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Thread: IEIs-INFps, what does your Si role function look like?

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    Perpetual Confusion Machine PistolShrimp's Avatar
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    Default IEIs-INFps, what does your Si role function look like?

    IEIs, what does your Si role look like in action? Do you have trouble focusing on your body and the present moment?

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    Not knowing what to do/say to get the desired effect. Eating snack food for energy and weird sleeping habits. Popping my joints excessively while i was younger.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pookie View Post
    Not knowing what to do/say to get the desired effect. Eating snack food for energy and weird sleeping habits. Popping my joints excessively while i was younger.
    These are actually reasonable signs of weak, unvalued Si.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I've only learned in recent years to even *notice* if I have a fever or feel sick. Meaning spending a day in bed feeling shitty and working out I'm sick at the end of it. For a while I kept a thermometer nearby and measured my temperature here and there to build up an understanding of what various subjective states meant.

    Occasional derps in noticing a physical chain of events, eg: "if the pan handle that I am about to pick up has been over an open flame for a few minutes then it will be hot."

    I can focus on the present moment but that's done more through, say, how vivid and awesome a colour looks than through how, iunno, blue I feel. The feelings are subjectively not processed via my body if that makes sense.

    Strong hatred of japanese tea ceremony. Listening to one for a few seconds literally made me want to break stuff. One aim of said ceremony afaik is, in bastardised terms, a coalescence of one's active consciousness with one's gestures and environment. Inner stillness via identifying with graceful outer actions. (Not sure "identifying" is the right term since it implies ego but it'll do.)

    Strong discomfort with listening to eg: meditative indian music with its expectation of "relaxing" me. Bitch imma relax when I want to let me mentally process this in peace.
    Reason is a whore.

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    Fwiw, I wouldn't listen to meditative music either. If anything, I see other types go about convoluted or mystical ways to relax.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PistolShrimp View Post
    IEIs, what does your Si role look like in action? Do you have trouble focusing on your body and the present moment?
    yeah, i feel i'm never really "there" or in the moment. the immediate physical world is like a background to whatever's going on in my head. if i really want to experience something sensually i (or someone else) have to actively force myself to pay attention to it.

    i often end up indulging in various near-neurotic behavior regarding my body and my health. for example i can get on these kicks where i spend massive amounts of time researching all the harmful effects of the ingredients in my beauty products, makeup, and toiletries, and then feeling like i have to buy expensive all-natural stuff to protect myself, and to feel & look better. i have sensitive skin prone to acne, so that is definitely a sore spot for me that often instigates some neurotic kind of behavior.

    another example would be my weight. i always feel like i could lose some weight and there have been times in the past where i began an extremely strict (i.e. unsustainable) diet and exercise plan immediately because i was feeling gross/ugly/unhealthy and did end up losing weight, just not in the best or healthiest way.

    i "have" to do certain things to feel comfortable and clean. i have long, time-consuming routines both for getting ready in the morning, and for getting ready for bed at night involving the application of many beauty products, cleansers, lotions/moisturizers, things to smell good, etc. (maybe this is just a girl thing though.)

    i can relate to what @GuavaDrunk said about only just beginning to learn these seemingly basic things about how things effect me physically. e.g. i have only recently learned how important sleep is for me - apparently i need a good amount of it to not look tired (and it helps my skin to sleep a lot too.) i'm beginning to be a little pickier with food as i am only just beginning to understand how some it makes me feel better/worse than other kinds of food do. these days i pay more attention to possible symptoms of sickness; before i could go hours or even days without realizing that i probably had a cold. etc.

    basically i have a hard time establishing a stable sense of feeling naturally, physically comfortable in my own skin. but i try really hard to. i almost can't help it.

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    Arete GuavaDrunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    basically i have a hard time establishing a stable sense of feeling naturally, physically comfortable in my own skin. but i try really hard to. i almost can't help it.
    I think that's a good way of putting it. For whatever reason not processing or relating to things through one's body, ignoring that potential. And hence not (naturally, as in it has to be learned) relating to one's body either. Possibly not caring about that beyond sheer everyday functioning.

