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Thread: EIIs and arranging everyday life

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    Default EIIs and arranging everyday life

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    Last edited by willekeurig; 05-17-2015 at 08:04 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    Axis of Evil: Iran, Iraq, North Korea and Agarina
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa Darmandzhyan
    Agarina does not like human beings; she just wants a pretty boy toy.
    Johari Nohari

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    I can relate to parts of that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    With school & work I also have problems that are related to morality (selling your soul to a company, conflicting beliefs/ethics with your employer, following pointless rules)
    I think this could also be a problem for me. I already thought I shouldn't look for a job as an civil servant (idk what's the exact term in english) because of my personal beliefs. But maybe I won't have a choice. I'll just have to see how it'll develop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    and not being able to be true to myself (having to hide things about myself like political opinions and drug use, having to act obedient and "normal" in orded to fit in & keep the job, pretending to be like people and be extroverted etc). It's also scary how you're being watched over; make too many mistakes or be late and bang, you're fired! I'm highly sceptical I'd be able to maintain a job for more than maybe a moth or two if I ever got one.
    I don't let anyone know what I think, (not all people are interested in those things, anyway) but I stand by my opinion if people find it out regardless and ask me about them. However, I never had many school/job-related problems because I'm usually overpunctual and I hate unreliableness with a passion and therefore try to avoid it. Some people might have frowned upon my lack of gregariousness, but it never caused actual disadvantages for me as far as I know. I'm cooperative, but I'll tell them if some bs is happening. It's often the social interactions that make me feel awkward and nervous for no reason.

    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    Going to the grocery store is hard enough, I usually just can't (be bothered) to plan and count money and take time to cook, so I buy beer and bananas only and do something more inspiring and fun instead.
    Those everyday stuff can be annoying, especially shopping. I just try to do it quick and return to my usual, passive state of mind.
    „Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.“
    – Arthur Schopenhauer

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    I don't have time to reply but I relate to most thing you've written. I usually relate to most things you write, is it the mirrror effect ? It changes when you're in a relationship or when you have somebody to take care of. To me, the priorities change then, I feel I need to take care of them. So I almost never cook for myself and eat what I find in my fridge (however I like healthy things). But I usually prepare big dishes for my boyfriend and of course I eat it as well.

    School and work have beenmy Achilles feet, so I totally relate. Not that I was bad at school it's just I need to know the things I'm doing are bringing something.

    Will be back later as I need to walk the dogs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    Even the thought of having to handle some "normal" stuff everyone else seems to have zero problems with really gives me grey hair.
    everone else...zero problems...way too generalized.
    Are you saying that every person you know has no problems with "normal" stuff?
    Not a single other person has problems with school? With work? With cleaning, chores, and home maintenance?

    Are you sure they have no problems with them...or could it be that some of them might still do it anyways. I,m not sure about where you live, but here I constantly hear stories about problems people have getting into a school, being forced to go to school, problems with teachers, with being organized, with failing grades, with lack of study time, etc etc etc.

    I also constantly hear about how much people hate their jobs, their bosses, their coworkers, how stupid some of their job tasks are, and how they wish they could take more sick days or vacation time or come in later, or leave earlier, or set their own hours, or even find a job, etc etc etc.

    As for house chores and personal errands, again, there are forums and sites online devoted towards helping motivate people to get chores done. FlyLady, for example, sends out multiple daily emails as reminders, for people who register with them. She's taken all the guess workout of figuring out what to do, and has broken most things down into small doable chunks. Her site, and dozens similar, are very popular worldwide. The members all have some form of one or more problems involving housework, errands, and maintenance chores. And this doesn't even begin to cover the people who fail at even her simple program.

    Tons of people don't want to even have to think about these things.

    Having problems with "normal" stuff is...well...normal.

    I am not trying to belittle your experience, but I am concerned that if your thoughts of yourself and your life put yourself down so badly...perhaps realizing that lots of other people struggle through similar issues might help somehow.

    I read something somewhat recently which said that "EVERY person feels alone and misunderstood." This speaker starts his talks out with this statement, and then waits. And always, he says, hands are raised and people are saying "I thought I was the only one who felt that way." Character comes not from never feeling this way...but from what we do despite feeling that way.

    For myself, if something happened to Richard, I would be homeless again. I've been through it twice before, and I'm sure I could survive it again. I can't hold down a job, so income making ways would be creative and/or odd jobs here and there. Just enough to survive on. I value survival more than I value dying.

