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Thread: IEIs-INFps and keeping life open-ended

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    Default IEIs-INFps and keeping life open-ended

    This might just be a personal quirk, lol. Does anyone else fear "locking" themselves into a specific life? Like a specific career, or a specific city, or a specific social class, etc. Perhaps it's just fear of commitment or general anxiety or immaturity or something else, but I get a paralyzing fear when I am on the verge of making a decision that will have long-term effects. I actually found myself feeling really anxious and resentful when I decided on pursuing the career path I have. I feel it's something I could do for two years max, and then have to move on to something else. Even now, I find myself having to tell myself "I'm just laying down a back-up career so that I have something to fall back on support myself with" just to get myself through classes. I feel the need to keep life open-ended, so that I feel like anything can still be possible.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Kind of. If this is true of other IEI's, it could possibly have something to do with strong Ni and Te PoLR.

    I've never seen myself in any kind of profession long term, even while fantasizing as a child. I went into the career I'm in now, knowing that I only wanted to do it for a few years, even though I apparently have a talent for what I do. It's one of the reasons why I'm going back to school in the Fall. I stress and worry about what I'll be doing in the next five years.

    I've never seen myself as one to ever get married or have children because I don't want to get stuck in that kind of redundant lifestyle. I don't fear being with only one person for the rest of my life, but I do fear being in an unhappy or unfulfilling relationship that I can't get myself out of. I could never see myself getting married to my current boyfriend because of all the red flags... but he's good for now, because he's fun. I know I'll eventually have to break it off with him, though... because I just can't visualize a future. blah.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Hmm well it sounds a bit Ne-ish to me, keeping all possibilities open.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


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    Well I'm LIE and I feel similarly, so I call it NTR.

    (edit: more related to city, career, social sphere. I can see myself in a relationship long-term and later with a family)
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Delta NF here and I can relate, too
    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    Axis of Evil: Iran, Iraq, North Korea and Agarina
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa Darmandzhyan
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    It is probably NTR, or maybe a general intuitive trait, but def. not particular to IEIs.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Think of it like this: Depending on how much money/power/influence you have, you're locked anyway.

    A high profile celebrity , cause they are so up there, can move around a lot in life and not be locked. They tend to be the ones that start projects and creates a lot of things etc. So they just travel to new places and get inspired for more new ideas, and then they can implement those ideas. However, the drama/heartbreak of moving around so much like that... you'd have to be willing to deal with the sacrifice. Sinead O'Connor wrote about how lonely touring can be, and fame ain't always what its cracked up to be etc.

    I don't think being locked in a situation is particularly bad, because unless you're a genius or born into a really powerful family - or are a high profile influential person in Hollywood that knows how to talk to Jewish people; then you're going to be "locked" even when you escape, and then you might find freedom is overrated if you do figure out how to be so vibrationally gifted that you can move around so often without feeling devoted, so maybe you just need to change your perception of things a little better? Some things need to change, some things need to stay the same - and it depends on what you are talking about.

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    I envy the lives of celebrities. To be rich, beautiful and constantly have your ass kissed. What a life.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    I envy the lives of celebrities. To be rich, beautiful and constantly have your ass kissed. What a life.
    but look at it this way: not only would you have constant photographers in your face, but you also pretty much would have to question the way everyone treats you, not knowing if they actually like you for you, or if they just want something, to be introduced to someone you know, or a favor, or if they're entranced by the fact that you're famous. YUCK.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    There's always a few prices that you must pay when you sell your soul to the devil.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    There's always a few prices that you must pay when you sell your soul to the devil.
    Bad things happen when the clock strikes twelve...

    My God, my god, look not so fierce on me!
    Adders and serpents, let me breathe a while!
    Ugly hell, gape not! come not, Lucifer!
    I'll burn my books!—Ah, Mephistophilis!
    Easy Day

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    you also pretty much would have to question the way everyone treats you, not knowing if they actually like you for you, or if they just want something, to be introduced to someone you know, or a favor, or if they're entranced by the fact that you're famous. YUCK.
    I've had a few experiences where that's kind of happened, and my tiny, limited experience of it was ew. Also, so many famous people are 3s and I'm allergic to 3s
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    It could possibly have something to do with strong Ni and Te PoLR.

    As an IEI, this is how i interpreted this same problem within myself.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    Yeah, I thought it might be weak-Te too, but I guess it is NTR and apparently pretty common.