    Rick mentioned on his website a tendency in (theory that?) people who use their Base function a lot in everyday life to take up hobbies involving their Role in comparatively simple activities. I used to row during school and have many memories of just absorbing myself in the feel of the situation, environment, what my body was doing and how smoothly I could get it to move. Polishing my technique without hurry, until it shone. (Note: This was all in a single scull.) Rowing requires a stupid amount of repeating the same movement so it's basically not that complicated and leaves you free to do whatever coughdaydreamcough once you have the basics down. Anyone else notice that kind of hobby?

    Another thing that may be related, the instinctive way I learn complicated sequences of movements. I stumble through creating muscle memory of what I want to do and *then* put it all together and.. basically forget about it. Learn just enough to get by and then get back to the overall problem of what to do tactically speaking. Meaning a lack of awareness of what my body does *during* a whole dance or whatnot.

    This applies to most any physical skill like using a video game controller or learning a dancing or martial arts movement. Exceptions are activities where life experience hath provided already.

    I've learned to mentate about what I'm doing physically over time which accelerates the process a lot. Actually got that from rowing. \o/
    Reason is a whore.

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    I often don't notice or only have a passing awareness of certain things that affect my body state. I'll be doing something and part of my mind will go, "Oh, it's freezing, I should grab a rug" or "Oh, I should go pee". And I'll forget about it for 15 minutes, before it crosses my mind again. It's like I have a snooze button on my bodily needs. I also walk into things a lot and forget the pain, then when later on I realise my leg hurts, I'll forget that I even walked into anything.

    I have issues with preventative medicine, e.g. I will eat things that my digestive system disagrees with, because I've forgotten how much it hurts, then I will regret it a lot later, but then the same time next week I'll eat it again. I often forget to take antibiotics and as a result I'm struck down with a horrible fever/chill-inducing infection about once a month, I have it right now and it is a world of pain and regret. I also know that I need heaps of sleep, and I feel awesome after going to bed early, but I do it maybe once a fortnight.

    Every once in a while I go on a crazy diet. I can't do moderation, moderation is for pussies. I think this might be related to Se vs Si valuing more than specifically Si-role.

    I'm very bad at dance routines and making things look smooth, if I have to concentrate on more than one body part at a time. I'm good with muscle memory though, and like GD, I like to space out and let muscle memory take over. I think that has to do with other functions more than the other stuff I described above.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octo View Post
    I can't do moderation, moderation is for pussies.
    Fuck yeah
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    Quote Originally Posted by octo View Post
    It's like I have a snooze button on my bodily needs.
    Excellent wording.
    "We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.".

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    Quote Originally Posted by octo View Post
    I'm very bad at dance routines and making things look smooth, if I have to concentrate on more than one body part at a time. I'm good with muscle memory though, and like GD, I like to space out and let muscle memory take over. I think that has to do with other functions more than the other stuff I described above.
    A lot of stuff you said is foreign to me, but I want to say dancing isn't type related. I suck at it too.. but in my case, a lot of the anxiety and being uncomfortable in my skin is social. I shut down in certain settings (like a club, for sure).

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    Quote Originally Posted by stray View Post
    A lot of stuff you said is foreign to me, but I want to say dancing isn't type related. I suck at it too.. but in my case, a lot of the anxiety and being uncomfortable in my skin is social. I shut down in certain settings (like a club, for sure).
    But being Si or Se could help with dancing. Kinda like you get a better starting position. If you never practice, of course you'll somewhat suck.
    "Use every ounce of potential you have, raise revolution against what people expect of you, and tell the world this is not a rehearsal. This is the real me. And listen up, ‘cause it could be the most honest incarnation yet."

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    Quote Originally Posted by aivonua nainini View Post
    But being Si or Se could help with dancing. Kinda like you get a better starting position. If you never practice, of course you'll somewhat suck.
    I've always thought of it as an expressive activity more than sensing (and maybe as far as Si types go, ESEs and SEIs would definitely be more into it). It gives me the same kind of misgivings as being merely participatory in parties.

    Yet I know I don't have problems with sensing. I could be at a lake party or something and freeze up if people are drinking and dancing around. Being asked to do that is the worst thing. Yet, I might crawl up a cliff and jump off or swim far into the lake and back before I tire myself.

