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Thread: How to Help Each of the 16 Types

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    Default How to Help Each of the 16 Types

    One thing I think about a lot is how differently each type metabolizes information and how they each expect/need different verbal responses to essentially everything. Usually this becomes more evident when a particular type is going through something and discussing it with you.

    I feel as though if the person I'm talking to is not my dual, activity, semi-dual or illusionary, there is not much I can offer them in terms of help or advice that will really give them what they need.

    So how do you provide what your dual needs in these situations?

    1. What is your type?
    2. What are some concrete, real examples (quotes) of things that you might say to comfort your dual and give them what they need (Te, Fi, Fe, Se, Si, Ni, Ne, or Ti)?
    3. What solutions would you try to implement/offer them?
    4. What are questions you might ask to learn more about what is bothering your dual?
    5. What do you look for/need in a response from your dual? In what ways might they help you?


    Please provide actual examples if you can (and don't mind doing so).

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    Decadent Charlatan Aquagraph's Avatar
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    I self-type ILE and I tell SEIs how things are in the most valuable aspects () in cold, concrete, exhaustive sentences () without adding any value-based flavor in it ( PoLR) so they can form their stance purely on information.

    I like to be listened to actively, looking at eyes, being laughed at and becoming confirmed that my random stuff is actually interesting.
    Last edited by Aquagraph; 05-03-2012 at 01:15 AM.
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    Conversations between my husband & I providing for one anothers needs often go like these:

    Hubby: Should I go and arrange it?
    Me: Not yet.
    Hubby: When will I know if the right time or not?
    Me: I don't know, just not yet.
    Sometime later...
    Me: Ok now.

    Hubby: Will it all work out?
    Me: It has to, we'll work it out together won't we.
    Hubby: But how do I know it's the right thing to do - like for the family or the right time?
    Me: You don't really often just know for sure, you'll just see all the pieces coming together leading you in a direction or away from something, so just read the signs. And it will all work out, the kids will be fine with whatever we do as they have their own lives now with jobs, flats, boyfriends etc etc and we will always be there for them and they know that.
    Hubby: Yes that's a good idea I think the signs are .... and so long as we are in agreement I have learnt that it will all work.

    Hubby: Will it work out getting a new kitten with the older cat?
    Me: Of course, won't be easy at the start for our grumpy burmese but she'll get used to it and I'm really good with cats.
    Hubby: I just need you to keep reminding me of that.
    Me: It'll be alright hon.

    Me: My computer's acting like a retard can you fix it...I hate it when it's like this, stupid thing!
    Hubby: What's the problem?
    Me: It did this and that and then blah blah blah, It's stupid!
    Hubby: There you go, all fixed. Next time that happens just....

    Me: I hate bills.
    Hubby: Don't worry you know that I take care of those things.
    Me:

    (On the phone)
    Me: I think we have a leaking pipe from where the builder had the new kitchen pipes join up to the existing and I think sewage is leaking from there onto the path. Who do I ring, the builder or plummer, I hate dealing with these problems.
    Hubby: Don't worry, you know I will ring them for you and arrange someone to come out and fix it.
    Me: Cool, thanks hon

    Hubby: Let's go on holiday.
    Me: Um..not yet...later maybe, cause ....
    ....sometime much later...
    Me: Shall we go away this weekend? What do you think?
    Hubby: I could take a week off work. I'll see how many air points we have as I think we have enough to go to Singapore! Do you want to Singapore? And we'll visit Sentosa again as they were doing...*something, something*... to the theme park?
    Me: Uh, let's do that another time eh? How about somewhere not too for away for just a few days? We could go on a bigger trip later in the year.
    Hubby: Where? We could go back to see such and such or to so and so where the easter show is on and visit our old friends for a day, what do you think?
    Me: How about somewhere new like up by ...? Or...
    Hubby: Ok, that's a good idea (and he's already looking the place up for accommodation and seeing whether his air points will cover that). I'll find us somewhere to stay and arrange it all. What do you think of this place?
    Me: Ahh I don't know, looks ok...Is it in a good location?
    Hubby: Yeah it is and it's not too expensive like those ones on the beachfront, take a look, it's only 5 blocks away from those.
    Me: Mmm, you know I'm not really interested, just so long as you think it's good and the locations good for visiting attractions etc.
    Hubby: Ok, it's booked.
    Me: That was fast!
    Hubby: It doesn't take long to book online and the flights are booked also!
    Me: Ok, thanks hon.
    Hubby:... (Excidedly goes off to tell the kids that we are going away)...
    Last edited by Shay; 05-03-2012 at 07:10 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    Conversations between my husband & I providing for one anothers needs often go like these:

