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Thread: Eurovision 2012: ugh

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    Default Eurovision 2012: ugh

    It's that time of year again where dozens, nay, hundreds of European families gather around the television and listen to 25 consecutive crappy pop songs to decide which of them is the least crappy.

    Favorite songs, terrible songs, talk about 'em.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
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    Part 1 of my reviews, crossposted from elsewhere

     
    ALBANIA - Ew foreign language. She's a really good singer, like a less annoying Bjork; wonder if she can pull it off live. The song as a whole is pretty, clearly a vocal showcase more than a composition for composition's sake. It'll only do well if she doesn't fuck up her vocals.

    AUSTRIA - First second, I'm already turned off. There's a lot of great possibility for misheard English lyrics (Noodle-soupin'; get your fucking meat and poo-poo), but it's just not interesting or engaging. Couldn't listen the whole way through, screw it.

    BELGIUM - The song was playing for the first minute or so and I never even noticed. Generic slow-jam ballad, nothing's happening for me.

    CYPRUS - '90s Eurocheese in this decade? Sounds oddly familiar somehow, maybe it's the timbre of her voice or the melody or the everything else. My money's on the everything else. The string elements are kinda cool, plus the unexpected drum breakdown, but overall I'm underwhelmed. The slight elements to distinguish from any other song in this genre aren't really enough to pull it past okay-ish. At least I was able to listen to the whole thing, give it points for that.

    DENMARK - SAD GIRLS SINGING ABOUT BEING SAD. The drums feels very distant in space. The metallophone/bell sounding element is really nice. JUST LISTEN TO HOW SAD SHE IS. The production/mix overall is pretty clean. Generic pop seems to have a place in eurovision, and this track is pretty unoffensive to my senses, so w/e.

    FINLAND - Ew foreign language. I feel like in Eurovision the winning song has to catch your attention right off the bat, and where Finland falters is that they don't catch my attention at all. It's a pretty innocuous track, too laid back for such a hook-oriented competition. Didn't listen to the whole thing, probably lost nothing in doing so.

    GREECE - Greece loves to make their submissions sound like Greece with their instrument choices (I don't know what they're called, so sue me). I've heard this reggaeton-esque beat a lot from Greece in the past, so it makes it that much easier to shrug it off. Also didn't listen to it all.

    HUNGARY - Maybe I'm just in a better mood than last night, but this is pretty nice. It's nice to see wub-wubs and other rapid synthery used subtlely enough in a pop song to make them actually work, plus the rest of the instrumentation accompanies it nicely. I'm not paying attention to the lyrics, they don't matter anyways. It's like Azerbaijan from last year in that it's clean and inoffensive production-wise; the only real difference is that I'm not bored shitless. Not bored at all, actually. Well done Compact Disco, so far this is my top pick for winning.

    ICELAND - Well it certainly catches my attention quick. Really interesting arrangement, use of orchestral instruments. The driving elements could use some work though, I'm expecting an intense, driving punch in the drums and guitar, but they aren't delivering. It's a shame too, that touch would give the track such cohesion in its overall energy. I can only assume this won't be performed totally live (they never do), but if they did I hope they amp it up a lot more. If they do, this would be a good contendor for the top prize.

    IRELAND - Fucking Jedward again? Ireland must have no talented musicians or songwriters to exploit. Once they're mixed properly and are given a healthy dose of autotune the track may be a lot more palatable. Otherwise it's just like mediocre karaoke, and the instrumental production elements are so flavorless that they don't even help.

    ISRAEL - Oh god this is so cheesy. It's like just barely bad enough so that it's still bearable and gives it an added kitch factor; kinda like the "so bad it's good" principle. As much as I'd love to laugh at this, I have to stop it.

    LATVIA - Beautiful Song, eh? Way to color my judgment with skepticism. I made the painful mistake of listening to the lyrics, and I'm nearly disgusted at what I'm hearing. "Let me win, I'll make your continent very happy." Stop stopstopstopstopstopsto psto stpostopstpotsopstpotsop st.

