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Thread: EII men approaching women romantically -- how do you go about it?

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    Anna1921's Avatar
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    Default EII men approaching women romantically -- how do you go about it?

    Or DO you?

    It seems to me EII men are sometimes quite shy -- too shy for their own good -- in approaching women they like. One I know harbors long-time crushes without ever acting at all. Perhaps he is waiting for the woman to do so, but it is against cultural norms and I feel the women are waiting for him. Se-PoLR at work, perhaps. Ruining potential relationships, one shy guy at a time

    So, my question is how EII men here go about starting relationships with the women they find intriguing. Do you start with friendship, or what? And who initiates/asks the other to hang out first -- the EII guy or the prospective love interest?

    And, hell, I may as well ask what piques your interest in the first place while we're here.

    So, please, do tell

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    I'm an IEE and I have to say that I am very good at talking to the opposite sex. I know how to have conversations with them, bring up casual topics, be in tune with their own emotions and give the proper praise, advice, friendly honesty, etc. If I'm not as good as I can be, then I will keep improving because I value having good connections with people that appeal to me and so should you.

    What I DO struggle with is just what you suggest, @Anna1921 which is starting a relationship or making that formal leap where you ask for formal contact information from the other person. I have a profound fear of rejection which I don't like to reveal, but is there nonetheless and showing a person that I am serious about taking a relationship further could possibly scare a that person away.

    What I would suggest to Delta NFs is building confidence by reminding yourselves of what you have accomplished in your life and be proud of those. Always think of something to say to a person that you know when you make eye contact with them. Take pride in being an interesting and off-beat person because that's how you get people interested in you.

    When a relationship happens, it happens. It's never forced. The only "force" I think a Delta NF should take is making something happen when enough interest is given. If you're lucky, though, you may not need to take any initiative at all!

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    I would think that EII men would joke around and usually what happens is that Se types, being highly sensory aware of what's going on around them, pick up on the EII's talking and they initiate the relationships. Sensory types aren't shy about taking or asking for what they want. I think that the reserved EII may find it hard to just say thing beyond "I like you" and "I want to be with you." They hope that the person picks these up and, being extraverts, leads to that direction; both male and female versions of my type absolutely love being in a relationship. It's hard for my type to not be fully comfortable without this.

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    Actually my EII friend has told me all about his relationship history. We like talking about that sort of thing when we get drunk. Anyway he has never once in his entire life approached a girl. Not once. Every single relationship he's been in (like 5ish?) has been a result of the girl approaching him. He just doesn't feel secure enough in other's attraction to him (initially) to be that forward. He describes himself as completely clueless about how others feel about him.

    I don't think he's as clueless as he thinks he is, but still, it illustrates his self-perspective.
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    Looks like I'm still the only male EII around here lol. I'd imagine in general that it's more comfortable for the woman to be approaching the EII hombre, or at least showing some sign that they are interested, and I mean OBVIOUSLY interested. The usefulness of my opinion in this topic is questionable though, but I'm a guy and EII, so what the hell. Also I don't know what the big deal is that a woman approaches the man first, who cares.

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    Lol, I know an LSE girl who's interested in this EII guy. The EII guy developed a crush on her first, but they quickly developed a flirty banter. He would keep suggesting things that they could do together ("I would feel so happy if we....") but never followed up on it. I guess he was hoping she'd take charge? But she got annoyed and kept wanting him to make a move.

    Finally, they went on a date, but three days later at a group hangout he wouldn't acknowledge in public that they had anything going on. Me and my other EII friend felt that it was because he didn't actually know where he stood with her yet or what she wanted, so he didn't want to be presumptuous by acting extra close in that setting. But the LSE girl was really upset and left the bar early without telling anyone, crying the whole way home.

    #dualproblems...

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    Lol, I know an LSE girl who's interested in this EII guy. The EII guy developed a crush on her first, but they quickly developed a flirty banter. He would keep suggesting things that they could do together ("I would feel so happy if we....") but never followed up on it. I guess he was hoping she'd take charge? But she got annoyed and kept wanting him to make a move.

