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Thread: Negative people

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    Default Negative people.

    They're often called emotional vampires/ toxic persons. I think that most of us know atleast one? How do you deal with them?

    Spending time with them can leave you feeling drained, unmotivated, and depressed.. thats how you identify them. You might even crave comfort food or feel like taking a nap.

    I've found that the control-freak and/ or narcissistic types often find ways to push your buttons... often deliberately attempting to "pull the rug" from under you by touching on areas of shaky self esteem. Most therapists/ experienced people tell you it's for the best to to limit time around them or cut off contact. For a good reason being around them basically sucks your positivity and worse still their negativity is infectious, you end up replaying the negative interactions in your head, creating ill emotions and complexes.

    More on the subject..
    http://www.life-with-confidence.com/...ve-people.html
    (Common types of energy vampires)
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...e-in-your-life

  2. #2
    Creepy-Snaps

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diam0nd View Post
    Most therapists/ experienced people tell you it's for the best to to limit time around them or cut off contact.
    I was going to say, before I even saw this, just don't hang around them. Don't be afraid to cut off a bad relationship. A good flower must be pruned in order for it to grow beautiful. To become the best, happiest person you can be, you need to avoid those who put you down, and spend time in the sun with others who lift you up. As Prue Leith puts it simply, "Don't spend time with anyone you don't like."

    This was hard for me to learn at first, a few years ago as a young adult, as I wanted every relationship in my life to work. But, in looking at people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, striving to make certain relationships work and ultimately failing, I finally agreed with that wisdom, that's easier just to find people you naturally click with, than it is to try to change someone and make them who you want them to be.

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    I knew instantly what you're talking about Diamond and Snaps I don't think you even know what you're talking about. Although there is a big difference between Black Holes and psychic vampires.

    The latter is visible constantly trying to pull "games" on you like "guilt trips". Only thing physical vampires know is to cling. They aren't Black Holes. A Black Hole person is the same as the literal Black Hole. They don't have anything to give back, there is nothing inside them to share. Physical vampires do share with you, they go lengths to find out what you want so they can give it to you just to "get in" close enough to share water that springs from you inner well.

    Think about it, Snaps.
    Last edited by Absurd; 07-21-2012 at 07:51 PM.

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    squirreltual's Avatar
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    I tell them. I say exactly what behaviours bother me, suggest alternatives and if they persist then cut them off. I've know I've drained people at points, like everyone else. It's part of the constant energetic interaction between people i.e. being human. Some people just get stuck in sucking mode because they need a kick up the arse. A lot of problems can be solved with people just being honest.

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    Killer of DJA's Fun fen's Avatar
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    This thread is helpful.
    This gets to be a kinda sticky situation though when the person who is draining you is very volatile and very alone...and you are afraid to leave them to their own devices because you are all they really have left...but you really can't deal with being put down anymore.
    And I would hide my face in you and you would hide your face in me, and nobody would ever see us any more.


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    The Iniquitous inumbra's Avatar
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    i sometimes think a good respectable user name can go a long way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fenryrr View Post
    This thread is helpful.
    This gets to be a kinda sticky situation though when the person who is draining you is very volatile and very alone...and you are afraid to leave them to their own devices because you are all they really have left...but you really can't deal with being put down anymore.
    Sucks to have them in close distance, yup.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    i sometimes think a good respectable user name can go a long way.
    LOL!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Snaps View Post
    I was going to say, before I even saw this, just don't hang around them. Don't be afraid to cut off a bad relationship. A good flower must be pruned in order for it to grow beautiful. To become the best, happiest person you can be, you need to avoid those who put you down, and spend time in the sun with others who lift you up. As Prue Leith puts it simply, "Don't spend time with anyone you don't like."

    This was hard for me to learn at first, a few years ago as a young adult, as I wanted every relationship in my life to work. But, in looking at people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, striving to make certain relationships work and ultimately failing, I finally agreed with that wisdom, that's easier just to find people you naturally click with, than it is to try to change someone and make them who you want them to be.
    The first negative person in my life is a self-victimizing critical control freak, and to top it off my conflctor in socionics... I've never liked her right from being little, and children are very perceptive. She would have been out of my life yearrsss ago if it wasn't for the fact that she's my in close extended family. The other negative family member, her daughter, moved near me last year and I've only just discovered what an insecure arrogant bitch she is... I used to think she was cool but I didn't know her that well at all. I've got a sense of guilt in cutting contact with them, even though I would be happy to never see them again.

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    High Priestess glam's Avatar
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    misery loves company, for sure.

    generally i try to minimize interaction with these people in order to avoid being infected with their negativity. thanks but no thanks; you can find someone else to drag down into your abyss.

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    I might take a ride if their hell is more interesting and meaningful than my reality at the time. Most women I've "officially" dated have been prone to narcissism, although most of them in a healthy positive way. If someone is being a non-constructive whiner, he/she is easily called out.
    "So, what are you going to do about it?"
    "So, what are your options?"
    "If you inject air into your vein you will surely be successful."
    "Why did you let that happen?"
    ..etc..

    Cutting contacts?

    What contacts? I don't usually care to get to know these kind of people unless they make it an art in themselves.
    And often I can abuse them because they are usually the ones that feel like they have to prove something.
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

  13. #13
    Creepy-male

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    I look at it like a surgeon on the battlefield, running into the fray to save someone may seem like a good idea but you'll probably get shot and killed, and then you won't be able to help. You have to know when to pull the plug on some people and let them swim on their own for a while because if you are completely drained you can be of no practical use to others. Also I think it can be very complex, sometimes there are individuals that are in a rut or stuck, and if you can remove them from their prisons they can be invaluable assets. So helping is good, and sometimes it requires giving a little to get, but you got to be smart about it -- hence why I like the surgeon on the battlefield analogy. You can't save everyone, and sometimes saving yourself is the smartest option.

