I stumbled upon my blog from PerN last night thanks to @gnarlycharlie
I'm wondering if this demonstrates Ne or Ni ego..if you don't mind taking a moment to skim it.
When I'm in a good mood, I love to go to the creek at the park and sit on the sand..far away from where most people stray. I did this yesterday with someone special to me...and that's the only time I really like to do this anyway--when there is someone to share my thoughts with.
We sat there, looking at the creek...talking...
The whole time I kept thinking and asking:
- The sand is so sparkly from the mica that has been ground up over time. I wonder where it all came from.
- I wonder where this sand came from too. I wonder how many former lives I am holding in my hand...the ground-up bone.
Among many other things.
I would start rambling about these things..and the many possibilities. My friend didn't really offer any thoughts, but he seemed to enjoy my musings, and he offered a keen ear, which was really kind of him.
We stayed there for a long time..and eventually all the animals started appearing. A bird flew down from its tree to a few feet from us..then continued hopping and flitting around, looking for food.
And then I started marveling at how it felt like we were part of it all---how if we were just
- I wonder why sand and hair and everything gets darker when it's wet.
patient, we would be integrated into the natural world.
And then I began to wonder at how when you die, your body is recycled. What once was you--a beautiful, but incredibly flawed being--could help something else exist. What once was you could be an orchid, or a blade of grass...or a planet.
And then I thought about how I'm made from the same things as stars.
These thoughts make me feel grounded (whereas I usually feel disconnected)...and at peace with the world. Death is beautiful. Without death, nothing would have meaning. I believe you create meaning in your life, but if something was guaranteed to last forever, then...what's the point? Nothing would feel special or carry weight. There would be a hole in the cup--you could keep trying to fill it up, but everything you invested wouldn't matter, because you could just keep trying.
I guess my question is...
Is there such a thing as wondering too much?