    Finally, they went on a date, but three days later at a group hangout he wouldn't acknowledge in public that they had anything going on. Me and my other EII friend felt that it was because he didn't actually know where he stood with her yet or what she wanted, so he didn't want to be presumptuous by acting extra close in that setting. But the LSE girl was really upset and left the bar early without telling anyone, crying the whole way home.

    #dualproblems...
    Poor guy. (;_; )
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    Lol, I know an LSE girl who's interested in this EII guy. The EII guy developed a crush on her first, but they quickly developed a flirty banter. He would keep suggesting things that they could do together ("I would feel so happy if we....") but never followed up on it. I guess he was hoping she'd take charge? But she got annoyed and kept wanting him to make a move.

    Finally, they went on a date, but three days later at a group hangout he wouldn't acknowledge in public that they had anything going on. Me and my other EII friend felt that it was because he didn't actually know where he stood with her yet or what she wanted, so he didn't want to be presumptuous by acting extra close in that setting. But the LSE girl was really upset and left the bar early without telling anyone, crying the whole way home.

    #dualproblems...
    god that sounds horrible + just like how LSE - EII duality plays out (ime) lol.

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    Actually, it reminds me of my friendship with a young woman up here at college (very, very industrious person, may be a Caregiver). We met in Intro to Creative Writing, where we were probably the two most vocal people in the class. We hit it off, and we'd walk back to our dorms together (they were right across the street from each other). I would hold back some as to not overstep my bounds (the fear of presumption that lemontrees mentioned) but her actions were pretty reassuring in that sense.

    More recently, I've expressed a want in-person to hang out at a few different times, and I hadn't heard back from her (she was supposed to contact me via Facebook), so I began to suspect that maybe she didn't like me anymore. >.> This last time we spoke, she mentioned that she kept forgetting to get back with me. But we finally got something squared away! We're going to lunch today.

    So yeah, we have this problem even when we aren't attracted to the target.
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

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    Something about going for an innocent cup of coffee and waiting the other participant to show affection in little things?
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    In seventh grade, I had a crush on an EII. I casually informed him of this and he told me he had feelings for me, too. I'm pretty sure his were stronger, but I did make the first move.

    When I was in high school, I got the impression that an EII liked me. He would often come across the library to sit and talk with me. But I wasn't interested, so neither of us did anything.

    Another time, an EII got frustrated that he was giving me so much time and I didn't seem interested. I was rather confused at his reaction since I had assumed everything was platonic.



    To the EII guys out there: Yes, we want you to make the first move. But it could be something as simple as, "Want to go get something to eat?" Once the initial step is taken, you can suggest to the LSE that they come up with something. Now that tradition has been taken care of, they will probably be happy to oblige.

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    Default EII men approaching women romantically -- how do you go about it?

    Hi friends,
    Everybody how are you? I'm new here...

    Also, know about how to approach women........

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    "For me, a woman who is absorbed in her work, who does not care about gaining one’s favour, strong yet subtle at the same time, is essentially more seductive. The more she hides and abandons her femininity, the more it emerges from the very heart of her existence."
    — Yohji Yamamoto


    Could this be how male EIIs view female LSEs?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anna1921 View Post
    Or DO you?
    noidon't

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    rarely happens that way

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    Mermaid with Stellar views SyrupDeGem's Avatar
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    From the article

    "As you see, women are fickle by nature-they ask for many things not because they want them; rather, they just don’t know what they actually want"

    Rocking the PUA i see... nice.

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

    When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.

    So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.

    InvisibruJim

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    "As you see, women are fickle by nature-they ask for many things; because their possession of items, ideas and ability to get others to do things for them sets their place in feminine hierarchy."

    Better Helen?

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    Alpha love? Okay, game over.

    I'm not EII, but I don't have that much of pain/problems with initiating/approaching something/somebody but I have to be interested/comfortable in the first place. Those requirements not met, well, I'm not aware of its existence in the first place unless stated.

    So, EIIs, don't give up in your love journey.
    Last edited by Absurd; 11-25-2012 at 02:51 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    "As you see, women are fickle by nature-they ask for many things; because their possession of items, ideas and ability to get others to do things for them sets their place in feminine hierarchy."

