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Thread: 16types Adventures: Maritsa Mini-Series (10 Chapters)

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    Default 16types Adventures: Maritsa Mini-Series (10 Chapters.)



    Maritsa's Happy Campers: A 16types Adventures/Sleepaway Camp Series Spin-Off Story


    DISCLAIMER: The camp kids in the story are completely made up out of my own ass. They are NOT based on any forum members even if they accidentally have the same name. My intent isn't to offend or troll anybody in this story, but to entertain people. I love Maritsa, and I am only poking fun of her the way I do everybody in my stories. Enjoy!



    Prologue:

    Maritsa Darmandzhyan had more Empathy than anybody else in the entire world. Even though she said this in a crude campy way on online message boards, guess what bitches? It was actually true... no matter how much people tried to grumpily explain otherwise. She even had more empathy than *gasp* Dolphin. Maritsa's brain was complete mush but her heart was always perfect and true.

    Maritsa was wearing a sky blue camp shirt and light beige khaki shorts. The shirt had a yellow sun on its center with a rainbow going above the sun. She got this job as one of the camp's head social workers, and it was her task to make sure things were running smoothly and everybody was getting along. She knew environments like these could be horrible for kids who were shy and nice, so she was going to do *anything* she could to protect them.

    And I do mean anything.

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    Chapter 1: Meet Maritsa

    It was a hot day in June... so hot that everybody was indoors at the gym where it was air-conditioned. There was a basketball game going on. Maritsa Darmandzhyan observed all her 'happy campers' with a smile on her face, which consisted of eight teenage boys (age range from 13 to 17) who got sent to this camp for all different reasons. Some dudes had to go here because they broke The Law, other guys went here because their parents wanted them to have more discipline and structure in their lives, and some went just to have fun. The camp was open to anybody but it was also a tad pricey to get into (because they had such a nice recreational center), and there was eight different cabins with eight students per cabin. Four boy groups and four girl groups.

    Maritsa held a clipboard and smiled at everybody warmly, calmly gauging everybody's Fi to make sure it was always perfect and true. She looked up at the clock. It was a little bit after 2 pm.

    Maritsa kept smiling, but flinched inside a little when she saw how Brad Johnson was treating a shy kid named Tim Towers.

    "Learn to fucking catch the ball you fag" Brad said to 15-year-old Tim, and smacked him on the back of his head. Tim just stood there afraid and frozen. Tim tried to play sports well, but he was just awkward and clumsy and clearly not in his element of playing World of Warcraft and talking about weird internet theories with other people who also had social phobia like him. He was a highly stereotypical nerd too, very short and scrawny and clumsy and did laps around the track while the other boys all played football.

    "Try to be a little nicer will ya?" Josh said to Brad. Josh was a good-looking jock like Brad, but also a very compassionate and warm-hearted person.

    Brad just laughed. "If we aren't tough on him how will he ever learn?" He then smacked Tim's glasses right off his face and laughed. Right as Tim tried to go pick up his glasses, the big burly jock actually went and *stepped* on them. Tim swooped up the shattered remains of his dignity on the gym room floor.

    "Come on you asshole, that isn't cool. What if somebody did that to you?" Michelle said, a skinny girl with mousy brown hair. For some events, the guys and the girls were together.

    "I'd never be dorky enough to wear glasses so... suck my cock Lowry" Brad said, calling the female by her last name.

    "Sorry but I'm not one of the boys on your team!" Michelle called back and everybody oohed like it was an 80s sitcom.

    Brad suddenly took off his shirt, showing off his really good muscular body. He made his pecs do the sexy jiggle up-and-down thing and all the girls went oooh. Even Michelle couldn't help but swoon a little and twirl some hair around her fingers.

    "That's right y'all now listen up. This is a game where we don't allow any WEAKLINGS in. Life is a jungle out there, survival of the fittest... and scum like Tim won't make it. Now everybody likes to complain how 'extroverted and asshole' american society is but that's why WE'RE NUMBER ONE!" Brad said. He lifted both his arms up and rested his hands behind his head in a sexy way, and all the females (and the few gay guys) got a whiff of his pleasant smelling male hormones and they sighed romantically.

    Maritsa however, was not impressed.

    "Actually Brad, I think you might perhaps have a crude, overly simplistic interpretation of Darwin's theory" an overweight boy by the name of James said. One of those 14-year-olds who thought he was so cool because he knew what the word 'entomologist' meant.

    Brad just walked up to the boy, and punched him right in the face. Everybody gasped. A few boys tried to jump and tackle Brad, but he easily beat them off. However, two of the stronger boys (which included Josh and another man named Chris) pinned him to the floor. A few others of the counselors on duty went over to James and made sure he was alright. Nothing broken, but it would be swollen for a few days.