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stray View Post
    A lot of stuff you said is foreign to me, but I want to say dancing isn't type related. I suck at it too.. but in my case, a lot of the anxiety and being uncomfortable in my skin is social. I shut down in certain settings (like a club, for sure).
    Oh, social dancing is foreign to me, I meant more like in dance classes with routines that involve lots of precise hand and foot placements. If my left foot is out of sight, I forget to point it, that sort of thing. It drives my teachers crazy, they always say things like, "That was great but POINT YOUR TOES"...
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Oh, I wasn't talking about social dancing either.
    "Use every ounce of potential you have, raise revolution against what people expect of you, and tell the world this is not a rehearsal. This is the real me. And listen up, ‘cause it could be the most honest incarnation yet."

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    Quote Originally Posted by octo View Post
    Oh, social dancing is foreign to me, I meant more like in dance classes with routines that involve lots of precise hand and foot placements. If my left foot is out of sight, I forget to point it, that sort of thing. It drives my teachers crazy, they always say things like, "That was great but POINT YOUR TOES"...
    OK, I see what you mean. And Aivo is right, I haven't really tried, but I can't see myself having a prob with that specifically. I could transfer the experience of precise movements to other things I do or learned easily.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Grandpa Rob View Post
    Excellent wording.
    Yeah I was going to quote that too
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    IMO both IEI and ILI often have an emphasis on sensuality in their behaviour, clothes, movements. The role is not something that is lacking, it's more of a way to present yourself to the world I think.

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    Quote Originally Posted by stray View Post
    A lot of stuff you said is foreign to me, but I want to say dancing isn't type related.
    I have had dancing as a hobby for many years (social dancing: salsa etc.) I do think it is type related to some extent: The best dancers are Se-Ni. Dance teachers are surprisingly often EIE or SLE. I know an extremly good dancer who is ILI.

    I don't think dancing necessarily is a sensing thing, or have to be. It's often an Ni thing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PistolShrimp View Post
    IEIs, what does your Si role look like in action? Do you have trouble focusing on your body and the present moment?
    I vacilate alot on stuff like diet, grooming, self-care habits. It's hard for me keep up with those things, because I'm ing in my head, to be bothered with the shit around me.... is an internal nag to me not something that I revel in at every oportunity like a SXI would.

    examples???

    It's hard for me to decide exactly what I want in the supermarket - where their are many choices of food - especially if it's the same item, I walk out a lot without buying anything. I have a much easier time picking clothes that look good on me because I've learnt the power of color using it to complement my natural complexion via the 12 blueprints color analysis. I guess you can learn very effective ways to deal with your role!

    I don't know if this is related more to Te-polr or the combination of my super-ego but I have had a difficult time budgeting myself since living alone. I had plenty of money for food last month but I ended up eating ramen and coffee for 10 days at the end because I spent all my money in the first week stupidly. My mum who's creative has really helped me out with advice... for one thing I'm buying all the non-perishable essentials right at the beginning of the month, saved money so far.. but we're only on day 5.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    i have sensitive skin prone to acne, so that is definitely a sore spot for me that often instigates some neurotic kind of behavior.
    Have you tried a diet? What you eat can make a lot of difference. My skin is also prone to acne, and for myself I've found that food makes a huge difference. Basically, to counter acne you need to avoid eggs, milk products, chocolate, meat, and everything that contains saturated fats. Anything fried in oil will contain a lot of those, so bascially it's best to stick to raw, boiled, and grilled foods. Fruit and vegetables is the healthiest thing you can and should consume in abundant quantities, the more raw and less processed the better. Organic is preferred, of course. Also, avoid hot drinks and spicy foods, as they will irritate your skin. And if I could pick one single thing, I'd say STAY AWAY FROM MAYONNAISE.

    There are probably a lot of online sources at this time and age to guide you in the right direction, if you're willing to try this approach. The potential benefits are big, as your diet affects your health in general, not just your acne. When I was all covered in pimples during early puberty I tried lots of things, and (maybe somewhat surprisingly) having control over what I ate made the most difference. Many people think that acne is a skin problem, when it actually is just a manifestation of what's going on inside your body. So keep that in mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    another example would be my weight. i always feel like i could lose some weight and there have been times in the past where i began an extremely strict (i.e. unsustainable) diet and exercise plan immediately because i was feeling gross/ugly/unhealthy and did end up losing weight, just not in the best or healthiest way.
    lol, I've done similar things as a teenager. IPs tend to look for the "quickest" way. Once I put myself on a self-prescribed apples-only diet for 5 or 6 days, and I literally only consumed apples and water. I cleansed my skin and got rid of some toxins in my body, but I was like a walking zombie during that week. Barely had the energy to walk around the house or talk.

