way toward me as I felt toward this new girl. I was too innocent, too pure. She had all these fucked up experiences but still wants to help me because she cares about me, but I make her feel like a fucked up witch just being near me. Kinda strange. I'm wondering if this is negative side of having a large age gap.
Last edited by Azure Flame; 01-09-2013 at 04:55 AM.
Are you alright @DJ Arendee ?
I can't tell which end of the stick is up with you any more...what do you want?
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
You must not have understood what I wrote... she was complaining that I was too pure and innocent for her.
I'm ok now. I felt really guilty but the relationship was ultimately destructive to my focus. There are women out there who I get really obsessive over and I can't really understand why. Ending the relationship just seems to be the only option, some women command too much of my attention.
Last edited by Azure Flame; 01-09-2013 at 05:10 AM.
How you come off...you come off very soft.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Yup. Oddly enough I have to convince her I'm fucked up and old too. Well I dont have to, but I can. So I guess I will.
lmao @ u want xena warrior princess
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
I think the desire to change your partner comes with the futility of finding someone who already suits you ideally. But it's less futile to drop an incompatible partner and quickly move on than to try to modify someone against their will. Even if you're sneaky about it like what Pookie said, what are you really accomplishing?
Maybe it's that you need to feel 'uncertain' about your partners feelings towards you to hold your interest? When you know they've fallen for you and things are smooth you get a sense of boredom/ stagnation... and thus you lose interest? It's the uncertainty of reciprocation that holds your interest and when things stagnate you try and stir things up by being mean... consequentially you may be f'ing up a relationship you'd want in the long run, there's only so much of that kind of experience a person can take without losing trust in you & feeling like they're straight up disrespecting themselves by giving you more chances.
Ding ding ding ding
I didn't suggest that rationality is a gender-related trait. I believe that both genders can be irrational and rational. I believe that their quality of rationality and/irrationality are different to a degree that is mostly unknown. However, my intention was to appear extremely sexist with that post.
That is true if we look at the brain on a more macroscopic level. However, a lot remains to study in the field of neurology. If men and women had identical brain chemistry, all the differences between the role of women and men in cultures worldwide are attributable to some factors not associated with the brain, like physical differences. Even culture stems from somewhere and I believe that it is not pure chance that vast majority of cultures has given genders similar roles worldwide. Of course the female womb and the male's superior physical strength are major factors but I believe that men and women have different psychological inclinations.
Number of offspring is so important that the desire to procreate is genetically hardwired, mating inclinations included.
It is unneccessary to educate me about all the delightful ways to circumvent insemination.
Thank you. This is the other side of the coin.
Harem, polygamy and other institutions are almost always run by a single male.
Does any of you have any theories what are the reasons why gathering several mates at a time and institutionalizing it is almost exclusively done by men?
Do women have such institutions in any culture?
Are they just so sly about their polyandry?
However, on topic. It is probably evolutionary beneficial for mating protocols to make suitors of both genders to compete & fight for their suitability. With a growing dissatisfaction to single satisfied partner comes a temptation to find a better mate or an addition to this. Those who succeed in finding a better mate are deemed worthy by nature to produce offspring of better quantity and/or quality. Of course, offspring quality is measured by their chance to produce more offspring able to produce more offspring ad infinitum, with an emphasis on the older generations. This is not a simple equation; once it might have been good to be an able hunter but now, say, having a genetical inclinations to fuck unprotected while drunk might make one more likely to produce offspring with "good" evolutionary qualities, though I haven't studied the effects of being a bastards when it comes to desire to procreate.
I also have non-biological explanations for this phenomenom but I trust other posters to cover those.
“I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
You can easily construct a model where, in two sexes, one is casually maginally pyhsically stronger than the other, and call the stronger one "male". This attitude then reinforces itself in a "brutal" environment where killing your competitors is not socially shameful. Poligamy by the side of the physically weaker of the two sexes is constrained by fear of physical retaliation, and thus a culture is created where one is considered more acceptable than the other, because the average consequences are less dangerous. Then, the origin of this cultural trait is forgotten, killing becomes socially shameful, but a partially physical selection and partially cultural conditioning create a self replicating culture of "sexism" in those matters. It may be going to progressively wane.
I forgot where, but there is an asian culture organized as such:Do women have such institutions in any culture?
men live with their sisters and care for their nephews (the sons of their sisters). Women have sex with men from the village in a casual and noncommittal way, and so do men - nobody really knows who is the father of a given child. The man, living with his sisters, knows for sure that he is caring for someone that shares his genes. It's a peculiar equilibrium, but it makes sense in its own way.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
Polyandry in Tibet and Nepal, partly because living conditions are (were?) so brutal that it took that much foraging effort for the kid(s) to live. Banned in Tibet after Chinese take-over.Do women have such institutions in any culture?
Are they just so sly about their polyandry?
Polyandrous marriages apparently allowed in Saskatchewan, Canada, mostly used by aborigines.
Eskimos until the 19th century.
Etc.
Aquagraph, you're also technically assuming that if it's 1X:nY then X is controlling the whole shtick, which ain't necessarily so.