    I want to live, and eating food is required for that. I hate to cook. I hate having to figure out what to feed my family, etc. But I value their health a little more than The time it takes to make some kind of decision. I don't particularly make healthy decisions for them. I seem to value easy making over valuing health/taste.

    I despise cleaning, and am struggling with getting rid of all my junk. But I am too embarrassed of my dirty home to invite people over. And I value pursuing my other interests more than I value a clean home.

    Really, most of the things you listed have values in conflict, one tending to win out over the other. Your struggle with "normal" things reflects your struggle between values. Your values, society's values, and your values of society's values.

    Maybe spend some time actually defining them and seeing how you tend to prioritize them. When at the store buying beer and bananas, think about which values are in conflict, and if you're really make the value choice you want to encourage in yourself. For example, you are valuing short term ease over long term health. You are spending your money voting for your values of vitamin deficiencies and depressants rather than voting for values of energy and mental clarity.

    When you find yourself in this conflict of values you may not have realized you were promoting, then mentally imagine choosing the values you actually want. Imagine yourself making the choice you really want to make, and the very first initial act required to act on that choice.

    I am talking about actions so small that it might seem ridiculous. Like grocery shopping. Your value of staying in bed vs your value of putting food in your belly, food that will help clear your mind and/ or provide energy. What would be the first step of choosing to act on that value? Kick off the covers.

    Congratulations, you made a choice and acted on it. Maybe not achieved it yet, but you now have another choice....stay in bed...or get the food your body is craving. Next step towards getting the food your body is craving...sit up.

    Each time you choose which value to act on, you are strengthening that value...and your own will. Each time you imagine the next step to do, in as great of detail as you can...you are motivating yourself to do that one small little action.

    The first few times, you may initially fail. Maybe you value staying inside your home more than you value the simple act of opening that door. But next time you go through the same process of kicking off covers, sitting up, etc...you are making those actions and those little choices easier to do the next time. Eventually those little ones won,t require so much energy from you, that you'll be able and willing to choose opening that door, stepping outside, walking to end of house zone. You may not get further until you've repeated this enough times, but you're making it easier to make that choice the next time, and the next, and so on.

    A major part of Motivation comes from imagining doing the action...or imagining what it feels like to have done it. For example, imagining having a clean counter, and how it feels to look at or touch that clean counter, and what you can do with that clean counter...will help build the chemical/emotional charges that will push you toward what you are imagining.

    Tl;dr
    Don,t apply your will on forcing yourself to do something...apply your will towards imagining yourself doing the next small step...or having done the task.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    [Good post and then this:]
    For myself, if something happened to Richard, I would be homeless again. I've been through it twice before, and I'm sure I could survive it again. I can't hold down a job, so income making ways would be creative and/or odd jobs here and there. Just enough to survive on. I value survival more than I value dying.
    No need to answer here if you don't want to, but is there anything you and he could do to prevent that from happening, such as life and/or disability insurance?

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    Quote Originally Posted by CONFIMED View Post
    No need to answer here if you don't want to, but is there anything you and he could do to prevent that from happening, such as life and/or disability insurance?
    He's not paranoid like I am; he doesn't expect anything to happen, so no need to plan for it.

    I've been trying to set aside money, and making sure the vehicle we buy to replace my van has live-out-of-potential, and getting rid of junk I've collected. Also trying to gain some kind of marketable skill that won,t be heavily influenced by my psychological and mood issues. It sucks feeling the need to consider those kinds of things and prepare, just in case. Almost like inviting it to happen...which leads down a darkened rabbit hole. (e6+this= )

    His sister will get everything, for his nieces and nephew.
    My income just isn't enough to afford living here even with a roomie.

    However, when my daughter graduates, then I can afford to lose over 50% of my income so we can marry, which may provide SOME cushion in an emergency...but would make me virtually dependent on him for everything, and no income to save up.

    But...on the plus side, I have been homeless before...though at a MUCH younger age. I have a better idea of what to expect, and how to lessen the negative impact. For example, if my vehicle is in good condition, then I would likely slowly travel across the usa. (But should I buy a gas economical smaller vehicle, or a comfy but gas guzzling mini-van?? Decisions decisions.)

