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Thread: INFp confused by an ISFj

  1. #1
    Melix's Avatar
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    Default INFp confused by an ISFj

    We met in July at a bar. Which is odd because neither of us are bar types and we both lived far from that particular area. I am a 22 year old college student in Hawaii (Infp) and he is 25 in the Army (Isfj) and got stationed here. We got to know each other more through texting and later found out that neither of us owned cars, him being new to the area, and me because i'm... me. Since he lived far away, and it would be difficult for us to see each other, we've had these little "skype dates". We'd talk for hours. One of the first things he told me was that he would be getting deployed in January and he wanted to make it clear that he wanted a real relationship and isn't capable of a fling. He said he didn't want to pressure me into anything seeing as we just met. He just wanted to put that on the table. At this point, it was July, and January felt so far away. I told him we could just see how it goes and worry about that later. We never talked about it again.

    We've been texting, Skype dating, and once, he surprised me and came to a performance I had. (i'm a comedian) Other than that, we haven't been on a proper date. I'm started to get worried about January too.. and I feel bad that I shrugged it off and now I wanna talk about it since its getting closer. I feel like he cares in certain ways, but when I think about it, I seem to be the one doing most of the initiating. He's also once mentioned that he's really shy and can be afraid to talk to girls.(Don't know if it matters, but much later he told me he was a virgin. So i completely believe him.) I wonder if that's the reason but i'm not sure if I think this because i'm the beneficiary... or if he's too afraid to tell me he's not into me.
    [INFP]

    "Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood."
    — [Carl Gustav Jung]

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    Memory of Tomorrow Reuben's Avatar
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    Don't let intertype relations stop you from taking action. Ask him.

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    viiirgiiiin viiiirgiiiiiiinnn

    ahem,whatever reuben said.
    unholy water sanguine addiction

  4. #4
    Melix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reuben View Post
    Don't let intertype relations stop you from taking action. Ask him.
    Yeah, I suppose that is the only way to know for sure..

    and Jennifer, wasn't sure if it was relevant to mention but I can't lie.. That does concern me. He's friggin 25 and gorgeous. How does that happen?! lol
    [INFP]

    "Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood."
    — [Carl Gustav Jung]

  5. #5
    Creepy-Snaps

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    So he wants a real relationship, and not a fling. What do you want?

    Not sure it matters. If you want a real relationship too, he's leaving in January. If you want a fling, that's not what he wants. Either way, it doesn't seem like it will work out. Sorry.

    Maybe it's time to move on and find someone else? Unless he can somehow elect to be stationed there longer.

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    Phthalate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snaps View Post
    So he wants a real relationship, and not a fling. What do you want?

    Not sure it matters. If you want a real relationship too, he's leaving in January. If you want a fling, that's not what he wants. Either way, it doesn't seem like it will work out. Sorry.

    Maybe it's time to move on and find someone else? Unless he can somehow elect to be stationed there longer.
    Or she is willing to relocate following a two month relationship... o.O
    ILE; INTP
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  7. #7
    Creepy-Snaps

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    Quote Originally Posted by Phthalate View Post
    Or she is willing to relocate following a two month relationship... o.O
    Extraverted intuition, fluid intelligence! Haha I love it.

    ORRRRRRR.... he could QUIT the military, say "Screw it, I've found the woman of my dreams!" and find work in Hawaii.

    I'm sure there's a million other possibilities to make it work, but currently it seems like it won't work out, unless there's some change. So she'll have to talk with him.

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    Phthalate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snaps View Post
    Extraverted intuition, fluid intelligence! Haha I love it.

    ORRRRRRR.... he could QUIT the military, say "Screw it, I've found the woman of my dreams!" and find work in Hawaii.

    I'm sure there's a million other possibilities to make it work, but currently it seems like it won't work out, unless there's some change. So she'll have to talk with him.
    Haha, sorry if it seemed like I was challenging what you said... It wasn't meant to be taken like that.

    I'm with you... it seems like she answered her own question. This relationship seems pretty impossible, unless some risky action is taken.
    ILE; INTP
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    Decadent Charlatan Aquagraph's Avatar
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    I'd say you should think about the option of just living it there, getting the most you can. The fact is, life is going to make pay for love and make you suffer in a way or another. You can give up now and never know what would have happened or go for it and avoid the regret that follows the question "what if".
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

  10. #10
    Melix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snaps View Post
    So he wants a real relationship, and not a fling. What do you want?

    Not sure it matters. If you want a real relationship too, he's leaving in January. If you want a fling, that's not what he wants. Either way, it doesn't seem like it will work out. Sorry.

    Maybe it's time to move on and find someone else? Unless he can somehow elect to be stationed there longer.
    I want a real relationship too. He's seems like such a great guy...

    Oh, and he'll be deployed for 5 months, but he's coming right back to hawaii to work when he's done. He'll be in hawaii for the next 4 years.
    [INFP]

    "Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood."
    — [Carl Gustav Jung]

  11. #11
    Melix's Avatar
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    He just asked me to a monster ball. It's like a regular military ball only with costumes for Halloween. I suppose its a start...? haha

    And thanks guys for all your advice.
    [INFP]

    "Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood."
    — [Carl Gustav Jung]

  12. #12
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
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    I say don't listen to anyone but Aqua-- that there is great advice. and five months isn't that long.

  13. #13
    Creepy-Snaps

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    Quote Originally Posted by Melix View Post
    He just asked me to a monster ball. It's like a regular military ball only with costumes for Halloween. I suppose its a start...? haha

    And thanks guys for all your advice.
    That's a great start! That's excellent. And good to know he'll be in Hawaii 4 years then afterward. Sounds like this has potential to be great.

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