    Like @FDG, this definitely applies more to career, social sphere, city, etc. than relationships. I'm not bothered by entering a relationship if I like the person enough. (Sometimes I'll jump in too eagerly into relationships, lol.) But something about those other aspects of life feels a lot more like an assault on my freedom to morph and move through life with as little baggage as possible. I even feel similar about my past as @Ashton. When I'm depressed, I'll often wake up in the morning, and feel like I'm being hit with the realization that I have a past, and that past limits me in certain ways. The hyper-specialization in the working world, though necessary for our now highly complicated society to function now, also feels like a form of imprisonment. This is really apparent in D.C., which is a huge careerist, yuppie town. People are the suits they wear. I'm also going back to school like @Starfall, and in my classes, these people are committing to this field wholeheartedly, and I don't think I could throw myself into it the way they do. It's just something I'm doing for practical reasons, and even then... not something I want to risk identifying myself with.

    My ideal life is a really transient one. I wouldn't mind the jet-setting life of a celebrity, tbh. The longer I stay somewhere, the more I feel like ghosts and dead weight are piling up. Like I go home back to my parents' house in the town where I went to high school, and it's just all heaving under the weight of all that happened there -- nothing traumatic or bad or anything, mostly positive experiences. But it's a past I'll never have back, and it's hard to go back and see those familiar places turn into relics. Those memories don't die or turn into souvenirs. They turn into ghosts.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    No. I want to lock myself IN. IN!! I have a destiny to fulfill which was why I was born into this world and I have to make something of myself. So I must find what strikes the most passion and righteousness of my own existence as possible!

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    Quote Originally Posted by HandiAce View Post
    No. I want to lock myself IN. IN!! I have a destiny to fulfill which was why I was born into this world and I have to make something of myself. So I must find what strikes the most passion and righteousness of my own existence as possible!
    I used to believe this. I used to believe I was predestined to be a musician or artist, and that that was how I would define my life because that's what I'm really passionate about. But I don't believe in destiny or anything like that anymore. I now feel like I came into existence arbitrarily. And, as far as we can tell, this is the only chance we get at living. And I have so many other things I want to try out and do before I die that I am really careful to keep as many doors open as possible.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dude View Post
    I used to believe this. I used to believe I was predestined to be a musician or artist, and that that was how I would define my life because that's what I'm really passionate about. But I don't believe in destiny or anything like that anymore. I now feel like I came into existence arbitrarily. And, as far as we can tell, this is the only chance we get at living. And I have so many other things I want to try out and do before I die that I am really careful to keep as many doors open as possible.
    Hello, Mr. Fi. Glad to see your mind chilled out more.

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    Why is that Fi? It doesn't feel more chilled out, though. Quite the opposite, it makes me more angsty than when I thought "Eh... I'll get there someday. It's my destiny."
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dude View Post
    Why is that Fi? It doesn't feel more chilled out, though. Quite the opposite, it makes me more angsty than when I thought "Eh... I'll get there someday. It's my destiny."
    I should've separated those two statements. I mixed them up.

    You believed once you had a destiny to fulfill and there was something about finding a passion to define your identity. That seems like something somebody valuing Fi would do. On the other hand, you've gone through a stage of maturity where you don't think about locking yourself into something as much which I relate to.

    Because I relate to what you replied with, I say "Hello, Mr. Fi. "

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    Quote Originally Posted by HandiAce View Post
    I should've separated those two statements. I mixed them up.

    You believed once you had a destiny to fulfill and there was something about finding a passion to define your identity. That seems like something somebody valuing Fi would do. On the other hand, you've gone through a stage of maturity where you don't think about locking yourself into something as much which I relate to.

    Because I relate to what you replied with, I say "Hello, Mr. Fi. "
    Ah k, gotcha. Well, one of the other types besides IEI that I could see for me is IEE, so we may be identicals, who knows, lol.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    i think i have some idea of what i may want to do in life; school-wise now, and career-wise later. i don't feel tied down or that i will be trapped into anything. i just feel that i have some sense of direction now in which to focus my energies and make progress. i feel better now than i did years ago when i was depressed, and floating through life with no idea where my future was headed.

    i don't have a strict plan or structure or anything like that. the ideas in my head are formed enough to give me something to work for, yet vague enough to allow for major changes & the unexpected.

    i guess i view it like this: i have chosen a path, a path that will undoubtedly branch out and lead to other paths that i don't know anything about yet. i don't know where these paths may go, but that doesn't really phase me because as i said before, i have no strict plan. i have just chosen a direction and will roll with it. i'm confident that i will not allow myself to get miserably tied down, no matter which way i go.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    i think i have some idea of what i may want to do in life; school-wise now, and career-wise later. i don't feel tied down or that i will be trapped into anything. i just feel that i have some sense of direction now in which to focus my energies and make progress. i feel better now than i did years ago when i was depressed, and floating through life with no idea where my future was headed.

