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Thread: DAE feel really comforted by

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    cherrysidecar's Avatar
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    Default DAE feel really comforted by...

    knowing that you are part of a larger group, but feel no need to actively participate at all in it?

    My example might be a little strange, but I've always loved falling asleep with voices in the background. In particular during whole-family gatherings. My family is very conservative and traditional, when they get together there is always a bunch of ESTj (or - acting) males in front of the TV, and -leading females in the kitchen and dining room - basically nothing that would interest me, they would all either tell me what to do or tell me to be quiet. I still wanted to retreat and be on my own, just like now, but I would go into an empty room and hearing all their voices made me feel safe and protected, it would lull me to sleep - and then being woken up to eat with everyone was to me one of the supreme luxuries of life.

    Now I can't get along with any of my relatives, I see how controlling they are with my cousins and I'm very glad I live with my bf away from everyone, free to choose individuality over other things. However I also now have severe, chronic insomnia, and waking up alone, with no one else in the flat scares me shitless (like when my bf goes to work before me). It scares me so much I sometimes just go back to sleep because I don't want to deal with it, or I start sobbing without even meaning to, which is weird I know.

    But I think the fear comes in part from knowing that I don't have a "group" anymore - the rationals, thinkers and feelers and general pillars of society, guarding me from the outside. So is this a type-related fear, or maybe an introvert-related fear? Especially those introverts who don't have a close circle of childhood friends? (I feel like most IEIs wouldn't have this anyway..)

    Or is it like a general post-modern, privacy-and-individuality-valuing thing? Alienation, and all that?
    IEI 4w5

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    Marxist Ne’er-do-well Red Villain's Avatar
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    Sounds like simple Alienation. Although, I think a fear of being unable to solve this problem could be suggesting.
    "We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.".

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    cherrysidecar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grandpa Rob View Post
    Sounds like simple Alienation.
    Lol. Alrighty then, as long as it's just alienation...
    IEI 4w5

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    . willekeurig's Avatar
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    I saw some studies related to this not very long ago.. about how sleeping alone in a dark room really isn't natural to humans because our anchestors lived in groups and slept together and it was safe because there often was some light (the moon, a bonfire, the stars..) and people didn't all sleep at the same time so there was alway somebody to wake you up if a potential threat appeared.

    I share your experience being the only delta of my family and can also relate.
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    Quote Originally Posted by cherrysidecar View Post
    knowing that you are part of a larger group, but feel no need to actively participate at all in it?
    As long I'm fine with such and such people, I don't mind participating. Shit hits the fan when it is opposite of fine - it usually ends in someone saying something stupid, me saying something back and blah but I learned how deal with that. I just leave.

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