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Thread: Why do you accept or deny a sexual advance?

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    Default Why do you accept or deny a sexual advance?

    Why do you accept or deny a sexual advance? What is the criterion for accepting an advance, what makes you reject one?


    What is your thought process?

    Is any of it type related?

     
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saberstorm View Post
    Why do you accept or deny a sexual advance? What is the criterion for accepting an advance, what makes you reject one?
    Am I in a relationship?
    Is she in a relationship?
    Am I attracted to her?
    Do I feel like having sex?
    Do either of us have some form of birth control?
    SLI/ISTp -- Te subtype

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    Quote Originally Posted by force my hand View Post
    Am I in a relationship?
    Is she in a relationship?
    Am I attracted to her?
    Do I feel like having sex?
    Do either of us have some form of birth control?
    Men ... explain this with so little feeling...
     
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    "is he hot"

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    So I get only SLIs! The least talkive personality type!
     
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    I accept sexual advances if the advancer is attractive. Fuck me sideways and call me Captain Obvious.

    I deny sexual advances if I'm deeply in love, too sober or I want to play for power.
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

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    I dunno. I usually deny sexual advances.
    Or even seemingly non-sexual advances.

    Okay---if the advance is overtly sexual, I will try to escape.
    If the advance is more genuine than that, we can chat.
    It just depend on the vibe of the person...and if they are actual people vs media clones.
    And I would hide my face in you and you would hide your face in me, and nobody would ever see us any more.


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    Hm, I've always felt uncomfortable in this kind of situations. I'm usually trying not to notice what this person is up to or just escape. Probably it's due to my level of insecurity but I never felt as if it could be something pleasant. I cannot imagine this person walk away and leave me after that, I feel this could make me feel really bad.
    However, I think in some situation I could accept it - if I were in love with that person (even if he weren't), if I were drunk and were really horny etc, etc but I quess it would be more of an instinct thing than a conscious choice.

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    Does "I'm not sure" or "it just happened" qualify as reasons? Coincidentally, this happened to me yesterday night. This girl chased me for a while but I am not interested in her, yesterday she simply called me outside the club to talk something and we kissed there for a while then asked to come to my place. I just couldn't push her away, and then I enjoyed the kiss . She is purposeful and somewhat forceful (as a type probably LIE), while I was totally undecided about what to do.

    But that happened just because I had nothing on my mind and I was taken by surprise. This way started my relationship with my IEE, BTW - and somewhat similarly with an EIE. I guess I am a passive person when I deal with Extroverts and active with Introverts, although I only acted for women I wanted a relationship with, I don't remember making pure sexual advances.

    Generaly, I rationalize the future interaction, it must be someone I set my eyes on. I am purposeful and know what I am looking for, as in appearance and personality. I try to anticipate whether everything will be fine and I can stay in control trusting the new acquaintance, as I am relatively private. As a rule, I'm not looking to hook up - I have an age I want to settle down, I can't affort to waste my time with flirts - but well this attitude may "slightly" change if I hang out too much in the clubs.
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    I recently denied one (sort of)... because I'm stupid. Slow as I am about certain things like picking up signals, once I realized what it was, it was too late to respond. I was given a chance, and blew it.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Ineffable View Post
    while I was totally undecided about what to do
    Quote Originally Posted by The Ineffable View Post
    I guess I am a passive person
    I hear you. I kind of have the same issues myself. Once I make a decision or figure out how to act, it can be too late. Blame it on Si/Ne?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Ineffable View Post
    But that happened just because I had nothing on my mind and I was taken by surprise.
    I was in the same exact state mentally the other day (refer to previous post), except nothing happened. Had I not been as passive as I was, I could have ended up in a kinky threesome with the two hot chicks that I swear were making a pass at me.
    Last edited by Park; 08-27-2012 at 12:51 AM.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Park View Post
    Once I make a decision or figure out how to act, it can be too late. Blame it on Si/Ne?
    That can very well be the case. It is not new to me the observation that Decisive types come everywhere with their speech learned. They think in advance about every possible situation that comes to their mind and what to do or say in different circumstances. I also noticed that they are very good in live debate, even when, if the opponent had time to think, they could easily be found in the wrong [1]. I think we could easily call the Decisive types "Prepared" and Judicious "Spontaneous", although IMO neither is fully apropriate, as all those traits may depend on other factors (for example Rationality and Extroversion).

    Edit: and Seriousness; to "know what to do" (in contrast with "think what to do") comes both from Se/Ni (Decisive) and Te/Fi (Serious) - fixed procedures emerging from clear-cut accumulated data of experience.

    I personally find that prepareness embarrassing and I generally refuse to take this approach even if I understand its usefulness. Besides, the possibilities of nature are unlimited, they are not even worth bothering. On the other hand it is true that if you get involved to drive things on a certain track, thing that Decisive types often do, you are not in the wild anymore, you have some control - at least control checkpoints - of the events, making the whole thing a work of yours.
    ---

    [1] - for some reason, Decisive types I debate with IRL rush things, if one of us makes a mistake they will try to classify it and move on. This thing drives me nuts, I mean is this some sort of a game or do we really want to find the truth?...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saberstorm View Post
    Is any of it type related?
    Sometimes a novelty factor in certain situations becomes a big check box, where otherwise I may have denied the advance. This is the only thing about my processing that I think could be type related.