    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    maybe this is just a girl thing though.
    This, I think.

    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    i have a hard time establishing a stable sense of feeling naturally, physically comfortable in my own skin.
    Me too. Kinda. But for me the only reason is laziness. Haha.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    ^^ I now know that being base doesn't equal superior knowledge in nutrition then.

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    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GuavaDrunk View Post
    Strong discomfort with listening to eg: meditative indian music with its expectation of "relaxing" me. Bitch imma relax when I want to let me mentally process this in peace.

    My SEI mom is super into that type of music, and whenever I hear it coming through the wall between her bedroom and mine, I compulsively reach for my headphones.

    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    yeah, i feel i'm never really "there" or in the moment. the immediate physical world is like a background to whatever's going on in my head. if i really want to experience something sensually i (or someone else) have to actively force myself to pay attention to it.

    i often end up indulging in various near-neurotic behavior regarding my body and my health. for example i can get on these kicks where i spend massive amounts of time researching all the harmful effects of the ingredients in my beauty products, makeup, and toiletries, and then feeling like i have to buy expensive all-natural stuff to protect myself, and to feel & look better. i have sensitive skin prone to acne, so that is definitely a sore spot for me that often instigates some neurotic kind of behavior.

    basically i have a hard time establishing a stable sense of feeling naturally, physically comfortable in my own skin. but i try really hard to. i almost can't help it.
    I can really relate to the neuroses surrounding skin issues, having dealt with bad acne myself since puberty. I too use all natural products after having done research on things like parabens. I also adopted a strict diet after reading about certain foods that can cause acne, even when I wasn't sure if they caused mine; turns out, my skin looks better when I eat lots of cane sugar, ice cream and fruit and drink coffee with milk every day than it ever did on a strict diet. It'd be interesting if this type of thing were related to type; my body has always felt more like a nuisance than something to be enjoyed. More often than not I'll be thinking, "C'mon now, body, behave already!"

    Quote Originally Posted by GuavaDrunk View Post
    Rick mentioned on his website a tendency in (theory that?) people who use their Base function a lot in everyday life to take up hobbies involving their Role in comparatively simple activities. I used to row during school and have many memories of just absorbing myself in the feel of the situation, environment, what my body was doing and how smoothly I could get it to move. Polishing my technique without hurry, until it shone. (Note: This was all in a single scull.) Rowing requires a stupid amount of repeating the same movement so it's basically not that complicated and leaves you free to do whatever coughdaydreamcough once you have the basics down. Anyone else notice that kind of hobby?
    This is not so much a hobby, but I find myself enjoying a bit of simple, repetitive physical work. I work at a bakery, and enjoy letting my body go on autopilot there, arranging trays of cookies in simple patterns and folding bakery boxes while my mind wanders.

    Quote Originally Posted by octo View Post
    Every once in a while I go on a crazy diet. I can't do moderation, moderation is for pussies. I think this might be related to Se vs Si valuing more than specifically Si-role.
    Not sure if Se vs. Si because my SLE dad likes to say "Everything in moderation" re: diet, while my SEI mom is an extremely picky vegetarian. I do crazy all-out diets too, more to gain weight than to lose it though. I'll eat pints of ice cream at a time when I can afford it.

