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Thread: Types and stealing and snooping around

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    Default Types and stealing and snooping around

    When living with roommates, are certain socionics and etypes more likely to do either or both of these? Certain subtypes, health levels, attitudes and other red flags to watch out for that should be mentioned. I've been wondering especially about ESI and LSE, these types seem responsible but my impression is they're not always like that.

    Edit: By snooping around I mean going through your stuff (diary, documents of various sorts, personal items), puting stuff on your computer, trying to figure out passwords, surveiling your internet activities by viewing network traffic on the router, etc.

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    Actually, let's make this thread about poking and prodding of boundaries too, as that can be quite frustrating.

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    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by socion View Post
    When living with roommates, are certain socionics and etypes more likely to do either or both of these? Certain subtypes, health levels, attitudes and other red flags to watch out for that should be mentioned. I've been wondering especially about ESI and LSE, these types seem responsible but my impression is they're not always like that.

    Edit: By snooping around I mean going through your stuff (diary, documents of various sorts, personal items), putting stuff on your computer, trying to figure out passwords, surveiling your internet activities by viewing network traffic on the router, etc.
    I hate that. My ESI mother used to do this, and it infuriated me, I felt so violated. She would also listen in on my calls. Because of this, and because of taking to heart "The Golden Rule" since I was a young child, I am very firm on not being this way. I will not let curiosity rule even when I have compete privacy, like taking care of my neighbors cats when she is gone (I have peaked curiously into her fridge and pantry, as she is a careful healthy eater, and I like to see what she chooses, but I would not feel violated if someone did that to me. However, I have never opened her bedroom door, or any other private drawer, or even looked to see who is sending her mail when I collect her mail. I have looked at her titles on her LR bookshelf, but that's because it feels "public" to me.) Same at my SLI's house. I stay in his son's room. He is not living there any more, and I have seen writings, possibly journals around, and have never peeked, and same with the daughter - she leaves her 12-step journal writings around the LR, and once I realized what the notebooks were I never peek either. And I have a curious mind. But I apply my curious mind to what people choose to tell me about themselves.

    You should ask ESI's and those who know ESI's if this might be type-related.

    Either of my two EXTx brothers may possibly be LSE, and I am sure they are not the snooping type.

    My son is SLE and he is also not like that at all.

    My EII freind snoops on her conflictor SLE husband, but that seems like self-defense in her case. He snoops on her, too. Sometimes its justifiable. [i.e., I do not snoop on my teenage SLE son; I only watch what he does and what he says to me carefully and thoughtfully, but if I had reason to believe he was doing something that was a danger to himself or others, I would snoop. I have not had to and hope I do not have to. I want him to have the kind of privacy I did not have as a teenager.]

    I used to have an ESE friend, the only friend I have ever purposely cut off, who was a snoop to the extreme. I was well-aware of this, and attributed it to her extreme case of PTSD, and tolerated this with understanding because of it. For example, after I moved the 4th time in 5 years, I was too overwhelmed to get my stuff re-organized here. She offered to help me, and was extremely diligent at it. There was not a thing she did not "notice", or, in fact, check into. She looked at EVERYTHING, and I suspected that filling her craving for "seeing" was her real motivation. So, it was a trade-off; I welcomed help, plus, I felt it soothed her PTSD fears to see I had no evidence of terrible secrets. But, I was left with a feeling I had been violated. (I remember pulling away from her a "Last Will and Testament" from her hands she was trying to open, which I had not even studied. This was over--the-top; I would never think of reading someone else's financial documents!). And that feeling of violation continued throughout our friendship; she was always questioning me and I always explaining... in the end, that contributed to my "cutting her off", something I have not done before, and am usually against doing, in fact. I normally have a lot of tolerance.

    Well, I am sure having your stuff being rooted through makes you feel violated, and you should make it known. And try to get away from whoever is doing it. Because you can never have peace at home, and home, wherever it is, I assume is your biggest expense that you work for, and you deserve peace there. It must feel as if you are being stalked all the time.

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    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Handy outline of above especially for @jennifer:

    I. About Snooping
    ...A. My Mom snooped
    ...B. I don't snoop

    II.Who else snoops
    ...A. Maybe ESIs
    ...B. Maybe not LSEs
    ...C. Maybe not SLEs
    ...D. Maybe some SLEs or EIIs
    ...E. Not me!

    III. Maybe ESE!

    IV. Don't put up with this!

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    re what eliza said i'm nosy about what people have on their bookshelves or in their fridges but going so far as to try to figure out somebody's password is a level of unacceptable that goes beyond types. i had an ex i typed esi who was like that but the majority of people in general aren't like that, let alone any specific type.

    as for the boundary thing i think it might be type related but i'm not sure exactly how. what comes to mind is an see i know sort of slipping into conversation - well she was trying to set me up with someone and she said he could use someone "stable and...boring" in his life and her face seemed to gauging my reaction, lol. and its the kind of thing i might do too, to see how much is okay. i don't know if i would attribute this to fi or not but it seems like the kind of thing some types might be more likely to do than others.

    and yeah stealing and snooping to that degree is really not something that should be tolerated and i hope you don't have a roommate like that.

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    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    i had an ex i typed esi who was like that ..
    I think we need an ESI on here to account for his/her snooping!