    MOLDOVA - Cool groove. I know a lot of entries like to juxtapose things like brass bands or accordions into dance tracks, but this one actually pulls it off fairly well. It helps when everything you're using is in pitch and on time. The instrumental breakdown is super well done, I'm glad they used real instruments. This should rank very high.

    MONTENEGRO - See Israel, times ten. How can you expect us to take your song seriously with that Retro Synths patch and barely-trying attempt at rap. And THAT VIOLIN IS SO OUT OF TUNE. RUNNING IT THROUGH A RESONATOR DOES NOT HELP. Made it 1:46 before I had to call it quits.

    ROMANIA - Suddenly bagpipe marching band euro house POLKA AAAAAAA. Once you get past the haphazard mish-mash of genres that have no business being together it has a bizarre sort of charm to it. I'd keep my eye on it, briefly, very briefly.

    RUSSIA - Terrible singers :| The intro is so jumbled together that I can't follow when it runs into the generic dance beat. It may have actually been a good song if they managed to find good singers. I have to see the video OH COME ON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. This is like Portugal last year, how it managed to get voted into the competition with such an untalented bunch of people driving the boat is a mystery I will never understand. Let it die peacefully.

    SAN MARINO - INTERNEEEEEEEEET. Boring underproduced gimmick song, not much more to say. stopped at 1:24.

    SWITZERLAND - Inspirational songs that have no content in front of them completely defeat the purpose. It's like they want to appeal to 'somebody' but don't understand the specifics of their audience, so it just rings hollow. The production and mix job bores me, 1:08 and I'm already done.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    And part 2

     
    BELARUS - buhhhh. I feel like there's something I want to say that's bad about it, but my mind is blank. I guess that means a lot, doesn't stick with me. It has the same criticism I gave to Iceland, the elements that should punch through are too deep in the background for my attention to be caught. Aside from that, it's just mediocre dance-rock-pop that I hear on the radio too often. I kinda estimate it'll make it past the semi-finals, but I'm bound to forget about it in a few minutes anyway.

    BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA - When was the last time a ballad like this came anywhere close to winning? I really don't have much to say, there isn't much of anything going on. The vocal is pretty, the instrumentation is pretty, but it all adds up to nothing more than that. It's at least easy to listen to, although I don't expect that to give it any more points.

    BULGARIA - The title has me expecting more Eurocheese, but instead they one-up me with Dance House. The overall groove is easy to get into, gotta dig that swung synth rhythm. She's not a bad singer either, doesn't seem too consistently on though (unless she's trying to trick us with quarter-tones). I expect it to get to the finals, but probably not a win. It still has a good place on da club flo', so I wouldn't mind listening to it again.

    CROATIA - I find that I have to be patient with these slow ballads, and that's not really an element I want to hear in Eurovision. Like I said before, it has to catch my attention in some form or another (positively) right off the bat. This song has the same problems I have with Bosnia/Herzegovina, kinda pretty but overall unengaging.

    ESTONIA - SLOW BALLAD PARADE. I'm glad this one picks up in the middle though, the dramaticism works very well. Kinda reminds me of France last year with that build. I've always been a sucker for songs in keys with lots of sharps and flats, and given the build of tension throughout the song I'm eventually drawn in very tight. I'd like to see how this goes; could be a dark horse in the competition.

    FYR MACEDONIA - The cheap production value has me turning my brain off pretty quick; maybe that's just a function of it being played live. Once again, the instruments that should be driving the track forward (drums and guitar) are in the background. It's kind of a shame too, because the biggest problem here is the mixing job, and only a small part of the blame lies on the composer. Maybe the produced version sounds better, I dunno, but I don't want to bother finding it.

    GEORGIA - Oh man. This is something else. I have issues with this mix job too, particularly with the percussive elements, but it's so FUNKAY. Everything works so well in terms of groove. I have no particularly strong complaints aside from everything sounding so dry production-wise. Maybe if they have the balls to perform it live they could pull it off. Looking forward to seeing how this does.

    LITHUANIA - Stop teasing me with gated synths and gimme the drop D: It's got a good funkiness to it like Georgia, but it's somehow more accessible in some way. This is probably due to it simply being a generic four-on-the-floor house beat without much rhythmic variation. He's at least a better singer than the Georgian, but I'd still put I'm A Joker ahead of whatever this is called.