    I'm very bad at dance routines and making things look smooth, if I have to concentrate on more than one body part at a time. I'm good with muscle memory though, and like GD, I like to space out and let muscle memory take over. I think that has to do with other functions more than the other stuff I described above.
    Same here. I'm forcing myself to take a burlesque dancing course to get better at this, and am nervous as all fuck to start.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Park View Post
    lol, I've done similar things as a teenager. IPs tend to look for the "quickest" way. Once I put myself on a self-prescribed apples-only diet for 5 or 6 days, and I literally only consumed apples and water. I cleansed my skin and got rid of some toxins in my body, but I was like a walking zombie during that week. Barely had the energy to walk around the house or talk.
    Just a side note: This sentence reminded me of Steve Jobs' Biography. Are you two related?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ozz View Post
    Just a side note: This sentence reminded me of Steve Jobs' Biography. Are you two related?
    LOL, I don't believe we are. But I guess it's in the nature of successful people to be self-disciplined and do radical things.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GuavaDrunk View Post
    Rick mentioned on his website a tendency in (theory that?) people who use their Base function a lot in everyday life to take up hobbies involving their Role in comparatively simple activities. I used to row during school and have many memories of just absorbing myself in the feel of the situation, environment, what my body was doing and how smoothly I could get it to move. Polishing my technique without hurry, until it shone. (Note: This was all in a single scull.) Rowing requires a stupid amount of repeating the same movement so it's basically not that complicated and leaves you free to do whatever coughdaydreamcough once you have the basics down. Anyone else notice that kind of hobby?/
    yeah fascinating! I took up knitting, spinning and weaving as hobbies. ALL of which have that not-so-complicated-once-you-know-how-to-do-it quality. I can knit socks and daydream at the same time. Mindless but yet you're creating something!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PistolShrimp View Post
    Same here. I'm forcing myself to take a burlesque dancing course to get better at this, and am nervous as all fuck to start.
    Good on you, and don't be nervous! Burlesque is pretty fun, and classes are usually very friendly and supportive... just make sure you have a pair of comfortable, stable, flat-bottomed heels, twirling around in unstable heels = scariest feeling ever.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Si role - Eating food thats been thrown in the trash, because it hasnt touched anything else yet, and because you cant stand it when your Si-ego roommate wastes good food.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pookie View Post
    Si role - Eating food thats been thrown in the trash, because it hasnt touched anything else yet, and because you cant stand it when your Si-ego roommate wastes good food.
    I'm pretty certain that's not the case with Si Role. That sounds much more basing ones decisions on a fundamental concept of how things should be "to not waste food."

    "I will not waste food and I don't think others should" so the person will do things around them to tailor suit this belief.

    Diam0nd's post is right on.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diam0nd View Post
    I don't know if this is related more to Te-polr or the combination of my super-ego but I have had a difficult time budgeting myself since living alone. I had plenty of money for food last month but I ended up eating ramen and coffee for 10 days at the end because I spent all my money in the first week stupidly. My mum who's creative has really helped me out with advice... for one thing I'm buying all the non-perishable essentials right at the beginning of the month, saved money so far.. but we're only on day 5.
    Budgeting and Te aren't related; I know LSE who are the WORSE at finance. Find food pantries near by; take advantage of the government assisted food programs. People like me don't pay a shit ton of taxes so people can starve. I refuse to let that happen.

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    People like me don't pay a shit ton of taxes so people can starve. I refuse to let that happen.
    yeah try 49K last year. IN TAXES ALONE. NOT INCLUDING PROPERTY TAXES. Nobody had better be starving. lol
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    some things that come to mind... being strictly aware of what I should wear in a certain environment, based on the mood I associate with it, while having difficulty finding the best combination, which usually leads to a black shirt or polo, so I try to isolate the most basic categories.

    another thing that octo and guava touched on -- wanting to program my body. I've come to find a solid hybrid between psytrance, nicotine, meditation and old black-and-white films (this is more related to the above, weaving different eras' moods into each other) to hardwire myself in both a grimly realistic and spiritually tempered way. it's also partly why I did so much lsd at once, I wanted to 'swallow the serpent' so to say, kind of like a backwards cleansing process; and so is it that thoughts and moods become dominoes, and I can expend less energy effecting or stabilizing an entire inner experience based on the smallest details. this may be why I preferred martial arts over other sports. for one, it was purely self-driven, but also a nice blend of scientific repetition and artistic finesse, which kind of unfurled into its own with enough technical honing.