    "Still the toughest" Brad groaned while being held back. "Cause I could take both of ya if it was just one on one..."

    "Well it isn't Brad. This is a TEAM and your macho prick act is just so tired" Josh said.

    Maritsa had enough and blew the whistle that was draped on her neck with a grey string. "Can anybody tell me what is going on here!" she said in high-pitched voice, in that introverted-but-assertive voice that female therapists have.

    "Hey it's Darma Dyke" Kenny said and all the adolescents laughed.

    "Very funny Kenny" Maritsa said. "Now Brad, I saw how you've been behaving. As one of the few 17-year-olds, you should be setting an EXAMPLE. If you cannot set that example it is my role to teach you that example. So my office. NOW."

    A short kid named Kyle whispered in Josh's ear, "I bet Darma Dyke gives him a good blowjob" But Josh just rolled his eyes.

    So there was Brad, Josh, James, Tim, Kenny, Chris, Kyle and Michael. All under the leadership of Maritsa.

    ***

    Gym room office. Brad looked at Maritsa and suggestively rubbed his dick through his nike gym shorts. "I bet you want some of this huh"

    "Cut the crap Johnson!" Maritsa said. "I saw how you treated Tim back there, and I'm here to inform you that picking on others isn't how we do things at Happy Campers!"

    "Oh fuck off. I know you're just doing your job but the dude's a pussy." He sniffed to himself.

    "Yes and pussies need love and protection not vulgar rape" Maritsa said.

    But to that, Brad just burped loudly.

    "You think your macho act is so sexy and tough, I bet you get a lot of girls don't you" Maritsa said.

    "Fuck yeah" Brad said.

    "But it's wrong because you lack empathy. I would be turned on if you were that way and still had empathy but I need Fi to function." She actually said the word 'Fi' just like that. In a real life social situation. As if she were talking about the weather.

    "What the fuck... you crazy bitch" Brad said. "I bet if I raped you here...nobody would find out. I would get away with it because my daddy is a rich lawyer and that means I can do whatever I want to middle class cunts like you. I could be nicer to people but I won't, because there's nothing in it for me" Brad said coldly and calmly.

    Maritsa put her head down, as if she were defeated.

    "Are we done here?" Brad said, his hands folded together like a sociopathic businessman.

    Maritsa shook her head. "Yes I b-believe so." She still looked a little startled and defeated.

    Brad got up from his chair and just laughed, and then suddenly turned around to rape Maritsa in the office. He had managed to put his hands on the outsides of her arms. But Maritsa released Brad's hold on her, grabbed the boy by the throat and flipped him over on the desk as if he were as light as a pillow.

    "What the fuck... a girl isn't supposed to be that strong."

    "I have Super Powers" Maritsa said. "I'm a Berserker class. Which means you do NOT want to make me angry."

    "Get out of-" Brad tried to flip Maritsa himself but he could not budge her hand off his throat. "Wha da fucq you crakkie...." Maritsa squeezed his throat a little harder.

    "I told you ... you don't want to fuck with me." She let go of Brad and he stood up again. Maritsa kept eye contact with Brad as he got up, hoping that he would get the message.

    Brad stood back, soothing his throat back to life. "This is some sort of joke right." He looked around the room and up and down for any special wires. He pinched himself. He was not dreaming. "Some sort of test..." He looked around. "Yeah well I ain't sorry for what I did to that kid, I just ain't sorry at all. It's a WEAKNESS to be sorry. We have to be strong!" Brad suddenly spat on Maritsa's face and looked at her with hateful eyes.

    Oh God.

    You just do. Not. Do that. To. Maritsa.

    Maritsa wiped the spit off from Brad in a dignified way and continued to stare at him.

    Brad tried to punch Maritsa but she stood there like nothing hurt her. Kinda like how people respond to Maritsa's crazy posts thinking they can make an impact, but she continues to be crazy.

    "No way." Brad started to slowly step backwards. For once in his life, he was the prey- not the predator.

    "What you're feeling now?" She pointed at Brad in that subtlety bitchy way. That is *exactly* how Tim and James felt..." Maritsa said, arching a brow in extra hopes that Brad would 'get it.' "Do you understand?"

    "Fuck it I don't care" Brad said. "I'm still gonna get out there and rape girls and do drugs and be mean to people because this feeling is so fuckin' low and it SUCKS."

    Maritsa sighed. "I'm sorry to hear that..."

