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    Anna1921's Avatar
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    Default What is this?

    I want very deeply to be able to talk about any/everything with someone close to me. But there's one person I feel I just... can't, really, and I'm wondering if it's related to socionics or what.

    This happens fairly frequently: X and I talk... the conversation gets deeper... I start talking about things, sometimes not-so-pleasant things, and I eventually feel bad and stop because I realize it's making X uncomfortable -- X has said it is "too intense" and such. I just want someone to share my thoughts, feelings, experiences, worries, hopes, dreams with, but apparently it is too much for this person. What is up with this?

    I'm especially confused since X is an EII. Aren't they supposed to be great at this kind of thing? And X is, a lot of the time... but only up to a certain point, and then apparently it's too intense and sets X on edge. The result is, I either talk the way I'd like to (and make X uncomfortable/mess up X's mood, apparently, and then feel bad/awkward and have to apologize) or hold back and feel unfulfilled and unconnected.

    Socionics-related, or something else?

    *confused*

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    Some people are just less receptive than others, and their intimacy threshold is different than yours.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Anna1921's Avatar
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    Maybe. This is less a wanting to be intimate thing (in her understanding of that word) as this is a close relative. And we get along well and are close... it's just that I feel I have to stifle myself to not be "too much" for her.

    A recent example is us talking about what's going on in our lives... and I said something about a problem I'm having. Just venting/sharing, not even in a whiny way but more matter-of-fact, and I could tell it bothered her, like it brought her mood down. Which is weird, because I was fine; my mood was not down and I was not trying to affect her negatively; I was just sharing my current situation, but -- again -- not in a whiny or hopeless way. Just sort of venting.

    It ended up with me calling back later to make sure I hadn't spoiled her mood (which she made me feel I might have done) and she said something like, "Oh no, just a little. I went out for a bit and felt better. It's just all so much for me." And I'm left thinking, WTF? I can't even talk to her about my life because it's "too much" for her. So I end up feeling like I'm a huge downer as a person (not a fun feeling) or "too much" or whatever, and like I'm just no fun at all. Which sucks.

    Things like this make me wonder if I'm LSI or something. I just wanted a listening ear and maybe a little support, and instead I end up feeling guilty

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    stray's Avatar
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    You sure she's EII? I find Fe types (I think) sort like controlling what's discussed "emotionally" more, and may shove attempts at more personal discussion under the rug. Maybe it kills some desired environmental vibe. I don't know. Not to say they can't get personal, but they might do it later out of their own choosing.

    In any case, I can identify. I might speak matter of factly about something, not emo, but some might respond the same.

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    It could be related to the instinctual stackings. As an sx first I can't really imagine a conversation getting too intimate/intense, but I've seen other EIIs getting really uncomfortable over certain topics, especially if they don't know the person well and/or don't have any experience about the issue themselves..
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anna1921 View Post
    A recent example is us talking about what's going on in our lives... and I said something about a problem I'm having. Just venting/sharing, not even in a whiny way but more matter-of-fact, and I could tell it bothered her, like it brought her mood down. Which is weird, because I was fine; my mood was not down and I was not trying to affect her negatively; I was just sharing my current situation, but -- again -- not in a whiny or hopeless way. Just sort of venting.

    It ended up with me calling back later to make sure I hadn't spoiled her mood (which she made me feel I might have done) and she said something like, "Oh no, just a little. I went out for a bit and felt better. It's just all so much for me." And I'm left thinking, WTF? I can't even talk to her about my life because it's "too much" for her. So I end up feeling like I'm a huge downer as a person (not a fun feeling) or "too much" or whatever, and like I'm just no fun at all. Which sucks.

    Things like this make me wonder if I'm LSI or something. I just wanted a listening ear and maybe a little support, and instead I end up feeling guilty
    I don't talk about my life and it doesn't mean I can't, I just am aware that some people don't want to hear it just as I don't want to hear their exhaust fumes, that is, I'm not forcing anyone to listen to what I have to say be it some advice or something else plus people have their own deamons or problems they do not want to share for similar reasons. Hell, I've been told many times by people, be it male or female, mostly female though, in a pub or someplace else, that they wouldn't be ever bored with me around. I was once invited to a party with some person I know and that person said if it wasn't for me there was no point staying there. Funniest thing is, those people also told me that they don't know what am I thinking or feeling at all which is no surprise to me.

    So you have this person that told you're "too much" which means that person doesn't tell you something dealing with it herself or just it's not the right person to have these kind of convos which can be or can't be socionics related.

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    Absurd is sane?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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