"Fraternal polyandry achieves a similar goal to what primogeniture did in 19th-century England. Primogeniture dictated that the eldest son inherited the family estate, while younger sons had to leave home and seek their own employment. Primogeniture maintained family estates intact over generations by permitting only one heir per generation. Fraternal polyandry also accomplishes this, but does so by keeping all the brothers together with just one wife so that there is only one set of heirs per generation." Source
Reason is a whore.
xena has a hairy navel.
so do you meet these women on online forums?
do you actually physically meet them? or is all skype crap?
some I meet online some I meet in person.
I meet them in person provided they pass a couple tests.
Last edited by Azure Flame; 01-09-2013 at 08:14 PM.
Yes. incipient aggression. That's what I was worried about. I was worried I would hurt her, that I would "break" her.
Conquerors: SLE (ESTp) LSI (ISTj)
These are assertive types who do not flinch at their own sexuality. They will express their own desire without reservation. They are won over by direct shows of submission (only after feeling that they have earned it). He will be insulted if his romantic interest gives him his title without question, and bored if the fight is too easily won. He, like the Pseudo-Aggressor and the Challenger, is questing to find his equal. Someone he can play his almost sadistic games with without "breaking."
Who wrote this?Conquerors: SLE (ESTp) LSI (ISTj)
These are assertive types who do not flinch at their own sexuality. They will express their own desire without reservation. They are won over by direct shows of submission (only after feeling that they have earned it). He will be insulted if his romantic interest gives him his title without question, and bored if the fight is too easily won. He, like the Pseudo-Aggressor and the Challenger, is questing to find his equal. Someone he can play his almost sadistic games with without "breaking."
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
I've a confession to make after i watched the first one. i had to watch the rest of her videos
DJ's dream.
A bit of an update.
edit:
It was what's referred to as a "suffocating" relationship.
She was too nice, too loving.
She removed the struggle from my life. I felt co-dependant... and miserable.
Last edited by Azure Flame; 01-10-2013 at 07:10 PM.
Let's just say she's your conflictor so Socionics can remain accurate.
“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” Randy Pausch
Ne-IEE
6w7 sp/sx
6w7-9w1-4w5
I like both super easy guys and challenging bad boys. They are both two same sides of the dualistic coin really.
If you want me to challenge you, fine - here it goes.
I think the reason you aren't making it work with woman has nothing to do with what you are trying to say the issue is. You are bad at attempting to manipulate the crowd. The real reason you're not making it work with a woman is because you're not attracted to them. You really are into men but you could never ever bring yourself to do this because it would be too shameful. Heterosexuality is how most people were raised to be but you are really something different deep down inside otherwise you wouldn't be drawn to a forum that has a gay person that has made over 7000 posts about homosexuality.
You do not come across as a 'rawr spear throwing' straight man. That is so obviously campy. You come across as a highly entertaining in-denial victim playing closeted gay man with identity issues. This person you're calling your girlfriend is just some sweet nice internet nerd girl who is uber nice to outcasts and homosexual males like ourselves and that's why we love them. She is just drawn to your ability to share your heart with her, the huge heart of a GAY man- not a straight man.
You make music dude. You play video games. You play the victim. You have a big heart. You know how to talk in an exaggerated campy way that is obviously FAKE and you are just trying to troll people. You are narcissistic with your own emotions.
YOU ARE A GAY MAN. I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS. I KNOW A GAY WHEN I SEE ONE.
(lmao I'm gay gaslighting)
That could also be true.
You only "joke" about ever since I called you out on it. You sit here and laugh at how you turn people into your "puppet" when they piss you off, the only word that ever comes out of your mouth is "narcissism" like its some kind of obsession. You brag about how you manipulated someone into gay sex. You're fucked up dude, you need help.
Well you're right, I'm not *entirely* joking...
Could you just man up and admit that you have homoerotic feelings?
You yourself said you were tired of other people coddling you.
Depressingly, and from experience and others experience in an SLE-IEI dual relationship, this isn't down to incompatibility. But can just be the way the SLE deals with stress and anger or as a reaction against something they dislike in a relationship. However, what constitutes as behavior worthy of the SLE becoming cruel or aggressive, changes depending on how unhappy or stressed out they are in their lives in general. One SLE got physically aggressive because I angrily demanded why he'd been sulking all day, after trying to fe him the fuck out of it. Addressing it might be a good idea....
IEI, sp/sx 4w3.
I get a little frustrated when IEI's tell me how to feel, frustrates the hell out of me. Often times they'll amplify what I feel only a minimal level, or what they percieve I should feel. Its really wierd.
Good to hear. One thing I'm noticing with myself and other personalities as well, is that certain people act like "dicks" because they're trying to create a certain distance between the two of you. When I think a girl is too close I'll actually be an ass hole to get her to back off. If she's too far away I'll try to pull her in. Perhaps its his way of creating space between the two of you? Maybe he really does just need some time alone.
Speaking in layman's terms, I find I NEED a girl who more or less continues to create distance between the two of us. This isn't what I want, but its definitely what I need. Not because I like challenges, but because I personally need to feel independant. For me, it feels like there is a empty hole inside of me that needs to be filled, and certain women fill this. They have a "presence" about them that seems to fill my inner space. Its almost like I'm a biosuit and the girl hops inside and controls me. Idunno I'm wierd. I enjoy having someone else take the reigns every so often. Eventually I get tired and say, "ok its my turn" and I take charge for a little bit. It makes me feel like I have an equal. But when I'm constantly in charge, or the girl is constantly "at the controls" I start to get exhausted and have to eject her from the cockpit against her will, so to speak. I hope that makes sense.
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