    MALTA - Despite the production value being higher, I'm not totally digging it. Like many Eurovision songs, it sounds like it was written to be "the winning Eurovision song" and not "the best song of the bunch." Uninspired harmonic progressions and subject matter, not even glitch stutters and bitcrushed wobbles can polish this turd.

    NETHERLANDS - Well this certainly is a nice reprieve from the hoardes Generidance. A sneak peek at the video makes me WHY INDIANS THIS MAKES NO nevermind. Cool song, I could put this on a loop for a long while. It has a great organic sense to it that's missing from nearly every other song I've heard on here. I don't really like when it breaks into the final four-on-the-floor pseudo-danceable beat, it detracts from the live performance aspect the song already had going for it. Even so, it's the only song so far that I've listened to more than once. Definitely one of my favorites.

    NORWAY - Coming out of Netherlands' track, this is kind of abrasive right now. Benny Benassi
    Electro-Dance with a much stronger pop progression. A lot of submissions have started to take up the bitcrushed wobbles, and it's starting to get a bit cliche to my ears. At least it sounds full and properly mastered/produced. Finals for sure, although I didn't listen to the whole thing.

    PORTUGAL - At least they made up for last year (seriously, the fuck is wrong with you people?). The tango elements certainly have it stand apart from others, all for the better. It still suffers from balladism though, it doesn't really do much to grab my ears immediately. I'm sure that if whoever is behind the wheels at the mixing console is capable of filling in the harmonic content for radio play.

    SERBIA - Serbian is such a pretty language, one of the most aurally pleasing in the world to my ears. Despite it being more ballad-fodder, the intro isn't totally boring to me. It keeps enough of the ethnic-sounding elements to keep it sounding fresh throughout. Like Estonia, it progresses into the higher tension parts very well. Still doesn't blow me away though. Also Serbia got robbed last year. Just throwing that out there.

    SLOVAKIA - FINALLY something slams it heavy and hard. If this doesn't catch your attention in the first second you're weird. Totally engaging, clean production, and it's fucking SLAMMING. Not a lot I can say about this, has to be in the top 5 at least. If it's not, I will hate Europe forever.

    SLOVENIA - She sounds like she's in such feigned emotional pain. Unengaging from the start, ballad ballad ballad ballad ballad ballad all the way through. Two minute mark, not interested.

    SWEDEN - Cool production elements at the start. One of the better Generidance tracks so far this year. I feel so oversaturated in the genre right now, there's just so much of it in this damn competition that it all sort of blends together. Perhaps the Finals, perhaps perhaps top 10, but I'll have to listen to it again to remember what it actually sounds like.

    TURKEY - Every time I search for Eurovision 2012 on Youtube, Turkey is the first one to pop up. Not totally sure why. Sure the klezmer-like instrumentation is an interesting production choice, but aside from that it's not that much. The guy isn't a stellar singer either. Yeah, this has no reason to be as popular as it seems to be.

    UKRAINE - It's getting hard to come up with distinctive criticisms for each Generidance song. This chick has giant lips. This song isn't interesting, worst wub-wub usage of any song so far.

    Finalists:
    AZERBAIJAN - I have no idea how they won last year, but I'm sure they won't again this year. Generiballad out the ass, although she isn't as boring a singer as some.

    FRANCE - Generidance #55. I seriously don't know what else to say anymore at this point. Fuck it.

    GERMANY - Boring American pop music in Germany? I'll pass.

    ITALY - ew foreign language. Cool vibe, I feel like there aren't a lot of triplet-based songs in this competition. The brass and faux-retro feel makes me think Amy Winehouse, who I never really cared for in the first place but at least at least it's distinctive. It has a good progression of energy, keeps my interest going. Should do well, although it's already in the finals so it's not like it has to try.

    SPAIN - Generiballad #624, Spanish version. araeaeraehgraghadgiaiagicbipovkpn

    UNITED KINGDOM - For being the song that beat out Adele, it certainly isn't, uh ... Adele. How could her worldwide fanbase not let her get through? Humperdinck is a boring singer who sings about boring things in a boring way. At least I'm done with this list, now let me listen to Caroban on an infinite loop.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    This thread kinda sucks in a cool way. I like how you just needed to vent.

