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Thread: what do you make of this situation?

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    Default what do you make of this situation?

    Earlier at the store while standing in line i saw this woman and i immediately had the pscyhoanalization of her that she was a mean person. It was like just one of those things about somebody that you sense instantly/instinctively you know? And then one time she said "I don't mean to cut in front of you I sooo don't want to be that type of person oh my god I dislike when people do that to me!!!" (even after she already did and then stepped back) It confused/startled me. And it just seemed weird to me, like was I accurate at psychoanalyzing this person and she was trying to do the opposite just to save her social graces, or was I completely wrong or what. It's like she did the exact opposite of what I had thought but in this kind of fake way - as if to attempt to manipulate my perception of her. Sort of as if she was testing boundaries and it creeped me out a little. Like maybe you are cruel. Just accept it I don't mean to morally judge you too harshly but spotting evilness & genuine heartedness in ppl is something I kinda do well okay? I don't think that's very special just a normal human trait or whatever. Maybe something happened to her that made her a bitch and she doesn't like herself for it. I don't know. But the bright side of my social phobia is I'm able to see people really well even if I have a hard time doing the 'fake social nice thing' that normal people do you know?

    Dexter: Normal people are so scary.

    hahaa so true. =/

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    now you could say don't let it go to your head, that's what my mom's extroverted friend always says to me that I just think too much but ... its like, my hunches are almost always right anyway you can't just tell me to get out of my head it doesn't really work like that, lol. it's like this is one of those situations where psychoanalysis is actually helpful and I thought since people on this board are good with this stuff maybe they can give me some insight on this you know like, in your mind where you have these snapshots of ppl in your head and they either turn out to be very true or the exact opposite, as if to 'troll your soul?' OR they are so campily opposite of what you thought you feel like they are trying to get you on their side for some sort of social saving card or because deep down they really like you???

  3. #3
    Creepy-male

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    You theory about her doesn't sound unreasonable.

    Basically she was
    • Being passive-aggressive
    • Try to save face


    This is interesting because its what I've been focusing on lately. Two axes, one of image and the other of control, both subject to anxiety. Image anxiety leads people to do the sort of the thing like saving face. Control anxiety leads people to do the sort of thing like being passive-aggressive. At the core both axes revolve around the fear of non-existance, ego-death. Image anxiety spirals down to the fear that you are worthless for who you are, and that ultimately you are a flawed mistake and therefore shouldn't exist. Control anxiety spiral down to the fear that you are useless, powerless, and lame and have no volition or willpower, and therefore can't exist. In order to prevent these and validate our egos people find ways to prove they should exist and can exist because it prevent cognitive dissonance from the fact they do exist. Through the process of proving this statement though defense mechanisms develop which delude ourselves from the truth, based on a poor understanding of what should or does exist. Image anxiety spawns narcissism which manifests itself in the deluded grandiose self-image many have. This kind of energy refracts across individuals like atoms in a matrix which gives rise to a certain pattern, that pattern being the media which is full of "hollywood narcissism". Control anxiety spawns the fear complex modern rational societies have, the pre-occupation with security theater and need to put things into rational controlled system. This social consequence is also a refraction of individual anxieties. Rapid systemization of society leads to exploiters organically developing in the system, which soon leads to failure and breakdown, usually arriving at a breaking point or revolution, which usually temporarily holds society back before progressing forward, these revolutions occur in epicycles of varying magnitudes and degrees.

    Anyways that's my theory on it, and I still need to flesh out more details to connect the theoretical aspects to practice -- in order to fully understand why douchebags are invading the planet.

    However in terms of reading people you could be correct, I definitely would trust and develop your own sense, can't expect people to agree with you all the time though. Also in terms of her accepting she is mean -- yes, people need to... the sooner they accept it, the sooner they can change for real, and the longer they deny the problem... the more it builds into a sleeping giant. People can genuinely change themselves if they accept the unflattering aspects of themselves or their reality, there is always hope, but false hope is founded on delusions, so hope by its very nature should be the necessary foil to pure and raw anxiety/fear/angst not its instrument. Things still have to be understood and realized, faith exists behind the scenes while you ask the questions and learn, it is not supposed to stop you from asking the questions or learning.

    Anyways I'm digressing, I can practically see what you are talking about because I see this sort of thing daily. The other day there was this lady that sneezed on me in line somewhere, and it was a huge sneeze like a full blown power sneeze.... I stepped back from her in line and was a little annoyed but didn't say anything.... she then commented cheerfully "are you standing back because of me? I'd stand back to. I have allegeries"... the first thing that popped into my head was "Ok well if you have allegeries how about you cover you fucking mouth and turn away from people instead of laugh at them and tell them to stand back after the fact... its not like you don't know when you are about to sneeze".... anyways I didn't say that because I didn't... I don't know why, I just didn't feel like arguing.... so instead I just kind of smiled half-assedly and got my stuff and got the hell out of there. Later I thought about it and it really annoyed me that this stuff annoys me, I was thinking "I'm going to be unable to go out in society without feeling the urge to punch someone in the face".... and "I know that everyone is going to side with the poor lady with allegeries".... and "I know she was being a little passive aggresive"..... anyways it alluded me and eventually I got over it, because well I thought I'd never see this lady again. However a few days later, in the morning I was walking into starbucks (where this happened) and I saw her walking out the door and I swear for a second I locked eyes with her, she recognized me, and then her rhythmn was kind of disturbed in her walk and she stopped turned towards me ever so subtley and sneezed, followed by walking away with a huge smile on her face. I could have sworn this lady was being passive aggressive, but what could I do...... ? Well I studied....... to fully understand douchebaggery and passive aggressiveness.