    Brad just smiled, feeling a bit of his strength coming back. "Your loss" he deadpanned. He tried to walk out of the room, but two steps later Maritsa held out her right hand and Brad got telekinetically pushed back into a chalkboard. Even though she was a Berserker class, Maritsa also had access to wicked magical Shadow Priest powers.

    "No. I'm afraid it's yours..." She ripped off her camp clothes, revealing a sexy black dress underneath.

    Maritsa then held out her hand and an axe that was locked up in a glass case on the opposite wall shattered and said axe came flying into her hand. Not taking her gaze off her current target for a picosecond. Brad tried to escape, but he couldn't make his brain send messages to his body.



    "Hey Brad? Wanna know what being bullied *really* feels like."


    Brad looked at Maritsa with tear-coated eyes wide open in scared-as-shit terror as he was held suspended on the chalkboard as if he were a fly caught in a spiderweb. It was the same terror that Tim and James felt - but Brad could not see his heart and develop an empathetic Fi connection. And for that, Maritsa swung the axe in one victorious swoop and lodged the axe right in Brad's skull. He slumped over to his left side, finally dead and lifeless.

    Maritsa turned around to look at the camera, at all the wonderful 16types adventure people reading this story. And she said cutely "Oh come on. He totally had that coming." She then went back to the story world, licked her lips playfully and with a big "HUNNGGH", pulled the axe out of Brad's head.

    "Now it's time to take out the trash..." Maritsa said, whistling pleasantly to herself while she easily carried Brad's dead teenage body over her shoulder. She winked at the camera one more time while giving you a peace sign. "Dexter...eat your heart out."

    End of Chapter 1.
    Last edited by bnd; 06-09-2012 at 01:38 PM.

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    Maritsa is such a fucking badass.

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    Fucking AWESOME
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    ROFL

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    Chapter 2: The External World With No Fi

    Maritsa looked in the mirror and brushed her hair with a purple hairbrush. Since female staff wasn't allowed to be in the boys cabin, she had her office in one of the girl's cabins.

    While brushing her hair, she got a sudden determined look on her face... and in a puff of black smoke, instantly teleported to a 7-11 to kill a man who short-changed a shy person because he was insecure and wouldn't say anything. And in another puff, she was back in her chair.

    "Ah that's better, people really do need to learn how to be nicer" Maritsa said. She looked in the mirror, continuing to think about herself.

    Maritsa Darmandzhyan was a special adventurer in that, she was equally bad-ass in both melee range and magic. While most people were stuck with one vantage point over the other, she had both without losing any strength in the other, allowing her to be such a powerful hero for good. The world is set up that the good guys are ideal writers who know what to do, but are unable to do it in the real world because they are so faggy, and the real world people own everything and keep the external world running but they have less morals. Not that they are evil or anything. They just are clearly aren't as good. Sometimes they're able to listen to a more faggy type and do the right thing but in reality it doesn't really work that often. By combining the two forces, she is the light in the world. The one with the greatest empathy, the greatest powers. She is Maritsa.

    How this is occured is one time she was thinking crazily to herself while making a socionics post. She instantly realized every secret and nuance in the universe, and she blasted away from her computer which caused red energy sparks to fly. What she thought of was so interesting, so artistic, that it made even strrrng drop his jaw. However, it only made sense in maritsa's own head- and it would come across as crazy jibberish if a normal person heard it.

    It was though she completely empowered herself, while paradoxically having empathy for every molecule in the universe. She had a nirvana without losing her body and exploding it to pieces all over your grandmother's face. Kurt Cobain killed himself to achieve Nirvana. But not Maritsa. Ommm!

    Maritsa, although still an adventurer with us, was also in a league of her own, part of a special brand of heroes able to fuse their own identities with the outside world and use physical and magical powers equally. They are known as the Non-Dualists, a perfected Idea of non-duality.... which wasn't the non-duality of pure spirit that narcissistic Alex Marchand thought it was (http://www.alexandermarchand.com/), but included the weird and colorful egoic perceptions of Maritsa's own brain. How she will say something crazy like "You're not LSE anymore because you don't put socks in your dwarer neatly enough." Which drives anybody crazy if they take it seriously and are unable to see the magic behind it.

    After all, if Oneness doesn't included the fragmented ego identity and colorful weirdness and hot-bad-ass sex (mmm maritsa in a black dress) , then it's not true Oneness but hypocritical Oneness, something Maritsa herself would kill.

    Now you could perhaps say that Maritsa was on a higher level than other adventurers being a Non-Dualist, and that may or may not be true, but it would be wrapping things up too neatly. She was still too fucking crazy to lead an entire group of people in a raid boss fight, and so really - her role here in camp was perfect for her.