    Hubby: Should I go and arrange it?
    Me: Not yet.
    Hubby: When will I know if the right time or not?
    Me: I don't know, just not yet.
    Sometime later...
    Me: Ok now.

    Hubby: Will it all work out?
    Me: It has to, we'll work it out together won't we.
    Hubby: But how do I know it's the right thing to do - like for the family or the right time?
    Me: You don't really often just know for sure, you'll just see all the pieces coming together leading you in a direction or away from something, so just read the signs. And it will all work out, the kids will be fine with whatever we do as they have their own lives now with jobs, flats, boyfriends etc etc and we will always be there for them and they know that.
    Hubby: Yes that's a good idea I think the signs are .... and so long as we are in agreement I have learnt that it will all work.

    Hubby: Will it work out getting a new kitten with the older cat?
    Me: Of course, won't be easy at the start for our grumpy burmese but she'll get used to it and I'm really good with cats.
    Hubby: I just need you to keep reminding me of that.
    Me: It'll be alright hon.

    Me: My computer's acting like a retard can you fix it...I hate it when it's like this, stupid thing!
    Hubby: What's the problem?
    Me: It did this and that and then blah blah blah, It's stupid!
    Hubby: There you go all fixed. Next time that happens just....

    Me: I hate bills.
    Hubby: Don't worry you know that I take care of those things.
    Me:

    (On the phone)
    Me: I think we have a leaking pipe from where the builder had the new kitchen pipes join up to the existing and I think sewage is leaking from there onto the path. Who do I ring, the builder or plummer, I hate dealing with these problems.
    Hubby: Don't worry you know I will ring them for you and arrange someone to come out and fix it.
    Me: Cool, thans hon

    Hubby: Let's go on holiday.
    Me: Um..not yet...later maybe cause ....
    ....sometime much later...
    Me: Shall we go away this weekend? What do you think?
    Hubby: I could take a week off work. I'll see how many air points we have. We have enough to go to Singapore! Do you want to Singapore? And we'll visit Sentosa again as they were ...*something, something*... theme park?
    Me: Uh, let's do that another time eh? How about somewhere not too for away for just a few days? We could go on a bigger trip later in the year.
    Hubby: Where? We could go back to see such and such or to so and so who have the easter show on and we could visit our old friends for a day, what do you think?
    Me: How about somewhere new like up by ... ?
    Hubby: Ok...(and he's already looking the place up for accommodation and seeing whether his air points will cover that). I'll find us somewhere to stay and arrange it all. What do you think of this place?
    Me: Ahh I don't know, looks ok...Is it in a good location?
    Hubby: Yeah it is and it's not too expensive like those ones on the beachfront, take a look, it's only 5 blocks away from those.
    Me: Mmm, you know I'm not really interested, just so long as you think it's good and the locations good for visiting attractions etc.
    Hubby: Ok, it's booked.
    Me: That was fast!
    Hubby: It doesn't take long to book online and the flights are booked also!
    Me: Ok, thanks hon.
    Hubby:... (Excidedly goes off to tell the kids that we are going away)...
    What is your type, Shayley?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clumsy View Post
    What is your type, Shayley?
    My type is unfortunately still undefined.

    I test as Myers Briggs INFx and mostly test as Socionics INXx.
    A friend who teachers Myers Briggs as well as another system called Strengths Finders, types me as an INTP.
    I cannot rule out that I am in fact a quiet extroverted type.
    Nor can I rule out that I am not a somewhat decent user of Si as I do mum stuff cause I'm a mum and have to and I keep a fairly clean environment.
    Some IEE descriptions fit quite well.
    Mostly I think that I am NF.