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    the flying pig Capitalist Pig's Avatar
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    I am with others in that I try to avoid these kinds of people as much as possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    misery loves company, for sure.

    generally i try to minimize interaction with these people in order to avoid being infected with their negativity. thanks but no thanks; you can find someone else to drag down into your abyss.
    So if someone has a problem that leads them to despair or sadness, which undoubtedly will rub off on you to some degree, you just say they are 'negative' and avoid them? I'd really like it if you could elaborate on this since there are so many ways to interpret that and you've said this sort of thing multiple times that it seems kind of meaningful to me to know.

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    High Priestess glam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tackk View Post
    So if someone has a problem that leads them to despair or sadness, which undoubtedly will rub off on you to some degree, you just say they are 'negative' and avoid them?
    when writing that post, i was thinking of those people who are insistent on being miserable, whether they consciously realize their determination to be this way or not. people like that probably do have some issues in their life that result in them being so negative, while trying to make other people feel the same way.

    i've found that in most cases these people aren't going to change just because someone in a better state tells them to; in fact the negative person often will mock & insult the person in response, attempting to bring them down to their level. ultimately they have to come to the realization themselves in order to make the change in their attitude & outlook on life.

    personally i do not wish to subject myself to the emotional stress & suffering that comes with trying to "save" people like this. some may see this as selfish, yes, but i'm a person prone to self-preservation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tackk View Post
    I'd really like it if you could elaborate on this since there are so many ways to interpret that and you've said this sort of thing multiple times that it seems kind of meaningful to me to know.
    lol, i have? didn't even realize...

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    Uh you guys are lucky. I didn't realize people didn't all have to deal with negative people all day every day. It's really upsetting but for me its a part of life. And I'm not particularly thick skinned either. I mean working 6 days a week I have to deal with negative management, coworkers, or customers constantly. Something usually makes me anxious or angry daily.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    My grandmother used to inject sugar in her bloodstream so when they bite her, those vampires, they go on a sugar high and crash back in their coffin.

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    I was friends with an SLI that was an emotional vampire for about 2 and a half years. We got along well, but his negativity really brought me down and I didn't realize that until I decided to cut him off completely for good. Then my confidence and happiness dramatically improved and I knew I made the right decision. Being friends with him made me more aware of these types of people and I generally try to avoid them like the plague, but sometimes they are unavoidable like in work situations and in those situations it's best just to keep contact with them to a minimum imo.
    "Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change."

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    strangeling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    when writing that post, i was thinking of those people who are insistent on being miserable, whether they consciously realize their determination to be this way or not. people like that probably do have some issues in their life that result in them being so negative, while trying to make other people feel the same way.

    i've found that in most cases these people aren't going to change just because someone in a better state tells them to; in fact the negative person often will mock & insult the person in response, attempting to bring them down to their level. ultimately they have to come to the realization themselves in order to make the change in their attitude & outlook on life.
    Thanks. I appreciate this; it's easy to accept what another thinks when I'm capable of understanding what they think.

    personally i do not wish to subject myself to the emotional stress & suffering that comes with trying to "save" people like this. some may see this as selfish, yes, but i'm a person prone to self-preservation.
    I don't think anybody even knows what it really means to be selfish. Or at least, it's a term that varies so much between people, it just seems stupid to use it, as if anyone will know what it refers to. It's just smart anyway, to avoid these kinds of people you described, imo.

    lol, i have? didn't even realize...
    Yeah, once talking about k0rpsey and once talking about how you can't really absolutely hate people, but can feel firm disgust. I think the latter was related, but now I'm not even sure. heh. Maybe there's a good reason why it seemed so striking as to remember; I don't know.

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    Sometimes cutting them off or putting them on ignore is the only thing that works. I actually have more of a problem with people who are insecure and narcissistic and have to belittle those around them to prop up their fragile egos than people who are purely negative, but endless negativity is really bad for me - I think Fe creatives tend more so than other types to absorb and re-emit the general vibe of a group. Being around fat people makes you fat, being around negative people makes you negative. That's why everyone wants to be friends with Woof
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    I know it's hard, but don't take the bullying and sociopath behavior personal. 9 times out of 10 , anybody who is acting that way towards you is hurting inside very much, way more than you. They have no idea where their soul went, as it were.

    I self-confidently and assertively, without letting myself 'be a victim', show them that their poor life has been a result of their own doing. I have somebody close to me that's trying to pull this same stunt. Yes trying very very hard to get under people's buttons and be hateful because she made a mess of her own life. And needing help, but being intelligent enough to know that we all must help ourselves, so she puts herself in a bind- and the only 'release' she gets from her own torment, is to troll others. But this is where you can't bite and instead show her that her poor choices is something that she brought into her life herself based on the negative 'everybody is out to get each other' worldview that she has.

    Tough love beats out tough hate. I'm still a firm believer. No matter what colorado shooting happened or what the news tells me.

    It isn't easy and I'm not perfect. Sometimes I will get mad, and 'can't help but take it personal' as they do everything they can to invade boundaries and to act in a cruel, sociopathic way. But a bully is scared to death that they are nothing inside. I just keep reminding "You are responsible for your own life dear. Nobody else. YOU brought this negativity upon your own life, that you then try to hide by being nasty to others."

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    InvisibleJim's Avatar
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    We should just automerge all IEI/EII generated threads discussing any of the following topics:

    Negative People
    Bullying
    People smoking
    etc.

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    Merge all three together and you have a hot porno.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    I'm a hot porno.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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