    I'm convinced that both aspects are growing and systemic to the current era in society right now. Passive aggressiveness of course is a survival mechanism given certain conditions, such as being in a systemized and monitored society, you can't ever fully express aggression or you will be subject to being found out and mitigated by the system. People learn to fly under the radar, like knowing what offenses they can get away with and what they can't. They learn to aggressively channel their problems through these petty offenses. I tend to believe that this creates a build up of suppressed aggression and anger in society which people are constantly taking in like poisoned water or smog filled skies. This environment creates a sort of practical or observed morality -- because I'm in a system surrounded by anger, it gets on me occasionally and the best way to deal with it, is to release it in controlled amounts passive aggressively back into society with little regard... releasing it in one powerful burst though --- oh no! that's evil! -- processing it, is weakness.

    Really the best way to deal with aggression is to channel it into something productive, almost all anger is legitimate but its rarely legitimately processed. I think its par for current people to not understand how to process anger well and to be kind of fearful of the existence of such an emotion.

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    Yeah there's a weird energy exchange with how your aura meshes with other people.... I could probably just ignore it but I think it's like the root causes of so many problems that it needs to be addressed. I really do address these concerns not to whine (though you know me i love to rant!) but to offer a productive solution.

    More extroverted and less 'emo artistic' people or whatever shrug it off easier than me but then I notice that after awhile it gets to even them. Like they want to sort of accept everybody more neutrally as physical objects (cuz they are extroverted) but they get burnt out and have to vent. It's like sort of that 'everybody's a little bit racist thing' maybe we would get along and not have so many dark problems if we were a little more honest about what we really are and what we really want from people like integrating the jungian shadow better or whatever.

    *flings his hand and sends Oprah flying through a wall*

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Earlier at the store while standing in line i saw this woman and i immediately had the pscyhoanalization of her that she was a mean person. It was like just one of those things about somebody that you sense instantly/instinctively you know? And then one time she said "I don't mean to cut in front of you I sooo don't want to be that type of person oh my god I dislike when people do that to me!!!" (even after she already did and then stepped back) It confused/startled me. And it just seemed weird to me, like was I accurate at psychoanalyzing this person and she was trying to do the opposite just to save her social graces, or was I completely wrong or what. It's like she did the exact opposite of what I had thought but in this kind of fake way - as if to attempt to manipulate my perception of her. Sort of as if she was testing boundaries and it creeped me out a little. Like maybe you are cruel. Just accept it I don't mean to morally judge you too harshly but spotting evilness & genuine heartedness in ppl is something I kinda do well okay? I don't think that's very special just a normal human trait or whatever. Maybe something happened to her that made her a bitch and she doesn't like herself for it. I don't know. But the bright side of my social phobia is I'm able to see people really well even if I have a hard time doing the 'fake social nice thing' that normal people do you know?

    Dexter: Normal people are so scary.

    hahaa so true. =/
    Good account B&D. It does sound like a defence mechanism as you described, I think that 'undoing' or maybe 'reaction formation' (but I don't really know, the wording you said she used is interesting and could point to something else entirely) would be the defence mechanism involved here and I think that this could be used in part to explain her behaviour along with some kind of initial slip. I don't think it makes her mean in itself (although I understand you were responding to other cues), I think most people deep down would secretly wish to jump a queue, but this is not really a mature way of dealing with this and could possibly demonstrate a good deal of self deceit.
    IEE-Ne

  6. #6
    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Yeah there's a weird energy exchange with how your aura meshes with other people.... I could probably just ignore it but I think it's like the root causes of so many problems that it needs to be addressed. I really do address these concerns not to whine (though you know me i love to rant!) but to offer a productive solution.

    More extroverted and less 'emo artistic' people or whatever shrug it off easier than me but then I notice that after awhile it gets to even them. Like they want to sort of accept everybody more neutrally as physical objects (cuz they are extroverted) but they get burnt out and have to vent. It's like sort of that 'everybody's a little bit racist thing' maybe we would get along and not have so many dark problems if we were a little more honest about what we really are and what we really want from people like integrating the jungian shadow better or whatever.

    *flings his hand and sends Oprah flying through a wall*
    I agree with the aura thing, sometimes peoples energy they project clash with others more than they realize. I also agree on the honesty part, I wish people were more direct about conflict.

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    Decadent Charlatan Aquagraph's Avatar
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    I wanted to be a bad boy but people still assume I'm nice.
    I do drugs, drink a lot, get in to fights, insult strangers for my amusement, steal stuff, vandalize and fuck around.

    But NO, I'm a nice boy. Well, it's probably more about how you do it than what you do.

    Besides, I can't really say that I wouldn't have a warm heart even if that of spikes and flames.
    Last edited by Aquagraph; 06-30-2012 at 05:23 PM.
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    I wanted to be a bad boy but people still assume I'm nice.
    I do drugs, drink a lot, get in to fights, insult strangers for my amusement, steal stuff, vandalize and fuck around.

    But NO, I'm a nice boy. Well, it's probably more about how you do it than what you do.

    Besides, I can't really say that I wouldn't have a warm heart even if that of spikes and flames.
    lol well, with that description^ I'd want to beat the crap out of you. but. yeah. you're still...somehow a nice guy.

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