    "Ms. Darmandzhyan we need to talk" a middle-aged man with a beer gut and gray-brow moustache called Greg Edwards said, but everybody just called him Ed. He was the Lead Director of Happy Campers, well this one branch anyway. He poked his head in maritsa's office which she almost always left open in case a girl needed her guidance.

    "You're not supposed to be in the girl's cabin" Maritsa said softly to him. "And please call me Maritsa. I think we've built up enough of a Fi connection for you to call me by my first name."

    Ed didn't even know what Fi meant of course so he just ignored that. "You women and your rules" Ed chuckled. "I know, I ain't being a pervert or nothin'. I just needed to talk with ya. It's an emergency."

    "Yes?" Maritsa said like a helpful girl scout. The one that gives you Tagalongs, not Thin Mints.

    "Brad's parents wanted to talk to him... he hasn't been seen anywhere on campus for days. The other boys don't know where he is. The last person he was seen with was you in your gym office. Alone..." Ed said. "Now look, I ain't gonna get the cops involved cuz I ain't no damn socialist and I ain't gonna make a big stink of him bein' missing cuz I know he just left himself cuz his car ain't in the lot no more. I just wanted to know what you said to him to make him leave."

    Maritsa smiled. She knew that Ed wouldn't understand her secret. That she had powers, that she was on a mission to rid the world of people with no Empathy. And yes, Brad took his own car to camp and Maritsa had destroyed the evidence with a big red energy ball from her Shadow Priest half. Magic can purely destroy, turn something into nothing; just as it can purely create something out of nothing. So to others it looked like Brad had just left on his own.

    "He was just...unable to see the light" Maritsa said.

    "What dat supposed ta mean?" Ed said. "I'm just a simple guy running a camp here ma'am" Ed said. "I don't have my degree in social work like you uppity female types" he laughed. "Care to be more... specific?"

    Ah yes, technical and straight man like. Maritsa thought, thinking of her friend Sam. How she loved homosexual humans.

    "Let's just say that when people lack empathy, they deserved to be disposed of" Maritsa said, trying to be as subtle as possible. She winked at Ed hoping that he would get it.

    Ed just made a funny confused face. "I know Brad can give the other kids a hard time some times but you know boys will be boys." Ed held up his beer gut and reminisced fondly at past childhood memories. "Haha I remember when i was a boy I loved sticking firecrackers up frog's anuses with my buds. We even did it to a cat one time."

    Maritsa just looked at Ed, listening to that story and frowning. "Now that wasn't very nice" Maritsa said.

    "Of course it wasn't nice!" Ed said. "That was the whole point. Haha youse broads and your 'nice.' Ed chuckled and shook his head. "Brad's parents have a lot of dough, and they make this camp very successful" Ed said. He winked at Maritsa. "Surely we can bend morals a bit to accommodate that."

    "Is that all you care about, money?" Maritsa said.

    "That's how this place runs, that's what america is founded upon!" Ed said, all fat and arrogant and american like. You could even see a little bit of green snot in his nose, yuck.

    "Now I love money because I dual seek the function Te of efficiency-"

    "What is all this damn crap about Fi, and Te... you ramble on about that nonsense and nobody knows what yer talking about!" Ed said.

    "Please do not interrupt me, it's rude" Maritsa said smiling. "Now as I was saying. Money is not the enemy just like Brad's macho behavior wasn't the enemy. But if you lack Fi and empathy and also be that way that's what the problem is. It's like if-"

    "But I am doing the right thing! The boy's gone missing and his folks are worried and I'm talking to the only person who's seen him last!"

    "You interrupted me again" Maritsa said. "And no you're not doing the right thing. Not really. You came here asking about Brad to make *yourself* look good, and to keep his parent's money flowing in. You care nothing about Brad, Brad's parents... or anybody else but yourself and your own narcissistic image. It is okay to care about ourselves but we must care about others too. I am sorry that you still don't understand Empathy..."

    "And I'm sorry that you're a stuck up cunt who thinks she's better than me cuz of that damn sissy schoolin!" Ed said. "Oh wait a minute, no I'm not - cuz feeling sorry is a weakness." He said that just like Brad.

    "The external world cares only about what is strong, but Fi cares about is *right.* The world is all dark with no heart and morals if we are not kind to each other" Maritsa said.

    Ed just laughed. "The weak deserved to be bullied" he said.

    Marita cocked her head to the side. "Oh really?" she said. "I'm sure if a stick of dynamite went off in *your* ass, it would feel like a trip to Disneyland?"

    "No, but... nobody would do that to me cuz I'm tough!" Ed said proudly.

    Maritsa sighed. She held out her left hand and conjured an exploding stick of dynamite.