    Obvious criteria is obvious.

    If a sexual advance is too subtle I will remain oblivious. Blunt and overt whilst posing challenge

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    Pretty much what force my hand said, except with a greatly diminished pool of prospective partners.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    what force my hand said plus other random things.

    how fucked up i am is also a factor, plus how selective and desired by the opposite sex the other person is can sometimes play into it. for instance the guy i'm into now, i did not WANT to like because so many girls like him, i did not want to be another. however the fact that he never gives girls the time of day but has taken an interest in me, flatters me in a stupid way.

    i ALWAYS deny guys who don't want to play. there's a guy i've always found attractive but had a girlfriend... they took a break and he basically came over to the bar i work and i said to him, "i will never fuck you." and he laughed and asked why i said that. i told him how the other night he was really drunk and told me, "we will never fuck." and he was surprised and said, "i can't believe i said that." a couple hrs later he texts me and says, "i will never fuck you. ha!" and we joke back and forth and at some point apparently the 'i will never fuck you' turned into 'i would totally fuck you' and while i thought he was still joking he got pissed off because he was serious, and i'm like uh, no. dude, huge turn off. you can't arrange a fuck over a text convo lol

    so by that i mean, the sexual advance must follow a good amount of back and forth beforehand. it's like, i'm not going to eat a frozen burger, or a live cow. i want to hunt my own prey, kill it, and prepare it myself.... if that makes sense. do not throw yourself at me, by any means. i want to play.
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    Here's mine:
    Do I like you?

    No, then nope, not a chance.

    if I do, hmm...maybe. Depends on how much I like you. and how much I've thought about it beforehand and whether I was grossed out by the thought of it or turned on.

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    I have denied a lot of sexual advances, and I have never accepted one in which I was not in a sincere relation with already.

    I have denied advances because of the obvious -- if I do not feel connected to said person or truth them, I am simply not interested, and I would likely feel intense internal disgust if I forced myself to go through with it.

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    It's not type related at all. I've known persons of all types who are faithful, who are not, who are in a bad relationship and just cheat for sex, who are all over the map.

    I think it's related to understanding that sex isn't everything, that it can't always serve ones needs in a complete way.

    Personally, I have a really hard time taking sexual advances in general. In the past, I got to know my exs for a long time before I was comfortable with being with them. It had to do with feeling the person out in other ways. One major thing with me was that I didn't like men talking about women as though they were conquests, I generally have a great ass hole meter and I use it frequently. I'm also very clueless about who's interested in me and I make my feelings known to the people I want. It's kind of a strange mix.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa Darmandzhyan View Post
    I generally have a great ass hole meter and I use it frequently.
    Probing Ne v_v lol

    Re: Types. I am not sure, but I do notice a lot of how one is raised and how they see love has a lot to do with it all. Personally, I refuse to treat my body like a whore house.

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    "Are we married to each other?"
    Yes: accept, unless it it is a bad time or place (mere minutes before important event/lacking privacy)
    No: deny, possibly with slight pain to minor mutilations on their part

    *not based on actual experience



    You should have asked about accepting or denying a hug. That may be more applicable.

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    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Hugs can tell one a lot about the other -- at least how I grew up. I have also noticed that people in the PNW hug a lot less than from the midwest -- especially men. I still have a hard time finding hugs non-masculine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae2point0 View Post
    Hugs can tell one a lot about the other -- at least how I grew up. I have also noticed that people in the PNW hug a lot less than from the midwest -- especially men. I still have a hard time finding hugs non-masculine.
    lol, a lot more than a handshake.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    You should have asked about accepting or denying a hug. That may be more applicable.
    Can you give an answer to this one as well?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Can you give an answer to this one as well?
    If the person is a female I know, and hugging them will not make me messy in some way, I will accept a hug to avoid a confrontation.
    If the person is an uncle or grandpa, I feel it is my duty to accept a hug annually.
    Children get all the hugs they want because they're children.
    Brothers, male cousins, and good male friends may get a 1-armed hug if they move quickly. Otherwise they get a tight handshake.
    On a rare occasion, I will meet a guy I actually like to hug. The first time this happened, I sometimes bribed the guy to hug me using sodas.
    If a person I don't know or a male I find repulsive tried to hug me, I would shove them away. If a male, I may follow it up with a kick.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    I'm so, so picky. There has to be chemistry and he has to be attractive physically & mentally (to me, at least) and I have to feel safe around him.