    Also on the plus side, no house-cleaning, chores etc required beyond vehicle maintainance.
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    Also on the plus side, no house-cleaning, chores etc required beyond vehicle maintainance.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    Even the thought of having to handle some "normal" stuff everyone else seems to have zero problems with really gives me grey hair. I'm talking about things like school, work, home maintenance, running errands, household chores.. I feel like they eat way too much time and energy and are hardly ever motivating to me.
    Motivate others to do them for you

    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    Most of the time they're difficult and uncomfortable, too (fixing stuff, handling confrontational situations, carrying heavy items AKA Te/Se related) With school & work I also have problems that are related to morality (selling your soul to a company, conflicting beliefs/ethics with your employer, following pointless rules) and not being able to be true to myself (having to hide things about myself like political opinions and drug use, having to act obedient and "normal" in orded to fit in & keep the job, pretending to be like people and be extroverted etc). It's also scary how you're being watched over; make too many mistakes or be late and bang, you're fired! I'm highly sceptical I'd be able to maintain a job for more than maybe a moth or two if I ever got one. Going to the grocery store is hard enough, I usually just can't (be bothered) to plan and count money and take time to cook, so I buy beer and bananas only and do something more inspiring and fun instead.
    That's way too extreme negative thinking now (remain positive), but I get why this would happen, if a lot of things overwhelm you, you begin to feel like none of it could possibly work well together and it sends you to a mental deadlock...I've maintained jobs very well and I go overboard at being exemplary and work my as* off to be perfect.

    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    Lol, I actually remember getting angry at my parents as a child when they excitedly talked about me moving away from home some day and being able to do whatever I want and work wherever I want. I shouted at them that it was their fucking fault that I exist in the first place and requiring me to be able to handle that existence by myself was both cruel and absurd.
    LOL I've had those moments too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    So.. how do you people manage to stay alive & provide for yourselves?? Can anyone on here (especially EIIs) relate? How have you deal with these difficulties, does it get easier with time? Any advice? What jobs would Fi+Ne be good for..?
    I work; you have to move on and find people who love you and support you, your thoughts, your ideas, your plans.

    I deal with difficulties like a fighting champion. I put on my gloves and I know that I have no choice but to go out there and give it my more than 100%; that's the only way I do things; I do them whole heartedly; you have to live your life with courage, conviction, with strength; you can't cheat yourself and if you have a purpose and you want to live your life with this purpose, you have to do things.

    The difficulties do get better over time, with determination to do them; nothing ever gets done unless you do them; that's kind of the laws of physics, things in motion remain in motion, things at rest, rest. It's a choice. You make a choice and you put your soul behind it, you put your heart, your beliefs, your work into it.

    Jobs that FiNe are good at are:

    Morality - any religious work, like being a church/religious leader
    Responsibility - like being a non profit org leader of some kind; advocate
    Journalism
    Acting/Arts/Music/Writing
    Psychology - I'm doing that now.
    Teaching
    Law - I'll be a lawyer in my next life.

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    I would say a very large amount of people have big problems with school and work. If you hear someone complaining and exclude health issues, it's usually related to either school or work problems. So, I believe you shouldn't consider yourself as peculiar from this POV.
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    I had the weirdest dream yesterday.

    Quote Originally Posted by Agarina View Post
    So.. how do you people manage to stay alive & provide for yourselves?? Can anyone on here (especially EIIs) relate? How have you deal with these difficulties, does it get easier with time? Any advice? What jobs would Fi+Ne be good for..?
    My first job was electro-mechanic job at 17 I think, it was a shitty job, plenty of tools. Just waited until I would get paid so I could spend that shitty amount of cash. As for EII jobs, try to workout a monetary base, that is, be your own bank. Having done so is going to be easier for you when dealing with daily business.

    I usually just can't (be bothered) to plan and count money and take time to cook, so I buy beer and bananas only and do something more inspiring and fun instead.
    Last edited by Absurd; 06-07-2012 at 09:24 AM.

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    Even the thought of having to handle some "normal" stuff everyone else seems to have zero problems with really gives me grey hair. I'm talking about things like school, work, home maintenance, running errands, household chores.. I feel like they eat way too much time and energy and are hardly ever motivating to me. Most of the time they're difficult and uncomfortable, too (fixing stuff, handling confrontational situations, carrying heavy items AKA Te/Se related) With school & work I also have problems that are related to morality (selling your soul to a company, conflicting beliefs/ethics with your employer, following pointless rules) and not being able to be true to myself (having to hide things about myself like political opinions and drug use, having to act obedient and "normal" in orded to fit in & keep the job, pretending to be like people and be extroverted etc). It's also scary how you're being watched over; make too many mistakes or be late and bang, you're fired! I'm highly sceptical I'd be able to maintain a job for more than maybe a moth or two if I ever got one. Going to the grocery store is hard enough, I usually just can't (be bothered) to plan and count money and take time to cook, so I buy beer and bananas only and do something more inspiring and fun instead.