    "Oh Ed. You're not the sharpest camp counselor in the cabin, are you?"

    "What the... where did you..." Ed's eyes wide open in fear.

    "It made you happy what you did this to those animals. Not just happy. Ecstatic." Maritsa read Ed's black soul even more. "You sicko you even did this to an autistic child once too, and to an elderly woman in a nursing home. Well I'm sorry that this is the only way to make you learn...."

    And with that, Maritsa telekinetically pushed back Ed's shorts, and calmly walked over and physically dropped the stick of dynamite down Gregory Edward's pants. He was just frozen in place and shaking. She walked back to where she was previously standing, turned around, and watched him explode to bits.

    "Empathy is so bad-ass, isn't it?" she said to the camera. She looked around the room, at Ed's guts all over her walls. She wiggled her nose like the witch in Bewitched and made her office all sparkly again. All pure and clean and white and Fi. Just like she was.

    Maritsa sighed happily to herself, looked in the mirror, and went back to brushing her hair.
    Last edited by bnd; 06-10-2012 at 01:05 PM.

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    MOAR
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Chapter III
    Marisa in Wonderland


    This letter may be a bit overwhelming for those people who are still soundly asleep in a world of make-believe and television and who don't want to hear how Maritsa hides behind the carefully managed prevarication that "the truth", "the whole truth", and "nothing but the truth" are three different things. For complete details, I refer you to my forthcoming book on the subject. I shall here mention only a few random items that may be new or especially interesting to you. For instance, her encomiasts are unified under a common goal. That goal is to let disloyal nihilarians run rampant through the streets.

    What do we owe Maritsa? Nothing, absolutely nothing. If she claims otherwise, we have to stand firm and point out that Maritsa is trying to get us to acquiesce to a Faustian bargain. In the short term this bargain may help us launch an all-out ideological attack against the forces of Lysenkoism. Unfortunately, in the long term it will enable Maritsa to challenge all I stand for.

    Maritsa, does the word "consubstantiationist" mean anything to you? You should never forget the three most important facets of her viewpoints, namely their hopeless origins, their internal contradictions, and their tendentious nature. Because of her strictures, our schools simply do not teach the basics anymore. Instead, they preach the theology of sententious statism.

    Maritsa's holier-than-thou attitudes reek of cynicism. I use the word "reek" because I plan to acknowledge that Maritsa's tactics include personally attacking various individuals for whom I have a great deal of respect. Are you with me—or against me? Whatever you decide, Maritsa is not only immoral but amoral. I plan to take the initiative to point out the glaring contradiction between Maritsa's idealized view of despotism and reality. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that Maritsa is extremely nerdy. In fact, my Nerdy-O-Meter confirms that there is an unpleasant fact, painful to the tender-minded, that one can deduce from the laws of nature. This fact is also conclusively established by direct observation. It is a fact so obvious that rational people have always known it and no one doubted it until Maritsa and her buddies started trying to deny it. The fact to which I am referring states that Maritsa is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, she frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to make serious dialogue difficult or impossible.

    We should act and act fast. Yes, I could add that whenever she wants to appear impressive and moral, she makes aggrandized declarations about how loyal she is, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that Maritsa is unequivocally up to something. I don't know exactly what, but she has certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter.

    Maritsa demands that we make a choice. Either we let her prostrate the honor, power, independence, laws, and property of entire countries or she'll quash other people's opinions. This "choice" exemplifies what is commonly known as a "false dichotomy" or "the fallacy of the excluded middle" because it denies other alternatives, such as that Maritsa swims in a sea of serfism, the waters of which roil with anger and resentment. Most of that anger and resentment is directed towards people like me who champion the force of goodness against the greed of inconsiderate cutthroats. Her claims are not pedantic treatises expressing theories or extravaganzas dealing in fables or fancies. They are substantial, sober outpourings from the very soul of emotionalism. Just thinking about Maritsa's vitriolic epithets is giving me a two-Tylenol headache. This just goes to show (to me, at least) that she will do everything in her power to defile the present and destroy the future. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; when a friend wants to drive inebriated, you try to stop him. Well, Maritsa is drunk with power, which is why we must point out that the emperor has no clothes on.

    The objection may still be raised that Maritsa is a woman of morality, achievements, and noble qualities, one who often sacrifices her own reputation or safety in order to pursue that which is right and those things that truly matter. At first glance this sounds almost believable yet the following must be borne in mind: Maritsa likes to treat people like cankered desperados. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Maritsa and her bootlickers will run for cover like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must confront and reject all manifestations of anarchism. She appears committed to the proposition that her views are correct, self-evident, and based on fact and reason, while other people's positions are not just wrong but illegitimate, ideological, and unworthy of serious consideration. If you were to get a second opinion from someone who's not a member of her lynch mob, however, he'd of course tell you that Maritsa labels anyone she doesn't like as "detestable". That might well be a better description of her.