    ....Sorry for the lack of clarification as to my type....
    Last edited by Shay; 05-14-2012 at 06:28 AM.

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    Just from the description it sounded like what I imagine EII/LSE duality to be like, Shayley.

    I really wish my LSE father had someone like you to balance him out...

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    Thanks Lemontrees.

    Yeah, I am pretty sure that we are duals and LSE is a type that I think could fit my husband, though for years I thought him to be an SeFi user and that's still highly fitting.
    Last edited by Shay; 05-16-2012 at 05:31 PM.

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    Sauron, The Great Enemy ArchonAlarion's Avatar
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    Mm yeah that did seem like Delta rational interaction. A lot.
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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Check out this thread
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...l=1#post815311

    I give him ideas.

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    Decadent Charlatan Aquagraph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchonAlarion View Post
    Mm yeah that did seem like Delta rational interaction. A lot.
    I would find this very offensive. Like saying you're the bore of bores.
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

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    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    1. What is your type?
    LSE
    2. What are some concrete, real examples (quotes) of things that you might say to comfort your dual and give them what they need (Te, Fi, Fe, Se, Si, Ni, Ne, or Ti)?
    I offer the concrete and the real. The obvious. "You feel bad? Why? Because you lost your dog? Well, if you're sure you want that thing, go find it."
    3. What solutions would you try to implement/offer them?
    Anything practical (or possibly helpful though outlandish). I would list options for them to choose from. "You want to find your dog? Run all over the neighborhood yelling its name. Or put up posters. Or buy an ad in the paper. Or check the animal shelter. Or hire a private detective. Or..."
    4. What are questions you might ask to learn more about what is bothering your dual?
    How, Who, What, Where, Why. That's pretty much all the information I need.
    5. What do you look for/need in a response from your dual? In what ways might they help you?
    Deal with the Ni so I can get on with my life. And don't be offended when I lack Fi.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchonAlarion View Post
    Mm yeah that did seem like Delta rational interaction. A lot.
    Was it really that boring, lol!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    I would find this very offensive. Like saying you're the bore of bores.
    It's not offensive to me, it just made me laugh.



    We are actually quite a hard working pair each in our own way, who have endured trying circumstances and possess a readiness to act, take risks, delve into changes with enthusiasm and need/like forward progress/momentum.
    We are at times unpredictable and surprise family and friends with some of our decisions.
    Last edited by Shay; 05-16-2012 at 01:06 AM.

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    Te polrs: (infps/isfps)

    Te polrs are essentially afraid of physical objects in motion. They are afraid of the "real world", since it moves constantly, and they get lost in media- which is essentially physically static, even though it is emotionally moving. The way to help them with this fear would be covering up for their weakness in some way. The only way to build proper trust with anybody is to ensure them that you will protect their weak points from predators. I think this is true of any type, but more so for the Te polr since our fears tend to feel grand and 'objective'. I guess you would slightly encourage them to take more physical risks or something. Don't bully them that THEY SHOULD BE TOUGHER, just do it your fucking self and pick up the slack and you will have a best friend for life.

    Ni polrs (esfj/estjs)

    Ni polrs are afraid to truly look at themselves. They have a codependency with everybody's life but their own. Any introversion is difficult for them. With ESFj its about going out doing favors for everybody being 'The Good Host' and with estjs its being a professional workaholic. Somebody with no interesting inner life, just somebody that spends all their time in a professional sphere. I would think the way to help them would be to get them to lighten up about their own natural human foibles that can't ever be cured, only laughed at. Their duals tend to be good at this but I think another type could do it if they apply grace and humility.

    Si polrs (ENFj/ENTj)

    The Si polr lives life with an inner tension. Conflict motivates them where in most other types it annoys and frustrates them. Yet they are uncomfortable with themselves, and tend to lash out this discomfort onto others. I mean look at Chris Crocker an obvious beta NF sociopathically and narcissistically ranting at you like a coked up drag queen. I can calm down the ENFj a lot better than the ENTj of course, what I do with an ENFj I think is I just be myself and that calms them down naturally or something. Both of these types want to Troll the Universe because they themselves feel upset. They need gentle guidance that they do not need to do this in order to be a successful person.