    Quote Originally Posted by GuavaDrunk View Post
    Another thing that may be related, the instinctive way I learn complicated sequences of movements. I stumble through creating muscle memory of what I want to do and *then* put it all together and.. basically forget about it. Learn just enough to get by and then get back to the overall problem of what to do tactically speaking. Meaning a lack of awareness of what my body does *during* a whole dance or whatnot.
    definitely relate to this. my LSI trainer and I used to really enjoy using the punching mitts. he would just say what we were gonna do and within the first few sequences it would be perfected.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nowisthetime View Post
    IMO both IEI and ILI often have an emphasis on sensuality in their behaviour, clothes, movements. The role is not something that is lacking, it's more of a way to present yourself to the world I think.
    can't say this isn't true either. no matter what, I'm always bound by some kind of grim nostalgia to the reflection, like I would drain my body if it meant securing the stage. 3dom mainly, but Si gives it this tactile precariousness, where being struck by the minutest sensory detail sparks a mirrored hallway of haunting voices and hollowed out screams of entrails.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    I know LSE who are the WORSE at finance. Find food pantries near by; take advantage of the government assisted food programs.
    lmao
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    can't say this isn't true either. no matter what, I'm always bound by some kind of grim nostalgia to the reflection, like I would drain my body if it meant securing the stage. 3dom mainly, but Si gives it this tactile precariousness, where being struck by the minutest sensory detail sparks a mirrored hallway of haunting voices and hollowed out screams of entrails.
    Lol I remember jadae once talking about certain stimuli triggering a feeling of being engulfed in silence that I related a lot to in terms of weak/insecure Si. It's like I have to walk on the edge of the razor of my internal states, because to not push would mean wallowing, and yet to bring my surroundings into alignment causes an upwelling of hollow desperation.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    yeah, sometimes I'll try to consciously 'come to,' as if somehow reality is showing itself in basic form by my tuning out all 'irrelevant' thoughts and feelings, which then only builds a sense of sterile desolation, and leads back to lateral drifting, which can justify itself at times, but is more like blindly dying than sadly living. the whole spiel has always left me pissed off and somewhere between the mindset of a CEO and suicidal music teacher, and is only ever tempered by this kind of primitive neutrality that, with the help of hallucinogens, reminds me I'm already dead anyhow, and I might as well game for its own sake, rather than be pulled into delusive notions of winning or losing, and the false dreams they keep afloat.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    yeah, sometimes I'll try to consciously 'come to,' as if somehow reality is showing itself in basic form by my tuning out all 'irrelevant' thoughts and feelings, which then only builds a sense of sterile desolation, and leads back to lateral drifting, which can justify itself at times, but is more like blindly dying than sadly living. the whole spiel has always left me pissed off and somewhere between the mindset of a CEO and suicidal music teacher, and is only ever tempered by this kind of primitive neutrality that, with the help of hallucinogens, reminds me I'm already dead anyhow, and I might as well game for its own sake, rather than be pulled into delusive notions of winning or losing, and the false dreams they keep afloat.
    <3 this

    Its frustrating, but also offers a kind of reassurance. At least it forces perspective.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  37. #37
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    I remember the first time it happened. It began as an almost pleasant thing, like I could check out for a moment, press semi-pause on life for a while, take a step back. Then I became slowly addicted, like it had been hunting me all along and slowly forced me to realize that I had no choice. Then followed my attempts at vindication and total incorporation, which spawned a lot of neuroses but also a lot of comprehension, and ultimately completed the circle for the first time somewhere around 20. Since then the cycles come quicker and quicker, and are growing more or less irrelevant, besides being reminders. They are unpredictable though, sometimes I don't recognize that I'm being preyed upon by myself for a whole day at a time, and thats shitty.

    It does help to know you have an anchor, I'll say that much. Its narcissistic to over-emphasize, though.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  38. #38
    Haikus
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    To me, Si role in the IEI translates to the IEI's tendency in trying to make other people comfortable but it doesn't come out quite as organic as when the lookalike, SEI does it.

    So it's more projected outward than something inner focused. It's a role.

    Do you have trouble focusing on your body and the present moment?
    Not certain that something like this is even type related at all. You're probably thinking of IEI as being more "Faggy and physically weak" then we really are or something... like I can understand how you would get that perception but it's a stereotype. =p

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    Perpetual Confusion Machine PistolShrimp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Not certain that something like this is even type related at all. You're probably thinking of IEI as being more "Faggy and physically weak" then we really are or something... like I can understand how you would get that perception but it's a stereotype. =p
    It might not be type related, sure. I was just wondering if valuing Ni, which tends toward abstraction and a focus on patterns over time, makes focusing on Si things like physical comfort and the present situation challenging, because you can't use both functions at the same time according to Socionics (if my understanding is correct). I don't think IEIs are weak at all.

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    Arete GuavaDrunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    this may be why I preferred martial arts over other sports. for one, it was purely self-driven, but also a nice blend of scientific repetition and artistic finesse, which kind of unfurled into its own with enough technical honing.
    Nice.

    BnD: Trouble focusing on one's body (or lack of wish to ) and the present moment not obligatorily = to physical weakness.
    Reason is a whore.

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