    Rather than respond to my letters with reasoned arguments, Maritsa prefers to promote possession-obsessed ideologies such as sectarianism. Although this method of attack is unparalleled in any other sphere of literary controversy it does prove that Maritsa's hired goons were recently seen manipulating the unseen mechanisms of society so as to spit on sacred icons. That's not a one-time accident or oversight. That's Maritsa's policy.

    Let me give you an important hint: When trying to understand what Maritsa is up to, look at what she is doing and what she has done. Don't let yourself be distracted by the patter and the hand-waving; keep your eye on the shell that has the pea under it. And focus your mind on the fact that Maritsa claims that people are pawns to be used and manipulated. I would say that that claim is 70% folderol, 20% twaddle, and 10% another blowsy attempt to extract obscene salaries and profits from corporations that issue a flood of bogus legal documents. None of what she says carries any weight, but that's really beside the point. This is well illustrated in what remains one of the most divisive issues of our day: snobbism. Maritsa believes that it is everyone's obligation to redefine humanity as alienated machines/beasts and then convince everyone that they were never human to begin with. That view is anathema to the cause of liberty. If it is not loudly refuted our future will be dire indeed.

    Maritsa plans to substitute rumor and gossip for bona fide evidence. What can you do about that? Start by reading about how I regard Maritsa the way I would the sort of stinking filth I might have to clean off my boots after a careless walk in a dog kennel. Become informed about the deceit, lies, and propaganda surrounding her promotion of aspheterism. Tell everyone you know that the central preconception in Maritsa's paranoid style is the belief in the existence of a vast, lackluster, preternaturally effective international conspiratorial network designed to pit race against race, religion against religion, and country against country. In reaching that conclusion I have made the usual assumption that she is squarely in favor of caciquism and its propensity to defy the law of the land. This is so typical of Maritsa: she condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits her personally. One last thing: Maritsa has no table manners.

  9. #9
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Absurd you should make a thread
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Absurd you should make a thread
    Tell me what you think first, I don't want to overshadow BnD's literary genius.

    Escape from the Dinosaur Island


    It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Jadae, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling abundantly frustrated, Jadae stroked a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered he realized that his beloved ENFj Fe subtype was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Gilly. Jadae had known Gilly for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Gilly was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... clueless. Jadae called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

    Gilly picked up to a very mad Jadae. Gilly calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys turn red before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually sassily yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Jadae. Why was Gilly trying to distract Jadae? Because he had snuck out from Jadae's with the ENFj Fe subtype only six days prior. It was a flamboyant little ENFj Fe subtype... how could he resist?

    It didn't take long before Jadae got back to the subject at hand: his ENFj Fe subtype. Gilly turned red. Reluctantly, Gilly invited him over, assuring him they'd find the ENFj Fe subtype. Jadae grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Gilly realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the ENFj Fe subtype and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if Jadae took the wannabe go-fast Civic, he had take at least seven minutes before Jadae would get there. But if he took the Socionics VR Turbo? Then Gilly would be very screwed.

    Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Gilly was interrupted by three funny-smelling dinosaurs that were lured by his ENFj Fe subtype. Gilly belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he fearlessly reached for his wolverine and randomly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Socionics VR Turbo rolling up. It was Jadae.

    As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Jadae was out of the Socionics VR Turbo and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Gilly's front door. Meanwhile inside, Gilly was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the ENFj Fe subtype into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his hammock. Gilly was exasperated but at least the ENFj Fe subtype was concealed. The doorbell rang.

    'Come in,' Gilly indiscriminately purred. With a hasty push, Jadae opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless beer-sloshed tool in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Gilly assured him. Jadae took a seat wonderfully far from where Gilly had hidden the ENFj Fe subtype. Gilly grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Jadae was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Gilly noticed a pestering look on Jadae's face. Jadae slowly opened his mouth to speak.

    '...What's that smell?'

    Gilly felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Jadae asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the ENFj Fe subtype right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Jadae's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Jadae nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Gilly could react, Jadae carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The ENFj Fe subtype was plainly in view.

    Jadae stared at Gilly for what what must've been seven milliseconds. Just as zero people expected Gilly groped charismatically in Jadae's direction, clearly desperate. Jadae grabbed the ENFj Fe subtype and bolted for the door. It was locked. Gilly let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Jadae,' he rebuked. Gilly always had been a little funny-smelling, so Jadae knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Gilly did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his ENFj Fe subtype tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

    Gilly looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Jadae. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Jadae. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Gilly walked over to the window and looked down. Jadae was gone.