    i don't have a strict plan or structure or anything like that. the ideas in my head are formed enough to give me something to work for, yet vague enough to allow for major changes & the unexpected.

    i guess i view it like this: i have chosen a path, a path that will undoubtedly branch out and lead to other paths that i don't know anything about yet. i don't know where these paths may go, but that doesn't really phase me because as i said before, i have no strict plan. i have just chosen a direction and will roll with it. i'm confident that i will not allow myself to get miserably tied down, no matter which way i go.
    You're actually studying a pretty open-ended subject in itself. You can go into a lot of different career paths with it: business, policy, lobbying, public health, etc. It's not specialized or geared to a specific job. I think that's a pretty good place to be.

    I guess, for me, this anxiety is built on the need to balance having a decent "day job" with my less practical aspirations, lol. I'm worried the practical career will end up cannibalizing other aspects of my life, which is why I'm having to steer clear of a lot of jobs in the business realm. They ask so much of an emotional and time commitment that would leave nothing in me left for anything else.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    but look at it this way: not only would you have constant photographers in your face, but you also pretty much would have to question the way everyone treats you, not knowing if they actually like you for you, or if they just want something, to be introduced to someone you know, or a favor, or if they're entranced by the fact that you're famous. YUCK.
    yeah, it's the perfect excuse to lie to everyone. sounds like a dream. we're all born in shackles anyway. might as well blow coke and be worshipped for it.


    yeah I still get really anxious at the thought of a specific lifestyle/career/etc., but find some assurance in building a steady energy field and focusing on the outlets most conducive at the time. if you're gonna complain about how you only have one chance at life, the same logic follows for every one of the moments you idly waste in apprehension. you don't. exist.

    that being said I can't say I've been lost and found. college is still as depressingly sterile a prospect as it ever was, but in some sense I feel more drive to move up in the restaurant industry... any artistic endeavor in this world comes down to your aptitude and willingness to pay dues, in the sense starfall mentioned.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    yeah, it's the perfect excuse to lie to everyone. sounds like a dream. we're all born in shackles anyway. might as well blow coke and be worshipped for it.


    yeah I still get really anxious at the thought of a specific lifestyle/career/etc., but find some assurance in building a steady energy field and focusing on the outlets most conducive at the time. if you're gonna complain about how you only have one chance at life, the same logic follows for every one of the moments you idly waste in apprehension. you don't. exist.

    that being said I can't say I've been lost and found. college is still as depressingly sterile a prospect as it ever was, but in some sense I feel more drive to move up in the restaurant industry... any artistic endeavor in this world comes down to your aptitude and willingness to pay dues, in the sense starfall mentioned.
    Very good point. It reminds me of something I read in a book on grieving. "Death isn't waiting for us at the end of life. It's walking with us every moment." At my best, I guess I have an attitude of "every decision is the right decision" and whatever results can be used somehow.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    yeah... I guess it's hard to be neutral or just accept it, cause we're used to thinking of it as an abstraction, looming over everything we do. but there's a certain calm in putting that aside, you won't think of death when a powerful piece of music is coursing through you etc. that's kind of what it means to 'be in your moment,' not some sterile eckhart tolle platitude. but eh, it doesn't matter, I just hope I die on a shitload of lsd.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Fuck that, I wanna be raw when my flame gets snuffed out.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    lol, well it's more like a metaphorical afterglow. I could see sobriety if it was in a situation where it was needed, which could carry more substance. so it's probably boredom.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dude View Post
    You're actually studying a pretty open-ended subject in itself. You can go into a lot of different career paths with it: business, policy, lobbying, public health, etc. It's not specialized or geared to a specific job. I think that's a pretty good place to be.
    yeah, that's probably one reason i chose it. it fits my interests without being too limited in what i might be able to eventually do with it.

