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Thread: Crying wolf, pain, Si

  1. #1
    he died with a felafel
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    Default Crying wolf, pain, Si

    zzzzz
    Last edited by felafel; 07-14-2012 at 02:55 AM.

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    Haikus
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    In my case I just want the Se/Ni valuer to cease their muzzle digging and let me deal with whatever health issue myself, as it's not their affair to make a big deal of. Though you might be talking about something entirely unique, this is how I perceive it at the other end.

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    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
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    Well, what you don't do is coddle them, in case they are seeking attention which will only feed their insecurities and not help the problem.

    If there is real cognitive dissonance going on, and they are really in pain or are suffering, I'd advise being strict with them and pushing them to get help. If it's not serious, just don't put up with it.


    I've noticed it in Delta and Alpha types, but not enough to say it's definitely type related.
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    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by felafel View Post
    well, that's just the thing ESC: i am not sure if it is a serious health concern or not. of course i'd never 'push' them about anything, but they look and act as in much pain that it hurts to even look at lol. i mean, i'd like to do sth about this.

    a case: an improtant si person in my life got sick once. i had a difficult time deciding that *that* time the person was indeed ill and i needed to seek medical help. which i did. but other similar scenarios had happened in the past (much too similar) so it was really that i decided i would take absolutely no risks just *in case* it was serious (and it was in fact extremly serious). but i had to decide *for* them, or rather, their wishes *notwithstanding*. sigh
    That's how I how see it. Type related or not, in this situation, you as a person have to stand up and take the role of a parent. You have to have your own intents and wishes and decisions, and do what's best in your opinion, disregarding what they want, when they are acting this way.

    If you care about their physical well-being that is.
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  5. #5
    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    First of all, unless you are their parent or care provider, it is not your responsibility to act as such.
    Secondly, if they are capable adults, it is not your responsibility to make decisions for them.

    If they complain, let them talk about it a couple of minutes, maybe ask a few questions aimed at helping them see if there,s a pattern/cause/solution to the pain, then change the subject to something else. They will have been heard, their pain was acknowledged, they learned something about their pain without being told what to do, and now it's time to move on to a relating topic. Otherwise, you're only relating with them based on their pain. This is one sided, not a relationship. Unless, of course, you are ok with that being the sole basis of how you relate with them.

    If they do not bring up the subject of their pain to you, but you notice they are in pain, try doing little things for them like opening the door, asking if you can carry something (not for them, but because it,s something you would like to do), etc. They may be the type that is trying to ignore the pain, or move past it, for whatever reason. In this case, distractions help, whether it's you pattering away about whatever's going on in your life, or watching a show, reading a book, playing a game, whatever allows them to escape the pain for a bit. The less decision making they have to do, the less critical thinking they have to do, the easier time they'll have of distancing themselves from the pain.

    As for the people who are too dull to seek help, ask them what they need, and then let them know what you can help with. If they say nothing to the first question, still make the offer. Hey, if you ever need a ride to the dr's, I can take you. I know that driving while in pain can be a bit dangerous, so let me take care of that part while you focus on getting healthy. (or some such) there, you've brought it to their attention that maybe they need help, that it's ok to need help, and that help is available. The choice is now theirs as to accept it or not...just like an adult.


    And no, it is not your fault if you don't take over their life/health for them.

    If they have reached a point of being incapable of making decisions regarding their health/pain, then it may be time to inform a responsible family member. If it is your family, then maybe it's time to hold a family meeting to decide what to do.

    Basically, don't take on the responsibility, unless that's what you actually want to do.
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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by felafel View Post
    having/ have had some issues with extreme Si types (heavy towards Si) and pain, and was wondering if anyone else has come across something similar.

    say, someone frequently complains about not feeling well, whether healthy or otherwise. or throws little tantrums about such. making little things about elliviating discomfort seems to not help much, but better than none. though they reject any sugggestions of helping them with making an appointment to see the doctor. it seems to alarm me quite a bit, hence the thought of "crying wolf": it is a bit difficult for me to differentiate when it is serious (health-wise) versus when it is not so serious.

    additionally they just seem to revel in this state of pain. it may not even be physical pain, maybe general discomfort. or unease. or unhappiness at the moment. it is almost as if they enjoy this (?).

    anyone has come across this? 2 isfps and 1 estj - si (might just say esxj for this last one) have done this several times. each time it's left me alarmed (internally), lost as i'm not sure what the problem actually is, and perplexed when it seems like they just welcome such states.

    i could be wrong to relate this to Si, could be sth else, in which case i'd be glad to be corrected.

    any thoughts or experiences? esp. if there sth you have found that works help them in such cases? thanks
    Oh yeah; SLI especially, if they feel internal discomfort will throw tantrums, they will also not feel any positive response if you try to create a comfortable atmosphere or when they take pain killers; they sometimes need a good dose of Se, someone who tells them that there isn't something seriously wrong with them. Take my father, he was down for weeks because he thought what he had under his eye was cancer, even though the doctor said to him that the possibilities were low; he was so down and so convincing that he was going to die of caner that he had my internal barometer serge to depression, concern, going over to see him and call him every day, several times a day. I was a mess. The test results came back negative for cancers and his attitude towards himself changed in a blink of an eye. Suddenly, he was happy and interested in new things. Talk about suppression.

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    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    In my experience, an Si type is more likely to mention discomfort as an important fact and an Ne type is more likely to tell people about discomfort in hopes of receiving .

    And wherever Maritsa gets her data, it does not resonate with mine.

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    Psychosomatic symptoms/hypochondria has been most commonly attributed to Ni, with the poorly substantiated claim that if Si has good health knowledge (which by default, it doesn't), Ni must have the opposite. Another claim of evidence is based in the tendency of Ni to extrapolate causality. I could just as easily see weak Ni causing someone to fail to rationally investigate the probable origin of a simple symptom, and through the internal imagery so characteristic of Si imagine it something worse and worsen the condition in their mind, which compounds the physical problem... at least, that's how I see it happening in Si types, but I'm sure its presence, no matter in what type, indicates some type of ill psychological health. I'm willing to bet that any type/IE could fall into some psychosomatic dilemma, but for different reasons.

    We learn from a young age how to fake feelings and emotions to fulfill our desires, as in the case of the pouting child, who is not really sad, but wishes to appeal to the emotions of the parents. The child quickly learns that in order to have the maximum effect, he must actually feel it, regardless of the genuineness of its origin. When we grow up, we forget it's a game. So yeah, these people could be fishing for help and sympathy; as Anndelise said, you are in no way obligated and should do them the favor of letting them either learn to deal with their own health problems, or to stop being manipulative.

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    I think Ni types (being one) tend to be open about "vauge" health issues, ones that nobody can diagnose. Actual things going wrong, that are explictly really wrong, they are less vocal about.

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    Last edited by pinkcanary; 06-10-2017 at 02:45 AM.

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