    Just yonder, Jadae was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Gilly's place. Jadae had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral dinsaurs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the ENFj Fe subtype. One by one they latched on to Jadae. Already weakened from his injury, Jadae yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of dinosaurs running off with his ENFj Fe subtype.

    About two hours later, Jadae awoke, his fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Jadae did not know where he was. Deep in the muddy haunted thicket, Jadae was scarcely lost. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he remembered that his ENFj Fe subtype was taken by the dinsaurs. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a bloated dinsaur emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha dinsaur. Jadae opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the dinosaur sunk its teeth into Jadae's armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Jadae's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

    Less than five miles away, Gilly was entombed by anguish over the loss of the ENFj Fe subtype. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened live hand grenade. With a deft thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Jadae... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the ENFj Fe subtype that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant dinosaurs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.

  11. #11
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    Tell me what you think first
    Absurd you should make a thread.

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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Absurd you should make a thread.
    I'm going to do that soonish.

    A common occurrence in schizophrenics is the so-called echolalia and echopraxia, i.e., the pronunciation by the patient of the words of the one with whom he is conversing and the performance of all the movements of the person to whom he is giving his attention.

  13. #13
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Absurd the weight of your genius is crushing this thread
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Absurd the weight of your genius is crushing this thread
    Well, the dumber people think I am, the more surprised they're going to be when I kill them but thanks anyway.

  15. #15
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Does this mean you have to kill me now?
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Does this mean you have to kill me now?
    No need to, I already did. You can't kill a man twice and I'm forcibly removing myself out of this thread.

  17. #17
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Wait, I'm...dead?
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  18. #18
    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    I love the graphics
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

  19. #19
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    Chapter 3: Big Picnic Day

    It was the morning after she killed Ed. Maritsa had already showered and got dressed. With that nasty ol' Ed out of the way, Maritsa would disguise herself as the camp's new Lead Director. She had no problem lying if it met a Fi purpose. She would ironically follow the systems of the world and break said systems - if it meant doing the right thing.

    She did not like lying but these people needed her wisdom and guidance.

    Today was Saturday also known as 'Big Picnic Day' where all the eight cabins got together in one huge grassy field for a big huge barbecue. People were playing volleyball in the beach area next to the water. They were also swimming, canoeing, playing frisbee and doing every camp activity you could think of.

    Maritsa stepped on the big stage overseeing BPD and with a guitar around her body she played and sang the 'Happy Campers' theme song like Angela did in Sleepaway Camp. She then grabbed the microphone. "Can I have everybody's attention?"

    But all the kids just ignored her and went back to their own activities.

    "Excuse me can I-"

    Still no response.

    "LISTEN UP OR I WILL YANK YOUR INTESTINES OUT OF YOUR ASSHOLES AND THEN CHOKE YOU WITH THEM" Maritsa screamed as loud as she could. Everybody got silent, as if possessed, and turned around.

    "Ahem. That's better. Good day all. I am both saddened and glad to announce that Gregory Edwards, old Lead Director of Happy Campers has retired today and recently appointed me, Maritsa Darmandzyhan, as the new Lead Director."

    Everybody blinked.

    "That's right bitches" Maritsa said. "I'm in charge!"

    "Aw mannn I gotta take orders from Darma Dyke!" Kenny said.

    Josh playfully smacked Kenny in the back of his ballcap wearin' head. Josh was a good foot taller then the younger boy. "You always had to doofus. Just more often now that she's head of the game." Josh's curly dark blonde hair was matted with sweat from playing dodgeball.

    "Ed didn't inform me that he was leaving!" Mary Chenowith said, another female staff member. "Me either...." Chad Nicholson said, one of the leaders of the boy's cabins. He looked like a 1980s gay porn star. All the other staff members banded together and looked at Maritsa, in that corny way that authority members do sometimes to let the kids know that 'Hey sometimes I'm on your side!' All the staff members at Happy Campers were wearing white shirts that were half business like-half play like.

    Maritsa smiled. "He wanted it to be a surprise...."

    "A-a-a-are you still going to be the main counselor of our cabin?" James asked shyly. His nose was almost completely healed from Brad punching it a few days ago.

    "Yes!" Maritsa said. "Looks like I'll have my hands full this summer running two cabins by myself, plus being the entire boss of camp!"

    Christine Baker looked at Maritsa and frowned. "Your office is just in our cabin. You don't actually run it. That responsibility goes to Ms. Fischer." Christine Baker pointed to Helen Fisher, a petite and shy Irish woman.