    Needless to say, I turn down most sexual advances, even when I was single. When I'm in a relationship I rarely turn down my partners advances.
    Last edited by fox; 08-30-2012 at 03:31 PM.
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    Usually I deny a sexual advance because I'm experiencing too intense of a flow in libido.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HandiAce View Post
    Usually I deny a sexual advance because I'm experiencing too intense of a flow in libido.
    You cum in your pants?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Park View Post
    You cum in your pants?
    I'm very careful about expressing intense feelings towards other people. Sex is like going on an amusement park ride that is too scary for you. You have to be brave and ready to face it when it comes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    If the person is a female I know, and hugging them will not make me messy in some way, I will accept a hug to avoid a confrontation.
    If the person is an uncle or grandpa, I feel it is my duty to accept a hug annually.
    Children get all the hugs they want because they're children.
    Brothers, male cousins, and good male friends may get a 1-armed hug if they move quickly. Otherwise they get a tight handshake.
    On a rare occasion, I will meet a guy I actually like to hug. The first time this happened, I sometimes bribed the guy to hug me using sodas.
    If a person I don't know or a male I find repulsive tried to hug me, I would shove them away. If a male, I may follow it up with a kick.
    I guess people can be very different when it comes to this, but.. don't you ever yearn for physical closeness? I'd probably die of sadness if I didn't get tons of hugs and kisses and hair ruffles all the time..
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae2point0 View Post
    Probing Ne v_v lol

    Re: Types. I am not sure, but I do notice a lot of how one is raised and how they see love has a lot to do with it all. Personally, I refuse to treat my body like a whore house.
    Yes, very probing LOL

    I am cautious and suspicious of other people motives and intentions towards me and their motives in general; I find that though generally people have good intentions, although in sexual encounters men are more likely to be divided between just wanting sex or wanting to be with someone. I can tell who just wants to have sex and I don't have the emotional makeup for that, so why even bother putting myself on the line to get emotionally hurt? I would rather read someone and say "that's not for me" and move on. I do view my body as a temple, if that kind of helps to describe the feeling that I have for it. It's a storehouse for me or my essence, so to say.

    As for the whole "whore house" thing LOL
    IDK, I find it both intriguing that women can have sex for "fun" and "pleasure" but I understand it too; I guess it comes from wanting to experience what it would be like with each individual like being in a huge store full of all kinds of flavors of chocolate. It's kind of like finding out what the person likes and what they like most of.

    In my case, I can find something I like about the person and that will encompass more to me than finding something else that I may like in many people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saberstorm View Post
    Why do you accept or deny a sexual advance?
    Because I can.

    What is the criterion for accepting an advance, what makes you reject one?
    Idiocy for the latter and non-idiocy for the former.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    I guess people can be very different when it comes to this, but.. don't you ever yearn for physical closeness? I'd probably die of sadness if I didn't get tons of hugs and kisses and hair ruffles all the time..
    Once in a while, but I usually fight off the impracticality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Park View Post
    I recently denied one (sort of)... because I'm stupid. Slow as I am about certain things like picking up signals, once I realized what it was, it was too late to respond. I was given a chance, and blew it.
    ^pretty much that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    Once in a while, but I usually fight off the impracticality.
    Yeah but you're human. You have needs. We all do. They're not impractical at all.

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    Factors in order of importance that
    1. Current commitments
    2. Can I even tell they are advancing?
    3. Circumstances (location, company, state of mind/sobriety, etc)
    4. A decent balance of personality/temperament, physical attractiveness, and perceived intelligence

    edit: now i can't decide whether 3 or 4 is more important

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    Two things I really like.

    emotional connection. "I Know exactly what that's like!" (and really mean it, not being fake nice to climb some sort of bullshit real world society thing)

    and

    raw animalistic jock ness.

    I'm not perfect. I don't want to be just a whore. But I admit, sometimes I have given in to the raw beast of men. It's what I felt like I needed. I was fucking tired of the bullshit lies and psychoanalizations. Get out of your own damn head. I am not just what you think I am. We both just needed to fuck. Then of course there was the guilt and the complicated moral implications. "well I liked this part, but I didn't like that part." I thought it was hot when you X, but I also thought you were sociopathic and distant when you X and I've been honest to people's faces like this before.

    I like combining the two when I can, because I seriously like men to be just men, but I also like my little pony rainbow gayness. And people call me 'too nice' or something but who cares it's just who I am.

  37. #37
    Roro's Avatar
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    If a man is actually making sexual advances towards me and we're not already in a relation, they are probably somewhat drunk - in which case I know to deny. If not that, they are out to screw me over and ruin my life somehow. Lucky for me, I have little to no sex drive if I'm not romantically interested in, or attached to somebody.

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    Quote Originally Posted by d1ffe7 View Post
    Factors in order of importance that
    1. Current commitments
    2. Can I even tell they are advancing?
    3. Circumstances (location, company, state of mind/sobriety, etc)
    4. A decent balance of personality/temperament, physical attractiveness, and perceived intelligence

    edit: now i can't decide whether 3 or 4 is more important
    Lol @ #2 being a "deciding" factor.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Haha you're right Park

  40. #40
    Marxist Ne’er-do-well Red Villain's Avatar
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    I accept sexual advances when I desire sexual intercourse, and I deny them when I do not.
    "We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.".

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