    Where are you from?
    If from Europe, do the local gay people belong to the target audience like they do here in Finland?
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    If from Europe, do the local gay people belong to the target audience like they do here in Finland?
    I have never noticed anything gay about the eurovision song contest......

    „Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.“
    – Arthur Schopenhauer

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    These guys might have been the best thing that ever happened to Eurovision. Then Lordi turned into a thing in Finland. But it's funny that they still probably hold the point record.
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    It's that time of year again where dozens, nay, hundreds of European families gather around the television and listen to 25 consecutive crappy pop songs to decide which of them is the least crappy.

    Favorite songs, terrible songs, talk about 'em.
    Eurovision binds the people of europe in a way that no treaty can. Eurovision holds back the tides of political extremism. Eurovision is the basis of a number of first rate drinking games. Eurovision allows us to laugh at foreign people, and to laugh at ourselves, free from the shadow of xenophobia. Eurovision will march through the streets of europe as people rejoice under it's all encompassing banner. In the future all music will be eurovision. A single europe united under a musically pure annual competion, freed from the filth of degenerate prog rock and impure electronica. Eurovision will crush the degenerate prog rock and impure electronica under the heels of it's camp day glow green ugg boots.

    Abba is good, are they in it?
    IEE-Ne

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    This thread kinda sucks in a cool way. I like how you just needed to vent.
    It's not all about me, I'm leaving it open to everybody for all Eurovision-related posting purposes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Where are you from?
    If from Europe, do the local gay people belong to the target audience like they do here in Finland?
    I'm across the pond. I have no stake in this competition other than a love for "music."
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anglas View Post
    THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE VOTED FOR THIS I CANNOT FATHOM HOW THIS HAPPENED
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    Quote Originally Posted by somavision View Post
    Eurovision binds the people of europe in a way that no treaty can. Eurovision holds back the tides of political extremism. Eurovision is the basis of a number of first rate drinking games. Eurovision allows us to laugh at foreign people, and to laugh at ourselves, free from the shadow of xenophobia. Eurovision will march through the streets of europe as people rejoice under it's all encompassing banner. In the future all music will be eurovision. A single europe united under a musically pure annual competion, freed from the filth of degenerate prog rock and impure electronica. Eurovision will crush the degenerate prog rock and impure electronica under the heels of it's camp day glow green ugg boots.

    Abba is good, are they in it?
    This post makes me so happy.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    shit, autotune is amazing.

    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    This post makes me so happy.
    I'm glad.
    IEE-Ne

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE VOTED FOR THIS I CANNOT FATHOM HOW THIS HAPPENED
    They are freaking adorable! <3
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Eurovision is euro shit fest. The worst of the worst euro pop. With certain exceptions.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    It seems like its kindof like American Idol, about 10% for the music and 90% for the laughs
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I went through the list...and I liked nothing. Last year was better.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Eurovision is euro shit fest. The worst of the worst euro pop. With certain exceptions.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    Last years opening in Germany was fantastic when they took Lenas (ESE) winning song from last year and made a new version of it.

    The way they present it and everything. Really great, lots of surprises.


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    Semifinals 1 went down last night:

    Iceland
    Greece (ffffffff)
    Albania
    Romania
    Cyprus
    Denmark
    Russia (whaaa)
    Hungary (!!!)
    Moldova (!!)
    Ireland
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    To bad Conchita shaves her armpits....
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    The "music" is certainly tedious as hell...it is mostly the voting that makes it interesting (including the odd bunch of people who give the votes), but in recent years, the speeded-up way of dishing out the votes means it has lost some of its appeal to me.

    Will be interesting of course to see how Russia and the Ukraine do (the betting odds seem to somewhat close to what you might expect).

    The odds for the UK (from a cursory look) has it as 10 to 1, joint 4th favourite with the Ukraine, but as that is from a British bookmaker, those odds will suggest the UK's prospects are more favourable than they actually are. Being the last to perform will probably help.