    I guess, for me, this anxiety is built on the need to balance having a decent "day job" with my less practical aspirations, lol. I'm worried the practical career will end up cannibalizing other aspects of my life, which is why I'm having to steer clear of a lot of jobs in the business realm. They ask so much of an emotional and time commitment that would leave nothing in me left for anything else.
    yeah, i can relate. on my part, i'm willing to throw myself into something, as long as i can enjoy it. i am not a workaholic with unlimited energy however. i need sufficient time to take a break & relax, and i start to feel resentful if i am not able to get it. i can work hard when i dedicate myself to something, but i'm not the kind to be busy busy busy all the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    yeah... I guess it's hard to be neutral or just accept it, cause we're used to thinking of it as an abstraction, looming over everything we do. but there's a certain calm in putting that aside, you won't think of death when a powerful piece of music is coursing through you etc. that's kind of what it means to 'be in your moment,' not some sterile eckhart tolle platitude. but eh, it doesn't matter, I just hope I die on a shitload of lsd.
    Yeah, I guess thinking in terms of these huge abstractions probably severs one away from those experiences where you're really in the moment. I mean "career" is as much of an abstraction as the way in which we think of death. As you said, like college (the idea, at least) and Eckhart Tolle (not his actual experience, but the formulaic language he uses to convey it), it's sterile. There's not "juice" in it, like a pallid fascimile of real living.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dude View Post
    I guess, for me, this anxiety is built on the need to balance having a decent "day job" with my less practical aspirations, lol. I'm worried the practical career will end up cannibalizing other aspects of my life, which is why I'm having to steer clear of a lot of jobs in the business realm. They ask so much of an emotional and time commitment that would leave nothing in me left for anything else.
    Same. Like you, my true passion is in the arts (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc) yet I fear going into that career field because it's simply not secure enough. I want to be able to support a good and comfortable lifestyle in which I can enjoy myself, and I feel as if I won't realistically be able to do that with art. The good thing about the career I have now is that it really allows me the free time and energy to have the ability to branch out with my other talents... which, who knows, maybe I'll set up a gallery one day.

    My EII sister (who is not as naturally artistically talented) is working on pursuing an art degree. I value her steady work ethic & ability to follow her objectives through and actually accomplish them, yet I still can't help but question weather or not she's wasting her time. I can't help but feel as if art degrees are useless in this day and age, unless of course you can spare the time & money. So, even though art is my true passion, I would always look to something more piratical first. Unfortunately, life's just not suited for dreamers.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glam View Post
    yeah, that's probably one reason i chose it. it fits my interests without being too limited in what i might be able to eventually do with it.

    yeah, i can relate. on my part, i'm willing to throw myself into something, as long as i can enjoy it. i am not a workaholic with unlimited energy however. i need sufficient time to take a break & relax, and i start to feel resentful if i am not able to get it. i can work hard when i dedicate myself to something, but i'm not the kind to be busy busy busy all the time.
    Yeah, same. I definitely have experienced that resentment when I've had a job that was too all-consuming. When I worked at a law firm one summer, it basically sucked me dry. I was expected to basically eat, sleep, and breathe this stuff. That was not fun, lol.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Same. Like you, my true passion is in the arts (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc) yet I fear going into that career field because it's simply not secure enough. I want to be able to support a good and comfortable lifestyle in which I can enjoy myself, and I feel as if I won't realistically be able to do that with art. The good thing about the career I have now is that it really allows me the free time and energy to have the ability to branch out with my other talents... which, who knows, maybe I'll set up a gallery one day.

    My EII sister (who is not as naturally artistically talented) is working on pursuing an art degree. I value her steady work ethic & ability to follow her objectives through and actually accomplish them, yet I still can't help but question weather or not she's wasting her time. I can't help but feel as if art degrees are useless in this day and age, unless of course you can spare the time & money. So, even though art is my true passion, I would always look to something more piratical first. Unfortunately, life's just not suited for dreamers.
    Yep, this is exactly what I'm going through right now. I feel it in my bones when I'm around other artists: "This is home." I wish I could throw caution to the wind and just go for it. Many people do. Most fail, but some make it. But I'm too used to being middle class, lol. And my parents are getting older and I'll need to have something to support them some day. I sometimes wish I were born into poverty so that I wouldn't fear being poor so much. There's a line from Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" that I like: "If you can make one heap of all your winnings, and risk it on one turn of pitch and toss/ And lose, and start again at your beginnings, and never breathe a word about your loss." I so wish I could do that, heh.

    It used to be that artists could support themselves with temp jobs or IT jobs. But those have disappeared with this economy. With more than half of college grads unemployed... yeah, being practical is going to win out.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    ahh i see, i am not an artist, so i don't have the problem that Auvi and Starfall do. i like to write though, and i do use it as a creative outlet. it's something i do in my free time though; i don't expect to try and make a career out of it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Same. Like you, my true passion is in the arts (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc) yet I fear going into that career field because it's simply not secure enough. I want to be able to support a good and comfortable lifestyle in which I can enjoy myself, and I feel as if I won't realistically be able to do that with art. The good thing about the career I have now is that it really allows me the free time and energy to have the ability to branch out with my other talents... which, who knows, maybe I'll set up a gallery one day.