    Fi polrs (ENTp/ESTp)

    Fi polr isn't being unempathetic or afraid of being loved or any of that nonsense. What Fi boils down to is an uncertainty of where your personal preferences lie. Fi polrs tend to make everybody else happy but themselves, as they are unsure of what they really want in life. We all met the ENTp student in college who is really nice and affable but just sort of durrs about in life, talking about a bunch of misty topics and ideals but has a hard time straightening out his own life with his own hopes and dreams and fears. The INFp and ISFp help the Fi polr beautifully by showing them the joy of finding their own identities.

    I AM NARCISSISTICIALLY BRILLIANT AND MORE INTELLIGENT/SEXY THAN OSCAR WILDE AND ROCK HUDSON COMBINED. I WILL DO THE NEXT FOUR TYPES AND HOW TO HELP THEM. I HAVE TO SPLIT UP MY POSTS SO THEY DON'T GIVE EVERYBODY A HEADACHE.

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    hmm maybe later the other polrs are harder for me so somebody else can tackle them? =p

  15. #15
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    I tend too not like the pre-packaged interpretations many people have here about the types, functions, and models (which is why I refrain from posting my thoughts on socionics) but in my opinion this is how things work

    Thinking types are prized by others for their ability to remain calm and focused, think of a surgeon, they are cold - emotionless - sterile, but at the same time they aren't sociopaths. People actually find it comforting, they don't want someone being hyper emotionally and bouncing around everywhere while they are bleeding to death and someone is trying to mend their wounds. It's a sort of calm in that cold focused mental energy. I could see a lot of people associating this falsely to "Ni" but I really think this kind of calm sterile manner is the prize of thinking types. I think of course the price they pay and people in general pay for this though is that it cuts them off from their own feelings, this sterility, and they lapse into emotional confusion and hyper-analysis. The basis for the chemistry between thinking and feeling types I think in my honest opinion is the thinker can kind of calm down the drama of the feeler and open them up to objectively seeing things, which the feeler finds a sense of peace in. The feeler in exchange can help unfreeze the cold demeanor of the thinker from their mental stasis and allow them to be more open to their natural emotions and accept them for what they are without hyper analysis which the thinker finds a sense of peace in.

    Yes its fucking dichotomies but essentially this is at work with the functions in duality (Fe-Ti and Fi-Te).

    Also allow me to say I think compatibility is a thousand times more complex than augusta and her theory can fully characterize... duality in my opinion isn't some divine command on how to find a compatible partner, duality is (in my view) a first slice attempt at psychologists developing a systematic manner to characterize compatibility in relationships. I think it's very solid in it's logical structure, something simplistic and elegant like F=ma in physics, something that has its use in certain circumstances... but in my opinion it is in no way the grand comprehensive theory and in many circumstances if one digs deep enough they can find contradictions -- let alone the problems with being able to accurate measure the characteristics duality is based on. For this reason certain things I stray away from when analyzing duality -- such as using it as a tool, some kind of metal detector to find a good relationship. The outlook and method I prefer is to observe reality and then to adjust one's thinking around these observations. THIS IS HOW SCIENCE IS DONE, and if I here another person saying "YOU THINK YOU KNOW MORE THAN EVERYONE" OR "SCIENCE ISNT ALL THERE IS TO LIFE" OR "MARITSA IS THE ONLY DUMB ONE ON THIS FORUM" OR ETC ETC ETC... my response is simple -- FUCK YOU.

  16. #16
    Creepy-male

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    And for real world examples, I do get this in real life from time to time.... some people have told me before they like being around me because I am very calm and I don't freak out, they also ask me for advice or perspective because I can be objective. At the same time people get annoyed at me for being dispassionate and hyper-analytical. If it weren't for this I probably wouldn't type myself as logical.