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    it's supposed to be a song contest...i.e. voting for the lyrics of the song and nothing more essentially, it's amazing what a load of bullshit the whole thing is. There's only three songs out of 26 registers as not being in English: the Montenegrin one, the Italian one, and the French one (the French nearly always sing in French)...and even for that one, according to a wiki footnote, it has a sentence each in English and Spanish. The Swiss have four national languages and English is not one of them!

    No doubt 90-95% of the songs will sound like music that was crap and derivative in the 1990s as per usual!

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    this probably needs a new thread but jesus shit this song is so good

    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    Very fitting that the theme tune is from Te Deum.

    any song you think is good won't sound good in a year...maybe not even tomorrow. It's all been done before

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    Anglas's Avatar
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    I liked these


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    Trolololol

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Subteigh View Post
    any song you think is good won't sound good in a year...maybe not even tomorrow. It's all been done before
    I've had countless songs stick with me for years.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
    It's pretty cool

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    : oh ok...

    the only song I remember that (probably) still captivates me is the Sébastien Tellier one.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Oh you just meant eurovision music?

    I've liked very few songs I've ever heard from eurovision. Serbia circa 2011 was pretty damn good though.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
    It's pretty cool

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    Thanks @Galen;

    We actually send two of our better performers this year. Ilse de Lange especially is really good.

    I had the misfortune of being at my perants place when this was on, so I saw some things.

    Man.... the Fe is just sickening overwhelming. Also, the entire concept of eurovision seems very outdated to me. Like 90s music/clothes/humor.

    This is what happens when Alpha's and Beta's make out and make something that's just too much.

    The intermezzo's where pretty Ne inspired, and I laughed but the entire concept made me extremely uncomfortable. Meanwhile, my dad was humming those songs and drumming on his knees and I looked at the guy and though "68 is a pretty bad age to get out of the closet"......

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    @Galen:

    also, your dahl quote is one of my favorites of all time.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    Man.... the Fe is just sickening overwhelming. Also, the entire concept of eurovision seems very outdated to me. Like 90s music/clothes/humor.

    This is what happens when Alpha's and Beta's make out and make something that's just too much.
    I don't see what's particularly Fe about Eurovision? Sure it's colorful and over the top, but ... that's just television.

    Conchita Wurst, like every single drag queen who ever lived, is Fe ego though. I don't understand why drag is performed exclusively by strong Fe types.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
    It's pretty cool

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    Landlord of the Dog and Duck Subteigh's Avatar
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    Someone else had that Dahl quote in their sig on this forum, but I can't remember who

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    I don't see what's particularly Fe about Eurovision? Sure it's colorful and over the top, but ... that's just television.

    Conchita Wurst, like every single drag queen who ever lived, is Fe ego though. I don't understand why drag is performed exclusively by strong Fe types.

    hm, i'd probably use it as a prime example of Fe..

    The entire concept of the program is to "create common culture throughout europe" or "promote that in music we are one".

    There is a lot of over the top emotions, inclusiveness, the focus is on the emotions in the artists and audience rather than the quality of the music.

    The voting is done based on mass preferences...


    Not sure what television is in your culture, in holland sure, there's some programs like this, but most are more subdued. This is really over the top and sparkly compared to other forms of television.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    hm, i'd probably use it as a prime example of Fe..

    The entire concept of the program is to "create common culture throughout europe" or "promote that in music we are one".

    There is a lot of over the top emotions, inclusiveness, the focus is on the emotions in the artists and audience rather than the quality of the music.

    The voting is done based on mass preferences...
    Perhaps it's more XXFx + Social instinct then. I honestly don't care about watching the show itself, I'd rather hear the polished recordings and productions instead of how bad the singers actually are in one-take recording sessions.


    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    Not sure what television is in your culture, in holland sure, there's some programs like this, but most are more subdued. This is really over the top and sparkly compared to other forms of television.
    Well American TV certainly isn't all as flashy as Eurovision, but it certainly has its fair share massive productions; the Superbowl and Miss America pageants are the two that come to mind immediately.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
    It's pretty cool

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