    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    ...as for the boundary thing i think it might be type related but i'm not sure exactly how. what comes to mind is an see i know sort of slipping into conversation - well she was trying to set me up with someone and she said he could use someone "stable and...boring" in his life and her face seemed to gauging my reaction, lol. and its the kind of thing i might do too, to see how much is okay. i don't know if i would attribute this to fi or not but it seems like the kind of thing some types might be more likely to do than others.
    Interesting that you named a SEE for boundary-pushing because I would have too. The SEE I know well, whom I employ to watch my Mom when I need to be away, I met at my ESE's Mormon Church. I decided I do NOT want to know this person almost immediately because she overstepped boundaries from the moment I met her, assuming I was an un-churched person who needed converting to Joseph Smith. No. I know all about Smith and his made-up religion. (I was there because my friend was and ultimately that is because my son wanted to be with her boys to meet girls in Sunday school!) But I kept running into her anyway, and she was the perfect person for the job I needed, and my no-Mormon-proselytizing/I-am-Catholic-forever boundary she accepts, and when she pushes boundaries, I can see the motivation generally; its harmless. I do have to make boundaries with her, though, and as long as they are clear she respects them.

    The other SEE I know, my SLI's daughter, is also a boundary pusher. And since my SLI has been co-dependent with her, this is a bad combination for both. SLI is getting counseling for boundary-making now, and I have told him that I feel confident that SEE can abide by boundaries when they are made clearly and firmly. I think she will be fine with them. (She pushes them with me when I am there, but I don't let her, and she is fine with it).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    I think we need an ESI on here to account for his/her snooping!
    did you just ignore everything else i wrote and decide that this was evidence snooping is an esi thing? no. it isn't.

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    snooping can be useful and fun.whenever my brother forgets to log out from fb ,i like to check on his friend activity because i want to see what they are up to and to discover part of their worlds that i cannot access first hand.however it's a real struggle to not read his PMs but i've got very good at it with the power of meditation.he's boring anyway.or careful.i do that because i trust in me being discreet.like,i am not going to tell anyone except for him what i've read or seen in case i stumble upon something that could be a potential threat.chances are i'm gettin dissed but i prefer to sacrifice a few or many hours of harmony in order to be reassured that he knows what he's doing.besides,if i weren't meant to have a part in this,God would not make him to not log out. or was it...satan?

    anyway,on a more physical level,i don't count as snooping taking little tours in living rooms.as a rule,i don't visit other people's restrooms,especially when ending up at someone's place was not planned.however if the occasion arises,i avoid looking into drawers etc it's one of those times when you look at the mirror and grawl "OUT.NOW.". in general,snooping feels really bad,getting caught up in the moment and all.it is def a violation and seeing how close i can get to it,i make sure it'll be hard for others to snoop on meh. ;D
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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    did you just ignore everything else i wrote and decide that this was evidence snooping is an esi thing? no. it isn't.
    Sorry, lungs, I had not idea it woudl seem that way! I appreciated the validation that you agree there is a certain amount of "snooping/curiosity, like reading titles on a bookshelf, that is normal. And I agree that what the OP shared is not, and should not be tolerated.

    I took notice of the ESI because the OP mentioned an ESI, and an ESI happens to be the main violator in my life in that way. Then the only type you mentioned violating that way happened to be an ESI . Which could all be coincidence, but now that three different people have mentioned ESI, it woudl be interesting to hear from one that doesn't, or lives with one who would never...

    (Did my pulling that one thing out of your post seem invalidating to what else your wrote??)

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    of course it's funny to talk about snooping in this day and age,when everything we do is automatically stored in databases.
    unholy water sanguine addiction

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    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jennifer View Post
    of course it's funny to talk about snooping in this day and age,when everything we do is automatically stored in databases.
    Yes its creepy. Its why I try to be anonymous online (so I can speak freely) yet I am probably kidding myself that i am anonymous.

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    I've also met a boundary-pushing EIE. Seemed to bond pretty well with this one pushy ESI...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    Which could all be coincidence, but now that three different people have mentioned ESI, it woudl be interesting to hear from one that doesn't, or lives with one who would never...
    me, and all other esi's i've known besides that one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    (Did my pulling that one thing out of your post seem invalidating to what else your wrote??)
    not really that so much as it made me think you were were just looking for confirmation of what you already decided and disregarding anything else.

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    I can't see my ESI sister snoop at all. She would consider it inappropriate and intrusive.

    But then my sister is too awesome for words. I remember when she found a letter from school in my nephew's backpack (she wasn't snooping, just putting something in there and pulling stuff out to make room). It was about a first aid workshop for which they need a signature of parental approval. My nephew didn't want to go, so he didn't give her the letter. She told me: "I was so happy about that! He is always so well-behaved and well-adjusted, I was worried about him. Good for him to be a little sneaky at times." <3

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    Quote Originally Posted by socion View Post
    When living with roommates, are certain socionics and etypes more likely to do either or both of these?

    Edit: By snooping around I mean going through your stuff (diary, documents of various sorts, personal items), puting stuff on your computer, trying to figure out passwords, surveiling your internet activities by viewing network traffic on the router, etc.
    I'm not sure - doing such thing means one doesn't trust the other person, so there's the lack of trust. I know a person like that in real life.

    I'm a bit picky when it comes to friendships and love material, so that means I would know a thing or two about that person to begin with. No need for spying. Not in a over the top way. Some people are curious, though...

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    Charming avatar, @Absurd. That would be a hen, oh, a rooster, right? Oh nevermind.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    Charming avatar, @Absurd. That would be a hen, oh, a rooster, right? Oh nevermind.
    It's akin to the one I killed. I mean, I can't tell the gender of people after a few drink anyway. I see a long haired guy I think it's a woman. I see a really short haired woman I think it is a man and I say "sorry, mister."

    So, I just call them people...

    Nah, kidding.

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