    Lol, I actually remember getting angry at my parents as a child when they excitedly talked about me moving away from home some day and being able to do whatever I want and work wherever I want. I shouted at them that it was their fucking fault that I exist in the first place and requiring me to be able to handle that existence by myself was both cruel and absurd.

    So.. how do you people manage to stay alive & provide for yourselves?? Can anyone on here (especially EIIs) relate? How have you deal with these difficulties, does it get easier with time? Any advice? What jobs would Fi+Ne be good for..?
    An extremely good post... I have exactly the same issue, and I bet many have this issue in the current state of things.

    For the housing stuff Ive found ze trick : I do the decoration of my space with personnal item/hand made (material like painting on tissue, broken vinyls, piece of magazine, ect... ^^)/stuff wich mean something for myself , and change it when it don't correspond to me anymore.
    Then the house is always acceptably tidy (and if it's not it represent my state of mind, haha).
    For running errands, laundry... No idea how to avoid the "boringness". I remember when I was at my student appartment there was a long "street descent" beetween the market and the home, then I was going at it on skateboard ^^. This add some fun.




    About the work world..... Yes... While a majority of company are now strongly "service-like", unable to respect just a bit individuality (or pseudo-respect it), and the notion of "common good" don't exist anymore (It's more like we now work for our proper destruction), I can objectively say it's hell on hearth.
    I can be a closed minded twat and say "you have the choice : work in following passion/idea then you become human, work in office/clerical/open space then you degenerate slowly into a neurotic zombie", but it's not simple like that.
    I mean that when you work in this kind of company, generally at the end it widen your view of things, on your past, ect. That's surely an obligatory step in life (not especially only about work , much more about widen your experience, even if you begin with big apprehension). It's like breaking the barrier you have created on yourself : perhaps you will understand too that political opinion you currently have is kind of a prison wich have prevented to lay your eyes on some part of life.

    But I generally think that at least for myself a big part of work world is euphemistically shit and scam, it's ok to try but not for a life.
    I will actually change in 2 month to another things more personnal for at least 1 years (I work actually in computer science service industry - sucks), and for after we are discussing with my ex-future-girlfriend to do a kind of "travelling" life, since we have "educationnal luggage" to do that (master in computerscience, master in management/cookery of a prestigious university).

    Finally all is about doing what is the more suited to yourself and not accepting shit. Even it seem impossible at first, if you are sufficiently resourceful, it pass.



    For domain of work more suited, Maritsa got it right imo :
    Morality - any religious work, like being a church/religious leader,
    Responsibility - like being a non profit org leader of some kind; advocate
    Journalism
    Acting/Arts/Music/Writing
    Psychology - I'm doing that now.
    Teaching
    Law - I'll be a lawyer in my next life.
    I would like to add things like volontary work/humanitarian mission, ethical research like ethic of medicine... Things like liberian/record store owner, where teaching combine with passion and people is pristine too. That's generals points, when it come to individuality there is many other stuff "suited" for sure. Doing nothing is suited too.



    On drugs : idk on what you are, what you are experiencing, but personnaly Ive lost some feathers from that... Care for yourself, and remember dependency is sometime the least boring problem for some drugs
    Last edited by noid; 06-07-2012 at 11:53 AM.
    "The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusion."

    -- Maurice Chapelain

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    I also constantly hear about how much people hate their jobs, their bosses, their coworkers, how stupid some of their job tasks are, and how they wish they could take more sick days or vacation time or come in later, or leave earlier, or set their own hours, or even find a job, etc etc etc.
    Yes, Ive noticed many many stuff in this vein. I can't understand why they do nothing for a change, or at least trying... If you take ppl in a company, 70% have the same view, not one act at least partially on it, this is scary and depressing
    Last edited by noid; 06-07-2012 at 11:50 AM.
    "The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusion."

    -- Maurice Chapelain

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    Jobwise, my mother (FiNe) became a nurse. This allowed her to help people recover their health, ease their comfort while in a hospital, work in half way homes for people who aren't yet able to function on their own, care for her stepmother after the stroke, and now care for her husband as he degenerates from alzheimer's.

    Hobbywise, she led Sunbeam troops (sorta like younger brownies/girlscouts), taught boyscouts badge classes particularly in areas related to first aid, communications, safety, finances, and a couple of other areas I can't remember. She became an online mrs santa clause, buying things from goodwill and sending them to dirt poor families with kids. (she'd never met the families other than through online... I'm not really sure how the whole thing works...only that she loves it.)

    Basically, she found something she was passionate about (helping people by helping individuals in need), and pursued that. Every job she has had has been related to that one passion of hers, despite there being a variety of job titles.
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