    At the same time it's easy to see my own feeling side within me... I think looking at logical/feeling in an absolutist manner is dumb... its very obvious to see both aspects at work within myself, looking at myself from within. However I tend to give the greater weight to my mind, unless I'm emotionally pushed hard enough.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HaveLucidDreamz View Post
    And for real world examples, I do get this in real life from time to time.... some people have told me before they like being around me because I am very calm and I don't freak out, they also ask me for advice or perspective because I can be objective. At the same time people get annoyed at me for being dispassionate and hyper-analytical. If it weren't for this I probably wouldn't type myself as logical.

    At the same time it's easy to see my own feeling side within me... I think looking at logical/feeling in an absolutist manner is dumb... its very obvious to see both aspects at work within myself, looking at myself from within. However I tend to give the greater weight to my mind, unless I'm emotionally pushed hard enough.
    It's funny but I think I oscillate between being calm/dispassionate and anxious/emotional. My natural tendency is to analyze and rationalize things, but when this fails, I gradually plunge into impatience and emotional (or mental) hysteria. Sometimes I calm people down and help them see/approach things rationally, but other times I need similar assistance myself. Especially when I'm going through emotional stress or complex social or ethical situations.

    Hence, I will conclude that whatever my type is, I'm not a logical (nor ethical for that matter) subtype. Or if we put subtypes aside, I am discarding rational types.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

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  18. #18
    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    It's funny but I think I oscillate between being calm/dispassionate and anxious/emotional. My natural tendency is to analyze and rationalize things, but when this fails, I gradually plunge into impatience and emotional (or mental) hysteria. Sometimes I calm people down and help them see/approach things rationally, but other times I need similar assistance myself. Especially when I'm going through emotional stress or complex social or ethical situations.

    Hence, I will conclude that whatever my type is, I'm not a logical (nor ethical for that matter) subtype. Or if we put subtypes aside, I am discarding rational types.
    Interesting I kind of relate as well but my perspective is different. I realize my ability to have sudden violatile shifts in emotional state -- say an immediate shift to rage, or an immediate shift to sadness, or an immediate shift to fear and sometimes a combination of these. I don't however associate that to feeling as I think feeling and thinking in the context of typology is more about a general tendency and how you perceive the world around you. A logical type will be ruled by their head, their nervous system, trying to maintain a consistent stasis in their nerves. A feeling type will be ruled by their hearts, their more biological ticks, their heart beat, their emotions and endocrine system. A logical type will thus works through reality in their head to alleviate nervous energy and align their thoughts to a consistent mental will. A feeling type will work through reality in their emotions to alleviate emotional stress and align their feeling to a consistent state of well being. They are two different processes at work and that work together. It's not unreasonable to think people vary in terms of the how strong they are at each process.

    Anyways returning to the main point -- I look at the rising of a particular emotional state in myself as a sort of lapse of my ability to control my feelings with logic. I become angry not because I understand reality primarily through highly developed processes that deal with working through anger, but because something gets under my skin enough to break my sense of mental calm. I become sad not because I understand reality primarily through the exploration of my melancholy, but because something produces too much sorrow too quickly for me to mentally process, and likewise with fear.

    This is precisely the value of feelers in my opinion to a thinker -- the feeler will acknowledge the emotional states within the thinker and allow them to express these and attempt to help them process it through their connection. Over time people find themselves developing more confidence with dealing with these emotional states and they grow stronger in terms of processing negative emotions. This ability to better understand the world emotionally allows their emotional system to reach a state of contentness and thus mental nervous energy and effort is alleviated as it is no longer required to maintain control willfully over one's emotions. This mental nervous energy can now be expended in the interaction, thus benefiting the other party. A psychological symbiosis.... it's a truely beautiful thing..... when you try to observe it and imagine how it must have sprung from the base desires of animals.

    Then we have little tetris shapes and rheoretic like "I NEED SOME FE LOL, DUAL GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR FE LOL" and whimsical faggotry filled posts about people on their quest to find their counterpart.... yes the quest for the holy grail and the 80 year old eastern block russian scientist is like merlin or the lady of the lake, and your base function is excaliber, and so forth .... just go out and interact with people, instead of filling science with all your emotional bs. Write a topic in anything goes... you don't need socionics to rant about some asshole you don't like --- ohh but he was my conflictor..... yes the grand theory, the academic ivory tower of desperate single people and frustrated individuals.

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