    My EII sister (who is not as naturally artistically talented) is working on pursuing an art degree. I value her steady work ethic & ability to follow her objectives through and actually accomplish them, yet I still can't help but question weather or not she's wasting her time. I can't help but feel as if art degrees are useless in this day and age, unless of course you can spare the time & money. So, even though art is my true passion, I would always look to something more piratical first. Unfortunately, life's just not suited for dreamers.
    It's a struggle, but that you know that you're good at what you do keeps you going; a society without arts is dead.

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    I identify so much with what you guys wrote (particularly Baby, glam and Starfall) - it's comforting to know that a lot of IEIs feel that way and presumably travelled the same path, and (presumably again) didn't starve to death at the end

    I'm thinking of becoming an osteopath or a physio now, if only that meant an apprenticeship instead of X more years of college
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    but look at it this way: not only would you have constant photographers in your face, but you also pretty much would have to question the way everyone treats you, not knowing if they actually like you for you, or if they just want something, to be introduced to someone you know, or a favor, or if they're entranced by the fact that you're famous. YUCK.
    Qft
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    sounds very much like me...

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    I think what I would like, is to be *secretly* rich. Such that people really had NO IDEA how much money I had. I wouldn't flaunt it, I'd live much lower than I could, but I'd be totally secure such that I could pursue any dream I wanted, take off on a whim if I needed a break, buy the occasional high end things (but not too much of that), simple but well-made furnishings, and be able to help people out when they were in distress, anonymously.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I don't know if this is part of it, but I'm paralysed by too much choice. I hate being at a crossroads.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octo View Post
    I identify so much with what you guys wrote (particularly Baby, glam and Starfall) - it's comforting to know that a lot of IEIs feel that way and presumably travelled the same path, and (presumably again) didn't starve to death at the end

    I'm thinking of becoming an osteopath or a physio now, if only that meant an apprenticeship instead of X more years of college
    No, I didn't starve. Although, it's still hard going. Yeah, I know what you mean about more school. I'm completely burnt out on school. I'm seriously considering dropping the whole thing, and just trying to hack it in corporate simply because I am so sick of sitting in classrooms.

    Quote Originally Posted by octo View Post
    I don't know if this is part of it, but I'm paralysed by too much choice. I hate being at a crossroads.
    That sounds like me as well. I feel much better after the decision has been made and it's out of my hands.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Ugh, yeah. I had that same morose nagging in the back of my mind about how I should try to be normal/responsible and go to college or some shit… though I simultaneously shirked practicality because it felt too stultifying and I didn't want to get locked into anything. So as you might imagine, indecision invariably prevailed.

    I feel like I should've pursued something more adventurous while I had the chance (for me that would've been acting or the military). Unfortunately of course the economy tanked, sucking most of the ambient possibility out of the air and leaving a stagnant opportunity vacuum. Which is an entirely shittier paradox, because now you feel like you've got even less to lose yet you're deprived the ability to act on this since there's even fewer risks available to do so.
    Man, this is exactly how I feel! I regret not using my youth to my advantage when I had it. From 2005-2007, that ambient sense of possibility was intoxicating. I remember having all these ideas about what I wanted to try and do. But the recession hit around my sophomore year of college, and basically everyone -- including my parents and professors -- started on this demoralizing, dispiriting bullshit. "The worst recession in recent memory"/"I worry about your generation"/"Now is not the time to take risks. Do you want to end up on the streets?" and shit. I can definitely understand their fears, but I mean, ... I HATE that this period of early adulthood, that's supposed to be about exploration and experimentation, has been so dominated by fear and cravenness. And I totally get that paradox: people say it all the time. There's tons of opportunity when the economy is in the shitter. But it's like I've been bred to be as risk-averse as possible, and I hate that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Pretty much. I started sensing that trend in a big way last fall and opted to go into EMS—figured it's practical with broad employment diversity and good job prospects. I'll be done with the Paramedic program in about a year from now, so the time investment isn't bad either. I was tepid about it when I 1st started since I wasn't really sure why I was there beyond "omg must do something practical." It wasn't until after doing field clinicals with actual ambulance crews, etc. when I found out I quite liked it and that it induces states of mind I enjoy. No idea how long I plan on doing it; not sure how one reasonably "plans" something like that anyway, at least not without giving themselves undue anguish. I prefer to just see what happens.
    That actually sounds pretty sweet. Even if you don't want to do it forever, the time investment isn't so huge that you'd feel obligated to break even by putting in years and years. I'm still kind of iffy on my path, which involves another two and a half years of school... in a subject I'm not all that enthusiastic about. Meh... things kind of suck right now, lol, The only thing that keeps me sane is redoubling my dedication to non-career-related stuff: my music, reading about other random subjects, social life, even working out.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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