    Better Helen?

    Hahaha aww, no. Let me attempt paraphrase (or completely new phrase)...


    "As you see, women are just as fickle by nature as men, this is because, (astoundingly!)...they too are human. The more we try to set female and male apart the larger the distance (between the two) in view becomes. Lets call for a new world order."


    How bout Dat?

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

    When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.

    So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.

    InvisibruJim

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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    Hahaha aww, no. Let me attempt paraphrase (or completely new phrase)...


    "As you see, women are just as fickle by nature as men, this is because, (astoundingly!)...they too are human. The more we try to set female and male apart the larger the distance (between the two) in view becomes. Lets call for a new world order."


    How bout Dat?
    But now we are all making excuses for our own sex and the other rather than focusing on what is right and what is wrong as well as the very real alternate potential behaviours between individuals!

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    Mermaid with Stellar views SyrupDeGem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    But now we are all making excuses for our own sex and the other rather than focusing on what is right and what is wrong as well as the very real alternate potential behaviours between individuals!
    Excuses? Right and wrong? what about a blameless what is and can be... without the negative

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

    When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.

    So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.

    InvisibruJim

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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    Excuses? Right and wrong? what about a blameless what is and can be... without the negative
    Just as there can be no good without evil there can be no 'can be' without opportunity cost and therefore right and wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Just as there can be no good without evil there can be no 'can be' without opportunity cost and therefore right and wrong.
    Boo Mr.Business Headed at all times, this might have been deduced from 'there was'. Future investments may be made with more heart and less mind.

    Don't open fire!

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

    When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.

    So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.

    InvisibruJim

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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    Boo Mr.Business Headed at all times, this might have been deduced from 'there was'. Future investments may be made with more heart and less mind.

    Don't open fire!
    Realism hurts. Unfortunately the human mind was shaped millions of years ago to have an acute sense of difference to assist in all manner of independent differentiation and to rank what is best in that differentiation. This is why language tends to be so overwhelmed by antonyms and why those with T tend to think of correct and incorrect and those with F tend to think of like and dislike.

    This is a true natural barrier to our capabilities. The only alternative; refusal.

    Let's party instead and become nonpartisan.
    Last edited by InvisibleJim; 11-25-2012 at 08:43 PM.

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    Ye, become social realists...

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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Realism hurts. Let's party instead and become nonpartisan.
    Noooo. I don't want to party. I want to dream and i want fairy tales dammit... they do exist, i know they do.

    *sings 'somewhere over the rainbow' *

    EDIit: Non partisan bit sounds pretty cool though.

    Double edit: You opened fire.

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

    When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.

    So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.

    InvisibruJim

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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    Double edit: You opened fire.


    Asked why he had been so unorthodox as to receive a cavalry charge in line instead of in a square. Sir Colin Campbell said; "I knew the 93rd, and I did not think it worth the trouble of forming a square."

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    Dream crusher!






    (It's alright, she wins in the end)

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

    When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.

    So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.

    InvisibruJim

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    Lol, I know an LSE girl who's interested in this EII guy. The EII guy developed a crush on her first, but they quickly developed a flirty banter. He would keep suggesting things that they could do together ("I would feel so happy if we....") but never followed up on it. I guess he was hoping she'd take charge? But she got annoyed and kept wanting him to make a move.

    Finally, they went on a date, but three days later at a group hangout he wouldn't acknowledge in public that they had anything going on. Me and my other EII friend felt that it was because he didn't actually know where he stood with her yet or what she wanted, so he didn't want to be presumptuous by acting extra close in that setting. But the LSE girl was really upset and left the bar early without telling anyone, crying the whole way home.

    #dualproblems...
    LOL, unfortunately I know the feeling...

    "You fucking disappoint me."

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    I'm a male EII and when I was younger I was very shy with girls. Now I let them know when I'm interested in an indirect way. I let everyone know I have a crush on the girl, I ask her out on a proper date. If I know she is interested in me, I will plan everything. I like making my move during a boring movie. But one thing is for sure, don't be shy about letting him know you're interested in him. Usually I want to be in a relationship even if I'm not sure if the girl is right for me.

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