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Thread: Helping EIIs-INFjs relax and recharge

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    Default Helping EIIs-INFjs relax and recharge

    Hi Deltas,

    I have been noticing an EII friend who is wearing herself out with responsibilities and family matters and she never takes any time for herself to relax. I wish I could think of something she would enjoy receiving or doing. What helps EIIs to recharge their batteries? Conversely, what "helpful" gifts or activities would not be relaxing? For example, gifts of plants or flowers stress me out because I am not good at taking care of them, but if it was a gift I feel like I should. (Ugh.)

    Thanks for your help!

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Walking, reflective and quite walking is what I do to recharge. A gentle rub. Someone to cook a meal for me and take me to bed and tuck me in and not let me worry about things and just have me sleep in for a few hours longer.

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    What Marista said might actually be useful.

    If you really want to prevent burnout like that, you have to change how she's approaching the problem. They may need to delegate things better or realize that some things are useless or not as fruitful or as important as they appear to be. Or get help, somehow. Depends on your leverage in the situation and the EII's openness to help.

    If they are more or less overwhelming themselves , you may also have to understand why - are they feeling obligated to deal with certain things because they think no one else will? Are they feeling guilty or they have to make up for something? Are they trying to be more functional to compensate for feelings of inadequacy? There are many reasons why a person might be doing too much -- and sometimes it's not simply because there is a lot to do. But other times it is.

    Short term pick-me-ups are important, especially to a diligent EII. But overall, creating a better flow of operations, with appropriate time to rest or have vacation, is necessary -- otherwise the burnouts will just keep coming up periodically, and potentially at an increasing frequency.

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    Gifts? treat her to a pedicure; if she's that stressed out, she may not be taking care of her physical self and just trying to do things. A nice groom, a pedicure, a facial, a hair style change may be a good gift for an EII. I know I let myself go sometimes, especially when there's just too much to do. Then, I hear it from my ESE sister, "you need a new hair cut, you look xyz."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    Hi Deltas,

    I have been noticing an EII friend who is wearing herself out with responsibilities and family matters and she never takes any time for herself to relax. I wish I could think of something she would enjoy receiving or doing. What helps EIIs to recharge their batteries? Conversely, what "helpful" gifts or activities would not be relaxing? For example, gifts of plants or flowers stress me out because I am not good at taking care of them, but if it was a gift I feel like I should. (Ugh.)

    Thanks for your help!
    Ask her what she likes.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
    It's pretty cool

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    Ask her what she likes.
    Yes! I don't know why I feel like I need to be so indirect.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa Darmandzhyan View Post
    Gifts? treat her to a pedicure; if she's that stressed out, she may not be taking care of her physical self and just trying to do things. A nice groom, a pedicure, a facial, a hair style change may be a good gift for an EII. I know I let myself go sometimes, especially when there's just too much to do. Then, I hear it from my ESE sister, "you need a new hair cut, you look xyz."
    Good ideas!

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    What Marista said might actually be useful.

    If you really want to prevent burnout like that, you have to change how she's approaching the problem. They may need to delegate things better or realize that some things are useless or not as fruitful or as important as they appear to be. Or get help, somehow. Depends on your leverage in the situation and the EII's openness to help.

    If they are more or less overwhelming themselves , you may also have to understand why - are they feeling obligated to deal with certain things because they think no one else will? Are they feeling guilty or they have to make up for something? Are they trying to be more functional to compensate for feelings of inadequacy? There are many reasons why a person might be doing too much -- and sometimes it's not simply because there is a lot to do. But other times it is.

