In my watching of Stargate Atlantis, I’ve noticed that Rodney McKay’s character does this thing when he’s asked if he can do something where sometimes he can do it and other times he can’t and sometimes it is far too complicated and other times it isn’t and the other characters have had to become adept in translating his McKay-speak about what can and can’t be done. It isn’t that McKay is intentionally not giving straight answers (at least not most of the time anyway).
Anyway I can actually rather relate to this thing that he does in of course far less complex situations than those in sci-fi. This isn’t to say it’s exactly the same. It happens mostly at work though when I’m asked to do things. If I were to look at similar occurrences divided by months where in each I was asked to do similar things, each time I may have responded to it differently in terms of how much work it would be, if it would work and my level of willingness to do it. So it would lay out a rather inconsistent path.
Mainly whether or not something can be done, or whether or not I think I can do it seems to be a rather subjective matter for me. Because it’s not just if *it* can be done, but whether or not *I* can do it. Most everything in this context can be done one way or another (that isn’t the point). It’s mainly that I don’t seem to be set up right inside to do certain things at all times and so in my mind I perceive this vast expanse I have to go through in order to get it done (where the other side feels so far away). And I think I may complain about it (probably more often inside my head than outside of it) as though waiting for the feedback or response to finally get me in the right place inside again where the expanse appears shrunken to me, and it’s as simple as passing through a key hole. And I procrastinate waiting for the time that I feel wired to do it.
This isn’t really about how to do something btw. Once I’m in the right place, how doesn’t really matter as there are multiple ways to accomplish most things and once in the right mind it isn’t a problem. But before I’m in the right mind I may get caught between turning it around different ways in my mind in the never-ending quest for an arrangement that makes me feel like that expanse isn’t so vast—like I feel like doing it—like I feel I can start. It’s almost a matter of feeling that I can get to the end of the expanse vs. feeling like it’s just so impossible and I don’t know if I can get there. And these feelings aren’t based on something like how-to’s although sometimes actually they can be if I don’t actually know how to do something but then the right mind state is one that isn’t overwhelmed about figuring out the how-to’s and so it becomes the same thing.
Anyway the other characters on SG Atlantis have to go through these elaborate negotiations with McKay to get him to do something and it’s like pulling teeth in a way. And this is how I feel it is with me a lot, only with significantly less pay off. This also is why I prefer to wait until I feel like doing something because I’m looking for points where I can minimize the mess of it all and get in the right, focused mental state to make short work of something (and short work is a subjective feeling too). It's like feeling before that like I can’t wake up. And maybe that’s what this really is… I feel like I’m always asleep. Complaining out loud and then bouncing it off someone I think starts waking me up, especially when they keep telling me to do the same thing and won't get off it (and so my pulling teeth is using people). This is starting to sound like inattentive ADD...
This is probably pointless since I give no examples.