    Maritsa laughed at that. "Oh come on. We already know that Helen is not fit to run a cabin because she is the IEI type, Ni subtype, and that type is not good in authority positions as Deltas. A lot of people are confused by quasi-identicals but she is weak against Te instead of absorbing it, meaning she cannot organize your activities as well as I can."

    Everybody in the barbecue just looked at Maritsa like. WHAT. THE FUCK.

    Helen looked a little upset. "I think I take care of my girls just fine, but if you're new Lead Director now I guess I'll just stay back and...be cute?"

    Maritsa looked at Helen and smiled. "YES OF COURSE. That is what your dual SLE would want you to do. I meant no disrespect but we all must follow the rules of socionics. Especially the rule of Fi" Maritsa murmured under her breath.

    "Yeah well this fucking SUCKS" Kenny said.

    "Now come on man, don't be a spoil sport!" a kid from another cabin said to Kenny.

    "I don't want Maritsa as my counselor" Kenny said. "I want to switch cabins."

    "Now Kenny, I think we should welcome Maritsa in her new role as boss of us all" Chad said. "It's what Good Ol' Ed would have wanted."

    "I promise everything will go smoothly as long as we follow the Rules" Maritsa said warmly.

    "Fuck you and your rules!" Kenny blurted out. "I'm here to have fun, not follow RULES"

    He walked up to Maritsa, kicked her in the bottom of her legs, and ran off into the woods.

    Mary looked at Maritsa and smiled. "Come on Maritsa, he is only 13 years old..." she said. "Yeah, he's the youngest camp member" Helen said.

    Maritsa nodded in an understanding way. "I'll have a talk with him..." she said.

    And then she went in the woods with Kenny. Alone. With no witnesses. Ruh-roh! (Scooby doo voice)

    ***

    "Kenneth Miller, where are you?" Maritsa called out. She sniffed in the air and smelled his 13-year-old boy scent. She then used her Shadow Priest teleportation power and materialized (Maritsailized?) right in Ken's face.

    "What the who... " Ken got terrified as he saw the puff of black smoke around Maritsa.

    She saw how scared Ken got, and stepped back a little. "It's okay I'm not here to bite. I just want to talk."

    He stepped backwards, and tripped on a log. "Ow!" he started crying.

    "Oh you poor thing. That's why you're so mean to others all the time, you're really just scared yourself." She looked down at his leg. "Let Auntie Maritsa kiss that boo-boo."

    But he kicked Maritsa again, as hard as he could. Maritsa grimaced, but tried to shake it off.

    "Why are you always in such a bad mood?" Maritsa asked. "Don't you want to be a Happy Camper?"

    "You're one fucking weird bitch" Kenny said. "Your face looks all foreign like you're from another country" Kenny said.

    Maritsa laughed. "You don't know how to deal well with people who are different, do you?" Maritsa said. "Lesbians, gays... black people. I heard you call Tyrone a nigger the other day."

    Kenny folded his arms and pouted. "He is a nigger. The only one in camp!"

    "Now you know that we need to be nice to those who are different, don't you?" Maritsa said. She kneeled down closer to him. "We must treat each other how we would like to be treated. Think about it, it's already difficult enough being different, and then to have people be mean to you on top of the fear and isolation that you already must feel. That isn't exactly a 'Big Picnic Day', is it!?"

    Kenny lifted up his foot to kick Maritsa again, but something in him made him stop... and he lowered his leg. He looked up at Maritsa with redemption in his eyes. "Yeah. I g-guess you're right."

    "As a white straight male, think about the good you could do in the world if you were not only nice but extra nice to kids who are different and have a hard time fitting in!" Maritsa said. "Why, I think you'd be the best little boy in the whole world!" She playfully pecked at his nose.

    Kenny smiled. "You're right Ms. Darmandzhyan."

    "That a boy!" Maritsa said. Her eyes teared up, for that was the first time all summer he called her by her real name and not 'Darma Dyke.'

    "I'm so glad when people come around!" Maritsa hugged Kenny and put a hand on his shoulder. "Now come on, let's go back to camp."




    Maritsa and Kenny!

    (Sorry no deaths this chapter. I know I'm being a gaywad but you can't always expect the same thing!)

  20. #20
    ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ Birdie's Avatar
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    @truck I would love it if you wrote me a story.
    Everything interests me but nothing holds me.

  21. #21
    WE'RE ALL GOING HOME HERO's Avatar
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    I want a story too. I'd probably end up in jail in the story though, since no one likes me.

  22. #22
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    @HERO stop playing victim, you know plenty of people like you just fine!
    @Hydrangea I will I just feel like I need to get to know you better.

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