    Short term pick-me-ups are important, especially to a diligent EII. But overall, creating a better flow of operations, with appropriate time to rest or have vacation, is necessary -- otherwise the burnouts will just keep coming up periodically, and potentially at an increasing frequency.
    Your comments really made me think about the underlying issues. There ought to be more assistance from other family members. I think the real problem is that my friend doesn't mind expending herself. Her mom is this amazing superwoman who has no physical needs and prizes endurance. Because of this, I think my friend has been conditioned to ignore herself. I am not sure how a person can adjust that mindset.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    Your comments really made me think about the underlying issues. There ought to be more assistance from other family members. I think the real problem is that my friend doesn't mind expending herself. Her mom is this amazing superwoman who has no physical needs and prizes endurance. Because of this, I think my friend has been conditioned to ignore herself. I am not sure how a person can adjust that mindset.
    I'd bet her mom actually had/has physical needs, but was, for some reason, also conditioned into thinking that she has to do everything; so there is a trend of someone having to act like a superman flowing through the family for some reason. I've noticed this the more families I've seen. Adjusting that mindset takes a lot, lot of work. So perhaps your real best bet is to simply be a good friend and more or less create a space for her to start to realize that family dynamic (if she doesn't already see it or discuss it), or allow her to express her discontent with it, or whatever. I obviously don't know the background, but, it might be something that takes a lot of time to correct.

    I think your initial desire to try to provide some sort of a break or fun thing to do, though, is very good. The process of helping people with dominant family themes, so that they can overcome them - whatever those conditioning/s are and whatever type the person is - is a long, difficult road, and it only will be successful if love is involved and there is a safe space to express new ideas or ways of seeing things. Delta NFs often have a tendency towards under-representing their own needs and recuperation necessities, Delta STs have a tendency towards burning bridges and letting pride or 'personal comfort' get in the way of working to cultivate relationships.

    Since you're able to see all this and want to help in some form, it sounds like you're being a good friend to this person.

    From a strategic perspective, it may be useful to find other allies - especially within the family, or at least other friends - who acknowledge the amount of work that the EII is doing and are aware of the recouping the person needs. A lot of times there needs to be a sort of social / external validation when habits are changed, and a supportive group of allies is useful in this. Or, at the very least, if a lot of people are relaxing / having fun / saying the person ought to chill out a bit, it simply might help them feel more at east in doing so themselves

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    Ask her what she likes.
    -and she value-

    "The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusion."

    -- Maurice Chapelain

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    My poor friend is married to an ILE who is always injuring himself doing "money saving" projects. In his spare time he injures himself in his recreational activities! Her two children are also Infantiles - IEE and ILE. They are in college but still seem to require a huge amount of attention. My friend helps out in the family business which her husband runs with his brother, another infantile - LII. The good thing for my friend is that she does have a group of close friends who care about her. Thanks so much for your input!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    I think the real problem is that my friend doesn't mind expending herself. Her mom is this amazing superwoman who has no physical needs and prizes endurance. Because of this, I think my friend has been conditioned to ignore herself. I am not sure how a person can adjust that mindset.
    story of my life (eie mum).she keeps injuring herself by multitasking like there is no tomorrow. i think it's gone that bad because my dad is SLI.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    My poor friend is married to an ILE who is always injuring himself doing "money saving" projects. In his spare time he injures himself in his recreational activities! Her two children are also Infantiles - IEE and ILE. They are in college but still seem to require a huge amount of attention. My friend helps out in the family business which her husband runs with his brother, another infantile - LII. The good thing for my friend is that she does have a group of close friends who care about her. Thanks so much for your input!
    Yeaaahhhhh..... this can lead to extreme forms of Si burnout, which is what the EII hopes to receive themselves (their dual's creative function). So now the EII is trying to superman into being "everyone in her family's dual" - ouch.


    You should get some sort of a vacation... and then quarantine the rest of her family so they don't hurt themselves, (stratightjackets?) so that way the EII doesn't have to worry


    Or, as an EII I know used to 'request', get a butler

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    You should get some sort of a vacation... and then quarantine the rest of her family so they don't hurt themselves, (stratightjackets?) so that way the EII doesn't have to worry
    Perfect!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Yeaaahhhhh..... this can lead to extreme forms of Si burnout, which is what the EII hopes to receive themselves (their dual's creative function). So now the EII is trying to superman into being "everyone in her family's dual" - ouch.


    You should get some sort of a vacation... and then quarantine the rest of her family so they don't hurt themselves, (stratightjackets?) so that way the EII doesn't have to worry


    Or, as an EII I know used to 'request', get a butler
    Heehee. I had to read the rest. Note, we don't make requests...an LSI/EIE pair requests things. I ask.."would you like me to do x,y or z?" instead of a request "would you please do x,y, or z?"

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